What are YOUR morning and night routines?

[Brooke]

I need help. I need to establish a morning and evening routine so I manage to do the things that need to be done. Right now, I'm failing miserably.

I just had a conversation with our receptionist (Julie, lives down the street from me) and now I feel like crap. I said that I just can't remember to plug in Rebekah's rechargable batteries for her touch light every night. I just can't remember until it's time for her to go to bed. And then Rebekah gets upset, asking for more batteries and I don't have them (this stupid light kills 4 AA batteries every night).

So Julie told me all about how she does everything every night - cooks, cleans, does the dishes, packs lunches, gets clothes out for the next day, paints her nails, vacuums the house, gives Eve (almost 2 yrs old) a bath, brushes her teeth, gives her a bottle, feeds the dogs, does 2 loads of laundry, all between 6 and 9pm. In the morning she gets the diaper bag, her bag, her other daughter's lunch and book bag all packed, makes all the beds, does more laundry, makes coffee, feeds the 2 kids, plans dinner, loads her car, and gets the kids out the door within 2 hours. And then she tells me about how I should leave the recharger thing in a place where I'll see it and such. Like I haven't tried that? I see the stupid light every morning but I don't think to plug in the batteries.

Ugh. I can't even do the dishes every night, and there's no way laundry gets done every night, and sometimes Rebekah doesn't get a bath, and I never remember to brush her teeth. I have to remind Darren to feed the dogs. I just can't remember it all, especially when Rebekah is so clingy and demanding and wants to stay outside until 8:30pm every night and doesn't go to bed until 10pm.

So, I need a routine. What's your routine? Do you have one or do you just let things go until you have time? How do you remember the important things - like brushing teeth, or feeding pets, or plugging in batteries? Does a list work for you? How much do the toddlers "help"? How do you manage to keep a dining room table clear?

I'm going to go get lunch (can't find time to pack my own in the mornings or evenings :rolleyes: ) and then I'm going to make a list of the things I would like to get done every morning and evening.

[Dennis]

Evening:

We both get home around 4:45 or 5. One of makes dinner and feeds Frances while the other plays with Joe. We usually eat at about 5:30. After dinner, usually Mary takes Joe and Frances up to start their bath and I clean up downstairs. I go up when I'm done and we finish the bath. Then we go down and Joe can watch TV until bedtime.

One of us takes Joe up to bed around 7 and brushes his teeth. We read to him for a while and then put him down. While this is going on, the other feeds Frances. After Joe is down and Frances is fed, we make our lunches for the next day. Then we watch a little TV and have our together time. One of us will put Frances to bed around 8:30, and then we'll have some alone time, either together or doing our own things. We're usually both in bed by 10.

In the mornings, we get up at 6 and shower and get dressed. Sometimes Frances gets up in the middle of this so one of us will get her. Then we'll go down and have breakfast. We get everything together - our bags, lunches, etc. Then I'll get Joe while Mary finishes getting ready and we load up the cars (I usually take them to daycare but sometimes Mary does) and we're out a little before 7.

We just fell into these routines because they were working. Joe "helps" a bit - he has to bring his dishes into the kitchen after dinner, and he has to bring his humidifier tank into the bathroom before bath, although since it's getting warm we're going to stop using them. He also has to help clean up his bath toys.

Dennis

[Jenn]

Brooke, that chick you work with must be superwoman or have 8 arms because I don't know how she gets all that done. Here's our schedule for the most part....

Evening...
2:30 ~ leave work and go pick Peyton up from daycare
3:30 ~ Peyton and I get home, have a snack, let the dogs out and watch tv until daddy gets home.
4:45 ~ DH usually gets home and feeds the dogs while I get something ready for dinner. Sometimes I start cooking before he gets home and sometimes we just heat something up after he gets home.
5:00-6:30 ~ Watch tv and play with Peyton.
6:30-7:00 ~ We start getting Peyton ready for bed. She gets a bath every other night and on those nights we usually remember to brush her teeth. On the nights when she doesn't get a bath we usually forget.
7:00 ~ Peyton goes to bed. We're extremely lucky here because she doesn't fight bedtime at all. We just lay her in the crib and say goodnight and never hear another peep from her.
7:00-8:00 ~ DH and I pick up toys, do the dishes, take out the trash, start laundry and other chores that need to get done. We honestly don't do too much because we have a cleaning lady come every 2 weeks.
8:00-bedtime ~ Our time to watch tv and play on the internet.

Morning...
5:20 ~ My alarm goes off.
5:40 ~ I finally get up and get in the shower and start getting ready. By the time I'm out of the bathroom, Jeff is downstairs feeding the dogs and letting them out.
6:05 ~ I get Peyton up and get her dressed then we head downstairs where Jeff already has a bottle ready with milk and Noggin on for her to watch. I then eat breakfast and Jeff heads upstairs to get ready for work.
6:20-6:30 ~ Peyton and I head out the door for daycare.

I don't have to pack anything for Peyton's daycare as they provide all food and drinks. We keep a supply of diapers and wipes there and bring a clean sheet and blanket every Monday.

[Jenn]

I forgot to add that neither DH nor I pack our lunches. I use to bring my lunch to work everyday before I got pregnant but now it's just so hard for me to figure out what I'll want to eat that I'm better off buying something from the cafeteria at work.

[bunybomb]

So Julie told me all about how she does everything every night - cooks, cleans, does the dishes, packs lunches, gets clothes out for the next day, paints her nails, vacuums the house, gives Eve (almost 2 yrs old) a bath, brushes her teeth, gives her a bottle, feeds the dogs, does 2 loads of laundry, all between 6 and 9pm. In the morning she gets the diaper bag, her bag, her other daughter's lunch and book bag all packed, makes all the beds, does more laundry, makes coffee, feeds the 2 kids, plans dinner, loads her car, and gets the kids out the door within 2 hours. And then she tells me about how I should leave the recharger thing in a place where I'll see it and such. Like I haven't tried that? I see the stupid light every morning but I don't think to plug in the batteries.


So Julie is superwoman! :wow: There is no way I could do all that. :help:

There is no way that laundry, vacuuming is more important than the short time I get to be with my kids each day. I'm up at 6am. My DH is gone by 6:15 and I'm getting myself ready. Then I get Alex ready and thankfully Dylan is old enough to get herself ready. My goal each morning is to just get a good breakfast into each of them. While they eat, I dry my hair and put on make up in the 1/2 bath. I put out the dog, make sure Dylan has lunch (a lunchable or $$). On a good day, I can get a meal in the crockpot. Usually, I'm lucky if I get a cup of coffee for the road. We are out the door at 7:30.

At night, I'm lucky if I get in one load of laundry. That's what the weekends are for and with my DH's help. We have dinner, homework, soccer practice, baths, etc. to complete and the hell with keeping a perfect house.

Brooke, you are not failing miserably. You are not failing at ALL! Maybe vacuuming, doing laundry and making beds are not a priority for you and they shouldn't be. Spend time with your child. Rebekah doesn't care if the house is clean, she wants to be with you.

Can you plug the battery charger in Rebekah's room so you can pop the batteries in each morning and they will be ready each night? Can you show Rebekah how to do it if it's safe? You can make it a game each morning.

[Brooke]

Dennis and Jenn - thanks for posting. I'm quite envious of you both because your spouses help out so much. As Dennis knows, Darren's not the best helper. If I ask him to do something, he usually does it unless he decides to wait for a commercial and then forgets. But otherwise, he goes off on his own. He never thinks to give Rebekah a bath or brush her teeth or pack her things for the next day. And he goes to work early in the mornings so I'm on my own then.

Jenn - I don't know how she does it either. All I can figure is that she was a single mom for so long that she just got into the habit of doing it all herself. She basically is single now, she lives with Eve's dad but he rarely comes home at night and he doesn't help at all. She also has a 9-yr-old daughter that either occupies Eve all evening or gives her a bath. She's very anal about the beds and the dishes and such. My MIL is the same way. She can do more things in 10 minutes than I can do all evening.

One of our problems is that we don't have any sort of set routine. We run alot of errands on weeknights because we can only go to one place at a time before Rebekah is restless and ready to go home. So waiting until the weekend to do shopping is just setting ourselves up for disaster. We have started doing grocery shopping on Friday nights. Geez, I'm getting old.

Darren and I both usually get home around 5:30pm. I make dinner, we eat, someone cleans up but we're usually in a rush to go somewhere we need to go (wal-mart, home depot, the mall) that we don't bother to do the dishes and they end up sitting around for a couple days. Then we get home around 8pm and I give Rebekah a bath. We watch TV and have a snack and play until she goes to bed at 10pm. By then, I MIGHT have the energy to do the dishes but usually I just want some me time and I get ready for bed. We go to bed around 11:30pm and Darren gets up around 4am and I get up around 7am.

Here's what I'd like to get done every morning

put a load of laundry into the washer
do any stray dishes that are in the sink
feed Rebekah breakfast on daycare days (my mom feeds her the other days)
make sure Darren fed the dogs
plug in those stupid rechargable batteries
and get me and Rebekah up and out the door
It shouldn't be that hard, right? Maybe I need to start getting up a little earlier.

For the evenings

Dry the load of laundry I put in that morning, fold, and put away
Pack Rebekah's lunch for daycare days (I usually do this while making dinner)
Make dinner
feed dogs
do dishes
give Rebekah a bath
brush her teeth
clean off the dining room table and put mail/bills away
get Rebekah's clothes out for the next day
pack the diaper bag
get my work stuff together and in one place
Check trash and take out if necessary
Weekends I'd like to


Change the sheets and wash them
vacuum
do any shopping (diapers, groceries, etc)

[Brooke]

Can you plug the battery charger in Rebekah's room so you can pop the batteries in each morning and they will be ready each night? Can you show Rebekah how to do it if it's safe? You can make it a game each morning.Rebekah is not a morning child. That probably comes from her going to bed so late. I wake her up, change her diaper, and put her in the car to go to my mom's. That's usually at 8am. On daycare days, I wake her up a little earlier, get her dressed, try to get her to eat breakfast but she usually doesn't, and then we leave.

She loves to play with the battery charger. She actually tries really hard to get the batteries into it and into the light. But she won't put them in and then leave it plugged in. She wants to do it over and over and I don't like her playing with the outlets like that. Plus the stupid light has a screw-in back cover plate that she can't get off herself. I wish I'd never bought the stupid thing! But it was the only way I could get her to behave at Target that day.

Thanks for making me feel more normal. It's so frustrating when someone is sitting there saying "oh, it's so easy, just do this and that and that...":blahblah: And I say, nope, doesn't work for me and she just keeps going on and on about how it does work.

[Jenn]

I can't believe you have to make sure that Darren fed the dogs. :disbelief I think the fact that Rebekah stays up so late is part of the problem with you getting stuff done but I know that you've had a ton of sleep issues and that probably won't change for awhile. I think you're list is reasonable but can you do a lot of it while Rebekah is still awake? I know that Peyton won't let me do the dishes when she's up. She starts grabbing everything out of the dishwasher so I have to wait until she goes to bed.

Honestly, I think the other problem is Darren not helping out enough but I've read about your trials and tribulations with him, also, so I really can't give any advice with that.

I hope you guys can try and get some sort of routine established. We rarely go out on weeknights since Peyton goes to bed so early so that helps us there. I also haven't been cooking since I got pregnant so we buy very little groceries. That's just a quick trip on the weekends for us or DH runs out after Peyton has gone to bed to get stuff.

[Lette]

Oh boy... we are terrible with routine! Maybe that's why my dining room table is full of pictures, swap stuff, etc and the house is a mess!

6:15 Alarm goes off.
by 7AM I'm out the door
Jim does the morning routine with the kids, which is VERY helpful! He feeds Ben on daycare days M,W,F gets both ready and drops them off. I have all their stuff ready to go.
12 Noon - 1PM I do my errands at lunch.. ie groceries, shopping, etc.
5 PM I pick kids up on M,W,F
Sometimes if its nice we play outside with the neighbors till 6PM
6PM I quickly feed Ben his dinner and put him down for his cat nap
Jim may make dinner or I may throw something together. I never have a plan. :blush: NEED to get one! I'd love one of those 3 week revolving meal plans, but I don't have time to put one together.
After that it's anything goes. Sometimes I'll sit down and play with Lexie, or I'll try to do something.
But then Ben will either wake up or I make sure he's up by 7:30 PM
Lately I've had to entertain Ben because he's been sick.
8 to 9 PM is TV, bottle for Ben, bath and book time.
I've been trying to have both kids in bed by 9PM, but it's been more like 9:15 for Lexie and 9:30 for Ben. :rolleyes: Need to work on that because I'm just too tired to do anything after that.
BUT... I then get their clothes out for the next day.
Pack lunches and backpacks.
Clean bottles and make formula.
Throw a load of wash in if I'm lucky. MIL will fold for me on Tues and Thurs.... but I haven't had time to put anything away for days now. It's all sitting in the cradle in my bedroom. UGH!
10 to 11 is TV Time and I'm in bed or asleep on the couch by 11:30 PM.
I can't believe that Julie! :eek:

[Brooke]

I think you're list is reasonable but can you do a lot of it while Rebekah is still awake? I know that Peyton won't let me do the dishes when she's up. She starts grabbing everything out of the dishwasher so I have to wait until she goes to bed.My poor dogs are starving. Sunny starts acting weird, whining and begging, around 9pm and then I ask Darren if he fed them dinner and he usually says no.

Rebekah LOVES to do the dishes. We don't have a dishwasher so we have to do them all by hand. She pulls a chair up to the sink and I wash and she rinses and puts them in the drainer. It takes twice as long but at least she's not whining and begging me to go somewhere else.

I have to do almost everything while she's awake so that's one problem. It's hard to entertain her and do what I need to do. I'm going to have to come up with ways for her to help me. She likes to set the dinner table while I'm cooking and she helps put laundry in and out of the washer if I can get her to follow me down to the basement.

[Dennis]

One of our problems is that we don't have any sort of set routine. We run alot of errands on weeknights because we can only go to one place at a time before Rebekah is restless and ready to go home. So waiting until the weekend to do shopping is just setting ourselves up for disaster. We have started doing grocery shopping on Friday nights. Geez, I'm getting old.

Is there any way you can get out of running errands on weeknights, or at least cutting back so it's only the grocery shopping on Fridays or something like that? (We actually do that too, depending on what kind of mood Joe is in and if we get home early enough.)

Mary does a lot of the errands at lunch, and I'll sometimes do them on my way home. If we have a lot of stuff we need to do on the weekend, one of us will just take Frances and go while the other stays home with Joe so we don't have to drag him around.

And getting up a little early in the mornings can make a big difference. A while back I started getting up about 10 minutes earlier, and it doesn't seem like much, but it's enough so that I don't feel rushed.

As for charging the batteries, maybe after you put them in the light you could put the charger someplace where you'll have to see it and move it, like on the changing pad or where you get Rebekah dressed.

Dennis

[Nocona]

I was going to suggest getting up earlier :lol: Regarding the batteries.... can you get another set of them and rotate. Or leave the charger by your purse or something so you remember to plug them in right before you leave in the morning?

My routine is probably very different from anyone else's because Paul stays home with Matthew during the day, but he works 2 evenings a week and on the weekends. In the mornings, I get up at 5:20 and I'm at work by 7 (usually a little before) and I work until 5pm. I may throw some laundry in or take out the trash before I go, but that's about it.

The evenings get a little scary :lol: I get home right about 5:30. Paul usually leaves for work at 5:35, depending on his schedule that week. Yes, 5 minutes of time/day. Then I figure out what to make for me and Matthew for dinner. I do that while Matthew watches Dragon Tales :blush: It keeps him busy :lol: Then we eat and I clean up. I leave the dishes in the sink and we play. I try to pick up the living room of the toy mess, but Matthew usually gets that destroyed again before he goes to bed. At 8:30, I put on his overnight diaper and pajamas and have him brush his teeth right then, else I'll forget. Then he sits with me in my big chair until 9 and then I turn the TV off and put him to bed. Then, if I have the energy, I pay bills, do laundry, put dishes in the dishwasher, etc.

On the weekends I try to do stuff like clean the bathrooms, etc. Paul usually vacuums (after I remind him 5 times). He's not much of a cleaner. I wanted to hire a cleaning person, but he said we shouldn't since he's home all day. What he doesn't realize is that he needs to actually clean to justify that statement :rolleyes:

On the nights Paul is home, we try to do something as a family or he'll take Matthew outside or somewhere to play so I can either have some alone time (ahhhh) or I can get something done that needs to get done.

[miacat]

This is NOT judgmental in the least, but I think your two biggest issues are the late bedtime for your daughter, and your husband not being helpful. We have a lot of time to get things done, but we could never do it if DS didn't go to bed between 7 and 7:30.

Ok, on to my routine. I hope this helps. We have routines, but it also varies (doesn't sound too routine, does it?) -- DS is 19 months old.

Anytime after 4:30 am: DS wakes up (yes, lucky me)
6:00 I get up and get DS out of crib. We go downstairs and eat breakfast. Sometimes I get his clothes changed. I read the paper.
6:15 DH gets up and takes shower (sometimes) and gets ready for work
6:30 DH comes downstairs, eats breakfast, dresses (sometimes) and plays with DS. I go upstairs and take shower (sometimes) and get ready for work. (you can see that both my husband and I both get ready for work very quickly and did pre-DS)
6:45 I go back downstairs and we both make our lunches. DS helps make lunch by putting things in our lunch boxes.
7:00 Out the door for me and DS. DH leaves a few minutes later.
7:15 I Drop DS at school
7:30 I'm at my desk at work
7:30 - 12:00 Work
12:00 Sometimes I eat lunch with co-workers, occasionally I run errands if needed
12:45 to 4:00 Work
4:10 or so I pick up son at school
4:30 We all get home at the same time
4:30 to 5:30 Play with DS and make supper if needed (sometimes it's leftovers, sometimes we had something cooking in the crockpot). We take turns with who plays with DS and who makes supper.
5:30 we all eat supper
5:35 DS is done with supper and wants to play
5:35-6:45 we play with DS. One of us may try to "get something done" but truly, that is rare.
6:45 We get DS ready for bed. This sometimes includes a bath, but always includes books. Sometimes I'll put away laundry while DH reads the books.
7:10 We go back downstairs for 20 minutes of a video. One of us watches the video with DS, and the other one usually cleans up from supper -- does dishes, fills the dishwasher, etc. . .
7:30 DS is in bed
7:30-9:30 Time for us! We read papers, exercise, watch tv, do laundry if necessary, pay bills, sit and do nothing.
9:30 bed for us

WEEKENDS -- we do all grocery shopping, run errands, laundry and major projects on the weekend. If I think DS cannot handle the errand, one of us stays home with him while the other one runs the errand. Personally, I like to make lots of little trips on the weekend to run errands. Kills some time!
We also clean a little (very little) during this time. I put laundry in throughout the day on Sunday. I only FOLD laundry on Sunday evenings. Wrinkles do not bother me.

This schedule is pretty flexible. Sometimes, DH mows the lawn when he gets home from work -- so I play with DS by myself and keep him out of the way. Sometimes, I go exercise at my gym after work and DH plays with DS while I am gone. Sometimes we have sports or other activities that throw a wrench in the schedule. The only thing that is ALWAYS the same is bedtime.

Frankly, I think I have a pretty good handle on the working mom thing. Why? 1) I have an incredibly helpful husband. It's clearly easier when you have two adults both pulling their weight. You can have one person playing and the other busy doing something else.
2) We plan our meals! No frantic decision-making at 5:00 on weeknights. I buy the ingredients during weekly grocery shopping.
3) We have "low" standards. I think this is the hardest thing for many people. Cleaning is a low priority for me as long as it is not unhealthy. Wrinkles, who cares?
4) I pay bills as they come in the mail. I only handle things once.
5) I do jobs (like cleaning) when I can. If I am in the bathroom and notice the toilet needs cleaning, I squirt the stuff in and swish it around right then. It only takes about 30 seconds and it is done.
6) We have divided up responsiblity for chores and we just each do them because we said we would.
7) DS's early bedtime. That is a godsend. We used to get up at 6:20 to get to work before DS, so getting up at 6:00 isn't so bad. But if we didn't have those two-three hours in the evening to decompress -- YIKES!
8) Short commute, convenient daycare. Makes life sooooo much easier and frees up a lot of time.

I know I am lucky and that every person's situation is different. Hopefully you may find a little something from all of these posts that will help you out.

Good Luck.

[Brooke]

Mary does a lot of the errands at lunch, and I'll sometimes do them on my way home.
Lette said she runs errands at lunch. I'd love to do that but my office is 20 minutes from the closest grocery store or Wal-Mart. We literally have a Wendy's, a Burger King, and 2 gas stations and that's it within less than a 10-minute drive.

We're trying not to go out too much on the weeknights now. It's easier since the weather is nicer and it's staying light out longer so Rebekah can be outside most of the evening.

[Brooke]

This is NOT judgmental in the least, but I think your two biggest issues are the late bedtime for your daughter, and your husband not being helpful. We have a lot of time to get things done, but we could never do it if DS didn't go to bed between 7 and 7:30.
Oh, believe me! I know those are my issues. And they have been all along. I really have to just bite the bullet and admit that neither issue is going to change any time soon and figure out a way to work around that.

Darren might be a little more helpful at times. He gets on laundry or cleaning kicks that last a week or so. But he will never take the initiative and give Rebekah a bath or put her to bed without me asking him to do it. He just doesn't think about those things.

He tries to pack her lunch but he forgets the main course or he doesn't label everything even when I tell him what he needs to do. So I have to go back and check it.

He will put Rebekah's laundry away but it never goes in the same place twice. I don't know why he can't remember that jeans are in one drawer, cotton pants in another, and shirts get hung up. I've only been using the same system for 2 years. Same with the groceries and the dishes. I can never find anything and I get so frustrated when I know I bought something for dinner and it's not where it goes.

And Rebekah's bedtime - I'm just glad we got it to 10pm instead of 11pm like it was. And whether or not she takes a nap doesn't matter. She did not take a nap on Monday or Wednesday of this week and she still was not ready for bed until 10pm.

So, I'm going to stop complaining and figure out a way to make things a little easier on me. It's all about me right now. I made a checklist similar to the list I posted earlier and I'm going to print a bunch up and put them somewhere where we will both see them. If there's a list, Darren will usually do things on it. So maybe this will help and I won't forget so many things.

[Connie1222]

So Julie is superwoman! :wow: There is no way I could do all that. :help:

There is no way that laundry, vacuuming is more important than the short time I get to be with my kids each day.
ITA. I didn't get that much stuff done before Jack was born, forget about now! This was our routine before we moved in with my parents:

Morning:

6am-alarm or Jack wakes me up. I wake Keith up and he brushes his teeth, gets dressed and he is out the door! I change Jack's diaper, get him a cup of milk, put on whatever video or disney channel and I jump into the shower. Get out of shower and make Jack's and my lunch (I try to do this the night before, but most often I don't), wash the dishes from the night before. Put on my make-up, blow dry my hair, get dressed. Get Jack dressed. In between this stuff, I take 5 minutes here and there to read to Jack or play with him, or watch TV with him. We are out the door by 7:40am.

Evening:

This is where Keith helps out, he gets out of work at 3pm so he usually picks Jack up, plays with him or takes him for a walk, makes dinner. They usually eat before I get home, sometimes they wait for me. I get home by 6:30-7pm and I just take over and play with Jack, read to him, and do the bedtime routine. After Jack goes to bed I eat dinner (if they've eaten without me) and then I veg out, watch TV and hang out with Keith until we go to bed. I didn't do any cleaning or laundry during the week, that would be split up between Saturday and Sunday.

We are lucky because Keith gets out of work so early and doesn't pick Jack up until 5pm, so he has 2 hours to run errands, start dinner or just have quiet time to himself before he picks Jack up.

[TtownAnne]

I know this isn't "my" forum, but I had to chime in with a few salient points:

a. STOP talking to Julie. She's a complete freak of nature. I SAH and even I don't get that much stuff done! My priority is being with Caroline, not having spotless counters or floors or whatever.

b. Sounds like relaxing your standards is a key feature. So Darren doesn't put her laundry away in the same place. Big whoop. At least it's in her room and the dogs aren't burying it in the yard or something! And why do you have to label what's in her lunch? For her? Rebekah can't read, can she? :lol: If you can learn to live with the things he does do (albeit maybe not to your standards), things might be easier on your end. You have to weigh what's more important - spending two minutes looking for a dish - which isn't a hard task, I've seen your kitchen, you don't have alot of places to look! - or having a spare 20 minutes of time because he put away the dishes in the first place.

[bunybomb]

b. Sounds like relaxing your standards is a key feature. So Darren doesn't put her laundry away in the same place. Big whoop. At least it's in her room and the dogs aren't burying it in the yard or something! And why do you have to label what's in her lunch? For her? Rebekah can't read, can she? :lol: If you can learn to live with the things he does do (albeit maybe not to your standards), things might be easier on your end. You have to weigh what's more important - spending two minutes looking for a dish - which isn't a hard task, I've seen your kitchen, you don't have alot of places to look! - or having a spare 20 minutes of time because he put away the dishes in the first place.
I completely agree with Anne, I've been in counseling for months so I would get over "my standards" because they weren't realistic anymore. :screwy: My DH is a lot like yours and it drives me nuts. He would much rather watch sports with chaos around him than spend 5 minutes away from the TV to get some peace. However, with therapy, my attitude has changed. And so have my DHs actions. He is much more willing to help when I have a subtler approach. Its a win-win, he gets things done, I'm not nagging and I don't feel crappy about not being responded to. I've let go of control and let things fall into place.

If the lists work for you then keep at it. If that engages your DH then it's a tool to continue to use. Keep up posted, it's not easy and we are here to listen. You are not complaining, you are venting because juggling life can be really hard. :hug1:

[Brooke]

Sounds like relaxing your standards is a key feature. So Darren doesn't put her laundry away in the same place. Big whoop. At least it's in her room and the dogs aren't burying it in the yard or something!
It just totally irks me that we've lived in this house for almost 2 years and he cannot put things where they belong. Does he really believe that her pants go in the drawer with her pajamas? Or that her shirts get folded but somehow make it to the closet hanging up when he needs to dress her? When I'm in a hurry in the morning, I want to be able to find things. Really, it's not that hard to learn if he'd just make the effort. He does live here.

And why do you have to label what's in her lunch? For her? Rebekah can't read, can she? :lol:
Daycare requires that anything we send with her - clothes, food, utensils, coat, blanket, sheet, book bag - have her name on it. So I have to label the Pasta pick-ups, string cheese, container of fruit, baggie of pretzels, and the 2 cups of milk that I pack. It's not hard for me to do while I pack it, it only takes a second. That's why I keep the sharpies in a cup on the back of the stove. I never have to search for one. But I have to make sure it's done before we leave the house.

Also, I can't send mixed fruit in a can, too messy and the can is sharp, I have to take it out, drain the juice, and put it in a tupperware container. And if I send any kind of fruit - apples, strawberries, grapes - they have to be cut up and in a labelled container. Again, not a big deal. But he doesn't do it.

He also can't remember the daycare food rules - no raisins, no whole grapes, no peanut butter or nuts, hot dogs cut up a certain way. So I have to make sure that what is packs is daycare-compliant. He has messed that up before.

What herbs help memory? Maybe I need to get him some.
Actually, he's just like my mom. He can remember every detail of his projects at work, where he has to go, what appointments he has. But he cannot rememeber anything that has to do with our home life. My mom was the same way when she worked full time. She couldn't remember what my sister and I liked to eat and things like that.

Wow. I'm long-winded today. Sorry!

[Dennis]

When I'm in a hurry in the morning, I want to be able to find things.

I think this is a key point - make it so you're not in a hurry in the mornings. Get everything ready in the evening - get out R's clothes, make her lunch, get your stuff together, etc. - and get up 10 or 15 minutes earlier if you need to. If you're not in a hurry, then it's not such a big deal if it takes an extra couple of minutes to find something that Darren put in the wrong place.

Dennis

[Nocona]

Can you make up labels to stick on the stuff she has to take to daycare (most kinds come off easily)? You could just print up a bunch and have them there. If he had to just peel and stick, maybe he'd do that?

[miacat]

I think the labels are a good idea -- I was just about to post it when I read someone else had the same idea.

Another idea is to make a list of all the chores that must be done each week, and you and your husband can divide them up. That way, if there are things that you really want done a certain way, you can do them yourself. Other things, he can do.

I forgot to answer the "how helpful is your toddler" question. My son is actually very helpful. He is 19 months old. He helps empty the dishwasher, he takes things out to recycling. He throws things away. He helps put "toppings" on certain meals we eat.

I like the idea of having two of those rechargeable lights. I have two (or three) or a lot of things to make my life easier. (We have a two story house and I used to have the problem of having what I needed on the wrong floor -- now I just buy two of things! Sometimes I have three if I send another set to daycare).

I think I am glad my daycare has a full-time cook and provides meals! Those were a lot of rules to remember!

[KatieK]

I'm not a parent but I thought I'd offer a few suggestions since DH and I have similar arguments frequently. We combined several techniques to make sure that we can find creative ways to help each other out more and avoid arguments over who wasn't helping out enough or who was putting stuff away wrong or whatever.

Have you considered writing Rebekah's name (permanent marker) on every single piece of tupperware you have that might be sent to daycare? It's a one-time thing and that would address the labeling issue. (Frankly, I'd rather carry Rebekah-ware all over the place than have to cope with the labeling daily). Also, can you label all the pre-packaged stuff as you put it in the cabinet? Or label the ziplock bags or whatever you put her food into in advance? That might make it easier to just grab and throw in her bag when you're in a hurry.

Ditto with chopping up foods a special way. Can you do that when you get home from the supermarket once a week so that it's ready to go each day?

As far as putting stuff away, here's what my mom does w/my dad (he's a COMPLETE scatterbrain and it was driving her to distraction). She labels the fronts of the drawers and cabinets. For example, one cabinet says "cups and glasses". One says "plates and bowls". Her clothes hamper even has sections labeled "whites, mediums, darks". At first, I thought it was really stupid and ugly - after all, he's an ADULT - he should be able to figure out where to put stuff - they've lived in the exact same house for TEN years! BUT... she said it was a total lifesaver and hopes that after another 5-10 years he'll get the hang of it and she can remove the labels. :mlaugh: And she points out that this way there are no excuses when it's his turn to do the chores so who's the dummy, kwim? :awink:

A chore list for your DH might also be helpful. Maybe combine that with a watch with a built-in alarm clock so that when the alarm went off he'd be prompted to check the to-do-list? There's NO reason that he cannot figure out that he needs to feed the dogs or bathe his daughter each night! :mad: So maybe with a little technological help that would address the issue in part? (if he's gadget-oriented maybe a palm-pilot would help motivate him to do his "stuff" each night?)

Good luck! :)

[Katrina]

I haven't read the whole thread yet, but thought I'd post our schedule anyway :)

Mornings:

Alarm goes off around 6am. I hit snooze until it says 6:45 (which is really 6:30 cause we have it set ahead). Then I get up and shower. If Zack hasn't already woken up, John will go get him up, change his diaper and get him dressed. He does all that while I shower and get ready. Then John will get the diaper bag together, which usually means just putting the bottles for the day in there since we do most of the ready-ing in the evening. Lately, John has even been packing my lunch and then loading the car with the diaper bag and my stuff for work, while I finish getting ready and then nurse Zack. Then Zack and I head out the door by 7:30am and I drop Zack off at daycare and am at work by 8am.

It REALLY helps that John gets the baby ready in the morning. On days when he has to be in early and can't do it, I definitely notice!! But usually he can be at work later than I am so he doesn't have to shower as early and all that. He's up when I get up anyway so it makes the most sense for him to get the baby ready while I get myself ready

Evening:
I get off work at 5, and get Zack from daycare by 5:30 usually, depending on traffic. He eats (on solid food now!) at 6pm, then we go upstairs and play. If its a bath night, he gets a bath. If not we play extra. Then he gets his jammies on and nursed or a bottle by 7pm and he's out like a light right after that.
So from 7pm on is 'free' time. Depending on when John gets home dictates when we eat dinner. SOmetimes we will get a load of laundry cycled through if its necessary, do the dishes and load the dishwasher. I hate having a sink full of dirty dishes so thats usually a priority for me.
Then before we go to bed we pre make his 3 bottles for daycare, and make sure his diaper bag is stocked of diapers and a change of clothes. I make sure my work clothes are ready to go as well, then I go to bed.
Any laundry and cleaning that needs to be done, gets done on the weekends.
It helps that the kid goes to bed at 7pm!
I do errands on my lunch break or we do them on the weekends, or John will do them on his way home from work.

[Brooke]

Thanks for the suggestions.

First, DH is not gadget-oriented at all. He can barely use a DVD player. I constantly have to show him how to do things on the computer. A palm-pilot would just mean more work for me since he just won't get it.

I only use certain containers for her food and they are mostly labelled now. Permanant marker washes off of her cups so they have to be re-labelled every time (we send 2 sippy cups of milk). As for cutting up the food - I could do that but I'd have to do it after Rebekah goes to bed since we grocery shop on Friday evenings and I just don't feel like doing anything once she goes to bed. By then I'm just too tired and DH wants to spend some time together even if it's just 10 minutes before we fall into bed.

I showed DH my list last night. His first reaction - "oh, no. Here we go again." Then he wanted me to assign a time to each thing - like 6pm cook dinner, 6:30pm do dishes, 7pm put in laundry, 7:15pm bath time... That would never work for me. He'd become a drill sargent (sp?) and I'd go crazy. Yes, things would get done but I'd be totally stressed, totally defeating the purpose of this thread.

Oh - he didn't feed the dogs this morning or this evening. I don't know why. Their dishes are right next to the computer chair where he puts on his boots every morning. And the the food in the container right there. :dunno:

[koalita]

What really helped me with getting Wayne to do things around the house was to get a whiteboard that we put on the wall right next to his computer. When there's something I want him to do that day, I write it on his board that morning before I leave for work. I usually remind him as I'm leaving that I wrote something on the board, and it will usually get done.

Here's what my schedule looks like:
Morning:
5:30am - I get up, take a shower, and get ready
6:00am - I go downstairs, make my lunch, write stuff on Wayne's board, clean up any dishes in the kitchen sink, and refill the cats' water and food dishes
6:15am - I leave for work
Jason's been getting up after 7am, so Wayne gets him ready and takes him to daycare. His daycare provides all their meals.

Evening:
Depending on how late I work on any given day, either Wayne or I will pick Jason up from daycare. On Fridays I usually come home early and get some stuff done before I go back to pick Jason up.
Somewhere between 4:00 and 5:00pm - Come home from picking Jason up
5:30pm - eat dinner (Wayne makes dinner while I play with Jason)
6:30pm - one of us will give Jason a bath while the other cleans up from dinner, then we play with Jason or watch a Disney movie until Jason's bedtime
7:30pm - Jason goes to bed

I set aside Saturdays to do all my cleaning. Wayne takes the kids to lunch or the park or something for a couple hours while I vacuum, give the cats their baths, mop the floors, clean the bathrooms, and start the laundry. I end up doing four to five loads of laundry all in one day, but Jason helps put the wet clothes in the dryer, take the dry clothes out of the dryer, and put the clothes away. Wayne usually does the grocery shopping during the week while I'm at work. Whenever we run out of something, I write that on his board too, so he knows what to get when he goes.

[KatieK]

I showed DH my list last night. His first reaction - "oh, no. Here we go again." Then he wanted me to assign a time to each thing - like 6pm cook dinner, 6:30pm do dishes, 7pm put in laundry, 7:15pm bath time... That would never work for me. He'd become a drill sargent (sp?) and I'd go crazy. Yes, things would get done but I'd be totally stressed, totally defeating the purpose of this thread.

Oh - he didn't feed the dogs this morning or this evening. I don't know why. Their dishes are right next to the computer chair where he puts on his boots every morning. And the the food in the container right there. :dunno:
Sounds like DH and I (only I'm the one asking for a specific time). :blue:

This whole chore-juggling schedule thing really became a power struggle for us at one point. He thought I was being controlling by demanding times and that I'd use that against him in an argument if he didn't get it done, etc. I thought he was showing a lack of commitment to the household by NOT creating a schedule. blech. I actually heard almost the same quote one time from him ("Oh no. Not again.") It was causing us to look for reasons NOT to help each other out. What ended up working best for us was deciding on our checklist/schedule together. Then we worked together to make a contract and negotiated out all the details. The final product didn't look like either of our original lists and we ended up being pretty equally happy/miserable about the schedule. :lol: The schedule is still a work in process and we change it every few weeks in response to our household changing.

What we ended up doing was a list w/times for my particular chores and a list without times for his stuff (the "us" stuff gave approximate times to help me since I am a stickler for that sort of stuff).

So it looks like this sort of:
Monday:
Ed - mow lawn
Katie - 1 load laundry in washer - 7:30 pm
Ed/Katie - wash dishes around 9 pm
Katie - 1 load laundry in dryer - 8:15 pm
...

I just need a really strict schedule if I'm going to get anything done. Before the times were there it just didn't happen for me. He was the opposite. He chaffed under a timed schedule (artistic, creative type). So this way, I had the specific times that I needed and he had the flexibility he needed. I know that some things we can't do a specific time for so we use an estimated completion time for those. The dishes are a great example - we never know when we'll eat dinner by 4 out of 5 times it will be before 9 pm so we use 9 pm as the cutoff time for the dishes.

BTW - does your DH say WHY he doesn't feed the dogs?

[Brooke]

BTW - does your DH say WHY he doesn't feed the dogs?
He just doesn't think of it. But I can't criticize today because I forgot to check and see if he fed them this morning. So I have no idea. He doesn't feed them at night anymore. I end up doing it when I think of it.

What I need is a schedule that looks like this....

Monday - using today's TV schedule
Make dinner
While dinner is cooking, feed dogs, put away clean dishes, and make sure batteries are plugged in.
After dinner, do dishes
After dishes - play outside with Rebekah, take a walk, run errands, etc.
7:30pm - Rebekah's bath
8pm - watch The Swan
Put laundry in washer during first commercial.
Get laundry out of the dryer and fold it while watching TV
Play with Rebekah while watching TV (I can do this, DH cannot)
9:30pm - transfer laundry from washer to dryer (we have a front loading washer that takes over an hour to wash)
10:00pm - Rebekah in bed, watch CSI Miami in our room, put away laundry
11pm - go to bed, DH watch news

I'm hoping that if I follow the schedule that it will someday just become a routine.

[KatieK]

Sounds like a great preliminary plan. And, hey, if it doesn't work, you can always modify it. :)

[KatieK]

Hey, I just had a thought. Can you use one of those "free-feeding" containers for your dogs? You put in an entire bag and it refills the container as they eat? (Would probably work if your dogs aren't overweight). That way NOBODY has to feed the dogs (well, maybe once a week check the food levels but that would be much easier than doing it twice a day!)

[Brooke]

Hey, I just had a thought. Can you use one of those "free-feeding" containers for your dogs?
I can check into one - our girls are really good about not over-eating. But one is very skittish. I had one of those water dishes with the bottle that kept the water level constant and she wouldn't use it because it bubbling up scared her. So, the first time some of that food fell down and scared her, she wouldn't use it again.

[Nichole]

What about one of those things that you hook onto your hose spigot? You know, the ones that you attach and then leave the water on, and your dog can just lick it to get water. I've been thinking about getting one for our dog, since he drinks so much water during the hot months.

[Brooke]

What about one of those things that you hook onto your hose spigot? You know, the ones that you attach and then leave the water on, and your dog can just lick it to get water. I've been thinking about getting one for our dog, since he drinks so much water during the hot months.
Does your dog stay outside during the day? Our dogs are inside most of the time. Greyhounds are very suseptible to heat stroke and hypothermia because they have very little body fat. So we can't leave them outside when we're not home.

Thanks for the suggestion! My neighbor should get one of those. He has 3 dogs that are outside all day. He leave a huge bowl of water out but the puppy is blind and keeps falling into it while he's playing.

[Nichole]

Yeah, he is outside during the day. I thought about the possibility that yours weren't after I posted. :doh: Hopefully it will work for your neighbor, though. Poor puppy!

[Martian Lullaby]

Let's see . . .

I get up at 5:30, take my shower, moisturize, comb my hair, and brush my teeth. At 6:00 I'll go get Maya up, change her diaper, feed her her cereal, top her off with a bottle, and dress her. Around 6:45 I'll go into the bathroom and finish putting on my makeup and getting dressed. We used to bathe her at night, but now we just toss her in the shower with DH every few days. So if it's a shower day, they do that while I'm getting dressed. I leave the house by 7:15. DH packs Maya's diaper bag and takes her to day care -- my commute is longer and day care is on his way to work.

I get home anywhere between 5:30 and 6:00 PM. Maya goes to bed between 7:30 and 8:00, depending on how tired she appears. So those 90-120 minutes are our time and I don't do anything but play with her and spend time with her. DH and I take turns feeding her at night, and when it's time for bed, we take turns getting her into her jammies. I'm usually the one who actually puts her down, though.

After she's in bed, I try to run at least one load of laundry and to pick up around the house, but to be honest, we really don't keep up with the housework as much as we should. We're both just too tired by the end of the day. As long as we have clean dishes and clean underwear, we've accomplished something. :lol:

[KatieK]

As long as we have clean dishes and clean underwear, we've accomplished something. :lol:
This is how we are, too, but I can't even use kids as an excuse! :lol:

[ChristiH]

Well all I can say is I hate to clean house =)

5:45 alarm goes off..hit snooze until 6:15 (it's really 5 min. to 6--clock is set
forward)
6:00 Get up and jump in shower-Takes me about 10 or so min.
6:12 Go put on clothes and tell DH to get up
6:15 Check email and read a daily devotional on internet
6:20 Go dry hair and finish getting ready DH gets out of shower, and gets
ready
6:30 Jordan is usually waking up while drying hair...she's fully up and we are
all almost ready to go Brush teeth
6:40ish We (Michael and I car-pool now since gas is so dang expensive!
:crazy: leave to go to MIL's
7:00 or so we get to MIL's and she gives us a quick bite to eat.
7:20 We leave MIL's DH drops me off about 7:35 and goes on to work


On the day's MIL comes and gets Jordan, we don't usually get up until about 6:15 and she picks Jordan up around 7 we usually leave the house about 7:20ish


Our evenings vary because we are so dang busy!
DH picks my up by 5:15 every afternoon, We usually go straight to my MIL's unless she happens to bring her home.

We get to MIl's at about 5:45 sometimes she feeds us sometimes she doesn't.
on Wed we have church at her house. On most other nights, DH works on our trailer so we can get moved.
We usually get home about 8 if we stay out there...if we don't, then we usually get home about 6:30 or so. We dig around for something to eat and then cook. Then we usually just hang out until about 10 or so when we all go to bed....it's just easier that way. If I try to get Jordan to go to bed by herself, I end up having to lay down with her and it's just a big hassle. So anyways we usually just clean when we absolutely have to. We usually take oru laundry to MIl's on Sat (our dryer is broke) I do that while DH works on our Trailer. Hopefully once we move it will cut down on a lot of car time and we intend to start over with our housecleaning routine!

So Brook, don't feel bad! you aren't alone