Dinner time

[Trish]

Dinner time in our house has become such a battle that I don't even want to sit down and eat with my boys anymore - it's that bad. For one, Aden and Evan are very picky eaters (this is partly our fault and we know that now and are trying to make sure we don't do this w/Owen ;) ) and they constantly are goofing around at the table. We have threatened, taken toys away, and sent them straight to bed and nothing seems to work? It's mostly Aden. Evan and Owen can sit at the table and be fine, but Aden is very giggly and then gets Evan going and then sometimes Owen, too and at first, it's funny and it's cute, but after a while - enough is enough. They aren't eating, because they are laughing and occasionaly, they have started to choke on their food.

Chad and I are just at our wits end with them. My parents are even annoyed with their behavior at the table and they don't annoy easily. My mom is very tolerant of the boys and their behavior and then after the way they acted at dinner last night, she said she was even annoyed. It's bad when grandma gets annoyed :giggle:

Besides needing to vent about it ;) I'm also wondering if any of you have any tricks or tips for me if you have been through this? TIA!

[Barb]

I don't have any tips because I'm going through it right now. I'll be paying close attention to this thread. :popcorn:

[KristenF]

Dangling the consequences in front of Zack (you'll lose the computer, video night, etc...) seems to have an effect on him, but trying to control Mason is like trying to catch wind in a bag. :disbelief He gets down off his chair, puts his face in his food, and ultimately refuses to eat unless he's fed. (We've gone both ways with that-let him not eat and then listened to the sobs later when he's hungry, and have both fed him and hot fed him later, AND I've given in and fed him, to avoid the I'm hungry battle later.) Yep, I've got no advice.

[sabrina]

We have this problem many nights as well. Usually it my Eoin that is doing it. What has worked for us is to set five m&m's or five skittles in front of their plate. We told them the rules (eat your dinner, sit still, have quiet conversation with the family, etc.). If they started playing, talking or not eating they lost one of the skittles or m&ms. When I say lost, the m&m didn't go back in the bag, mommy or daddy got to eat it instead. The first couple of nights were hard and they still wanted to play and usually ended up with only one m&m. After a couple of nights they learned what was expected and they did very well. We have used this when we were watching another families children and worked very well with them. We did this for a few months and don't even have to use the m&ms anymore. If they start to acting up again, we set a timer for a set number of minutes (enough for them to eat but not enough to allow time for them to play). When the timer goes off they are done. I take the plate away and put it in the dishwasher. I usually will set it for 20 minutes (this is after already being at the table for an hour so I feel that it is reasonable). These have worked for us when losing tv, video games, etc didn't work. And we do still have to implement them on occassion. And by no means do they eat perfectly and meal time goes perfectly but we have gotten to an acceptable point in behavior for us.

[Trish]

If they start to acting up again, we set a timer for a set number of minutes (enough for them to eat but not enough to allow time for them to play). When the timer goes off they are done. I take the plate away and put it in the dishwasher. I usually will set it for 20 minutes (this is after already being at the table for an hour so I feel that it is reasonable). We have done this too, and it works, ok, but it still stresses me out and still ends up in mommy and daddy raising their voice at dinner and we all know how fun that is :rolleyes:

We may have to try the M&M thing. We've tried something similar, but we've never set them directly in front of them, before. And, I could let Owen eat them if they lose them. I'm sure they wouldn't like that :giggle:

[Sam W]

We have had similar issues with Dane in regard to pickiness. He is a great eater, as long as it's something he's fine with eating. Isabel hasn't been too bad, but she is the slowest eater I've ever seen.
We've also tried taking 'perks' away, and also have left him to decide if he wants to eat or not (and then get the sobs later as well). Taking things away didn't seem like it was doing much good, letting him be hungry when he didn't want what was being served had better results.

Something that seems to be helping is letting them help make dinner. She likes to help. He's not as keen on it though. But when he does help, he's more likely to eat with less issue.
And we've also been coloring some food. We eat a lot of fish, and I've found that if I add some food coloring to it, Dane is more likely to eat it and Isabel seems to stay more focused on eating a bit faster. We color other things too, but that is one of the most frequent. Hope that helps.

I did a search on About.com (http://pediatrics.about.com/od/pickyeaters/Picky_Eaters.htm), and they had a fairly decent listing of suggestions.

[Hilary]

I thought I was the only one. :giggle: My kids take forever to eat because they goof off so much! I may have to try that M & M trick!

[Shel]

I went through this with Kaleb and Jacob (ugh, I adore my Jacob, but when he was younger..........)

I started making Jacob leave the table, and he was not allowed back until we were done and then he could eat, or we made him eat in another room (kitchen while we were in the dining room) He HATED it because he had to be alone, and he's not a loner type.

To combat pickiness at our house, I usually let the kids pick a side, or the veggie for the night, or the fruit for after dinner. Then they feel they get to have something they like and that they helped.

[Trish]

I started making Jacob leave the table, and he was not allowed back until we were done and then he could eat, or we made him eat in another room (kitchen while we were in the dining room) He HATED it because he had to be alone, and he's not a loner type.
I have thought of this, but we don't have a dining room, right now, so there would be no where for him to eat, except maybe at the desk in the office? I took the boys to McDonalds after gymnastics with their friend one night and twice, I had to send Aden to a different table. He just can't seem to calm himself down.

[Missy&Maggie]

I was going to start a post something like this recently too!

We are having serious picky issues with Maggie. She eats almost nothing -- pasta with butter, mac and cheese and white rice. That's about all she'll eat for dinner. The struggles are so frustrating! She'll say she's going to eat whatever we're having and then she'll pick at it for half an hour and then get upset when I take her plate away. I have no advice but I sure can sympathize!

[sabrina]

We have done this too, and it works, ok, but it still stresses me out and still ends up in mommy and daddy raising their voice at dinner and we all know how fun that is :rolleyes:

We may have to try the M&M thing. We've tried something similar, but we've never set them directly in front of them, before. And, I could let Owen eat them if they lose them. I'm sure they wouldn't like that :giggle:

The m&m thing doesn't work for everyone but it has worked for us. They key to it is to use a small candy that they really like.

Something else we have done is to eat dessert right in front of whichever one is lingering or fighting us on the "no thank you bite." One night Emmalee said she didn't want to try a vegetable because I had put lemon pepper on it. I knew she would most likely like it but she didn't want to do the one bite before you say no thank you rule that we have at every meal. We said okay and I got out the chocolate pudding with whipped cream (her favorite) and the rest of us started eating it. She quickly ate it her one bite, said it was good and finished eating the vegetable and then was able to have the chocolate pudding.

We had tried everything else, even the eating alone thing and it didn't work for us. Now dinner time is pretty enjoyable around our house. However, for a few months it was miserable. I hated dinner time.

[Kimmy0712]

We have a similar problem with Alex and he now gets 3 warnings to sit at the table correctly and eat and if cannot then he is sent to his room until he can calm himself enough to sit correctly at the dinner table. He is the biggest moocher! He can't sit still to save his life and it drives me insane! Thanksfully my kids aren't picky and they pretty much eat what we do so we are ok there.

[Connie1222]

I was going to start a post something like this recently too!

We are having serious picky issues with Maggie. She eats almost nothing -- pasta with butter, mac and cheese and white rice. That's about all she'll eat for dinner. The struggles are so frustrating! She'll say she's going to eat whatever we're having and then she'll pick at it for half an hour and then get upset when I take her plate away. I have no advice but I sure can sympathize!

This is Patrick (except his doesn't like mac & cheese either!). For a while he would go back & finish his plate before bed but now, nothing. Don't know how this kid survives.

[Karri]

Trish - can you "threaten" Aden w/ something very important to him --like anything related to the Wiggles? And follow through with your threats?

We tend to have behavior issues, as well. But we just try to stay calm and explain that we respect the dinner table and that dinnertime is for eating and conversation and that if they feel the need to laugh or dance or whatever, we're more than happy to turn on some music as soon as they're done eating and they can shake their sillies out.

As far as the food thing goes, I can only suggest standing firm and feeding them what you eat. Stop catering to the few foods that they like. If they don't eat but they say they're hungry later, then give them their plate back. I know some people think thats mean or a "hardass" approach, but my friend was in the same spot and she finally did it and low and behold --- her picky 4 year old is now eating family dinners. He may not be eating certain things hand over fist, but he'll try a bite or two. And like Shel said, giving them a little choice can help. I let my kids pick out the fruit.

[Trish]

Trish - can you "threaten" Aden w/ something very important to him --like anything related to the Wiggles? And follow through with your threats?
Sorry, I shouldn't have said that we threaten, because we don't just threaten, we do follow through, but it still doesn't always seem to phase him :dunno:

On Monday night Aden asked if they could go to mcDonalds after gymnastics last night (we did it after the first class a couple weeks ago) with their friend in the class, but I told him that until his behavior at the table improves we will not be taking them out to eat in public. I told him that I would not deal with his behavior that way. He was not happy about it, but told me that he would start behaving. Well, I will say that we have still had some issues the past couple days, but breakfast this am went much smoother than normal :woot: We shall see how dinner goes tonight.

[Karri]

Yay! Did you make sure to make a big deal about how happy & proud you are that he's working hard on it?

[Trish]

Yay! Did you make sure to make a big deal about how happy & proud you are that he's working hard on it?I did :nod: I told him that I was very proud of him and that I needed to see some more of that if he wanted to be able to go out to eat. Let's hope he keeps it up :crossfing

[DarcyT]

I try to let mine help me prepare dinner as well. That seems to help. Also letting the oldest in on how to prepare a meal and allowing him to decide on the menu sometimes will help the others because he includes them. Depending on the ages of your kids you could do word games and have them think up words that start with a certain letter of the alphabet or that rhyme with other word and do that at the table while eating dinner.

I only have trouble with my youngest child right now but in the past it was a problem. We did a lot of time outs and they wouldn't get snacks before bed. Over time I guess they just learned to eat at the table.

Make sure they have no snacks close to meal time. I've made that mistake a few times in the past. Also, when my kids go outside and run and play around right before dinner it helps to blow off some steam.