Help my baby is throwing tantrums.

[mommyLil]

All right I need some serious Help here. How do I communicate with my infant (almost 11 months) to let him know that if he throws a tantrum he will not get his way. I know not to reenforce it by giving him what he wants but he'll litterally pull himself into a downward spiarl awful tailspin that will last for hours if I try to re-direct him. I try giving him something fun and it doesn't work. I have the house child proofed as much as I can but there are certain things I can't do... he goes to pet Felix and starts off being gentle which I encourage and than tugs his tail so I re-direct when he gets aggresive (Especially scary with Felix as its a miracle with all the bitting issues we've had that he has yet to bite Nick, but I don't want him hurting any of our cats either :( )and Nick throws a fit, at dinner he grabbed my knife, I gave him a toy instead he threw a fit... it used be just whining and grumbling now its a full out tantrum he'll bang his first and kick his legs...I'm so frustrated I don't know what to do... I used to be able to nurse him out of these tailspins but now he even turns down the breast. Those are just two examples, any time I need to re-direct him this has been his reaction.

OMG I'm at such a loss and just at my limit. I don't believe in CIO and don't want to ignore him, but if I hold him in that state or touch him in anyway, he starts hitting me. If I don't comfort him, than he'll never come out of the tailspin either... I litterally have a bruise on my arm because of hard he pounded his fist :( I do talk to him but I'm not sure he understands my point because he's so little. I didn't know they threw tantrums at this young of an age... Help!!

[millergirl]

I can't help, but heres this :bighug: I would like some suggestions for tantrums too. Andrew is almost 9 months and has a horrible temper, especially with redirection.

[Stacy]

:justahug: My son is 28 months old and can still throw one heck of a tantrum. You aren't alone in dealing with these things.
We don't (didn't) cio with Dylan but we don't play into his tantrums either. Now I just look at him and ask him if he is done. If he is about to hurt himself I will go and hold him using a calm voice to help him relax. Even 11 month old children can begin to be redirected. Their memories are really short though so they may not remember that you told them not to do something. Most kids that young aren't doing these things to make us angry they are just exploring their environment. It's up to us to let them now what is safe and what is dangerous.
My advice is to keep doing what you are doing. When Dylan is trying to hurt me because he can't get his frustrations out with words I will put him down or walk away all while telling him that what he is doing hurts me and I don't want to be near him. He is better at calming down now.
Do you have a safe place like a playpen to put him in when is throwing a tantrum? We have never used his room as a source of discipline. We also started with a timeout chair around that age. You may have to hold him.
We also try to encourage Dylan to apologize (kisses) to whom ever he hurt or made angry. One other thing is if DH is around make sure he is the one disciplining if you get hurt by DS, even in the midst of a tantrum. Sons need to learn from their fathers what is appropriate behaviour toward women.
I had a fat lip once because he headbutted me so hard. My legs have had so many bruises from him too.


I hope some of this helps you.

[Karri]

Ever hear of The Happiest Toddler on the Block? It really helped us get through that tantrum stage when he couldnt communicate well.

[AahRee]

Ever hear of The Happiest Toddler on the Block? It really helped us get through that tantrum stage when he couldnt communicate well.

:nod: I'm reading it right now, and while Katie is past the stage where she couldn't communicate, even now, echoing her feelings back to her does seem to help.

[MtBikeLover]

Cameron also started his tantrums early on (around 13 months). Here is what we did:

We would try offering him something else or talking to him and if that didn't work, we let him have his tantrum (with us standing close by to make sure he didn't hurt himself). This would usually last a few minutes and then he was done. We figured he just needed to let off some steam. And we absolutely don't believe in CIO (hence the reason why I still lay down with him to get him to sleep at night).

It's been awhile since he has had a full-out tantrum for no reason. Now he'll fuss if he doesn't get something he wants and this is usually because he can't tell me what he wants. To handle this, I say to him "Show me what you want" He will then stop crying and start pointing and I begin the guessing game of picking up different things until I get the right one. If it is not harmful to him, I give him what he wants. But if it is harmful, then I explain to him that he can't play with it and I always tell him why. Then I suggest something else. it doesn't always work and he sometimes will still scream in which I tell him "I'm sorry, but you can't play with that because ....... If you don't want this, then there is nothing I can do for you right now"

I talk to him alot and really try to explain things to him rather than just say no. Since doing this, the crying/whining has gotten much better.

[Karri]

Thanks, Anne! I am glad someone else is reading it! I guess I could expand on the basis of the book a bit.....We used to try the "what do you want...show me" routine and well, sometimes he didnt know what he wanted. But saying something like "mad! you are mad! mad mad mad!" got his attention and would get him to stop throwing his tantrum and look at me. lets say he was throwing a tantrum b/c he wanted to go up the stairs and i wouldnt let him. so then i'd say, "up! up up up!" and it would click in his head...."hey, mommy knows what i want". and then i would tell him, "we cant go up right now, but we CAN do xxx"

[mommyLil]

I have to get the Happiest Toddler on the Block book, you are the third (and fourth) person to reccomend it.

His tantrums are getting a bit better. But when he is upset than he really loses it, sometimes I think he doesn't remember why he got so upset in the first place.

We are starting baby sign with him (Its going really well after the first day) and I'm hoping this will help too.

I'm just trying to be patient with him!

[Shaylee]

This was an excellent thread to read, and I'm grateful to all who have shared their stories. My daughter is only 8 months old but already I can see a very strong personality emerging. For example, she just gets livid if she wants to be on the move but I have the "nerve" to change her diaper. I realize that my options of communication with a baby that age are limited, so I just continue doing what I'm doing - at my pace - and then allow her to go about her business afterward. But I don't stop or rush what I'm doing because she's wigging out.

She has been grabbing - digging her lil fingers into - people's faces (i.e., me, her daddy, my mom) and lately I have been firmly taking her offending hand and saying "OUCH" very sternly, making eye contact and hoping that she will read my mood and expression - if not now, as she gets older and relates words to actions - and start to associate what is appropriate and what is not. And as she gets older, if she is still grabbing faces, a slight smack on on the hand will come into play.

This mommy stuff is really rough sometimes! :lol:

[mommyLil]

Shaylee what you are doing is great... one thing I would do is re-direct when she touches you.. this has made a huge difference for us. We would say ouch when he would pull hair or try to poke at our eyes like you do, but than would take Nick's hand and rub our hair with it and say "gentle" To show him how... just a few weeks ago, he finally got it and when he chooses to play with my hair he does it gently... Same with when he attacks the cats and stuff, we hold him but do gentle touches and he's really catching on... if he's over stimulated he forgets and gets rough but for the most part he remembers.

I can relate on the diaper changes... Nick HATES them.

[Shaylee]

Shaylee what you are doing is great... one thing I would do is re-direct when she touches you.. this has made a huge difference for us. We would say ouch when he would pull hair or try to poke at our eyes like you do, but than would take Nick's hand and rub our hair with it and say "gentle" To show him how... just a few weeks ago, he finally got it and when he chooses to play with my hair he does it gently... Same with when he attacks the cats and stuff, we hold him but do gentle touches and he's really catching on... if he's over stimulated he forgets and gets rough but for the most part he remembers.

I can relate on the diaper changes... Nick HATES them.:nod:

Excellent point. I will make sure to start doing that as well. I guess it just makes sense to not only show/tell them what's wrong but point out what is right. Thanks! :)

[mommyLil]

:nod:

Excellent point. I will make sure to start doing that as well. I guess it just makes sense to not only show/tell them what's wrong but point out what is right. Thanks! :)

:) Glad I could help... it really makes a difference.


For an update... Nick is being such a joy everyone. No tantrums, nothing. He has been extra cuddly and affectionate the last few days. He keeps hugging me non stop and yesterday just sat in my lap all evening making happy noises. He didn't even want to crawl. I swear my son is the best :) He's growing into such a sweet boy... yup I'm a happy mommy now!! Not to mention a very proud one!!

[anthonysmm05]

i have an 11 month old who is obsessed with pulling my hair.He gets angry when i take his hand out of my hair i tell him no, pulling hair hurts mommy...but he laughs:ura1: he throws himself back and throws a fit when i take his hand away from my hair what can i do?

[MrsPeacefrog]

Tie your hair up when holding him :dunno: or give him something else to distract him :dunno:

[Pigglystix]

When my kids were at the age where they'd grab at our hair or our glasses, etc. but were also too young for a lot of communication we did two things. First, along what Deb said, if we could avoid the situation we started there. Sometimes that meant wearing my hair up, sometimes it meant taking off our glasses if we were going to be playing face to face like that. If avoiding it wasn't working and they didn't respond to being told that it hurt, etc. we would tell them "If you can't play gentle then mommy/daddy doesn't want to play right now." We'd put them down with their toys and wait just a minute or so. We didn't leave the room but we made it clear that to play on mommy or daddy's lap meant you had to be gentle. Sure they tested the limits on a number of occasions but the frequency went down a lot.

Often times we'd still play with them just not on our laps or that face to face play. So in a way it was redirecting them but it was also changing the type of play that they were wanting.

[anthonysmm05]

i put my hair up daily, he yanks it ouch!!thanks for the advice:)