Do you love 'em like your own?

[McTracy]

I know this is a very "raw" question, but I want completely honest opinions. In fact, I'll make it a poll if that helps. I have 2 kids from a previous marriage. DH and I have one DS together. Although DH adores my kids, I know there's a stronger bond between him and Luke (his bio-baby). It's hard. And never being in that situation, I don't know how I'd feel if I were raising step-kids.

To answer the poll, you have to have a blended family of some sort (and you have to have your own or answer for your DH in that situation)

[bunybomb]

I'm in a slightly different situation because my DH brought a daughter to our marriage. I fell in love with his daughter as much as I fell in love with him. At first he shared custody with her biomom, but within a year, she was with us full time, her mother couldn't be bothered and only saw her EOWend. I always wanted kids, so having DD full time was great. She received the nurturing she craved and I was ready to be that person. Over the past two years, her mom hasn't been in the picture at all, she has moved to another state and pays no support. I will be pursuing adoption in the fall.

My DH and I also have one bio child. There are moments that make me feel different, but I find it's the stage that make me feel that way. Having a tween isn't easy and I know bioparents go through it just as much. In fact, having my own bio-child, strengthed my love even more for her, I do embrace her as my own. It might be different if her biomom was ever a mom to her, but since she wasn't, it made it easier for me to step in. If you ask my daughter what her mom's name is, she will tell you Becky.

I do feel that moms embrace other's children easier. My DH admits it would be hard for him if I brought a child to our marriage. It's not easy to be in a blended family, but for me, it's the greatest gift I ever received.

[McTracy]

I was kind of wondering if it would be different as a step-mom. Plus, truly raising her as your own has to make such a difference.

My kids from my previous marriage see their dad every other weekend and every Tuesday (or Wednesday). DD (12) is VERY easy-going and just a total joy 99% of the time - she is a pre-teen so that 1% is to be expected :awink: I think DH and her about as close as we are. DS (10) has pretty severe ADHD and he and my DH butt heads quite a bit. Doesn't matter that he butts head with his bio-dad and me (and everyone else) most of the time too. It's been a lot harder to get DH and him to bond in an unconditional way. DH has tried so hard with him (and has been with him since he was 3) but you can only hear so many times "you're not me REAL dad" without some damage being done :blue: All in all, we do pretty good as a step-family. But I do see a different love from DH of Luke. My DD and DS tend to side with me on things. DH is so excited to "have someone in his court" for once. (Though Luke's a mama's boy so that isn't working out so well for DH :lol: )

[Billy]

My two kids from my previous marriage also have ADHD. Kyle was diagnosed with it but I don't think he has it or it is really really mild. Rebecca on the hand is bouncing off the walls, it's so bad...making it almost impossible for anyone to bond with her. It's hard to blame DH for not bonding with her but he doesn't even show the effort anymore.

[McTracy]

It's hard. Sorry to hear about your DD's ADHD. As far as your DH goes, sit him down and give him a serious speech. My DH may have a stronger bond with his bio-son, but I'll be damned if I let him put that on display. I'm all about being fair to one and all. There's a certain degree that Luke gets away with simply because he's "the baby". But I've kept DH in line as far as giving EACH child love, praise and attention. Remind your DH that ALL the children need his acceptance and how harmful it can be to them to see him playing favorites. In the meantime, explain to your kids that everyone loves to snuggle up with and play with "babies" and that your DH loves them just as much as his own.

[TweetyCrazy]

I'm a stepchild and I KNOW my stepmom didn't/doesn't love me as much as her own kids. Just the way she treats me vs her daughters/son.

Tina

[bunybomb]

I'm a stepchild and I KNOW my stepmom didn't/doesn't love me as much as her own kids. Just the way she treats me vs her daughters/son.

Tina
I understand how hard this must be. I have a half-brother who my mom raised and I know she felt different about him than she did about me. My brother did too and I'm sure that caused resentment of me and that why he's not very interested in having a relationship. I don't ever want to be like that. I've done so much to educate myself so my daughter never feels anything but the same love I have for my biochild. No child has control of what their parents do and they shouldn't pay the price.

[McTracy]

Tina, I'm so sorry about how your step-mom treated you (or didn't treat you). No one should have to go through that.

[Valerie]

I definitely have a stronger bond with our daughter than with his 2 kids, but that's not by choice. they live 500 miles from us and we don't see them that much. And I carried my DD in my tummy as opposed to gaining 2 kids by marrying my DH. I would love to have that bond, but we just don't. I don't treat them differently or love them "less" necessarily, I just don't have the same "BOND", does that make sense? I love them all dearly and often say that we have 3 kids, and don't explain that 2 aren't mine. Why bother? I love them anyway :)

My step-mom loves me and my siblings, but there is definitely a difference between us and her kids. We all get along well (well, maybe not so much with my arrogant Step-brother, but my step-sis and I are very close :lol: ), but I can definitely tell that she's closer to them. That used to really bother me (and sometimes still does, because she is the only mom I have, since my mother is no "mom"), but I understand it a bit better now that I'm a step-mom.