No Clue How To Handle This

[Jayne]

Today I was walking down our hallway to take Tim to the bathroom. I had Charlotte in my arms and I knew Tylor was in his room so I figured I would just take her in and sit her on his bed with him while I handled the bathroom with Tim.

As I walk to his room I just push on the door and it opens (Not latched) -we don't usually knowck on each others doors here/we have an open door type home and DH and I lock our bedroom if we are doing other things - anyhow...Tylor is Naked..it is 4pm. He jumps quick and gets under the covers. I just said the first thing that came out of my mouth which was "TYLOR" and he said "I was just getting cold" - it isn't hot today..it isn't cold today..I don't know..

So how do I handle this. I asked his dad and he say's he will handle it the same way his dad did..and that was to ignore it..I don't agree with that. Tylor has a little sister who will just walk in on him at a whim...she doesn't knock either and she doesn't need to see that. I have no clue what he was doing honestly..but ...ahhhh...I AM SO NOT READY FOR THIS...

[Lynn]

I probably would have freaked out at first too, Jayne. But then thinking about it later maybe you can say to him, "I know that you're getting older and getting curious about things. I'm sorry I over reacted" and leave it at that. Don't make it a big deal. I'm fairly certain he was masturbating, which he's going to do anyway no matter what.

And while you say you have an open door home, maybe it's time you got him some sort of lock for when he wants privacy.

[Barb]

I definitely don't think you should make a big deal out of it. I agree with Lynn about what he was probably doing and it's natural at his age. I think it's also fair to establish a rule of knocking before going in.

[milliez]

I remember doing the same thing at the same age. It is definitely an age of exploration. As for how to handle it, with him having two little sisters, I really don't think that ignoring it can be a good option. Especially, with your open door home (ours is the same way). Nicholas has quite an obsession with showing off his penis right now and what I've been saying to him is that that is a private area and should only see the light of day when he is bathing, getting dressed, or going to the bathroom. That's a bit different though because he's only 5. It definitely needs to be handled more delicately with Tylor because he is not too far from puberty. It may be assimple as saying to him, "I'm not sure exactly why you didn't have any clothes on earlier, but with having two little sister's, it would probably be a better idea to keep some clothing on." Something that will let him know that it's not a good idea to be laying around naked, but that will not embarrass him either.

Good luck Jayne! I'm sure that I will be on here in a few years going through the same thing.:awink:

~ Melissa

[TtownAnne]

I agree with Lynn - you have a lock on your door, there's no reason he shouldn't have one with the caveat of "this lock is only to be used if you are doing something private".

[Clare]

I agree with Lynn - you have a lock on your door, there's no reason he shouldn't have one with the caveat of "this lock is only to be used if you are doing something private".

I agree with this. It's time to give him some privacy. His little sister shouldn't be able to just walk in on him on a whim anymore.

[Brooke]

I agree with the others. He needs to be able to have some privacy.
I'd also tell him that that is something he should only do in private, in his room or the bathroom.

Sorry Jayne! I'm not looking forward to that time!

[Alyson]

Oh Jayne.. I so don't look forward to being where you're at! haha.. although one day it will come! haha

I agree with most of the others.. it's time that he has some privacy and a lock on his door. And, that Alyssa can't just go in 'on a whim' anymore! He's at that age!.. Good luck!

[MamaGoofy]

:nod: I agree with everyone else. Man they grow up so fast!!!

[MrsPeacefrog]

Just agreeing with everyone else, he should not feel like what he did was wrong, I would tell him that you were just taken by surprise and that is why you reacted the way you did but that it's ok and you will get him a lock so he can have some privacy I think it's not just for his sisters but for him too, he is at the age where he deserves to have that privacy.

To think I have to do this one 4 times over! :errr: :lol:

[Melissa]

I agree with the others. At a certain age, children should be afforded some privacy. I think this is a good time to introduce that.

[Kara]

Yep, I think you should just say he caught you off guard and that you aren't upset with him for any reason..just let him know there is a time and place and that he should have some privacy and maybe let Alyssa know to knock or something too first.

[Clare]

Oh and maybe Dan does need to have a talk with him and explain that he doesn't have to get completely naked to do it! :giggle:

[Dennis]

I'll throw another ditto to what everyone else said.

[Jayne]

Well after a bit of me soul searching and trying to wrap my brain around what happened, I went up to Tylor's room, at this point his door was wide open. I went and and I said we need to talk. Sat with him on his bed and told him, "I am sorry I walked right in earlier, I am not mad at your and I don't want you to think that what you were doing was bad. I understand at your age your going to be exploring things with yourself and you need to be able to do that but I would really appriciate it if you A. didn't take all your clothes off and B. Went in the bathroom where there is a lock on the door. I am going to have kids here all the time between your sisters and others that I watch and they don't need to see you without your clothes on."

He seemed to be ok with that and understood. I know he is 13 and we already have seen bits and pieces of puberty coming on so this is just another one. I know he deserves privacy and while we do have a lock on our bedroom door, we only have ever locked it late at night when everyone was in bed so I am not even sure he knows it is there. We don't lock our doors because we use the saying that our doors are always open so we can always be open with one another. My parents were not so open and we didn't talk about these things and while it isn't the only reason I got pg at such an early age, I believe that not talking about sex and everything else didn't help so we are trying to be open and honest in our home. That is why I told him if he HAS to do something during the middle of the day to please go in the restroom where he can lock the door.

[MamaGoofy]

Good job Jayne. I am sure that was a bit uncomfortable but it sounds like you handled it well.

[magoo]

Sounds like you handled the situation beautifully. :hug99:

[Dennis]

Yes, that sounds great Jayne!

[sheila]

I'm impressed. Nice job!

[gulp!]

Perfect. :thumbsup:

[Jayne]

Thanks..This parenting stuff I guess is hard :lol: I said marriage was harder in the other thread but some of the situations I just wasn't ready for. I had butterflies the whole time I was talking to him. Tylor can be a pretty sensitive boy and I just wanted to reassure him that it was perfectly normal. Whew....on to the next challenge :lol:

[Clare]

I don't know, I still think he should be allowed privacy in his own bedroom. Teenagers need privacy :dunno: An open door policy isn't meant to be literal, it's a philosophy. You can still be totally open with each other and have boundaries. The girls and whatever children you babysit should be taught to knock if a bedroom door is closed. If Tylor is only allowed to jerk off in the bathroom then how self conscious is he going to feel every time he's in there?

[MrsPeacefrog]

I think it's great you were able to have the talk with him, I am sure it was very hard!

I totally see where you are coming from not wanting locks on the doors so that you can show them that there are no secrets but I do think teaching Alyssa and the other kids to atleast knock on a closed door is a good idea due to the fact that although you are in a family people still deserve some level of privacy and it will teach them that respect for later on in life.

I am glad it's all over and you can move on to the next puberty challenge. :crazy:

ETA: I also just wanted to say that I was able to discuss these things with my parents and I still had sex at 15, I was just lucky that I didn't get pregnant, so I don't think you can really say it was the lack of communication your parents had that caused your early pregnancy, teenagers will be teenagers irrelevant of what we do or say.

[Jayne]

I don't know, I still think he should be allowed privacy in his own bedroom. Teenagers need privacy :dunno: An open door policy isn't meant to be literal, it's a philosophy. You can still be totally open with each other and have boundaries. The girls and whatever children you babysit should be taught to knock if a bedroom door is closed. If Tylor is only allowed to jerk off in the bathroom then how self conscious is he going to feel every time he's in there?

I understand what your saying and while this is something we will explore a bit (Knocking on his door) I don't know how much it will happen. Charlotte isn't there yet but eventually she will be wandering the house too and she will just walk in on him like all the kids walk in on us. Heck I can't go to the bathroom alone..even my 13 year old walks in on me. Plus we have a very small house. The lego's are in his room, He and his sister still make tents in there and he has her in his room all the time. They play together and she loves to have "Slumber parties" In there. Yes as the years progress things will slowly change but for now I don't want anyone to feel they can't enter a room.


Deb - I am not crazy enough to think that lack of communication with my parents was the only thing that lead me to having sex at 17 and getting pg. There were lots of things that contributed to my actions but one thing I know we didn't have in our house was communication. I couldn't go to my parents with just anything and I was afraid to go to them with most things. So I want my children to know that we are open and honest and they can come to us with anything without feeling ashmed or afraid to tell us something. That is all I was trying to get across. People do all sorts of things for all sorts of reasons and if it is going to happen it is going to happen but I want them to know they should never fear telling us things.

[Shel]

Jayne, I just sent you a PM