Advice Needed!!!

[MamaGoofy]

I just don't know what to do anymore. David is 2 years old and generally a very good boy. However lately (within the past 3 months) he has been telling me that Miss Vanessa or Miss Erica has been hitting him. It started with David saying that Miss Erica hit him in the back of the head. When I questioned Vanessa she said that it didn't happen that one of the children had hit him with a truck. Then a couple weeks ago he started telling me that Miss Vanessa pulled his ear. We discussed it and she started getting a little upset that he was saying these things. Then yesterday he tells me that Miss Erica spanked him on his hand for being bad. When I asked Vanessa about it she flipped out on me. She became very defensive and started saying how she's never had this happen before and she has never hit her children :blahblah: . Never have I accused her and part of me doesn't believe that he's being hit..but then I look at her reactions to it. She even went as far as saying that she could loose her license for these types of accusations. :wtf: I NEVER ACCUSED ANYONE OF ANYTHING!!!! I ASKED! Big freakin' difference! He has been telling me for about 6 months that he doesn't want to go see Vanessa; but once he gets there he's fine and has fun.

So this is the part where I need the advice. Do I believe what David is telling me? Do I just brush it aside and figure that he's just got a very vivid imagination? How can I figure out if this is really happening? If no one is hitting him then how can I make him understand that it's not good to say things like that if they aren't true?

I just don't know what to do!! Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!

[macsmom]

I would seriously look into this. I'd ask other parents, other daycare workers, even other children if I had to. I don't think children his age make this kind of stuff up. I can see why you would be upset. I would be too. Very disturbing to hear that come from your child.

[Sherry]

Oh NO... So sorry about this. I agree 100% with Tracy, you have to be cautous and see what you can do about it. Is it a home day care or center? I would check also the BBB and see if she or the company is on the list. I would be looking for alternative child care either way just in case.

Its sounds very suspicious since this isnt the first time he said anything and its been over several months.... I would DEFINATLY check into it.

If she wasnt guilty, she wouldnt be so dang defensive and would actually be very concerned "in a good way" and offer to sit down with you and your son and talk to see if it changes.

[Brooke]

I'd start looking for a new place to send him. Something is making him say these things. I don't think that he comes up with them on his own. Can you talk to another parent to see if their child has ever said these things?

Rebekah bit Darren the other night and I repeatedly told her that biting was a no-no and that it hurt and gave people owies and that she should not do it. I made her repeat it all back to me (it's so much easier now that she can talk). Then when I went to pick her up yesterday, one boy had just bit another boy's fingers and I used that to reinforce the no biting idea and we talked about it all the way home.

I'd tell him that hitting is not nice and that if someone hits him, he should tell you. And then I'd somehow try to make him understand that saying someone hit him when they really didn't is not nice either.

[biggstella]

Hey, I see you are in Brandon, which is where I live also. I would be wary of what you are hearing. You can pm me. I have a GREAT homecare lady that I use one day a week who lives in Valrico. I would recommend her any day!!! She is licensed and an absolute necessity for me!!! Please PM me and I will give you her info. Good luck.

Stella

[Dennis]

I agree with everyone else - kids that age don't make up this stuff. And whether or not it actually happened, her response really worries me. I would definitely talk to other parents and see what they think, but it doesn't sound like an environment I would want my children in.

Dennis

[Cortney]

I'm butting in (as a non-working mom) but dd was in care full time when I was in school- so I don't feel TOO out of place.

I would definitely look more into it. Like Dennis said- kids don't make up stuff like that.

[Connie1222]

I agree with everyone else. I could not see Jack making up or lying about being hit.

[macsmom]

SO, update us! did you speak with the daycare about it? I hope you resolved this issue. and I hope it was a good outcome.

[AmyJ]

I think her reaction is TOTALLY a red flag to me!! I would look for another place for David. Especially since his complaints have been going on for so long.

For comparisons sake: My Dh is a substitute teacher. About 4 years a 6th grader said that he was looking at her in approppriately and then said he was touching her. My DH wasn't doing anything to her. But, knew that the principal needed to do an investigation and ask some questions. He didn't flip out or get defensive. He knew he was innocent. He was found completely innocent.

[Dennis]

Is there any update?

[MamaGoofy]

I am soo sorry that I haven't updated. For some reason my thread wasn't subscribed to me. I thought if you start a thread you are automatically subsribed :scratch:

Update: I ended up speaking with Vanessa in person. I explained my concerns and told her that in no way am I accusing her of anything. I am just very concerned as to what he is telling me. We decided that we work on this together and see what happens. She assured me that she has never touched him nor has she even had to put him in a time out. She stated that if/when he misbehaves all she has to do is change the tone of her voice and he stops. If that doesn't work she said that she tells David that he is being bad and it's upsetting her. With him being as sensitive as he is; she said that he immediately stops whatever it is that he's doing. I asked her why so got so defensive on the phone. SHe apologized and explained that it scares her to have one of her favorite children saying such a thing and if the wrong person heard that she could loose her license. I can understand that. I asked her if she thought it be best to take him somewhere else. She said no; that she wanted to correct this with us. So when we got home that night I talked with David. I asked him if Miss Vanessa hit him. He said "no". I asked him if she ever pulled his ear. He said "no". I asked him if Erica ever hit him. He said "no". I know that David has a very vivid imagination and I think that he is just using his imagination (aka: toddler lying) I explained to him that it's not nice to tell stories like that. I asked him if he liked Vanessa. He said yes. I asked him if he wanted to go to another school. He said no.


So what I have decided is to keep him there for now. I have checked into other places and found this place called Childs Haven. It's a private preschool and it seems like a great place. However, I would not be able to move him there until August. So come July, we will re-evaluate the situation and make the decision then.

I discussed all of this with DH and he agrees. Although I want to always trust my child and believe what he tells me I have to look at the big picture and realize that he also has a very vivid imagination. For instance, Dave worked this past Saturday and when he got home David told him that I bit him. Now we all no good and well that I would never just bite my child. He got put in a time out for "lying". I figured it's the only way to teach him.

Thank you all for your kind words and advice. I really appreciate it!!

[Dennis]

Glad to hear that you worked it out!

[tjham]

I am so glad things seem to be worked out, at least for now. I know that little kids DO make things up! I have 3 grown kids and a 3 yr old granddaughter. They all have told tall tales that could have really caused a lot of trouble if taken totally seriously. Quiet investigation and careful questioning (like you did) can get to the bottom of most stories and help a child learn what is OK to embellish and what is not! Good Luck!

[biggstella]

mamagoofy, remember, that I have a homecare lady in Valrico that I would be glad to give you her info if you want it. She has an opening right now. My daughter goes there and this lady is wonderful. She has 4 kids of her own and has helped me answer a lot of questions. Please contact me if you think a change would be good for your son.

Stella