Letters from biomom

[bunybomb]

My SD lives with us full time and has for 5 years. She is now 9. Two years ago her mother moved away to another state. My DD has seen her once for 2 days last summer.

Biomom has no involvement with her daughter. She doesn't call or pay support, but does write a letter every other month or so. She has written 4 letters since Christmas. These letters contain the same stuff each time about how DD doesn't write back and how worried she is. These letters hurt my DD's feelings very much. I have asked DD to write a short note back, but she really has no interest and never gets around to it.

I feel that since her mother left DD and the state, the responsibility lies with her to try to have a relationship. I raise her everyday and I am her Mom, isn't that enough on my part? I don't want my DD to resent me for making her do something that clearly she isn't interested in doing. Is it my responsibility to have her write to her mother? Should I make her write to her?

[olcott]

My Mom and my brother had the same kind of experience when my parents divorced. My mom picked up and moved away at the drop of a hat, to be with someone else. My brother resented her a lot for that, along with other issues they had. My mom wrote to him and called him, but he never really reciprocated the effort to her. She would call me and cry that he didn't ever talk to her or write her, blah blah blah (sorry if I sound insensitive :lol: )...

I guess what it comes down to is, she is responsible for any type of relationship that she wants to have with her daughter. If your daughter doesn't want a relationship with her, you can't force her to, and pushing her towards her is only going to make her resent both of you for it. Maybe someday down the road she will want a relationship with her mom, and reciprocate the effort, but right now, if she doesn't want one, thats her decision.

I know how hard it is though, my mom really put me through a lot of grief because my brother wouldn't communicate with her. It made me feel like our relationship didn't mean as much to her as the one she wanted with my brother.

[harmonielyn]

I wouldnt make her write back. If she doesnt want anything to do with her biomom then making her keep in touch with her might make her not like her more and have problems with you. She will try to contact her when shes comfortable. My dad and I arent talking at the moment. I would be really upset if someone made me have contact with him. I have my reasons for not speaking to him. She has her reasons for not wanting to have contact with her. She may think that theres no point in talking to her since she has a mom (you). When shes older, maybe sooner than later, she might want to contact her biomom but as of now it sounds like shes not ready.