Was this the right thing to do?

[Brooke]

I think my neighbor had a miscarriage this week and I'm wondering if I did the right thing.

We technically don't know that they are/were TTC. We just know by accident that she is taking prenatals (DH snooped in a box in their office while he was there taking care of their dog a few weeks ago - he's so nosey!). We used to see her all the time with a glass of wine but she hasn't had that in months. At a party last weekend, I overheard her DH ask if she was feeling ok and if she wanted to go home to bed. So I had my suspicions but I didn't say anything to them.

On monday we saw them outside and they seemed ok except she was drinking a beer. Not typical. Wednesday, her car was gone but his work truck was home and her car didn't come home from work at the normal time.

Thursday and Friday, his work truck was gone but her car was home, meaning she didn't go to work. They haven't been outside at all in the evenings - we usually see them every night. They haven't walked their dog like they do every night and I haven't even seen the dog outside as much as usual.

Friday night I left a note on their front door. It just said -

R and I -

We've noticed that your cars haven't been following their normal schedule and we wanted to make sure everything is ok. Please let us know if you need anything.

I know they got the note because it wasn't there when we got home late Friday. They didn't respond. We haven't seen them all weekend but we know they are home. I think they are avoiding everyone - we have a close relationship with about 5 sets of neighbors.

My heart is breaking for them (assuming a miscarriage). They are such nice people and my kids love them. I am respecting their privacy and so is Darren. They will come out when they are ready. I just wanted reassurance from you guys that the note I left was ok.

[schwanda]

I think that's very thoughtful of you.

Amanda

[pam]

I think it's awesome that you guys are looking out for your neighbors whatever their circumstances.

[Cami]

I think the note makes perfect sense, given everything you said, and was a nice thing to do.

[Dennis]

I think it was a nice gesture.

[Girlo]

I think what you did was just right, Brooke. :hug99: Hopefully she'll be ready to reach out to her friends soon.....

[Melissa]

I agree with everyone else, what you said was perfect.

[Karly]

I totally agree with everybody else. They will talk about what ever the situation is/was when they are ready... you let them know that your door was open.

[Alyson]

I agree as well. I think it's great that you put it out there that you were concerned!

[MrsPeacefrog]

I guess I am going to be the only voice of dissent. You can all disagree with me that's fine, but I personally think it's creepy and to answer your question I don't think you did the right thing. We had a neighbour who we also had a fairly close relationship with, we had drinks at each others houses and our kids would play with each other, yet Tony and I were often creeped out by the fact they knew our schedule and would question us to why we didn't go to work and why we came home at 2:12am one night etc. We appreciated their friendship but we felt we had no privacy with them consantly monitoring us and we were so thankful when they moved away. We still stay in contact and are friends but we don't have the pressure of them constantly monitoring us anymore.

I guess for me, I would have just waited for them to say something and then shown my support so as to not add any further pressure or stress that they are probably already feeling, on top of everything they might now feel they have to come up with some excuses for you guys, what if they didn't want to say anything to anyone ever?. :dunno: That's just me though, I believe everyone deals with things differently and they deserve their privacy till they feel comfortable to go public, or not go public at all.

[Mary DK]

I'm gonna have to agree with Deb on that I would feel a little bit creeped out that my neighbor knew mine or Blair's schedule :scan: Maybe the note should've said something about "not seeing them around much lately & wanting to make sure that they were doing okay" instead of mentioning their schedule :dunno: Although I do think is nice of you to think about them & want to make sure they're doing okay :nod:

[milliez]

I know that us and our neighbors all know about each others comings and goings, and while it did creep me out at first, after a while I came to appreciate that if anything did happen, someone was looking out for us.

It was very nice that you left a note and let them know that you were thinking of them. If you have a relationship with your neighbors like I do with mine, then the note was perfectly fitting.

~ Melissa

[Brooke]

I can see what Deb is saying and I hope they didn't take it that way. I guess that's why I asked on here, because I was feeling a little regret for leaving the note. I can't take it back now so I'll just have to wait and see. :(

[Girlo]

I'm going to further explain my disagreement with Deb and Mary ( :heee: ) by personally having some comfort in knowing that our neighbors might know our routine so if something were wrong, they would know it. :nod: We don't live in a neighborhood, so sometimes it freaks me out a little that somebody could do something to us/our property, and no one would know any different....except our one neighbor, who would know if our routine changed.

[MrsPeacefrog]

Shannon, in that respects I agree 100% but my point was that although I know my neighbours routines I don't point it out to them. I don't ask them why they were not at work or why they came home late one night. I think it's invading people's privacy, hence why I felt that perhaps the note was not the best idea especially when it's a sensitive subject like a miscarriage where people like to deal with it in their own way. :dunno:

Brooke, I agree you can't take it back now and hence you just live with what you did and hope for the best, I was just suggesting that I would not have done it because I wouldn't have wanted to add anymore pressure onto them. I hope your suspisions are wrong and everything is fine with them.

[Clare]

Shannon, I think you have a totally different situation. I think in a neighbourhood it's fine to be friendly with your neighbours, but not go all Mrs Cravats on them. Personally, I would not have left the note. It was only speculation on your part that she was ever pregnant at all, and I don't get how cars coming and going at different times indicates a miscarriage :dunno:

What's done is done though and I hope that they don't take any offence to your note, Brooke. It seems obvious to me that you did it with the best intentions, and if you have a good relationship with them I'm sure that they will see it that way too :hug99:

[Girlo]

I see the difference, Deb and Clare. :nod:

Clare - nice reference to Mrs. Cravitz (sp???). :giggle:
Anne - you are SO not Mrs. Cravitz! :giggle:

[MrsPeacefrog]

:lol2: Mrs Kravitz, that's a good one!!

[Girlo]

:doh: Why did I think Anne was the OP here? :blush: Sorry Brooke....you know, I got all confused because you're both in MD. :lol: That's the only excuse I could think of..... :lol:

Brooke - you're not Mrs. Kravitz either. :lol:

[MrsPeacefrog]

I was wondering where you got Anne from but thought you had a method behind your madness :crazy:

[Clare]

Cravitz or Kravitz is probably a more accurate spelling :nod: Either way, I love Mrs Cravitz! ABNER!!! :lol2:

[MrsPeacefrog]

When I saw both your different spellings I wiki'd it, so the K one is right :awink:

:lol: I know you had to be universal with your analogy but Mrs Mangle came to mind for me when you said Mrs Kravitz. :giggle:

[Clare]

I never watched Neighbours but I know who Mrs Mangle is. Before that she was another nosy neighbour, Mrs Jessop on The Sullivans!

[Alyssa]

Er, who is Mrs. Cravitz?

[milliez]

Er, who is Mrs. Cravitz?

She was the nosy neighbor on Bewitched that was always peeking through the windows and snooping around their yard.:awink:

~ Melissa