Help!!!! Humper in the house!!!

Smithy · April 17th, 2004, 04:14 PM

I don't really know any other way to describe this... my daughter is a "humper". I've read through Dr. Sears site on toddler masturbation and the description of girls "riding" things. The difficulty I'm having is that isn't completely what's going on with Isabel. She basically sits on her knees and does pelvic thrusts up and down. The horrible part is that it's CONSTANT- especially if she's tired, bored, overstimulated, or not feeling 100%. I try to cuddle with her when I know it's because she's upset. It's so bad that when I'm trying to get her attention to distract her it's like she's in a trance. It's been overwhelming this past week... and by the end of the day I'm so exhausted of saying, "Stand up or sit on your bottom. Sit like mommy. You can do that up in your room, etc." because I feel like I literally say it every other word. When distraction works it only lasts a few moments.

We spend a lot of our day outside... the park, running errands, music class, playgroup. It seems to be at it's worst when we're home- even with giving it everything to try and get her to play or read books. I guess what I'm struggling with the most is that it's 1.) Totally embarrassing (especially when it happens in music class or at the park) 2.) Exhausting to try and distract her when we're home 3.) I'm not sure how to handle this.

Can anyone help???????? The hard part is that I'm not sure if we're exacerbating the problem by focusing on it. Also, I've talked with her ped. he just sort of blows it off as a thing and tells us to not make it a dirty thing- which I agree with- and tell her she can do it in her room. When I do that, it feels like it's "punishing" her. Should I be as consistent to walk her up to her room every time she drops to her knees and starts thrusting?? Is there anyone who has/had this problem with their child?

Thanks,
Corey

chefkath · April 18th, 2004, 02:29 PM

I can totally understand how frustrating this must be! But I guess my question is, why exactly do you feel you need to discourage it?

It's not hurting her in any way - it sounds like it might even be soothing to her. It's completely natural for a young child to do what feels good. And as you said, it's not "dirty" and it's certainly not sexual. And since there's no way to really explain to her your very logical, adult reasons for why you want her to stop, she must be confused about why it's not OK. If the main problem is that you're embarassed about it, do you think you could just try and let go of that? I know its hard when you're worried about what other people are thinking, but it's certainly not an unusual thing for a child to do, so I doubt anyone is judging her for it. (And if they are, they should MTOB!

)

I'm sure she'll outgrow it - I see plenty of toddlers do this but I have yet to see an older child do it (in public, at least!

) But I'd worry that if you make an issue about it, it could end up becoming a power struggle. And she might, despite your best intentions, get the idea that finding pleasure in her own body is in some way shameful.

Smithy · April 18th, 2004, 11:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chefkath

But I'd worry that if you make an issue about it, it could end up becoming a power struggle. And she might, despite your best intentions, get the idea that finding pleasure in her own body is in some way shameful.

Absolutely! This is my biggest concern. I guess I feel the need to discourage it because some days it feels like that's all she'll do when we're in the house. And, frankly, it plain drives me crazy to watch after a while. Sometimes I want to say, "Can we PLEASE just do something else?!!!" Do I just let her go to town? I'm afraid that would last for hours and she'd be content to hump-away while I did whatever I was doing. I really do know it's completely normal, and that this is more my deal than hers. It's just been really hard when every second she can she's on her knees. But, she seems happy, healthy, playful, and engaged at any other time. Maybe I should try completely ignoring it this week and see what happens. I don't know- I think the constancy (a word?) of it all is what is starting to make me bananas. That and the working so hard at distracting and being completely ignored (welcome to toddlerhood on that one, I'm sure).

Corey

Karri · April 19th, 2004, 09:02 AM

I do think...that as with anything else with a toddler...when you focus on the behavior and try to discourage it, they just try to do it more & more

tjham · April 19th, 2004, 11:16 PM

How old is she?

aylhu · April 21st, 2004, 10:11 AM

Can you "ignore" it? "Mommy wants to read books. I'll be over here reading..." and then go into the next room. Hopefully she'll stop and follow?

Smithy · April 22nd, 2004, 03:36 PM

She is 20 months old. I like the idea of saying, "I'm going to go over here and read." I've been doing really well with ignoring it and not letting it get to me. It really hasn't been as bad this week... and the reality is it won't last forever. I'm glad I could vent about it and get confirmation that letting it go is what I need to do. Thanks everyone!!!!!

Brandi · April 23rd, 2004, 01:04 AM

When I was teaching at a preschool, there was a girl who actually put her hands down there to stimulate herself. She was about 6 years old. We actually asked her to stop or to go to the bathroom because it was something that was private. It really bothered me too and we were really worried about sexual abuse - I don't really think that it could be that with such a young child of 20 months. That's not what I was saying at all - ANYWAY...... I think as a 6 year old, there are some socially unaceptable things that should be done in private. BUT, at 20 months, I just don't know.... I hope it stops soon. I really wish I could help you with this. I think it would drive me crazy too! I'm glad you felt that you could vent about it here. It's so nice to hear what others have to say about things.

aylhu · April 23rd, 2004, 11:16 AM

A six year old should have an idea of social propriety, if anything. At some point, kids know what's OK to do in public and not. For instance, my dd's potty is viewable from our living room and she goes in front of family and good friends. I know at some point she'll realize that most people go in private and she'll want to, as well. A 20 month old definitely doesn't have this awareness!

How's it going, Corey? Any improvement today?

eelyak · April 24th, 2004, 12:28 PM

Genevieve was doing this for awhile, and I just ignored it and she quit doing it. Every once in awhile she'll do it, and I just ignore it and she quits.

Same thing with gagging herself. She used to gag herself with her hand, and I would focus on making her quit and telling her stop and she'd do it over and over and over again. Finally, I just quit saying anything and she quit.

I wish I had the patience to do this with everything that I didn't think she needed to be doing!

Smithy · April 25th, 2004, 09:53 AM

I have to say since I've been ignoring it it has been MUCH better. She had a day that was worse than the others, but I've kept up with ignoring it. It's better for now! We'll see what happens. So far so good! I'm sure it will come and go.

MamaGoofy · May 3rd, 2004, 12:37 PM

My mother has told me of many funny stories of myself as a toddler. One of the funniest is where I bring a stuffed monkey into the living room and proceed to hump it in front of my parents guests. It's natural and trust me. I don't do those things any more. It's just a phase and the more you pay attention to it the more she will do it. Just keep ignoring it and she will eventually stop. Good luck

April 17th, 2004, 04:14 PM	#1
Smithy Registered but not Subscribed Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: California Posts: 47	Help!!!! Humper in the house!!! I don't really know any other way to describe this... my daughter is a "humper". I've read through Dr. Sears site on toddler masturbation and the description of girls "riding" things. The difficulty I'm having is that isn't completely what's going on with Isabel. She basically sits on her knees and does pelvic thrusts up and down. The horrible part is that it's CONSTANT- especially if she's tired, bored, overstimulated, or not feeling 100%. I try to cuddle with her when I know it's because she's upset. It's so bad that when I'm trying to get her attention to distract her it's like she's in a trance. It's been overwhelming this past week... and by the end of the day I'm so exhausted of saying, "Stand up or sit on your bottom. Sit like mommy. You can do that up in your room, etc." because I feel like I literally say it every other word. When distraction works it only lasts a few moments. We spend a lot of our day outside... the park, running errands, music class, playgroup. It seems to be at it's worst when we're home- even with giving it everything to try and get her to play or read books. I guess what I'm struggling with the most is that it's 1.) Totally embarrassing (especially when it happens in music class or at the park) 2.) Exhausting to try and distract her when we're home 3.) I'm not sure how to handle this. Can anyone help???????? The hard part is that I'm not sure if we're exacerbating the problem by focusing on it. Also, I've talked with her ped. he just sort of blows it off as a thing and tells us to not make it a dirty thing- which I agree with- and tell her she can do it in her room. When I do that, it feels like it's "punishing" her. Should I be as consistent to walk her up to her room every time she drops to her knees and starts thrusting?? Is there anyone who has/had this problem with their child? Thanks, Corey

April 19th, 2004, 09:02 AM	#4
Karri really? seriously? Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: still freakin' stressed. Posts: 21,559	I do think...that as with anything else with a toddler...when you focus on the behavior and try to discourage it, they just try to do it more & more __________________ Easy Bakin' Living out Loud

May 3rd, 2004, 12:37 PM	#12
MamaGoofy My daddy is coming for Thanksgiving!!! Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 18,981	My mother has told me of many funny stories of myself as a toddler. One of the funniest is where I bring a stuffed monkey into the living room and proceed to hump it in front of my parents guests. It's natural and trust me. I don't do those things any more. It's just a phase and the more you pay attention to it the more she will do it. Just keep ignoring it and she will eventually stop. Good luck __________________ It's true! Boys CAN'T fly!! Until my 9 year anniversary.

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April 18th, 2004, 02:29 PM	#2
chefkath Registered but not Subscribed Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Seattle Posts: 501	I can totally understand how frustrating this must be! But I guess my question is, why exactly do you feel you need to discourage it? It's not hurting her in any way - it sounds like it might even be soothing to her. It's completely natural for a young child to do what feels good. And as you said, it's not "dirty" and it's certainly not sexual. And since there's no way to really explain to her your very logical, adult reasons for why you want her to stop, she must be confused about why it's not OK. If the main problem is that you're embarassed about it, do you think you could just try and let go of that? I know its hard when you're worried about what other people are thinking, but it's certainly not an unusual thing for a child to do, so I doubt anyone is judging her for it. (And if they are, they should MTOB! ) I'm sure she'll outgrow it - I see plenty of toddlers do this but I have yet to see an older child do it (in public, at least! ) But I'd worry that if you make an issue about it, it could end up becoming a power struggle. And she might, despite your best intentions, get the idea that finding pleasure in her own body is in some way shameful.

April 19th, 2004, 11:16 PM	#5
tjham Registered but not Subscribed Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: AZ Posts: 77	How old is she?

April 21st, 2004, 10:11 AM	#6
aylhu Registered but not Subscribed Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Abq, NM Posts: 259	Can you "ignore" it? "Mommy wants to read books. I'll be over here reading..." and then go into the next room. Hopefully she'll stop and follow?

April 22nd, 2004, 03:36 PM	#7
Smithy Registered but not Subscribed Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: California Posts: 47	She is 20 months old. I like the idea of saying, "I'm going to go over here and read." I've been doing really well with ignoring it and not letting it get to me. It really hasn't been as bad this week... and the reality is it won't last forever. I'm glad I could vent about it and get confirmation that letting it go is what I need to do. Thanks everyone!!!!!

April 23rd, 2004, 01:04 AM	#8
Brandi Registered but not Subscribed Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: They donate to your favorite charity! Posts: 6,197	When I was teaching at a preschool, there was a girl who actually put her hands down there to stimulate herself. She was about 6 years old. We actually asked her to stop or to go to the bathroom because it was something that was private. It really bothered me too and we were really worried about sexual abuse - I don't really think that it could be that with such a young child of 20 months. That's not what I was saying at all - ANYWAY...... I think as a 6 year old, there are some socially unaceptable things that should be done in private. BUT, at 20 months, I just don't know.... I hope it stops soon. I really wish I could help you with this. I think it would drive me crazy too! I'm glad you felt that you could vent about it here. It's so nice to hear what others have to say about things.

April 23rd, 2004, 11:16 AM	#9
aylhu Registered but not Subscribed Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Abq, NM Posts: 259	A six year old should have an idea of social propriety, if anything. At some point, kids know what's OK to do in public and not. For instance, my dd's potty is viewable from our living room and she goes in front of family and good friends. I know at some point she'll realize that most people go in private and she'll want to, as well. A 20 month old definitely doesn't have this awareness! How's it going, Corey? Any improvement today?

April 24th, 2004, 12:28 PM	#10
eelyak Registered but not Subscribed Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Hog Heaven Posts: 1,015	Genevieve was doing this for awhile, and I just ignored it and she quit doing it. Every once in awhile she'll do it, and I just ignore it and she quits. Same thing with gagging herself. She used to gag herself with her hand, and I would focus on making her quit and telling her stop and she'd do it over and over and over again. Finally, I just quit saying anything and she quit. I wish I had the patience to do this with everything that I didn't think she needed to be doing!

April 25th, 2004, 09:53 AM	#11
Smithy Registered but not Subscribed Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: California Posts: 47	I have to say since I've been ignoring it it has been MUCH better. She had a day that was worse than the others, but I've kept up with ignoring it. It's better for now! We'll see what happens. So far so good! I'm sure it will come and go.