Miscarriage Support Thread

[Manda]

In noticing with the amount of girls who responded to my first thread about miscarriage i though i would start a support thread. I myself find its easier to talk to people who have been through it cause they can sympathize and really understand where you are coming from. No one can truly understand the range of emotions you go through, wether or not it was planned, than someone who has been through it themselves. Hopefully this can be a place to just get out all the feelings and frustrations of miscarrying or of trying again after a miscarriage.

[Manda]

Let me start the thread off. I right now am finding it difficult seeing other pregnant women or hearing people talk about their pregnancies or their spouses pregnancies. I get jealous and i feel robbed of the experience. Anyone else still feeling like this?

[shea5]

I feel a little that way, but my husband is actually worse...we'd been trying for a year before I started clomid and got PG, and when another couple announced to us, he was actually a little jealous. So when I got my BFP (only a couple of weeks later) he was super happy. Now he just gets angry and frustrated at life when we're around kids, although he tries not to show it. He's getting better, mostly because he's positive it will work out for us on the cycle after this one.


meredith

[Bev]

I feel more robbed of the chance to TTC again, but that is a whole other story. I'm going to make a new post about that to see what people think.

[Tricia]

I still get jealous when someone close to me announces a pregnancy or gushes about their child. I know that it is bad to think that way but I can not help it. I agree, I feel robbed of the past 2 years. I still occasionally get mad and wonder what God's master plan is but I know that it is not for me to question. I feel robbed by the fact that I will not get to go into a pregnancy with no fear or stress about the baby and am able to just go about my day. I know that as soon as I test positive, I will be high risk. I will have to watch every little thing I do and eat for fear that it would hurt my child.

[Jodi_E]

I know now that when I see someone that is pg I am quite jealous. I try not to feel that way, but I still do. I am fortunate in the way that I already do have my precious daughter. But, it doesn't make the loss any less significant to me. I bought an angel ornament for my tree this last Christmas so I will always have something to remind me of my own precious angel.

Jodi

[Manda]

I feel robbed by the fact that I will not get to go into a pregnancy with no fear or stress about the baby and am able to just go about my day. I know that as soon as I test positive, I will be high risk.
I know what you mean. I know now that i will never be able to completely relax and enjoy being pregnant. I'll always have that fear in the back of my mind.

[Jodi_E]

I know there is really nothing anyone can say that will take away the pain and feelings that anyone may have. But, one of my friends told me something that her mom was told when she had a m/c 20+ years ago. They told her that maybe it was God's way of saying that particular baby wasn't going to be perfect for you and that it may be better off returning to him. I take comfort in knowing that my baby is waiting for me in Heaven and I like to think that it's looking out for me and my family now every day. Take from that what you will ... but it's been helping me.

Jodi

[kalm]

Jodi, I like your mom's story. I have a similar one.

When I miscarried with my first pregnancy, I was devestated. We'd been trying for almost 4 years and it was really heartbreaking. Fortunately, I became pregnant (though the miracle of medicine) several months later with twins. In my heart, I've always felt like that first baby just wanted to wait to come into the world until he or she had a buddy to enter with. Made getting over the miscarriage a little easier, even if it was pure fiction.

I recently had another miscarriage after an amazing natural conception. Again, I'm heart broken. We're planning to try again in a few months, but now I'm sort of hoping that my theory was wrong. Twins once is an amazing gift. Twins twice would be a harsh practical joke (not that we wouldn't be thrilled -- but those first months with twins are soooo hard!).

[ali]

I too can relate. At work my 2 co-workers were pg with me all due in March of 2003, we talked daily, about our pg the weight gain, cravings, sleeping patterns etc. One of the girls left early bc of high blood pressure. I worked right up until the end Feb. 27 and went into the hospital on Saturday evening bc I could not feel the baby move... I already had a wonderful pg with my first daughter so I thought I might be getting ready to deliver( the baby slows down in movement when entering the brith canal) but dreadfully we were informed that the baby had no hb or any movement.... she was dead..... I still have nightmares over those words we heard. We delivered Hannah at 3:31 am on March 2, 2003. I miss her deeply, I want to hear her cry or see here eyes, touch her face and small hands, but most of all I want her in my arms. So when my co-workers had their children, I was extermly jealous... I tried not to be bitter and be happy for their joy, but I was angery, for i thought I did something to GOD for him to punish me by taking my angel away. I thought some scary thoughts for awhile..... But i made myself go and visit my coworkers baby Sarah- who looked like our hannah. My heart and body ached for my daughter, the tears stained my faced. I think its perfectly natural to want something so badly. Seeing the baby and holding here was hard but it truely felt wonderful as I needed to hold an infant. Another feeling I have is that now I protect my children now with the mother bear instinct. I watch every step, everything they put into their bodies ... Lets say way too over protective. and this is why I am seeking help or advise form others because I do not want to hamper my other childrens upbringing... I am just so afraid that one day they too may pass. Thanks to you Manda for bringing up the questions.

[MamaGoofy]

A friend of mine recently found out she is pregnant. I am very excited for her but when she walked away....I :tear: It just isn't fair..that's supposed to be me. Every time I see a pregnant lady I just get depressed and sometime's cry. I can't help but feel that my baby was taken from me (I don't know how to explain it any better than that) I know that when I become pg again that I am not going to be able to enjoy it like I did with my first one..I am always going to be wondering if I will loose this child..:mope:

:bullhorn: IT'S NOT FAIR!!!!!!!

[Karma Momma]

I just had my second miscarriage a week ago today, and I'm completely devastated by it.

The first was in January, and that was heart-breaking but not without cause. I had an IUD at the time, which was responsible for the loss. Knowing why it happened made it a little easier to deal with, but it still tore my heart out knowing I had lost a baby. This was two days before my birthday.

This time around, we had planned the pregnancy. We got pregnant on the first cycle, and we were thrilled! I had morning sickness almost instantly, my BBs were sore, everything seemed to go as expected. I was really nervous; I hadn't had the IUD out long, and after experiencing one miscarriage, I definitely didn't want to do it again! However, last Friday I started having sharp, stabbing cramps. I was worried, but I put my feet up, drank a bunch of water, and took a nap. I woke shortly afterwards to find myself bleeding heavily. I panicked and started to bawl. My husband was at work, and I was alone with my one-year-old daughter. I called him to tell him what had happened, and he was able to find someone to cover his shift so he could be with me. I was terrified and absolutely devastated. DH's birthday was the next day, and I tried my best to put on a happy face for him, but I've just been crushed ever since.

I've had such a hard time dealing with this. I am so afraid to keep trying, but I want more kids so badly! We are allowed to try this next cycle, and I think I am going to...but it scares me to think I may have to go through this all over again. I'm not getting much support from family--and I didn't get any with the first one. Everyone just said that it was for the best, that we knew a baby conceived with an IUD wouldn't survive anyways. Everybody made me feel like I wasn't allowed to talk about it, and I had to pretend it never happened. I didn't have a chance to grieve that baby until a couple months later, when my best friend lost her newborn son. Then, while helping her cope, I finally realized it was okay to not be okay. This time around, Ryan (DH) is far more supportive. He understands now that this baby was real to me--not just a concept or a dream, but a whole human being. His mother, however, is being awful to me and keeps saying the most horrible things. Every time I feel like I'm making progress, she calls or comes by and takes me back at least three steps in the healing process. I just miss my babies so much!

Sorry this post turned into a book, but I don't have anywhere to really talk about all this.

[jkl]

:bighug: I just wanted to come by and give all of you lots and lots of hugs. :bighug: For I was once in your situation as well. Back in 2000, I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks. I was devastated. I had all of the same feelings as all of you.... sadness, anger, jealousy, depression, grief.... It took so long to move on and I still think of my little angel... I have gone on to have 2 beautiful girls who are the light of my life but I will never forget that time and how hard it was and how nervous I was while I was pregnant w/ my first daughter. If there is anything I can do for any of you please don't hesitate to ask.