Biting....how do you deal with it?

[bunybomb]

Alex goes to a wonderful in-home daycare. He has been there since he was 4 months. There are 4 other kids, one is the same age as him, the others are a bit older. He has bit the boy his same age three times now. Daycare puts him in timeout when the offense occurs and I always talk to him about it afterwards. Both DH and I discuss that "biting hurts" and "no biting". He completely understands what he has done. When I ask him "Did you bite Jacob at daycare today"? he lowers his eyes and nods his head.

Alex is transitioning away from morning naps and the biting always happens around 10am and on the playground. I've asked that he has some quiet time to himself with books before heading outside to see if that will help with the problem. Jacob's parents have every right to be angry and I would be too, but I also know that Alex is a good little boy and it's a phase, but it can't go on.

Please share your experiences with me. It breaks my heart knowing that my son is hurting another child.

TIA!

[Faye]

It may just be a phase or his age at this point. But I always get on to my daughter for negative behavior. Sometimes she will listen right away and sometimes she will laugh at me and keep it up. But here lately she is listening a lot better and she is a little older now too and I think that's why, or I guess it could be the fact that all the time I've gotten on to her for it are sinking in. She likes to hit as well and throw things at people so I feel like I'm constantly getting on to her for something.

[bunybomb]

Thank you Angie for sharing your story. I'm surprised that no one else has any experiences to share. Am I the only one who has ever had a biting child?

[Dawnie]

Victoria is having a problem with this. She has bitten her babysitter, me, her father, and her brother. Each time I have told her "no, biting is not nice" then we tried time outs. She stopped biting everyone but her brother. We still try time outs and I have given her a swat on her diapered bottom but she keeps doing it. I don't always catch her but it's pretty obvious when I hear Alex start to cry and as I enter the room Victoria runs away covering her mouth and hides.

I wish I had some advice to give you but I did want to let you know that you are not alone.

[bunybomb]

I've had mixed responses from others IRL. Some say bite back, which I don't agree with especially coming from an adult, however, if Alex bites someone at daycare and gets a bite back, that might be the lesson he needs. He hasn't bit me or any of our family so I can't try that. He did pinch me once really hard and I did give him a pinch back and he hasn't done it since. When he plays rough with the cat, she will swat at him and sometimes tries to bite and it scares him. Others say a firm talking to, a swat on a diapered bottom or timeout. I know it's a phase that he will outgrow, but because biting is such an emotionally charge issue, I don't want to have to deal with an upset parent because my child is the culprit.

Dawnie, thanks for your post. It's extremely helpful knowing that I'm not alone.

[Karri]

I totally disagree with biting back! How mean!

Anyway...Aidan used to bite and the only time he did it was when he was teething. So it wasnt really a behavior thing.
However, I used to work in childcare for years. Two (right around there) was a big age for biting. And I found that the kids bit to get attention. What I would do is simply state that we dont bite because biting hurts and then put the child in a two minute time out. I never said anything more. Then I focused a ton of attention on the bitee. Because if the biter is biting for attention and you give them attention (talking about it, yelling about it), then they are getting what they want, even though its negative attention.
To prevent biting....well, the teachers just had to pay more attention to the kids.

[Mindpez]

Recently we have been having problems with Ashley biting at daycare, too. It started happening occasionally and then it got to be sometimes 5 times a day. The daycare has been very understanding and supportive. Whenever she bites, they "redirect" her (remove her from the situation and talk to her about it) and then they keep their eye on her (obviously either not enough or they are not fast enough). We have not had a biting problem at home (we did in the past one time and it hasn't happened again) so it's been hard for us to really do anything about it. Like you, we talk to her and she looks down and nods and gets upset and sometimes cries. We have noticed that she is biting when she is threatened (jealous, space is being invaded, someone keeps stealing her toy) or if she is really excited (out of happiness). She tends to be an emotional biter. I think it also has to do with her being bored since she is now one of the oldest in her class.

They are currently in the process of moving her up to the next class and this week has been her transitional week. She starts in the new class full time on Monday and so far she has been great. Today she had an incident and bit someone, but when John (DH) spoke to the teacher she said that it was totally normal because Ashley was actually being ganged up on at the moment that it happened (again, her space was being invaded). She said it was normal right now because she is in a new environment.

While waiting for them to finally start the transition to the next class, we bought a book called No Biting. It's pretty silly and only one page is about biting, but Ashley likes it and it seemed to help (or maybe she was in the process of outgrowing that stage).

I have a friend on another board that is actually in school studying child development and she said that this is a stage some toddlers go through (our kids seem to be in that prime stage) and that they will out grow it. They do understand, so keep talking about it and letting them know that it hurts and it not okay.

I hope that the biting stops soon.

[TtownAnne]

I was going to say the same thing Karri said, although I haven't experienced it myself - everything I've read lately (and for some reason this seems to be a hot topic in the kids/parenting magazines the past month or two! ) says to focus ALLLLLL the attention on the bitee, not the biter Make a big fuss over the wound, go get it washed/bandaged/whatever, give them a bandaid and a cookie, whatever it takes. And make sure the biter SEES this happening. So settle the wounded party first so they get the attention, and then give minimal attention to the biter, only to remove them from the situation or put them in a timeout or whatever is your punishment of choice.

[Bobbie]

I wish I had a dime for every time I've said "No biting. Biting hurts people." I've tried to show K her teeth in the mirror: "Look, those are your teeth. Teeth hurt when you bite people." I've tried making a sad face and even starting to "cry": "Now I'm so sad because you bit my arm and it hurts." Kiaeryn's only 17 months old and just doesn't get it yet, but I'd really like her to learn about biting before she hurts another kid. Honestly, I think she's confused about kissing and biting, because she's often trying to show affection when the teeth come out. Either that, or she's passive aggressive! I think what works best right now is walking away from her (i.e. denying attention) for a couple minutes when she bites or does something naughty.

[mishy]

Im going through the same thing with my son right now. Hes 17 months. I dont know how many times a day I tell him no biting and it dosnt work He even bites his arms when he gets mad? Does your kids do this?

[chefkath]

Becky - I came across this article today and thought of this thread and the frustrations you're having. I don't know if it will be helpful, but it seemed reassuring!


http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/linda_passmark.html

[bunybomb]

Originally Posted by chefkath

Becky - I came across this article today and thought of this thread and the frustrations you're having. I don't know if it will be helpful, but it seemed reassuring!


http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/linda_passmark.html

Kathleen, thank you so much. We haven't had issues with biting lately, but I'm going to print this article and give it to my daycare provider. Finally an article that deal with "the biter" not just "the bitee"! This is really wonderful stuff.

Thanks for your support and thinking of me.