Time Outs

[Kris]

Ok I am in a position where I think I need to start time outs. I thought I wouldn't be here but I am.

How do they work?

For example Emma took her toys and threw them because she was mad. I told her it was ok to be mad but she couldn't throw her toys. She went and threw her toys again. I put her in time out for a min. (she is 20 months) I took her out explained that she couldn't throw her toys and as soon as I put her down she threw them again. Do I do time out again? For how long do I repeat the process?

Thanks.

I am not even sure time out is what I should do but any other ways? I don't believe in spanking.

[TtownAnne]

Have you read 1-2-3 Magic? Sounds right up your alley, help-wise. In your situation the book would advise to give her a count of three (as a warning) and then a time out. So it would go:

Emma took her toys and threw them because she was mad. Emma, we do not throw blocks. That's 1.

She went and threw her toys again. I understand that you're mad, but it's still not okay. That's 2.

another instance - That's 3. You will have a timeout now.

I took her out explained that she couldn't throw her toys and as soon as I put her down she threw them again. Yes, put her right back in timeout. Make sure that the timeout place is as boring and non-fun and non-interesting as possible. On the stairs, in a corner, away from TV and toys and brother, the whole shebang.

[Kris]

Thanks Anne.

I went to the Library to get that book actually and it was out so I have a hold on it.

I put her in her pack n play in my room where there isn't anything fun but she played by running back and forth. It didn't seem to phase her. I left her in there alone for about a min. since she is one.

[~Tara~]

Anne ~ Great description of the 1-2-3 magic method. I read this book a few months ago. Kinda counting down the days until Abby is two and I can start OFFICIALLY using times outs. Right now its just the type of verbage that you wrote and of course distraction. ugh - how fun

[TtownAnne]

Tara, I started using it at 18months, which is what they say is the earliest you can start even implementing the idea. What we did at that point would be to sit on the sofa holding her tightly on my lap. No talking, no fun or kissing or tickling or anything. Just silence. Once she started learning her numbers and could understand the idea of my counting, that's when we moved timeout to sitting on the steps. Whenever you do start to implement, I highly recommend getting a cheap kitchen timer. Caroline really likes knowing for herself that it's time to get up, and it sort of gives them a "goal", waiting to hear until the timer goes off.

[Kris]

What do you do if she plays in time out?

I have a pank n play set up in my bedroom, there are no toys, tv nothing but she just jumps and has fun in fact when I go to get her she doesn't want out because she is having fun.

She won't sit or stand in a corner or on a step.

[TtownAnne]

Well, the main "downfall" (if you can even call it that) is that when you start implementing the plan, you're sort of in timeout too. You have to be there with her (wherever you end up deciding to put her) to make sure that she's following along with the plan! You stay there with her to make sure she doesn't play, or if she's jumping around you keep sitting her down. As I said above, why not start initially by simply restraining her on the sofa? You sit her in your lap, with your arms around her arms so she can't struggle or fling around. But it means no talking, no fun, no nothing. Turn off the TV and just sit there. If she yells and screams or otherwise acts up while you're doing it, add on some more time - just state that "because you did xyz, we're going to sit here quietly and calm down, and if you can't calm down then we'll just sit here longer." Eventually she will get the idea that this is serious and not a time to play.

[~Tara~]

Thanks Anne - those are great suggestions...I will definitely try those in a month or so. Can't wait for the next stage in parenting! heh.

[TtownAnne]

The book says that the age for bare-minimum type of time outs (i.e., the restraining on lap instead of on stairs or in special chair) is 18 months, so Emma is perfectly within the age range to begin, as she is almost 2.

[Kris]

opps I deleted my post as I was trying to re word what I wrote

[Kris]

thanks Anne as she doesn't seem to be getting it. I hold her on my lap and by no means make it fun and she laughs and laughs. (It really is hard not to laugh with her).

Although today we had no discipline issues she was good all day long thats a first.

[TtownAnne]

All I can say is to be consistent, Kris. She's still little, and just like so many other things, she's not going to understand it on the first try.

[Dawn]

Alexia will be 2 yrs. old in about a week, and we just started having to do time-outs about a month ago.

unfortunately, the restraining on the couch thing/sitting on stairs/in a chair, etc. won't work for Alexia.....but what does work for us is time outs in her crib (with no toys or anything).

However, with the toy throwing thing, we choose to give her a warning first telling her we don't throw toys, etc. We tell her if she does it again it will be taken away. If she decides to take another toy instead and try throwing that, she would get a time-out.

Her time outs are few and far between....but she's had them enough to understand the concept of it. She does understand what time outs are and that this is the consequence of what will happen for a "bad" action on her part. So far time outs work just fine in her crib.

Just try a few different ways of what works, what doesn't, what your comfortable with, etc. I know we did....and I'm glad we have the time out thing established so she knows what it is. Like Anne said, you definately have to be consistent though.

Good luck!

[Kris]

Thanks for the ideas. I do try to be as consistent as I can. It just is hard repeating and repeating