I know that the Terrible 2s are named that for a reason, and I felt like we might have missed it as Aidan was always a little crazy, but managable...until the last month or so. He is OUT OF CONTROL. He absolutely refuses to listen, is outwardly defiant, and is getting sneaky.

Examples:

He has left the house on many a occasion, usually just running around the yard but he's ended up at the neighbors too. It's usually when I'm doing something silly like changing Colin or going to the bathroom that the initial escape takes place.
He just won't listen to anything many days for hours on end, so I'll put him in the time-out cushion (er...penalty box, ala hockey rules) and he'll scream, "I be a good boy" then he's right back at whatever got him into trouble in the first place.
He's even saying "I no like you" to whoever is the adult - me, my mom, DH.
There's more, of course. But the bottom line is that it's mostly around him not listening and us getting exasperated.

I have no idea how all these other kids are being controlled by being "redirecting" because most of the time all that means here is that he finds something else to do his own way. It's getting bad and at times dangerous.

Not to bring up the spanking debate here, but I'm not going that route for a number of reasons (other than the swat on the bum very rarely if he's sooo in his own world and approaching danger) ... BUT I often feel like a horrible mom in stores and even around the neighborhood b/c I feel like I am ALWAYS (and the only one) yelling at my toddler. However, if I don't use stern "NO AIDAN" 's or "Aidan, we just talked about you not doing XYZ" then I am idly standing by and therefore promoting the ill behavior...yet I feel like people are going to perceive me as always badgering my child.

I believe I am a patient person, and for a lot of the day, I can handle the toddler craze. But I guess I'm looking for any advice on how to control this phase, as well as to see if you think this is within the realm of "normal" toddler behavoir, or do we need to escalate this somehow (not sure how) to control him?

PS - Colin isn't far behind, and I can already tell he's going to be equal or possibly more challenging. :eek:

Alyssa, I'm really not sure what's "normal" behavior. Have you talked to your pediatrician about it? The only advice I really have is don't worry about what other people think when you need to discipline him - just do what you feel you need to do.

Dennis

I just want you to know I am in the same boat with Emma. I think it is typical behavior for some little people. How is his language? (I am not sure how old he is) It seems Emma gets better as her language is progressing.

I am sorry I don't have much advice for you but wanted you to know your not alone.

Alyssa, I'm really not sure what's "normal" behavior. Have you talked to your pediatrician about it?
Dennis
He hasn't had an appt since he's been like this - but we will certainly talk to her in August at his 3 yr appt if he's not calmer by then.

I say that, but feel I should also say he CAN be really good for hours. We never get any negative reports from school (2 half days a week) and we always ask and he gets a written report each day. My mom watches him once a week and he can be a little active, but it's not as bad (from what we can tell - and I can't imagine we wouldn't hear about it from either school or my mom) as w/ DH and I.

I just want you to know I am in the same boat with Emma. I think it is typical behavior for some little people. How is his language? (I am not sure how old he is) It seems Emma gets better as her language is progressing.

I am sorry I don't have much advice for you but wanted you to know your not alone.Thanks Kris. :)

His language is actually really great. (I even had another mom I met randomly the other night, with a DD a month younger than A, say how impressed she was by his language. And at his parent/teacher conference last week, they were also saying how well developed he is.) In fact, the language might be too good in that he's using it as part of his acting out. ("I no like you" - "I not going to listen" - "You driving me craaaaazy mommy" oops)

Have you asked the teachers at his school for some suggestions? Obviously, since I haven't yet been a parent to a 2 y/o, I can't offer personal advice. It sounds to me like you are doing everything right. :dunno: Maybe he needs a little more structure if he is doing better at school than he is at home. Good luck!! :bighug:

I say that, but feel I should also say he CAN be really good for hours. We never get any negative reports from school (2 half days a week) and we always ask and he gets a written report each day. My mom watches him once a week and he can be a little active, but it's not as bad (from what we can tell - and I can't imagine we wouldn't hear about it from either school or my mom) as w/ DH and I.
First of all...I don't think personally that Aiden is anything but a rambuncious normal two and a half your old who can be "spirited" when he wants to be - don;t you just love that word? Christy describes her Jake like that and I always thought it was so appropriate :lol:

Secondly, I think that Aiden is naturally curious, naturally inquisitive and probably lacks alot of fear - "He's got no fear!" as my Mom says about Jacob...I think that consistency and structure is what he thrives on. God knows, I have had to adjust to Jacob's temperament like that recently.

Speaking of Jacob - my mom posed an interesting theory about him just yesterday. See we are going through almost the exact same thing - when Jacob is with Mom and Dad he is wonderful...active and into crazines but not nearly as mouthy and clingly and irritating as he is with James and I. Anyway...Mom said this to me "You know - he is being raised by two sets of parents - you HAVE to work and Dad and I love having him, but in reality, he is being raised by two different sets of people who are completely different. What your father and I do with him all day is totally different than what James and you can do - you know he is going to react when he sees you and when he is with you, that's normal for him to want to push all of your buttons and your limits cause he already knows what mine and your fathers are and he is muc more excited when he is with you because he doesn't see you guys all the time..."

Smart woman, my mother :)

That is a good theory, Melissa. Also, I think it has to do with the comfort level that a child has with his/her parents v. a caregiver. Emma is starting to go into her terrible two's. I was describing her tantrums to Tracey, our nanny, who looked bewildered, b/c whenever Emma is with Tracey, she's very well behaved. I don't think Tracey really believed me until one day last week when we were both watching the kids, and Emma started acting up with me. We surmised that Emma feels she can test the limits more with me b/c she feels more comfortable pushing my buttons- she knows I'll still love her unconditionally.

I don't think I've offered any helpful suggestions for you Alyssa- I'm actually curious to read other suggestions by other posters. However, I'm another one who thinks that Aidan is just being a rambunctious, NORMAL toddler.

My mom has a theory too...

Rebekah is totally wild in the evenings after her daycare days (2 full days a week). She's almost intolerable. My mother thinks that she works so hard to be soooo good at school that she has to let out all the stored energy when she gets home.

First of all...I don't think personally that Aiden is anything but a rambuncious normal two and a half your old who can be "spirited" when he wants to be - don;t you just love that word? Christy describes her Jake like that and I always thought it was so appropriate :lol:

Secondly, I think that Aiden is naturally curious, naturally inquisitive and probably lacks alot of fear - "He's got no fear!" as my Mom says about Jacob...I think that consistency and structure is what he thrives on. God knows, I have had to adjust to Jacob's temperament like that recently.

Speaking of Jacob - my mom posed an interesting theory about him just yesterday. See we are going through almost the exact same thing - when Jacob is with Mom and Dad he is wonderful...active and into crazines but not nearly as mouthy and clingly and irritating as he is with James and I. Anyway...Mom said this to me "You know - he is being raised by two sets of parents - you HAVE to work and Dad and I love having him, but in reality, he is being raised by two different sets of people who are completely different. What your father and I do with him all day is totally different than what James and you can do - you know he is going to react when he sees you and when he is with you, that's normal for him to want to push all of your buttons and your limits cause he already knows what mine and your fathers are and he is muc more excited when he is with you because he doesn't see you guys all the time..."

Smart woman, my mother :)
I will say that I KNOW I need to be more consistent w/ Aidan than I am now. DH is very strict and I am but less so - totally out of guilt for working and not being home w/ him all day. (For those not aware, DH is home w/ them - except the 1 day my mom usually takes them and 2 mornings/week at school.)

Aidan definately has, and never has had, any fear. It's clearly both a good and bad thing. And yes, I always liked Christy calling Jake "spirited" and I think Aidan fits that bill too. :nod:

My mom has a theory too...

Rebekah is totally wild in the evenings after her daycare days (2 full days a week). She's almost intolerable. My mother thinks that she works so hard to be soooo good at school that she has to let out all the stored energy when she gets home.
Funny, Aidan is usually better after being at school. He's there now, so it will be interesting to see how he is this afternoon v. how he was this morning (awful behavior from nearly the time he was up) and how he was this weekend.

Have you asked the teachers at his school for some suggestions? Obviously, since I haven't yet been a parent to a 2 y/o, I can't offer personal advice. It sounds to me like you are doing everything right. :dunno: Maybe he needs a little more structure if he is doing better at school than he is at home. Good luck!! :bighug:
That's actually a good point, Andrea. We've never been (nor felt we needed to be) a really structured family. We have routines, but nothing so set in stone...mostly because we wanted kids who can "go w/ the flow" and not be tied down to the clock. However, maybe we need to try that out more each day - have more set times (even if they are loose, but in order) for things. That's a really interesting thought. Thanks!

Oh - and I asked Ms. Jenn again this morning how Aidan was doing, telling her what we have been experiencing at home. She said he been really great, and one of the best in the class about the transition to the other room. (Last week, they moved the 2 and 3 yr old classes together into a bigger space for the summer. This craziness started before that move, so I can't peg it to being around new kids at school or anything... )

Just wanted to add another voice saying he sounds pretty normal to me. My DS operates the same way! In fact, DH will be happy to see this thread and know we're not alone. My mom was here for 3 weeks recently after my DS was born... she began to finally experience it all as she had taken on a parental role in Isabel's eyes.

The book and video "1-2-3 Magic" have worked really well for us. I checked them both out of the library... you may find it in yours. I didn't agree with every aspect of it, but for providing some good ideas and another tool it was great. Isabel responds pretty well to the consistency (as all kids do) and it helps us keep from getting overly emotional with her. Just an idea...

Corey

Just my two cents.... as a therapist working with only 0-3 year olds, I can't tell you the number of times parents have complained to me saying, "Why does he behave for you and not for me?" I'm able to get their children to do anything I need them to with little effort (usually) and their parents feel like getting them to do ANYTHING for them is like pulling teeth. I try to tell the parents, it's really the ULTIMATE compliment that your child feels so comfortable and confident in your un-conditional love that they will completely let their hair down with you. With strangers (and even people they see all the time but not every day) there are different sets of expectations. Over time, they may develop some of that same comfort. Think about a school year... the kids always start off listening to the teacher, but by the end of the year they are comfortable enough to ignore them :lol: Make sense? I think you're little guy sounds perfectly "normal" and I'm sure if there were really any cause for concern his teachers would point it out to you.

In terms of dealing with the behavior... Good luck! :lol: But seriously, part of the reason he may be acting out more could be jealousy and a way of getting your attention (you have a younger one, right)? Along the lines of... negative attention is better than no attention? NOT to imply you don't give him attention, goodness no! Just that some kids figure out that by misbehaving they are GUARANTEED the attention, kwim? A few things that I do with my DD that seem to help... I give her choices for practically everything. Just between two things usually... and that helps HER feel more in control of things. So it's "Do you want a pbj sandwhich or a hot dog for lunch?" "Do you want the Ernie diaper or the Big Bird diaper?" "Do you want to wear the pink shirt of the blue shirt"... etc. I do this all day with her and it really helps. Also, anytime I need to transition her from one thing to another (and I know she's not going to be happy about it) I talk about what we're about to do several times to prepare her so it's not such a sharp transition. Hmmmm... I don't know. I hope that helps a little!

I think you've gotten some good suggestions and count me as another who thinks Aidan is just (if you can say "just" :lol: ) a spirited toddler.

We've also discovered that our Aidan is much more well behaved at school than at home. I've discovered that he tends to get mischevious when he is bored. It reminded me of when I used to work with pre-schoolers and I remember that there were several very spirited children...turned out that they were also very bright children who just needed more challenges/stimulation and then they were fine.