What do you do with "all your FREE time"?

[TtownAnne]

Another parent at school today, in trying to make innocent conversation (since we don't know each other well), asked me this question. She asked if I had a job, and I said no. She asked then if Caroline was my only, I said yes. She said "then what do you do with yourself? We need to get you on a committee or something!"

So, while I didn't feel obligated to tell her that Caroline was an only due to my husband's health problems that might KILL HIM before he's 45, and I didn't feel obligated to tell her that I don't work because I would likely make just enough to push us into another tax bracket and make my salary be the payment we'd have to make, but the idea that with one child I must just be lounging around on the couch getting fat bothered me. I help at school, I do all the normal things, I just don't have to take extra people with me! And even if I did, what says that every moment has to be taken up? My kitchen may not be immaculate and my laundry may not be caught up to the last pair of socks, but why is it not okay to have the ability to watch a show I want to see or read a magazine?

Has anyone else experienced this?

[Michal]

Yes, just last week in fact :rolleyes:. My Mil seems to think that because I don't run a day care (something that she did for 25 years) that I must be swimming in free time. She was here last week with Ben's aunt and uncle who were visiting from NZ. The aunt I guess had been talking with Mil and asked me how I spend my days, I told her all the activities that I have lined up for the kids and what kind of a schedule we have. She acted quite surprised and told me she thought I just lounged around all day and hung out with the kids. Er, yeah, thanks :freak3:.

[~Deborah~]

:hug99: I get the same questions Anne..especially with both boys in school now. I get the "oh you must get SO much done when the boys are not home".

:doh: Just realized that this was in the onlies thread....:blush:

[Michal]

Oops, sorry, I didn't notice it was in the onlies thread as well forum as well :blush1:

[Alyson]

I guess I'm an 'only and a half' right now;)! Anne, I get what you're saying though. People look at me like I'm crazy if I say that I'm 'busy' all week or something, like I can't be. Although I won't be an 'only' parent much longer, it still bugs me! Sometimes I wish I had more free time, because I don't usually feel like I have much.

[Hannabanana]

How rude of that woman!!!

Though I'm not in the same boat as you, I feel for you with her inconsiderate comments.

Punch her in the face next time (ok ... visualize it, don't do it) :awink:

[Shel]

I still say you should go on and on about volunteering with with the lepers and AIDS babies........

[Alysia]

I still say you should go on and on about volunteering with with the lepers and AIDS babies........


:lol:

I :heart: you, Shel!

[Nadine]

:lol: See, Anne? Shel's got your back covered!
Great answer!

This woman is plain rude. YES it is OK to have time for yourself and NO ONE has the right to push their nose into your business.
But ... just let it slide. Nothing you can do about it.

[TtownAnne]

It's okay to reply if you don't have an only child, if you're getting the same comments!

[Karri]

I get the comments. The twins will start kindy next year, but its a measly 2.5 hrs a day. People are already saying, "oh my! what are you going to do with yourself?" That's after the standard, "are you going back to work?"
You know, its not enough that I will be the PTA VP, that I work in the library 1x/month, and that I volunteer in my kids classrooms once a month (which will mean 3x/month). And I have laundry up the ass, grocery shopping, a house to clean, a yard to maintain. Noooo. I will sit on my ass for that 2.5 hrs and eat bon bons. Yep.

[Nocona]

At least you have a plan, Karri :giggle:

[TtownAnne]

You know, its not enough that I will be the PTA VP, that I work in the library 1x/month, and that I volunteer in my kids classrooms once a month (which will mean 3x/month). And I have laundry up the ass, grocery shopping, a house to clean, a yard to maintain. Noooo. I will sit on my ass for that 2.5 hrs and eat bon bons. Yep.

:nod: That's exactly what I mean Karri. Caroline is of course in school longer, but I volunteer in her classroom weekly, help out with other big projects at school, keep up with the laundry, am here for the various home repair people, meet with the lawn guys to discuss what we want this year, grocery shopping every week, a house to clean, etc. And apparently I'm begrudged watching Ellen for an hour.

[Lynn]

Oh yeah....*ALL* my free time. Right.

I'm right there with you, girlfriend. I get asked constantly if I'm going back to work. In fact my MIL told me that I *needed* to go back to work.

Never you mind that I am running two households (my dad's being the second one) and dealing with a husband who is home once a week from February until July. Nope. No problem. I have scads of free time.

:retrofawk:

[~Deborah~]

Chin up Anne...you are doing an amazing job!

[bunybomb]

Can I complain even though I'm a mom of two and work full time? MY MOTHER thinks I have all the free time in the world. This is from a retired, handicapped woman who does nothing all day. It doesn't seem to register that I have a family, a job, a home, a dog and the honor of managing her house and her bills as well. Then she wonders why I don't hang out at her house during my lunch hour, after work and all weekend long!!! She actually wonders what I do with my weekends.....hello?? there is laundry, house cleaning, kids sports and any social obligations that might be scheduled.

I'm supposed to have tons of free time because I don't volunteer at school more than twice a year and I don't have my kids in more than one activity at a time.

Why do women feel the need to make comments or sabotage each other? Whether you work at home or work outside the home, it's still work to raise children and run a household!

Anne! You go ahead and watch Ellen. You deserve it.

[sunnyflower]

I get the "well you have the summers off". Yeah right! We are trying to do the 9 million things we couldn't do during the summer plus get ready for the next school year. And I have an only too so I should really be having a ton of free time :lol:!

[Alyssa]

I think it's all a matter of perspective. I work FT and have 3 kids and I do a lot of the housework - and try to volunteer at school when I can and have playdates for the kids and so I can meet more local moms. So yeah, I can look at someone with less of that stuff going on and think that you'd have more "free" time. But, good for you! I CHOOSE to have this life and the level of craziness...I CHOOSE not to have more free time. People would - rightly so - look at my life that I picked and think I'm insane for it...why not judge me for that just as much for judging someone in a less busy situation?

That might be a little convoluted...but my point is everyone should live their own lives and not criticize people to their face for their choices. :)

[MrsPeacefrog]

I think it's all a matter of perspective. I work FT and have 3 kids and I do a lot of the housework - and try to volunteer at school when I can and have playdates for the kids and so I can meet more local moms. So yeah, I can look at someone with less of that stuff going on and think that you'd have more "free" time. But, good for you! I CHOOSE to have this life and the level of craziness...I CHOOSE not to have more free time. People would - rightly so - look at my life that I picked and think I'm insane for it...why not judge me for that just as much for judging someone in a less busy situation?

That might be a little convoluted...but my point is everyone should live their own lives and not criticize people to their face for their choices. :)

I agree with this 100%.

I also get irritated with comments I get, with having 1 in school and 1 in preschool, even though I still have 2 at home I STILL get the comments of "You musn't know yourself only have 2 at home, your days much be so much easier" :rolleyes: I feel like punching that person in the face, sometimes I just nod and move on, other days I go "well actually, I get up at 6am get all 4 breakfast, dressed and ready, drop of Aiden at school, then take Riley to preschool, race home, do some laundry, clean kitchen then race back out by 11:30am to pick Riley back up, get him home, feed them lunch, put down the young ones for a sleep, then spend that time while they are sleeping mopping, cleaning and preping for dinner, then I am back out picking up Aiden at 3pm, then off to Karate, soccer or swimming lessons, then I get home cook dinner, bath them all then get them to bed, once that is all done I have to wrap things for shipment for my business, then if my husband is lucky he might get some and then it's time for bed by midnight, YEAH, my time is so much freer now I have 2 in school"

That normally shuts them up :awink:

[Karin]

Good answer, Deb!!

[KristenF]

I agree with this 100%.

I also get irritated with comments I get, with having 1 in school and 1 in preschool, even though I still have 2 at home I STILL get the comments of "You musn't know yourself only have 2 at home, your days much be so much easier" :rolleyes: I feel like punching that person in the face, sometimes I just nod and move on, other days I go "well actually, I get up at 6am get all 4 breakfast, dressed and ready, drop of Aiden at school, then take Riley to preschool, race home, do some laundry, clean kitchen then race back out by 11:30am to pick Riley back up, get him home, feed them lunch, put down the young ones for a sleep, then spend that time while they are sleeping mopping, cleaning and preping for dinner, then I am back out picking up Aiden at 3pm, then off to Karate, soccer or swimming lessons, then I get home cook dinner, bath them all then get them to bed, once that is all done I have to wrap things for shipment for my business, then if my husband is lucky he might get some and then it's time for bed by midnight, YEAH, my time is so much freer now I have 2 in school"

That normally shuts them up :awink:


:spitwater :bowdown: