Dan and I have been trying since March 2002. I actually went of the pill in February 2002, but we were just otl that first month, because we got married in March and didn't really want to be pg for the wedding. Anyway, I have a little girl from a prior relationship so we know I am capable of getting and carrying a pg. Also, he has had a s/a, and I have had an hsg and both of those came back normal. We also know I am Oing regularly. So, we are dealing with unexplained secondary IF.

My question is, when do you know it's time to give up? We have NO IF coverage, not even consultations, so we can't afford any treatments. In addition, we can't afford to go the the hoops for adoption either. So neither of these is an option. Our only option really is to keep trying. I am just not sure how much longer I can take having AF show every month after knowing that we did everything right. I am not really ready to give up yet, I know that, but how do you know when you are ready to give up?

That is really a tough call, because it is so personal. For me, I think that if I had used every single available option that I could afford and try, I think I would eventually resolve that maybe it's in "God's Hands" and just ask him for help. I had another experience in my life that was a very emotional decision, and I just basically told him that I was handing it over to him. Things worked out in a way that was so wonderful, I would never have imagined.
But, you have to come to that point. Whether it's actually trying for another year, or just saying "Ah, we'll go at it haphazardly". It's really just having the faith of giving it up to chance and making peace with your decision.

My husband decided that we are only having the one child. Just being "done" there was very hard to adjust to, and I'm still adjusting. I won't say that I don't "hope" for a surprise, but at the same time, there is a faith in just life that I keep.

Good luck.

Mandy

I ask myself this question quite often. WE have been TTC since June, 2002 and we also have unexplained IF.

We have done two rounds of IUI with clomid. We are going to do one more round, then we have to move on to injectibles. We have to pay for all of this, and with injectibles it will probably be about $1000 a month. We can afford it, but it definitely hurts because it takes a big chunk out of what we can spend on other things. Also, I wonder how much $ we should sink in to this if we eventually want to adopt.

We know we won't do IVF. It isn't for us. So, at some point, we will have to decide to give up and focus on adopting. Right now we are taking a break and I feel better about things. We will probably do our 3rd round of IUI with clomid next month.

We are both 30 so I guess we have some time, but we've always wanted at least two children. It is hard to adjust to life not turning out the way we planned. Sometimes, I toy with the idea of just giving up and making the most of life without children. But I'm not ready to do that yet, and I know DH is not. Then again, I'm not ready to adopt yet, either. I feel like I'm still grieving my biological child that I may never have.

I know I haven't said anything particularly helpful, but know that you are not alone.

I said that IVF wasn't for me either - that was efore I found out that IVF was the only way I was going to have a baby. It's funny how things change when you have to face that fact. I never thought we could afford it - our medical doesn't cover IF, either - and we are getting ready to start IVF cycle #3 this month. Just like most everything else, there are ways to come up with money you never even knew you had (cutting things out, savings, refinancing a mortgage, etc.). Good luck and I hope you find a good solution for yourself.

There are so many factors that every couple must consider based on their personal situation, and there's no right or wrong choice when dealing with IF. I think any decision concerning IF treatment should be made based on what's important to you and what limitations you have: finances, moral or religious beliefs, etc.

For me personally, I think I'd be willing to try IVF one or two times before giving up on the idea of conceiving. We would most likely try all possible forms of IF treatment at least once, assuming we could afford it, but IVF would be the most extreme method we'd go for; I can't see us using a surrogate or donor eggs.

However, I know finances will be a major consideration for us, and if we simply could not afford treatment at any given time, we'd have to stop TTC at least for several years to save up the money. We'd absolutely do whatever possible to afford at least one attempt at "high-tech" procedures; I don't think I could ever stop trying until I actually exhausted all medical possibilities. I haven't done IUI yet, and I've only tried Clomid once, so of course I'm more than willing to try those methods several times first before considering more intensive treatments.

My question is, when do you know it's time to give up?
I felt exactly like you did at one point and my answer to the question was to step back from ttc and let what was going to be happen. We actively ttc'd for a little over a year and then under went basic fertitlity testing. Like you guys we were both in perfect working order. It was very disappointing to find that out...I was hoping for an answer and a fix. I stopped temping, and stopped focusing on my cycle in any way. It took a long time after that to conceive but it happened 2 years and 3 months from when we had originally began ttc.

You have to do what feels right to you it's such a personal thing that really I can only share my experience and hope that it helps you.

Good luck...

Donna
Mommy to Carson Alexander
March 28, 2004
6lbs. 9oz. 18 inches