Well, since I asked for it, I guess I better get to posting here!! For those of you who don't know me, I am Suzi and I am 37 years old. I have been married to Chris for 3 years and we have one beautiful daughter named Julia who was conceived through IVF in April of 2002.

Since our IF dx is low sperm count, when we did our second IVF cycle just last Feb/Mar, we were quite certain that we would be successful. We were successful but with one slight problem - it was an ectopic PGY. The PGY progressed far beyond being able to use methotrexate to stop the PGY so I had to have emergency surgery to remove it. At the same time, I opted to have my RE remove my tubes so we never have to worry about an ectopic again.

That brings us to today. I am recovered physically and recovering emotionally from the trauma of the ectopic and emergency surgery. We are looking towards the future and our hopes/plans are to participate in my center's July cycle. Our biggest concern is scraping together the cash - two cycles on top of each other are a huge financial drain! Anyway, I am supposed to report my mid-May to mid-June cycle start to my center and then we are off.... :yippee:

I look forward to others joining this thread who are going through an IVF cycle (or anticipating IVF or even just curious about IVF!) and maybe we can all lean on each other for some much-needed support!

Suzi - I'm glad to see you here! I haven't posted but I have followed your IVF journey and been a silent cheerleader. Best of luck with the next cycle!

I guess I am still the only one here! I'm sure more people will filter in as things get going over here...

We are still hoping to participate in the July cycle. It will start with my next cycle (in about three weeks) and I am getting excited/nervous about it. Paying for two IVFs back-to-back is draining us monetarily and if this one doesn't work (but we have every reason to believe it will), we will have to be done for quite a while - and since my age is such a factor, it may be for good.

I am looking forward to others dropping by this forum who are/will be going through IVF!

Today it struck me that I meed to call the IVF coord and get my scrip for my meds! I will start BCP in the next three weeks and I need to count my pennies since this cycle is entirely out of our pocket. I already have my pharmacy figured out and I have the drug pricing, too. Now all I need is the scrip! :yippee:

:rahrah: Just stopping in to wish you good luck!

Hi, Suzi - I just found this thread. I wish you all the luck and hope we're both pregnant within the next few months.

Thanks, Pam!! I am so glad to see you here - I will have to get over to your journal soon to see how things are going for you!

Hi Kerri - I saw that you are starting Gonal-F...today or tomorrow, right? I hope this is a successful cycle for you!

Good Luck Suzi..

I'm on IVF #2 right now... day 5 of stims (repronex and follistim with a lupron shooter) :lol: Should be heading to retreival sometime early next week or even this weekend. :eek:

Brenda

Hi Brenda!! I am so glad that you are here - having support through an IVF cycle can make all the difference in the world!

Day 5 of stims...progress check in two days I imagine? If I might ask, what happened with cycle #1? If it was unsuccessful, what changed this cycle? I sure do wish you all the luck in the world and even though this thread is small in numbers (it seems to be just me up to this point!) I sure will offer all the support I can muster!

Brenda, I was wondering how things are going? Have you had nother progress check?

As for me, still waiting around for Af to show up. I expect that'll happen around the 24th so I have a while to wait yet. As soon as she shows, I will call my center for my first calendar - I can't believe the time is getting so close already. Chris and I were talking about it the other day and he didn't realize (he knows but he didn't think about it) that a July cycle (retrieval) means drugs start soon. He is concerned that I am not back up to par physically - actually, one of my hips STILL has sore spots from the last round of PIO IMs. I am not sure how that hip will handle PIO when it comes time - guess I'm about to find out.

That's all from here. Brenda, hope all is well!

(Brenda is good... I had breakfast with her this morning. I'll tell her to get her butt back here and chat with you! She goes in tomorrow for an u/s and they may trigger her tomorrow night.)

Suzi I just wanted to come by and give you some moral support. I've been following Brenda's journey over on TOF and I have to say that I am so amazed by the things you women have to do to get pregnant. I really have a lot of respect and admiration for you!! I hope you are successful this time around and Julia will be a big sister next year!!

I'm here.. I'm here! :lol: there's way too many places for me to update. LOL

We triggered last night, and will have retreival tomorrow morning at 11:15am.

suz, I'll answer your questions. :lol:

What went wrong with the first one? Well I started off slow, and stimmed for 10 days. had 16 follicles, 13 eggs, 8 fertilized, and we transfered 2. I think Andrea showed you the picture of my embryos?

The RE thinks the embyro's were too fragmented to form into a fetus. The fragments got in the way of the cells forming properly or evenly.

So this time, to reduce fragmentation and increase quality, I've been doing acupuncture once a week, and the RE changed my meds from Gonal-F to Repronex and Follistim. So we're adding a LH factor in there to hopefully get better eggs.

The first time, my estrodial didn't rise fast enough.. started off at 119, and ended up at 1200.

THIS time... my E2 started off at 683, and as of yesterday was 2775. We have 11 ripe follicles.... so that E2 is MUCH better than last. It means the eggs developed at a better rate, and are right where they're suppose to be. I'm just hoping for a couple of really good quality eggs to transfer on Wednesday.

If you want, you can follow my ordeal at theotherforum.com. I keep my journal there.

(I'll still update you here though)


The one thing I DO NOT look forward to... is those PIO shots. :lol: Man my butt still hasn't recovered from the lumps in February.

Update...

yesterday they retreived 23 eggs. 11 fertilized. transfer on Wednesday, most likely.

:yippee::yippee::yippee::yippee::yippee:

That's GREAT news Brenda!!! I will be sending dividing thoughts your way!!!

:yippee::yippee::yippee::yippee::yippee:

today we transferred 3 embryos.

8 cell B
10 cell B
6 cell B

Now we wait. :lol:

Oh Brenda, how exciting!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!

How long does your RE make you wait for a beta? Are you going to HPT (they are EVIL)???

18 days past retreival. Can you believe that? I'm sure I'll be peein on everything that isn't nailed down long before then. :lol:

18 days past retreival. Can you believe that? I'm sure I'll be peein on everything that isn't nailed down long before then. :lol::eek: Those poor pups. :rotflmao:

WOW!!! My RE does a beta test at 10dp3dt (or 13 days past retrieval). Based on hCG being out of your system that is the earliest that a test is positively accurate. I consider myself LUCKY!!!

I HPT'd last IVF and I will NEVER do it again. It made me CRAZY and I just can't take it again.

I have everything crossed for you!

yeah my clinic definately likes to make people wait. :lol: My official beta date is June 3rd, but I'm sure I'll test a couple days before then.

Six more days to wait Brenda (until the trigger shot is gone for sure)....how are you hanging in there??

hmmm... well I'm pretty sure the trigger is almost gone... I took it 8 days ago.. and it's only suppose to last 10-12 days max. :lol: I think it lasts about 10 on me if I judge by all the other times I've taken it.

I'm hanging in... not patiently... but I'm doing ok I guess.

How are things going with you? When do you get started?

Oops! I forgot to post about my cycle! I talked to the IVF coord at my center and she asked if I wanted to wait until my next cycle in mid-June or I'll be on bcp forever. She also happened to mention that my RE will put me on a flare protocol this time. instead of being on Lupron for a week before I quit bcp, I will do my month of bcp, have two med-free days and then start Lupron and stims the next day. The cycle is shorter and it capitalizes on the body's natural FSH surge that the Lupron supresses. Maybe this way we can get more than 9 follicles and *MAYBE* have some left that make it to blast for freezing! SO.....three more weeks of hurry up and WAIT!!

Hi, Suzi - just wanted to let you know I'm keeping up on your cycle as well. I just am clueless as to the process and terminology involved in IVF. But I'll definitely be by your side....cheering you on!:aok:

Hi, Brenda - can't wait to hear some good news!

Here we go!! AF showed up yesterday so we have officially begun our IVF cycle!! I am VERY excited and very apprehensive...all at the same time. I will get my calendars tomorrow but the IVF coord. read me my dates over the phone this morning. I will start BCP on 6/19 and be on them until 7/10. I will start Lupron shots on the day AF shows up, about 7/12. I do Lupron only for two days and then I start stims on 7/14. Last cycle, start of stim to retrieval was 12 days so retrieval SHOULD be about 7/26. That means my beta will be August 9th. In less than two months I should be PG....

Wow. I am suddenly so wrought with emotion. This kinda brings up all the emotions I suffered through last cycle with the ectopic and surgery. I am scared to death that something else will go wrong or that this cycle will be negative. I know all I can do is lean on my faith and pray - and that's exactly what I'm doing! I would appreciate any good thoughts and/or prayers over the next two months - anything you can manage!

awwww... sounds like you're on your way! I start Lupron again on July 15th.. stims in early august!

This whole process is just so emotional. nevermind having a loss or surgery or both..
Don't be afraid.. everything will be just fine! Think positive.. and drink lots of wine. :lol:

Brenda, I am so glad you are here! I know we have a much better chance than most since our problem is MF - well that and now I don't have any tubes!! :lol: What a sick-o I have become, laughing at THAT!! I just have to think positive!!!

Good luck to you both. I will keep you both in my thoughts as the next few months pass.

Suzi ~ You are in my thoughts!

:bighug: Suzi I don't think that your a sicko for laughing about you tubes. At least that is one less thing for you to worry about :bighug:. Oh BTW, I am glad that your posting here so I can follow you thru you next cycle.

HI to Brenda, Kerri, Pam, and.....JAIMIE!!!!! :wavey:

I am trying to figure out where to buy our meds......AAAAACK!!! I SO wish our medications were covered so I wouldn't have to worry about this. Our insurance has always covered them before so this is new to me. One place is $2900, two are $2800, and then one is $2200. The cheapest is in the UK and I am not sure if my RE will endorse drugs from them or not. It's only a difference of $600 but STILL!!! Then we still have to get our doxycycline and Medrol. I MAY be able to sneak those past the insurance company since they are "normal" drugs with usual uses other than IVF. Actually, I might have doxy left over from our last IVF because we bought the scrip and DH ended up having to take something else because his blood test came back with slightly elevated white blood cell count indicating a slight infection. Anyway...

That's the update from here. I start BCP in THREE DAYS!!! WOW!!

Holy Smokes!!!! :scratch: I need to read up on the whole IVF process so I'm a little more educated on the whole process.

That stinks that your insurance is not covering the meds...hopefully you can get them as cheap as possible...wherever that may be.

Sounds like things are moving along and I'll try to be more educated on IVF next time I post so I can actually write intelligently.:lol:

UGH that is so freaking expensive, it should come with a money-back-guarentee. $600 is a huge savings, but I suppose you need to be careful about buying overseas. What about Canada?? Aren't their prices cheaper?

I get my drugs from VillagePharmacy.com. They're out of Mass, but ship all over the country. And I get them next day after the doc places the order. I've heard their package deals are pretty good.

Do you know what drugs you'll be on? Stims?

The drugs are incredibly expensive! The drugs from the UK are the same manufacturer - they are made by Serono just like the drugs I get here. But the US prices are much more expensive (as are most medicines) because the US sales subsidize the rest of the world. It's quite a trip thinking I am injecting myself with $200 worth of drugs in one shot!

I haven't found any discount suppliers from Canada but then again, I haven't specifically looked. Maybe I will give that a whirl.

Brenda, I will have to get pricing from villagepharmacy.com. I just called but they are closed. I will be on Leuprolide microdose (it is compounded and I already know I will order this from the pharmacy I used before), Gonal-F and Repronex. Also have to get PIO (Schein brand only) and hCG shot, which is cheap - $20. Really, it's the Gonal-F and Repronex that are a stinking fortune!

Serono... so I'm assuming Gonal-f?

(I may have some for ya.. but I can't PM you. LOL)

You can email me at home at

just emailed you.

Brenda, THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!!

Does that mean you got them cheaper?!?!?

That would mean that Brenda (and her friend) has some Gonal-F leftover from her last cycle and her friend is sending it to me! :yippee: As soon as I get that Gonal-F and my scrips, I can compare and figure out what I have to buy yet - and my TOTAL SAVINGS !!

THANKS AGAIN, BRENDA!! :bighug:

I always did like that Brenda :awink: (who I need to go remind to save my journal) :bolt:

:lol: Andrea...

You're very welcome Suzy. I can't use it, so may as well give it to someone who can.

well at $75 an amp at my pharmacy... If you're getting 20 amps from us.... would save you $1500 at my place. :lol:

I got the drugs this morning - Brenda, what a peach you are!! You just saved me $600!!

THANK YOU!!!!

You're very welcome :) I wish it were more than 1 box. If I find that i'm not using the 10 vials of Repronex I have left.. I'll forward those to you as well. I won't find out until late next week though.

What can I say... :dunno: You are hugely generous and if you will not be using the Repronex this next cycle, I would definitely take them. :hug1:

Hi Suzi :wavey: :yippee:

I'm so happy to see you over here and that you're on your way to your next IVF. I've been thinking about you a lot.

I registered here right after UB came to an end, but this is the first time I've jumped on.

Here is my story:

My name is Kim and I just turned 40 in May. :eek: My journey began when I got married at 36. We started trying right away and I got pregnant within 3 months. I miscarried, but sad as I was about losing the pregnancy, I was also happy to know that I could get pregnant. Well, I guess I was cursed because 9 or 10 months later of trying again, I decide that we needed to see a doctor. Basically, I was told that nothing was wrong with either myself or DH and even my age, according to my FSH levels, was not a factor. But, since I was now seeing an IF specialist, their next course of action was to give me "a little help". First we did a series of IUIs only using ovulation kits. Then, come the clomid/IUIs, then the Follistim/IUIs and then finally IVFs. The Drs have continued to scratch their heads with each failed cycle telling me that on paperwork, I should have gotten pregnant. :rolleyes: Since I began the IVF process, I've had 6 failed IVFs, with the 3rd resulting in an ectopic. :cry:

Currently, I have been approved for a 7th IVF. I couldn't believe that I got approved, but I guess it means that my Drs still have faith that this will work. In the meantime, I decided to take a 3 month break, which technically began after my last failed IVF in late March. During my 3 month break, I have changed my diet, switching to organic, cutting out dairy, adding certain supplements, weekly acupunture, and an herbal mixture from my acupunturist. I have been feeling great and noticing physical changes. I have felt so great as a matter of fact, that I asked for an extention of another month.

So here I am now, at the end of my 3rd drug free, natural, old fashioned baby making cycle. The good news is that just this morning, I used an HPT and noticed a faint positive. Being that AF is over 3 days late, I would have thought it would have been a darker line. So, I called and they've scheduled me for a blood test tomorrow morning at the IVF clinic. I'm crossing my fingers that the next few days will bring me nothing but pure happiness and bliss. However, I am very nervous that this faint positive could mean another miscarriage or ectopic. :blue:

So, if I don't get the news I would like, I would like to join this group as I will probably start my 7th IVF by the end of July.

Kimberly

Oh Kimberly... I sure hope this is it for you. A line is a line is a line.... but I'll hold off congrats until you get that beta back! Good luck!

:jawdrop:

I had to go back and re-read your post!! Kimberly....WOW!! Just like Brenda, I will hold off on the BIG congrats but in the meantime, how 'bout a little :yippee: ?? I am praying for you already, please let us know when you get your beta results!!

PS. I am happy to see you here! :biggrin:

Thank you Suzi~:bighug:
Thank you BrenS~:bighug:

Well, the test was positive!! :yippee: Yes, I'm happy, but at the same time, I was told by the nurse to remain cautiously optimistic. This was of course, after I had asked the nurse a series of questions, each of which I followed with, "Should I be worried?"

The number was 42.2. From what I remember from my IVFs, they like to see a number of 75-100. When I mentioned that to the nurse, she said that with an IVF, they know exactly when conception took place and of course, they wouldn't know that in my case. So, the low numbers may be absolutely fine. . . .depending. I'm going in again on Friday morning to see if the numbers are doubling as they should. After that, I'm going on a vacation to California for 10 days, so I won't have the advantage of the every other day of bloodtests to know how I'm doing. So, I'm very happy, but still quite nervous. I think on Friday, while I'm waiting for the call to see if my numbers went up, will be just as stressful as it was waiting for the results of a pregnancy test. I started with low numbers during my ectopic, saw them rise for 2 1/2 weeks until the ultrasound, when I was told that embryo wasn't in the uterus. I guess it just brings back some bad memories.. . .. and I guess my vacation will probably be good for me.


Thank you all so much for sending out good thoughts and I'd just like to ask you to keep sending them. :biggrin:

Kimberly

Oh Kimberly, I am so CAUTIOUSLY optimistic for you!!! I remember all too well how guarded I was when I thought there was something wrong with my positive last March, so I know where you are coming from. My position on beta numbers now is - doubling or not (mine doubled okay), I hold out for the u/s showing a heartbeat.

You are right, your vacation will be good for you. Go, enjoy, rest, relax, and come back to tell us all about how bad your m/s has been!! :lol: Good thoughts are still rolling your way - I am praying several times each day for you and your baby!! Hang in there and DON'T FORGET TO COME BACK AND TELL ME WHAT FRIDAY'S BETA IS!!!!

Thank you so much Suzi :bighug:

And I definitely agree that I'm going to hold out for my U/S. . . .and especially a U/S that shows a heartbeat. I also remember my M/C all too well. I had a U/S at about 6 weeks or so and was told that things looked good and that I was definitely still pregnant. When we couldn't find a heartbeat, the OB/GYN was optimistic saying that because my uterus is tilted back, that it was reasonable that I wouldn't hear a heartbeat and besides, it was still early. It was not until my 11th week that it was determined that "nothing was happening" and that the pregnancy had basically stopped. :blue:

So, only DH and you ladies know about this. My trip to California is actually with my mom and DH and we're visiting my brother, niece and some of DH's family. . . so, I'll be around a lot of family and MUM is the word!!! In the meantime, I'm just going to stay positive about this and give every bit of my love to this little "being" growing inside of me.

Kimberly

Kimberly - I'm keeping everything crossed for you! This sounds very exciting!!!
Suzi - Good luck with your cycle!

Amanda

Well, my beta only went up to 69 :tear: . This is absolutely NOT what I wanted to hear. :furious: The RE asked me to come in on Monday for another beta and I told her that I was leaving to California tomorrow. Now I'm not even excited about this damn trip anymore!!! :banghead:

I do have another beta test scheduled for the Tuesday when I come back. In the meantime, the RE said I could try to find a hospital in San Fran perhaps that will give me a beta and send the numbers to my Drs. in Boston. I don't know what to do. Maybe I'll just let it go. I guess I'll either miscarry or not. :dunno: If I get AF while I'm on vacation, I'll consider it simply the beginning of my next cycle. . . .:cry: If I don't get AF, then I will just go in for my beta.

I'm just so tired. . .the extreme highs and lows, ups & downs, anxiety ridden days, sad days. . . .I'm just very tired of it all.

Kimberly

Oh Kimberly!!! :hug1: I am so sorry. Hang in there and try to enjoy your trip. Please update me when you get back and in the meantime, I will be praying for you. :hug1:

Not much to update here. I am still on BCP and I am getting ready to order my drugs - probably next week.

Last week I got my deposit reminder from our center and it said $7000 and I said :jawdrop: Our deposit amount was supposed to be $5000 and I was shocked to see the reminder. Of course I got it on Friday afternoon since my center is closed Friday at noon. I stopped in on Monday while I was running around and they made a mistake - I was right, it was supposed to say $5000.... TG!!! Anyway, everything is in place - we are ready to start our stims in about two weeks. WOW!!! I can't believe that in about a month it will all be over except the beta!

Kimberly ~ :hug99: :( I'm not sure what to say. Just so sorry that you are dealing with this.

Suzi ~ Not sure what it is but I always seem to get medical bills on Fridays after the work day is over. What's with that??? What a relief that it really was 5000.

Suzi - Woohoo! Things are moving along...glad you were able to get the amount figured out.

Kimberly... I'm still holding out hope for you.. This has just GOT to take!


Suzi... good deal on the deposit. I would have freaked out too!


UPDATE on me:... Well I got a huge surprise when I called the nurse yesterday to let her know that I was spotting and had finished my BCP's. She said the doc wants to do a Antagon Cycle... NO LUPRON... and said I could come in TODAY for baselines... and if everything comes back ok.. I can start stims TONIGHT!

Needless to say I'm in shock. I expected to not cycle until August! So if I start stims tonight.. I could be in retreival in less than 2 weeks. *faint*

I'm back :wavey: I had a wonderful time away and even though my last beta left me feeling yucky :blue:, getting away was good for me afterall.

Before I continue on :blahblah: with my story, I just want to say:

Suzi~I'm wishing all the best as you start stimming. :thumbsup:

BrenS~What a pleasant surprise to be able to get the ball rolling sooner than you thought! :rahrah:

So, it was Friday afternoon the day before my trip when the RN tells me that my low number of 69 is not really what they were hoping for. So here I am, at Target, picking up toiletries with my mom and my mood completely changes. I wound up telling my mom what was happening and I also told her that other than me telling her now, I did not want to talk about it during our time in California. She was great about it and didn't ask me about it during the trip, although I brought it up a few times. Basically, I was preparing myself for the worse. I kept imagining myself having a miscarriage at Yosemite Park or at my DH Aunt & Uncle's 50th wedding anniversary. DH was very understanding when I would have my moments of being depressed, and he reminded me that if this didn't work out, that we were going in the right direction and that getting pregnant naturally after 6 failed IVFs :rolleyes: was good sign. I guess I had wished I had some pregnancy signs at the very least--but there was nothing. I wasn't overly tired (even with the time change), I wasn't overly hungry, I had no nausea, my breasts didn't seem any bigger, and I didn't have to go to the bathroom more often than usual. So, every morning instead of hoping for AF to NOT arrive, I was fully prepared for it's arrival. By Thursday, I made a pit stop at a drug store and picked up some pads. . . .and since I was there, I grabbed an HPT. Just for the heck of it. I took the HPT and it was definitely still a positive and showed two strong double lines. It was so weird because I was telling DH that if I had I used this HPT for the first time just now, I would be jumping up and down for joy. I've wanted to see these lines for 4 years now. But instead, I still felt just as confused and somewhat sad. By Friday evening, I started "spotting" and have continued to spot although it's slowed down a bit. This is definitely not AF and sorry if this is TMI, but it's really this weird light brownish color, a little mucousy and nothing like the spotting I usually have before AF arrives. I did go in for my beta this morning and was a bit surprised to hear that my numbers were up in the 500s. The RN says that it's still low and 700 plus is more of what they'd like to see. My next step is an ultrasound which is scheduled for 7/13. So, I basically have another week of this insanity before I know anything for sure.

Every once in a while I remember that I'm pregnant and then I get excited. . .for a moment. Those thoughts are fleeting however. More often, I'm imagining having to take that damn chemo drug again for ectopic pregnancy or having a painful miscarriage. :tear::mope:

Kimberly

Yikes Kimberly.... you've had a long week. I find the 500's encouraging, actually. And the spotting TOO. The fact that the number is still rising is great. Have you gone to a beta calculator and figured out if they're doubling? Maybe you Ovulated later than normal and that's why the number was so low?

I guess I'm wishing and hoping here.

Update time...

So I went on Sunday for E2 only.... and it was 301.


today I had ultrasound and E2. E2 was 698.

Follicles:

Right... 7 between 16-24 (the 24 is very skinny though)
Left.... 8 right around 12.

I stim for 2 more days and go back on Thursday for more u/s and bloodwork...

Possible Trigger Thursday night and Retreival Saturday.

Kimberly - I am sorry that you are in limbo here. I KNOW those numbers worry you - that's precisely the same reason why I was not jumping up and down for joy when I got my positive beta with the last IVF. Hang in there and know I am praying for you!

Brenda, those numbers are GREAT!! I can't believe you are already almost to retrieval!

As for me, I confirmed my drugs today and should get them tomorrow. Believe this or not, Freedom Drug is OUT of Repronex and won't have it in time for me to use it! I HATE making a change at this point - we already know that Repronex works and I am afraid that I MAY respond differently to Pergonal, which I had to order instead. No other way to do it, oh well. I don't like it but I can't change it.

So I should get my drugs tomorrow and I finish BCP on Saturday. Microdose Luprn starts on Monday and I should stim for about 10 days (maybe less). Wow - I can't believe it's here already...

Brens~:wow: Your trigger date is coming up fast. It sounds like you also have a great number & size of follies. :thumbsup: Thanks for your wishful thinking but I think I pretty much know my ovulation date (which was CD13) because I used an OPK. . .and CD13 is certainly NOT a late O date. I haven't specifically figured out if my numbers are doubling and where it should be, but doing it quickly in my head, I know it really should be much higher. :dunno: I don't think there is really much I can do at this point but try not to think about it. :crazy:

Suzi~I'm surprised Freedom Drug would even get to a point of running out of something like that since a patients use of this drug would be so timely. . .and important. At this point, I'm not sure it's worth it since you're going to go to Pergonal, but I took Repronex for my last cycle and I can check to see if and how much I have left.

I woke up depressed today. :mope: It's a combination of being done with a great vacation and having to go back to work, anxieties of what the U/S is going to tell me next week, and the dread I feel about the fact that we have various friends and family staying with DH and I during various weekends throughout the summer. . .I'm just not in the mood right now to be a tour guide. I guess I can only get through this day by day, one step at a time.

Kimberly

Sorry you are in the dumps today, Kimberly. I always hate coming back from vacation and back to the real world...it SUCKS! I know you are apprehensive about your hCG numbers but hang in there - normal doubling can be anywhere from 48-72 hours. You just might be on the 72-hour end of normal. That's what I am going with anyway... Are your docs doing another beta between now and the u/s next week?

Brenda, I hope things are going well today. I am sending all kinds of good thoughts your way!

I got my drugs today from Freedom Drug and I have to say....Partners in Care did a MUCH BETTER job with packaging my drugs than Freedom did. I *thought* it would be the same since Freedom bought Partners in Care a few months ago but unfortunately, Freedom didn't learn anything from PIC when they bought them out. Everything is there but it's just thrown together in a box with zip-locs and that's it. PIC put it in a box with foamy cut-outs and had everything arranged so nicely. What a shame - I hope Freedom picks up PIC's way of shipping drugs soon!

Getting the drugs turned out to be quite the hassle. I knew they (FedEx) were coming this morning so I opened the garage door. Our front stairs to the front door are out and the front door stoop is too high to jump up on - about 7-8 stairs high. So that's why I opened the garage so the guy could come to the garage door. Instead, I see the truck out the front window as it is driving away! I went running out the door to try to catch him and I see a door tag stuck to my garage floor! I was SO mad - the guy never even knocked on the door!! He couldn't have been parked outside the front of the house for more than 1 minute because I had JUST been out front with the dog and went inside and up a half-flight to the kitchen where Julia was eating breakfast, only to turn around and go back downstairs when I saw the truck out front taking off! I called FedEx and got transferred to their local office and the drivier said he rang the doorbell three times and then waited three minutes (their policy). What a sack of CRAP!! There is no way he rang my doorbell, he can't GET to the doorbell! And he didn't even come knock on the garage door - it is a swinging screen door and it looks right into my kitchen and he would've seen me! I was SO mad!! I still am - the driver's supervisor is going to call me this afternoon and I am going to invite him to come to my house to view for himself that there is NO WAY his driver could've gotten to my front door to ring the bell like he said he did. JERK!

So then, FedEx wasn't going to deliver my drugs until tomorrow. They would've been in a hot truck in 95 degree heat all day, and the icepack that my microdose is on wouldn't have lasted that long and it would've been ruined. I told them I wanted to go ahead and open a $2000 claim for the box and SUDDENLY, the driver could be back out to my house around noon. HOW 'BOUT THAT??? You know, I used to work with FedEx pretty closely when I was working and shipped stuff internationally - even the same gal I talked to, but I'm sure she didn't remember me - and I am really surprised at the way they handled this.

Anyway, I have my drugs now and I am ready to start poking! Just five more days!

Yikes... what a freakin' mess with the Fed Ex guy. funnyh ow fast they can get the truck there when you tell them how much the package is worth, eh?

Village always does a great job of packing my meds. The stuff that has to be kept cold they put in a special bag and have a couple of ice packs to keep it cold. Then they stuff the box with lots of cushion.

5 days will be here before you know it! I can't believe we're almost ready to trigger!

Oh.. I put Kimberly's beta's into a beta calculator, based on the days she said she was going to test.. and it came back at 3.5 days. not the best since they like 2 days, but I've seen LOTS of people have 4-5 day doublings at first and do just fine.

Kimberly, I am hanging in there for you! I remember how frustrating/sad/disappointing numbers can be when they are not doubling "like they should" but please don't lose all hope - my RE assured me that off-numbers can still produce a completely normal PGY. I have enough hope to cover you!

Kimberly -

I thought I might find you here. When I hadn't heard from you again I started wondering if everything was allright. I am sorry to hear how stressful this pregnancy has been for you so far. Just wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Suzi -

Good to see you are well on your way for another IVF. I am so sorry to hear about your last one. I feel pretty positive you will be successful this time!

Brenda -

Good Luck to you! You might not know me but I was on the IVF boards at UB!


Dana

Are your docs doing another beta between now and the u/s next week?

Suzi~I'm glad you mentioned that because I was thinking that myself. Waiting until Tuesday 7/13 seems a little long considering things are changing daily. :rolleyes: I have actually started some light bleeding. . . .:blue: I called and requested another beta and so I will have one tomorrow morning. By the way, I can't believe all the hell you went through with FedEx. :disbelief: Good for you for sticking up for yourself! :banana:

BrenS~Thanks for checking the beta calculator for me. That was so nice. :justahug:

Dani~Hi! :wavey: :bighug: Yeah, it's been a little crazy for me. Deep down however, I AM feeling like I scored, in that I did get pregnant on my own after 6th failed IVFs. :rolleyes: I'm tired of getting the booby prize though. I want the jackpot!!! Darnit!!!!!!! :tantrum:

You have all been so wonderful in helping to keep my spirits up and giving me little tidbits of information about beta numbers and other women's stories. It really has worked. I haven't yet given up all hope, although I've already written yesterday down as the CD1 of my next cycle. . .just in case. :dunno:

Kimberly

I understand your feelings but I am hanging in there!!! I am just going to pray REALLY HRAD that those beta numbers are growing on target! Let us know as soon as you find out tomorrow, will you?

Well, my numbers are now at 999 and I'm pretty much having what seems to me like an AF. :banghead: :locolaugh: The numbers are barely doubling, but they're still going up. :dunno: I was cramping so much last night that I wanted to use a heating pad (although I didn't, just in case).

Again, there is absolutely nothing I can do or think until my U/S on Tuesday. I'm so scared. :help: This just can not be another ectopic! :cry:

Kimberly

Kimberly ~ You're in my thoughts :crossfing :hug99:

Kimberly, does your doctor know how bad the cramping is? Is it just one side or both sides? I hate to say it but if the cramping is that bad, I worry that it may be from an ectopic as you may suspect. Has anyone indicated a concern about a ruptured tube? I am kinda worried about you!

yeah.. I was just thinking etopic if the cramps are bad and you're bleeding....
I'm so sorry you're in such limbo. I hate that you have to wait until Tuesday. :(

I had some odd bleeding today.. around noon I had period like bleeding.. very red and just a tiny bit clotty. I called the Doc on call and they really have no idea what it is. they looked at my ultrasound from this morning and said I have no fluid anywhere so it can't be ovulation starting... besides I'm on cetrotide which is suppose to stop me from ovulating.

Lord knows I'm still bloated. :lol:


So I trigger tonight, and have retreival on Sunday morning. They'll "assess" the bleeding then too and make sure it's not something else happening in there.

I have 16 mature follicles... and I'm sure a bunch of small ones.. so lord knows how many eggs we'll get this time. Last time they said I had 11 mature and I ended up with 23 eggs. :lol:

Brenda, I am thinking of you - hoping that the retrieval went well! Geez - what I'd give for 23 eggs in a cycle!! You are a star performer! :lol:

So when do we beta? It's your doc who makes you wait a long time, isn't it? By my center, you would have a beta on the 25th...right about the time I go to retrieval!

Woops! I forgot to post! It's official - I took my last BCP last night. Lupron starts tomorrow morning and evening and I go for my u/s on Wednesday! :yippee:

Well we won't be testing anytime soon..

Well not good news........ well.... maybe a little good news...


they retreived 21 eggs. Will find out tomorrow how many fertilized.


While they were in there, I was bleeding, and they checked out the uterus.... wasn't good. My lining had a "rupture" and decided to start shedding. Breakthru bleeding. One side was way thinner then the other... with spots here and there that were 5mm... and others that were much thinner. (They like to see 8mm and above).
On Thursday it was over 10mm...

That was the bleeding I had on Friday too.. :(

So we can't do transfer this time. http://www.theotherforum.com/forum/images/smiles/reallycry.gif


SO.... I'll get the call tomorrow about fertilization, and they'll freeze all right away. I'll get a period in 2 weeks (hopefully.. if I don't just keep bleeding). On CD21... I'll start LUPRON to shut down my system... then on CD3 they'll start me on Estrogen to build a nice thick lining. Then Progesterone shots a few days before transfer. They'll thaw the embryo's, and then we'll do the transfer a couple days later.


Luckily, Dr. Guarnaccia was the one who did my retreival and gave us the bad news.. .otherwise I'd be a basketcase right now. He said he just couldn't chance doing a transfer now with my lining.. no way would anything stick with my lining being so screwed up.

Obviously, I'm upset. I know that it could have been MUCH worse... and I know my chances of getting pg with a FET is higher if I'm having lining issues. Who knows.. I could have had them all along and maybe that's why nothing sticks... but I guess I can't help but think that I just can't get a damn break here.

Oh Brenda, I am sorry! But you are right - at least your doc isn't wasting your best embryos on a less than perfect lining. :bighug: Cheer up, this way you and I will be right about the SAME TIME!! :biggrin: :crossfing:

BrenS~I'm so sorry to hear about what's happened with everything. :sadhug: On a more positive side, they did retrieve 21 eggs :wow: and I wish you all the best in your fertilization results. :crossfing Obviously, the uterine rupture was what was starting to happen when you had the strange bleeding a few days ago huh? I'm assuming that while you're taking the estrogen, they'll be monitoring your lining? Again, I'm so sorry, but all is not wasted and hopefully, your uterus will be in awesome shape prior to your transfer. :thumbsup:

Suzi~Thanks for your concern because I hadn't even thought about the fact that the cramping could be from the ectopic. :duh: I think I'm kind of a basketcase right now. :crazy:

My cramping actually felt truly like an AF. . .that sort of dull ache all over my mid-section. It's not like I'm getting sharp pains on one side or the other. As far as I'm concerned, I had pretty much of a full AF through the weekend, although now it seems to have slowed down to spotting. This is definitely not a usual AF however being that spotting lasted for around 7 days of only brown stuff but gradually increased in the 7 days. Then by the eighth day I started bleeding. . .but not a lot and that lasted for about 4 days and now I'm back to spotting. AF typically lasts about 4 days and then it's done. I got online on Saturday and because I started almost having an anxiety attack, I got off the computer and went to see a movie. . .(King Arthur) to get my mind off everything. Basically, I re-did the beta calulator that BrenS had originally done for me and found out that I was indeed doubling at 3.5 days. I also looked at a chart of beta averages and know that I'm below the lowest average for pregnancy beta numbers at 6 weeks. :blue: And then, I started checking to see what are the percentages of women who have more than one ectopic. I can't remember the exact percent range, but it definitely does happen. It usually occurs for women who have tubal scarring, PID, Chalmydia, etc. I have not had any of the above and in addition, I've had 2 hsgs done. The first one was in the beginning of my IF journey :rolleyes: and then second one was after my ectopic. Both times, I was told that everything was free and clear and perfect and great and so on. :banghead: DH told me that I should stop obsessing about this because I do not know for sure if this is an ectopic or not. . . .and I guess he is right. The best thing that could happen is that this is a pregnancy that will continue for another 8 months or so and the Dr's will write my case down in some study. The worse is that this is another ectopic. And somewhere in the middle is that I'm in the continuing process of miscarrying on my own. Tomorrow is the day I'll know for sure. My U/S appointment is at 9:30am. I put down that I'd be out of the office tomorrow until around noon, but I'm debating as to whether I should just take the whole damn day off. :dunno:

Kimberly

Kimberly, I am praying for you that everything is GREAT for tomorrow! I know your aingst and confusion well and tomorrow you will be able to set your mind to rest, one way or the other. DH is right, you can't obsess over it, stress for that little one isn't the best thing. Hang in there and let us know as soon as you can about the u/s tomorrow. I will be thinking about you! :bighug:

This section is now sub only so Brenda asked me to post this, I know she'd also love for you to visit her journal :awink:

Can you let Suzi know the following?

Out of 21 eggs, 15 fertilized, and they froze all 15.

According to the embryologist, embryo's frozen on day 1 after fertilization have a 70-80% thaw rate, when 3 or 5 day freeze only has a 50% chance. So she at least put our mind at ease.

She said that they're submitting for insurance approval on Wednesday, which should take a week.

So the transfer will go like this:

Get Period
Start BCP's
CD15, Lupron
get period
CD3 baselines
start estrace vaginally
CD15 progestereone shots
CD18 transfer

along the way I'll have a few scans to check my lining.


I guess let her know that I won't be able to post over there anymore, or follow her cycle :(

Suzi~ It looks like it's just me and you! Maybe Bren will subscribe. I finally subscribed last night. . .it was simply procrastination on my part.

Well, the good/bad news is that there is no pregnancy in my uterus, but then again, there was nothing to be found in my tubes either. :dunno: The Dr. said that it would still be quite small at this point and it could be obstructed or just too small to see. With my ectopic last year at this point into the pregnancy, you could clearly see there was something in my tube. . .but then again, at that point, my numbers were already in the 2000s. So, since my numbers are quite low, there is still a chance that something is in somewhere other than my uterus but it can't be seen yet. The Dr. examined me asking if I could feel pain anywhere as he pressed and I felt no pain. So, they gave me another blood test after the U/S and now I just wait for those results. The best possible situation is that the numbers are going down. That would mean that my body is purging on it's own and I just let nature take it's course and start back up again. If the numbers are going up, there is still a chance that there is something hidden in there and that would require many more bloodtests and more ultrasounds. :blue:

So, I'm not pregnant, but whether or not it's an ectopic is still somewhat inconclusive. I hope this is over with soon because I really just want to get on with my next cycle. I have to have IVF#7 before September!

Kimberly

(Brenda will not be subscribing. But she'd love to have you guys come over to theotherforum.com to see her. It's a free site.)

Kimberly, I am so sorry that you are going through this! :bighug: Please post info when you get it - I am sitting on pins and needles waiting to hear your beta number!! :tearhair:

From last Friday to Tuesday (yesterday) my numbers went up from 999 to 1,025. Just a mere 26. I'm bummed to find out that it's still going up, although it's by such an insignificant amount. :screwy: I have another beta test this coming Friday. :rolleyes: I just need it to go down now!!! What the heck is going on here? :crazy:

Kimberly, I am so sorry that this is dragging on. :bighug: I hope they figure this out soon!

I had my down-reg u/s today and all is well - I came home and did a Gonal-F shot. Tonight is Pergonal - I am a little apprehensive about the Pergonal since I have only used Repronex. I am afraid I will respond a little differently on Pergonal. Anyway, I am in the thick of it now...probably only 12 days (or less!) from retrieval!!

Suzi~Yes you are in the thick of it. :yippee: I wish for you a smooth ride and a happy ending. 12 days is right around the corner. :thumbsup:

From last Friday to Tuesday (yesterday) my numbers went up from 999 to 1,025. Just a mere 26.
I have to say, my RE told me that two beta numbers that far apart REALLY do not tell the whole story. For example, from last Friday your beta may have peaked at 1500 on Saturday or Sunday and is actually on its way back down. That way it LOOKS like only a change of 25 but it is a NET change of 25 when it actually increased by 500 and decreased by 475.

Hope that makes sense and MIGHT ease your mind a bit until Friday. :bighug: until then.

By the way, GREAT pic!! :awink:

I am so sorry that this is dragging on. :bighug: I hope they figure this out soon!

Me too!

Suzi ~ What is a down-reg u/s? I hope that the Pergonal works out for you. It was one of the (many) meds I was on this last cycle

from last Friday your beta may have peaked at 1500 on Saturday or Sunday and is actually on its way back down.

Suzi~Wow! Mmmmm. I hadn't thought of it that way. :duh: I really need to start asking more questions. That information definitely makes me feel better though. I have another bloodtest tomorrow so we'll see what happens. :dunno:

p.s. I'm glad you like that picture but I actually might change it because I don't really like the way I look in it. :silly: Since I'm trying not to obsess about this pregnant/not pregnant thing that's happening, I'll just worry about my picture. :awink:

Kimberly

Suzi~Wow! Mmmmm. I hadn't thought of it that way. :duh: I really need to start asking more questions. That information definitely makes me feel better though. I have another bloodtest tomorrow so we'll see what happens. :dunno:

p.s. I'm glad you like that picture but I actually might change it because I don't really like the way I look in it. :silly: Since I'm trying not to obsess about this pregnant/not pregnant thing that's happening, I'll just worry about my picture. :awink:

Kimberly
Kimberly, I am glad that made sense and also glad that might put your mind at ease - if only a little. I pray that is the case (I hate to even say those words) but in the big picture, that is the easiest way physically of dealing with it. I hope your bloodtest tomorrow brings....humph. What do I say...good news?? Well, you know what I mean anyway. :bighug: Sure do wish I could give you one of these in person.

As for the picture, you crack me up! You look great - what a nice smile! But I won't argue with seeing more pics!


Suzi ~ What is a down-reg u/s? I hope that the Pergonal works out for you. It was one of the (many) meds I was on this last cycle
Pam, a down-reg u/s is the u/s you have right before you start stims. They want to make sure your lining is good and that your ovaries are "quiet." Your office must not have used that term for it but I'd be sure you had one.

We had a bit of a drug snafu this morning..... (copied from my journal)

Can I just say.......AAAAARGH!!! :tearhair: I have to preface what I am about to say with this: I love my husband. I really do. Sometimes I could kill him just as soon as look at him though. This morning he brought my shots upstairs to the bedroom and I was still laying in bed. He did the one and then seemed to be done so I asked him where the other one was. He said what other one (now this is the THIRD TIME we've done IVF and we've always done TWO SHOTS in the morning! What does he mean, what other one??)? I told him I needed a Gonal-F shot and he sulked off downstairs muttering about not knowing about another shot.

I sat there for a minute wondering if I should go check on him but I thought better of it because he often complains that I am bossy (who, me??? :lol: ). So I just waited. And waited. Finally, I heard ripping coming from downstairs and I got up and went downstairs to see what he was doing. He was in the dining room (already not a good sign because the drug we needed was in the kitchen) mixing drugs. I asked him what he was doing and he said he was mixing drugs. I figured he just didn't know about the Gonal-F I already hed open in the fridge because I did that shot yesterday. I told him it was no big deal and that we'd use the Gonal-F he had just mixed but there was already a Gonal-F multidose open in the fridge. Then he said.....but this is Pergonal. :eek: NONONONONO!!!! Pergonal is at night - always has been. Gonal-F is morning. Not to mention I just asked him in the bedroom where the Gonal-F was!! :tearhair:

I was cool about it and told him no biggie, we'd just put it in the fridge and do that shot tonight. I took a look at the drug insert and it said that the drug has to be used immediately after reconstitution. Well, if we had to toss these drugs, that was $150 down the drain. I called the pharmacy the drugs came from and the pharmacist confirmed that the drugs had to be used immediately. They suggested I call my center to see what they said. I called the IVF coordinator and she said to go ahead and do the shot now and tonight I will skip it. THANK GOD!!! I didn't have to throw away $150!

I did end up having to do the IM shot myself though. And what a picture THAT was!!! I was on the phone with my best friend and I stuck the needle into my hip and we got the giggles. I started laghing so hard I had to let go of the needle! Here I was with this needle hanging out of my ass and I was laughing so hard I could barely breathe!! OMG....what a picture!!! It was SO FUNNY!!! :rotflmao:

Anyway, I am frustrated at Chris. This is the third IVF we have done and he can't remember what drugs when?? And that might not be so bad if you were any normal person but my husband has a photographic memory and he is CONSTANTLY teased about storing every bit of info he's EVER received. The family joke is to call him the ROLODEX. And he can't remember how and when to administer four simple drugs that will give us another baby?? OY!!! :colfish:

Suzi~We could pyscho analyize this. . . he has a photographic memory, yet he completely spaced with the IF drugs this morning. Mmmmmm. :scratch: I wonder what it means?? :awink: I'm so glad that you were able to use the shot, but what a pain with having to make all those phone calls.

My DH mixes and administers my shots as well, but I always remind him before he mixes. Well, he always double checks with me before he mixes but that's because we both know he's prone to forget or space out--ESPECIALLY in the mornings.

I had another beta this morning. I'm just hoping the numbers have dropped! All I can do is wait patiently.

Kimberly

Nothing yet?? :dunno:

Well I've been doing a lot of crying! :nod: :cry: I'm feeling a little better now although of course, I wish this wasn't happening.

IT WAS ANOTHER ECTOPIC!!! :furious: More specifically, a "presumed ectopic" according to my consent form for the methotrexate.

My numbers had risen again just by a tiny bit. . .from 1,025 to 1086. That was enough for the Dr. to call it a "presumed ectopic" (when an ultrasound exam fails to document an intrauterine pregnancy at six weeks of pregnancy and/or when the hcg titer has reasched 2000 mIU/ML)

I left work at around 2:30pm and still hadn't gotten the phone call. I left a message with the RN at the clinic saying that I was leaving work and that I was a little anxious that I hadn't received "the call" the yet. Well, she called back while I was in the car, completely stuck in stopped traffic on the highway. She basically told me that I should get my methotrexate shot as soon as possible and that I needed to go to so and so place to pick up the shot at the pharmacy and then go to so and so place and speak to so and so who will have all my consent forms and she'll give me the shot. I was just bawling and bawling in the car--trying to get myself out of traffic and then make my way through the city on a Friday afternoon so that I could get this damn shot--it was the upmost last thing I wanted to be doing that day or ever!!! :tearhair:

After it was all said and done, I cried some more at home, made some phone calls, and tried to get online, but my online connection was having problems. :rolleyes: On Monday I need to make an appointment with the Dr. What's to say that I won't have a 3rd ectopic? With both hsgs, I got an A+. Is there anyway to prevent another ectopic from happening? Am I going to be told that I should just give up????

I'm just so angry. :grr: Everytime I think I'm at the end of my rope and I can't bear anymore, something happens that forces me to have to hang on tighter. :help: I don't know how much more of this I can take. :pray: Why am I being tested like this? :banghead:

Kimberly, I am so sorry. :bighug:

Not to totally gloss over how awful this is that you are going through this, but when you had your last ectopic, didn't they tell you that you were at a 25% increased chance for a repeat ectopic? I guess you have been "fortunate" to have methotrexate ectopics so you've not really had the option of taking your tubes to prevent further ectopics. And that's the ony way I know of preventing ectopics - not sure that you can surgically remove tubes without already having to have surgery to remove an ectopic. :dunno:

I am so sorry that you are suffering this way. I hope that the meth works quickly and that you can find your peace with this PGY. I am praying for you! :bighug:

didn't they tell you that you were at a 25% increased chance for a repeat ectopic?

Suzi~No, I wasn't told that and only read it recently on my methotrexate consent form. After my ectopic, I did have my HSG to check my tubes and was told that everything was O.K. I guess I thought that a clean HSG would mean that I don't have any scarring, blockages, etc. I guess having an HSG and being told that nothing was wrong doesn't rule out everything. Like I said, I need to ask more questions. Everytime I go to the Dr. I always arm myself with a list of questions. Maybe I'm asking the wrong ones or maybe I'm not getting straight answers. I'm quite unhappy about all this. :bs:

Kimberly

From my journal:

Well, the news today is not good. My E2 is 189 when it should be just over 1000. Chris is mad at the RE and he wants an explanation for the change in protocol and my lack of response (like my RE can pull an answer out of his a$$ as to why my body isn't responding - this time). He is also talking about dropping this cycle. I am surprised my response is so bad but not surprised that it isn't the same as last time - I told Chris yesterday that I didn't feel anything and I thought today's results were going to be poor.

These results are almost identical to my first IVF cycle (for Julia) and even though it was positive, that cycle was a holy nightmare. I hate that I can't just be normal and get PG like everyone else. I hate that I respond differently than the rest of the known world. I hate that I am the 1% of the 1% of people who do IVF whose body doesn't respond like everyone else's.

On the good side (if you can call it that), the IVF coordinator told me that I should come Friday at my next progress check with totals of my remaining drugs. It sounds like they will pony up whatever extra drugs I need to complete this cycle. If we don't quit.

WTF??? It makes no sense. :dunno: :bawl:

Just stopping in with some :hug99: for both of you.

Suzi - I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I am praying for you and DH and am wishing for the best. Sending lots of positive thoughts your way.:hug99:

Kimberly - I'm so sorry that you're going thru this.
Suzi - I hope the numbers get better. With my IVF cycle, my estrogen starting dropping right before I was supposed to trigger and they thought they might cancel the cycle. It was a total nightmare and I was SO upset but it all worked out. Sorry that your DH isn't more on top of the meds. That would really frustrate me, too.

Sorry I haven't been around more to offer support - my job is INSANE!

Amanda

Suzi~ Geez :scratch: I'm sorry this is happening to you. :sadhug: The good news. . . .I mean, the one thing to keep positive about is that you've witnessed this behavior from your body in the past and you know that you CAN have a successful IVF cycle. :nod:. I would hope that the Dr. will modify your protocal so that things will go smoother. I hate that I can't just be normal and get PG like everyone else. Tell me about it. :banghead:

Yesterday's bloodtest showed that my levels are dropping. :yippee: Life is just funny. Three weeks ago I was praying for rapidly increasing hcg levels, now, I'm getting all my joy by the fact my levels are dropping. :rolleyes: Go figure.

Kimberly

Kimberly - I just wanted to chime in and say that you are in my thoughts. You have been through so much and I can't imagine how you must feel. Even though I was lurking, I followed your story and prayed for the best. I'm sorry this had to happen and will continue to keep you in my thoughts.

From my journal:

Today did not bring good news and we had to drop the cycle. My E2 today was around 400 after 10 days of stims and that is unsalvageable. So $4000 of drugs down the drain and we have to come up with another $4000 to buy another round of drugs to do it all over again. And MAYBE we'll get a good stim, MAYBE we'll get a stim like this time. OY! http://www.theotherforum.com/forum/images/smiles/tearhair1.gif I am just so frustrated (and disappointed) - IVF is hard enough as it is, why all this additional brain damage and heartache????

I will call my center Monday to make an appointment to see my RE and we will "debrief" this cycle and discuss where we go next. Our center does IVFs in cohort groups and the next group stims between September 13 and 27. Let's just hope the third time is a charm...

I really appreciate everyone's thoughts and prayers over these last few weeks. Hopefully you will send them again in September when we undergo yet another cycle in our quest for Baby #2.

I just figured out I could post here :yippee: for making this a non-subscription forum.


Suzi - I am so heartbroken to hear of your cancelled cycle. That is exactly what happened to me our first cycle. My estrogen didn't raise quickly enough, and I was cancelled after three days. And a few thousand dollars in meds and monitoring.

It was devistating enough to deal with a cancelled cycle, but the monitary aspect was like rubbing salt in the wound. I was thinking to the clinic 'you screwed up my meds - you should have to pay!' for this.

Hang in there, dear! I'll say a special prayer and hope September is the month for you!

Suzi ~ I'm so sorry that your cycle was cancelled. That really stinks about having paid so much money for meds. IVF really is hard enough on its own.

Suzi~Darnit! :grr: That totally stinks. I'm so sorry. :sadhug:

Kimberly, I have been thinking about you. Hope you are doing okay. :bighug:

Hi Suzi. Thanks for asking. I'm feeling O.K. It's kind of strange because I go back and forth with emotions. At times, I'm completely confident about things and looking forward to getting over this ectopic. By the way, my numbers are dropping nicely so far. :yippee: But other times, like this morning for example, I wake up feeling doomed and miserable and wishing that this wasn't happening to me and that I can just get on with life. Whether it's doing my wheatgrass shot in the morning, getting to yoga class, going in for bloodwork, or my constant contact with friends and co-workers who are pregnant, all my "infertility" problems are constantly on my mind.

We just had some inlaws visiting from PA last week and now we're in the midst of the DNC, so at least I've been consumed with other things. My sister works in politics and I was able to go to one of the DNC opening night parties. That was exciting because it was a star studded event and I got to dress up and all that stuff. :) I also had a couple of glasses of wine that night. . .then I felt a bit guilty the next day. :sad: See?? I just hate the fact that I feel like I have to be so conscience of everything I do, eat, and think!!! :tearhair:

Now that I'm done with my rant, how are you today?

Kimberly

Kimberly, I know how you feel - that it seems IF infiltrates every square inch of your life. I guess it does, in a way, when there's that nagging feeling that something is missing and you are doing all you can to fix it but it's out of your control. Hang in there...there is a plan for you, I'm sure. :bighug:

On another note, I am so envious of you getting to attend some of the DNC functions! I have been watching parts/pieces on TV and it looks like everything has an electric atmosphere. I hope you are having as much fun as I am imagining for you! :lol:

As for me, I am feeling okay aside from a minor headcold I caught from Julia. I'm just thankful I got it this week rather than next since my two best friends will be here next week for a long weekend visit. I have an appointment with my RE on Monday to talk about what happened and where we go from here. I am hoping we'll go back to the long stim that we know works and that it really will work like it did before. I don't like it when things in nature (like my body and blood chemistry) don't respond as they should. :nono: Anyway, we still need to figure out where the $$ is coming from for our drugs - I figure about $4000. Hopefully Chris will get a few good side-gigs in the coming weeks. I keep wishing and praying that our center will cut us a small break but I am dreaming.... Heck, not only are we out the drugs from last cycle but we owe our center about $1000 in testing/office visits. OY!!! :tearhair:

AF showed up today. I called my center and I am waiting for the coordinator to call me back with my 4th IVF schedule. Somehow I can't believe I am even talking about this less than a week after dropping my last cycle. :rolleyes:

From my journal:

I talked to the IVF coord this morning and our RE was going to have us do the SAME protocol again! AAARGHH!!!! I told her that we were uncomfortable with that and we were thinking that we want to go back to the long stim protocol we have used successfully twice. She brought up an Antagon protocol (which we've talked about with them before) and after the tense discussion Chris and I had last night about our center and this last cycle, I think Chris will hit the roof if we bring another protocol into the picture.

I told her that we have an appointment with the RE Monday monring and that we can talk to him then and decide which way to go. V figured out my BCP start date and then said I was going to be on BCPs for 44 days. I told her I would have another cycle in 22 days and that made it perfect - I can wait for another cycle start.

Soooooo....I am on hold for another three weeks or so. We talk to the RE on Monday, wait for another AF to show, and then we start our cycle!

Suzi~I hope things go well for you today in your discussions with your Dr. I'm confused why they wouldn't just go with a protocal that they know has worked for you in the past. :scratch: It sounds as if you're on a little rollercoaster ride of your own. When you got AF, it seems as if you were very surprised to be starting another cycle right away. Was that too soon for you emotionally or physically or both? It definitely sounds as if you will prefer taking more time in between and doing the long stim protocal. I sure hope your Dr. listens.

My HCG numbers as of last Friday had gone down to 15. They're dropping pretty fast. My next bloodtest is this Friday and I'm hoping it'll be 0 by then. This is quite different from my last methotrexate therapy where I was going in for blood like every other day and the number decreased at a much slower rate. I have to say that I'm glad this time they're dropping much quicker.

Yes, the DNC was a lot of fun. . .and "electric" is the word that I had used to describe it to other people. This was like a little mini-Hollywood for a few days. I was like a little girl in a candy store and I just wanted to spend the days walking the streets of Boston, going to the trendy places and hoping to spot some stars. I did get to the Convention Center for the last night and saw Kerry's speech. I also saw Alec Baldwin, Chris Copper, Natalie Portman, Al Sharpton, Lauren Hill, Biz Markie, Ben Affleck, Wesley Clark, a live taping of Hardball on MSNBC. . .it was definitely a great experience. I didn't get much sleep, I ate quite a bit of junkfood, and had my share of "spirits" in the form of red wine.

Now that the DNC hoopla is over and my numbers are just about to zero, I'm back on the "healthy" diet. Honest Engine! It was a nice break though. I actually kept babymaking out of my mind for a few days. :awink:

Kimberly

Kimberly, I am glad that your body is recovering from the ectopic so much better this time. It's hard enough emotionally but when you are ready to be done with it emotionally and physically it is still hanging on... :hairtear:

I am SO jealous about the DNC!! I would've loved to see the speech and be in the convention center and experience all that! Were you involved with the DNC at all for work? Or was your participation all personal? What perfect timing for a diversion for you though! Now you can get back to "normal" life...I am praying that everything will work out for you soon!

As for me, we had our appointment with our RE this morning. We went over each cycle we have done and he agrees with us that we shuold go back to the long stim protocol. It kinda bothers me that had Chris and I not said anything, we would've just done the flare protocol again. The RE did say that every so often they run across a woman who does not stim as well on a flare protocol as she does a long stim and I seem to be that woman - go figure! It goes against theoretical outcomes of a long stim vs. a flare protocol but it doesn't surprise me in the least that I would be the 1 out of 100.

As for sitting out until my next cycle, there are two cycles I am talking about here. One cycle is the center's IVF cycle. My center only does IVF cycles 5 times a year and they do 35-40 patients every cycle. They tell me to start an IVF cycle I need to call them when AF shows up (for this coming cycle) between mid-July and mid-August. When AF showed up on July 29 I called and rather than be on BCP for 45 days, I can wait until MY next cycle starts (which will be about August 20th) and be on BCP for only 20-some days instead of 45 days. I am lucky because I have a 24 day cycle and I am VERY regular. Because of that I have been able to push back to my next cycle each time I have called to start an IVF cycle. Are you totally confused now?? :dunno: :lol:

Oh, I am ready for this cycle. Actually, I am ready for this to be done. Chris and I discussed it and as soon as we get a successful PGY, we are done with medicated cycles and retrievals. If by chance we have embryos to freeze, we will do frozen cycles until they are gone but once I get a PGY, we are done with retrievals. I am getting too old and too close to the point where our chances for a PGY become VERY slim. I just hope we get at least a second (if not a third) out of a cycle.

Anyway, no more news from me for about three weeks...

Are you totally confused now??

Suzi~ Yes. :duh: But I think I get the jist. I know what you mean about how if you hadn't said anything about getting the long stim protocal they would've just gone with the flare. It took me a long while before I realized how important it is to speak up and in a sense, become your own Dr. I'm still not good at it and I still often tend to just go with what the Dr. says rather than stick to my guns. But, I'm getting better at it and if anything, I'm learning how to operate within the healthcare system.

My DNC experiences were mostly outside of work although I did get into the Convention Center on Thursday with a co-workers Press pass. The press pass gave me limited access and so since my sister works for the Massachusettes Democratic Party (and since she was also in building), she got me into a Premium Suite with open bar and hor d'oerves. It was actually my sister who got me into many of the events I was able to attend. But don't think it was all for free because I'm going to have to owe her big time. I know she's going to be calling on me when she needs volunteers for some campaign or election or something. :rolleyes:

I guess I won't have much news either for a while. My numbers will hopefully be at zero soon and then I'll wait for my next AF to arrive. I'm still waiting to find out if they want me to do a Clomid Challenge prior to my next IVF. There's been some "rumors" about that since I've now extended my IVF deadline twice. I'm guessing/hoping/wishing that I'll be doing my next IVF by at least October.

If we don't talk for a while. Enjoy the rest of your summer. :hug99:

Kimberly

Suzi - I'm so sorry that your cycle was dropped. I'm glad you're going back to the protocol that worked. We did an antagon protocol and it was a bit stressful (my E2 starting dropping the day before I was supposed to trigger) but obviously it worked out ok. It's definitely a frustrating experience!
Kimberly - Glad you had a good experience at the DNC. We are DREADING having the RNC in NY b/c of all the crazy security issues. TG we live and work outside of Manhattan! I guess we'll just avoid the city during that time.

Amanda

Amanda~We are DREADING having the RNC in NY b/c of all the crazy security issues.

We had some security measures in place in that certain parts of the highway and our subway system shut down from 4pm-1am. What was nice was that most companies in the Boston area gave 3pm as the official end of work day and also encouraged many people to either take vacation or work from home. Most took it seriously and there was very little traffic that week. Hopefully, it won't be too crazy in the city.

Just an update: My numbers are down to 0 :yippee: and I'm just waiting for my next AF until I feel like I'm in working order. :awink: Also, I don't have to take the Clomid Challendge before my next IVF. . .which has to be done by mid-November. I'll be back here soon.

Kimberly

Kimberly, it sounds as if we will be cycle buddies yet again! Our BCPs will start in about 10 days and we are off! Retrieval *should* be about September 25.

We are still hanging in there waiting. My two best friends from high school have been here for a long weekend and that sure helped time fly by. Can't believe it's only 10 days until we start our cycle! :yippee:

Suzi~That's great that you're soon to be on the "bandwagon" again. Ten days is definitely not too far away. I guess if one were to have to think about our "forced break" situations in a positive way, (which Lord knows, we have to do), at least it's summertime--vacations, visits with friends & family, the beach, cookouts and all those other fun things to distract us during this time. :sunny:

Kimberly

Hope you both have great success with your upcoming cycles!!! Exciting news for me is that I got AF on my own for the 1st time in over 10 years.

Amanda

YIKES!! I *THINK* AF showed up today!! That sounds funny but it's not very much yet and if it is AF, this was a VERY strange cycle! It was only 16 days and my cycles are 23/24 days and I could set my watch by them. If it's not AF, it's still a strange cycle because I never spot. Hmmm.... :dunno:

Looks to me like I will be starting BCPs on THURSDAY!!! WOW!!!

Yanno... you're suppose to be updating me so I don't have to come lookin' for ya.

I subbed JUST so I could check in on you, Suz. Don't you feel special. :lol:

:wavey: Brenda

*note to self* don't post about B in journal anymore :rotflmao:

Andrea.. you can still post about me.. I'm likely to forget about this place within a few days anyway. :lol:

never anything bad :kiss:

oh suuuuuuuuuuuuuure

BUSTED! I have been out of commission for the last week with friends visiting and there hasn't been much to report - until AF showed up Thursday, a freaking week early!!! :eek: Guess we better get our $$ together to buy some DRUGS!!! :yippee:

So Brenda, where are you in your cycle? Are we going at the same time?

Suzi.. I just posted in your journal too. :lol:

I'm on Lupron.. have been for 10 days. Will start Estrace as soon as the period shows and I get baselines done. Will be on estrace 16 days before they thaw out 8 embies.

So looks like transfer will be around the first week in sept.

Well Brenda, I am one month behind you! I talked to the IVF coord today and I have my calendar. I start BCP on August 19 and take them until September 16. I start Lupron shots on September 12 and I go for my down regulation u/s on September 21 and start stims. If I respond like I did before on this protocol (and there's no reason to think that I wouldn't), I will stim until October 1, go to retrieval on October 3, and transfer on October 6th. That makes my first beta on October 18 - just one month before my birthday - and I would accept a :bfp: as my early birthday present!! :biggrin:

Good luck to us BOTH!!

Well since you're not starting Lupron until the 12th, I'll know for sure by then if I need that Lupron 14 day kit. I HOPE I don't. Still waiting for AF to show.. should be here anytime now.

I DO have the 600 cartridge of follistim, and 2 vials of 75 (I think two). So you'll get those for sure.

Bren, you are awesome! Thanks SO much! Will you PLEASE let me pay for shipping this time??

:lol: I'll think about it. Tho I'm diggin' the Starbucks card and might just take a refill instead. :lol:

That can be arranged! :lol:

You guys are funny. :lol:

Suzi~That's great that you're on your way. :clap: Did the Doc say anything about your strange cycle and AF arriving so early? :scratch:

BrenS~I'm so glad you're back. :hug1: Now we're back in business. :banana: Where in MA do you go for your IVFs?

I'm waiting for AF myself. :rolleyes: The only problem is that after AF comes, I'm still waiting it out for the cycle due to the methotraxate. :violin: This doesn't mean however that there won't be any :sex: going on in yet another attempt to try on our own.

Kimberly

Hi Kim!!!!!

I go to Brigham and Women's. Use to go to Boston IVF, but switched when they botched a couple of IUI's. Where do you go??

I got AF on Wednesday.... and did baselines yesterday. They cleared me to start the Cryo cycle. :banana: So I started my Estrace Vaginally last night. What a PITA. the pills are as small as grains of rice, and I have to shove two of those suckers up there. Then lay down for 20 minutes and pray they don't fall out from me laughing so hard (because my husband was asking me over and over.. "so why do you have to stick something up there? You need help? ) :lol:

OY!!! :doh: MEN!! :lol:

This is my first IVF cycle so I may have lots of questions for you guys. Today is my last day taking the Provera and then when AF shows I'll be going on BCPs.

Good luck Ana!

Good luck Ana! I'm sure between me, Kimberly, and Brenda we can answer any questions you may have, so ask away!

I am on my 4th IVF cycle and my first produced one beautiful little girl (but we lost her twin). IVF can be a brutal roller-coaster but I can assure you that it's worth every second!

Well I can tell you that Estrace is the crying drug. You know those commercials they play on the radio for On-Star? Baby stuck in the car and the on-star people had to open the locks? Yup.. cryin on the way home from Boston this morning. :lol:
Olympics? doesn't matter who wins... I cry. :lol: It's pathetic, really.


I did bloodwork this morning to find out if the estrace is getting into my system.. other than that.. FET's are pretty boring.

First question: What's FET?

BrenS~I actually go to Boston IVF. That's horrible to hear that they botched up a few of your IUIs. :furious: I'm happy to report that I've had quite good luck with Boston IVF. I switced to BIVF from Harvard Pilgrim because they did some things I didn't agree with. . .plus, after 2 years of failed cycles with every Dr & RN scratching their heads, I thought it would be good to get a second opinion. Of course, the Drs & RNs are still scratching their heads over why I'm having so many problems. :disbelief I know exactely what On star commercial you're talking about and I think I teared up over that recently. Though I'm not on any meds right now, my hormones are definitely going crazy. I don't know where the heck I am in my cycle! All I can do is wait for AF.

Suzi~Hope things are going great! :)

Ana~Welcome. :bighug: The more the merrier. As Suzi said, ask away. Unfortunately, I think the rest of us can call ourselves "pros" at this. :rolleyes:

I'm hanging in there but I'm definitely feeling frustrated. I hate being in these waiting periods where I can't even make a guess as to where I'll be when. Will AF come tomorrow or 2 weeks from now? :dunno: All I know is that I've been tearing up a lot. I think these things are just getting to me again. I've had so many visitors this summer that I really haven't been paying attention to myself. It's good to be distracted sometimes, but then again, I need to get back on board with my yoga classes, meditation, healthy diet, and a decent night's rest. I'm sure I'll feel better soon.

Kimberly

Ana, It's a Frozen Embryo Transfer. Back in May, I had IVF, and excessive bleeding before and during retreival. They wouldn't let me transfer the embryos because my uterus wasn't lined at all in several places. So they froze all of my embryos at the 2 cell stage right after fertilization, and now i'm on hormones to prepare my lining for a transfer. They'll thaw out 8 embryos, and we'll transfer the best 3.

Kimberly... I HATE the waiting between cycles. It's way too much time to sit around and wonder and worry. It's the hardest part I think. .at least for me.

BrenS~I love the picture in your signature. :lol:

But I'm depressed. :blue: In the last few days, I've talked myself into a truckload of anxieties, the biggest of which is that I'll never get my period and that menopause is starting. :tearhair: I know this is completely unrealistic being that all my FSH have still showed that I'm not close to that point yet and the fact that I've never missed a period in my life and disregarding this craziness with m/c & ectopics, I've always been exactely 28 days.

I just want to get going again. I'm not even doing my infertility diet as vigoriously as I was because I don't where my body is. :dunno: I'm eating all the stuff I'm not supposed to eat, I've had a glass of wine 3 nights in a row (my husband works in the wine business so that's not abnormal since we have a cellar full of it). I guess I just have had no energy to really get in babymaking gear 'cause I feel hormonally dead. Woe is me. :crazy:

Kimberly, I'm sorry you are feeling depressed! I know just how you feel about menopause - I convinced myself of that when I didn't respond to the drugs last cycle. I am still a little worried about that...and that fear won't be dispelled until I respond well on this cycle. :dunno:

Well, I went ahead and started a new thread for us. With August coming to a close it makes sense for all of us to start our cycles afresh in a new thread.

C'mon over!! (http://www.onceuponalife.com/showthread.php?t=10331) :bolt: