Feelings of Guilt?

[Natalie]

Is anyone else dealing with guilty feelings on their choice to have an only child?
I've been thinking about this over the past couple of days- I feel like I have to always qualify myself when I say we are only having one. And it happens regularly - strangers, friends, family,*everyone* it seems, wants to talk about number two and then look at me strangely when I say he will be an only.
Coupled with the fact I got pregnant very easily (despite a difficult pregnancy) I know my body is capable of having babies, and when I'm on these boards and can see so many people having troubles, that too makes me feel guilty
I know I need to get over this wierd feeling but I was wondering if anyone else has experienced it?

[AahRee]

I've felt that occasionally, but I don't think it's really me feeling guilty, I think it's just that we're so conditioned to expect that having more than one child is the *normal* or *desirable* thing, it seems as though we have to explain why we are making a different choice.

Just because you *can* have more than one child doesn't mean it's the best, or even a good, choice for you and your family. I get the same dumb questions, and the same reaction when I say Katie will be an only. I've even had MIL, who has been told REPEATEDLY that we're done, make comments about saving baby stuff for #2. :rolleyes: I always say that we got it right the first time and don't have to try again. :)

[Bobbie]

I sometimes feel a guilt twinge for the sake of Kevin or K and what they might be missing out on, but so far I've always come back to what really is the best choice for us. I sometimes wonder what could be, but I do that about everything in life. I think we're to the point where most people who know us well are aware of our intentions (or are kind enough to keep their comments to themselves), so that's a big help. It sure would be nice if people would focus on loving and supporting the child you DO have -- maybe you could point out that comments about additional babies really aren't helpful to your family.

I know what you mean, though...it's a silly thought, but I'd like to pass along any remaining fertility I might have to someone who desperately wants it. Life just isn't fair when it comes to family planning.

[bunkie68]

No guilt here. :) I was an only child, and I grew up just fine. I think Julian will, too. I occasionally feel like everyone in the free world feels free to question my reproductive intentions, and to try to *make* me feel guilty when I tell them Julian will likely be my only child. I think Anne is right, that having more than one child is what's "expected", so that people are a little taken aback when I say I don't plan to have more. I do worry occasionally about the consequences if something were to happen to me when I'm old, something that would require Julian to take care of me - that's a big burden for one child. But then I think, is worrying about what could happen a ways down the road a good reason to have another child now, when I feel like I'm best suited mentally, emotionally and financially to raise one child? I think not. The way I see it, I'm dedicating whatever resources I have to helping Julian grow into a well-adjusted, responsible, loving man. For me, that's enough. :)