Do you monitor your child's cell phone use?

[bunybomb]

This service was featured on our evening news last night. I conducted a surprise search of my daughter's phone in December and was shocked at what I found. Provocative text messages from and to boys she doesn't know, a picture of a naked boy (looks like a man to me), pictures of herself in provocative poses. We took her phone away and delivered a stern warning of the dangers in what she was doing. She has been taught for a number of years that texting, IMing, MySpace, etc. can be VERY dangerous in school and at home. We decided she wasn't mature enough for a phone. However, I know she still texts on her friend's phones and I can't control that when she isn't with us. I'm thinking maybe she can get her phone back with something like this in place. What do you think?

Find out who your kids are calling and texting
http://www.9news.com/graphics/1pgrey.gifposted by: Jeffrey Wolf , Web Producer
written by: Quynh Nguyen , 9NEWS Reporter/Producer
reported by: Mark Koebrich , 9NEWS Consumer Reporter
created: 2/11/2008 8:07:04 PM
Last updated: 2/12/2008 8:28:57 AM
http://www.9news.com/graphics/1pgrey.gifKUSA - There's a new piece of technology that many kids will consider intrusive, but many parents will find is very effective at keeping predators away.

It's called the Radar Mobile Watchdog. It's designed to be easy for every parent to use - even if they're a little computer shy. The program alerts parents if their children receive unwanted or suspicious e-mails, instant messages, text messages or phone calls.

Even if your teen bristles at the suggestion that you're going to step in and monitor their electronic life, most experts agree it's a battle well worth fighting.

Keith Villa has a 14-year-old daughter. He uses the service because of safety concerns.

"We do it everyday to monitor our daughter, make sure that she's safe," said Villa.

He electronically keeps track of everyone who has her cell number - no exceptions.

"We don't go out and tell all of her friends that she's being monitored," said Villa. "If she wants to tell them, that's fine. If she doesn't, then well they'll be monitored anyway."

He can see all of her traffic - incoming and outgoing.

"Who's been contacting her and who she has contacted," said Villa.

A piece of software allows parents to keep track of who their children are talking to or being contacted by on their cell phones. Once installed on your computer and your child's number, you can simply log on and ask for a report. The software generates a "parental alerts" log. It divides calls and messages into categories like "approved" or "suspicious." Contacts on the log that are pink are unapproved, suspicious comes in as yellow.

It's the brain child of Bob Lotter, who remembers when he was child, his folks knew everyone he knew.

"At a certain age, I was allowed to play in the front yard, then I was allowed in the neighbor's yard and then I was allowed a block away and then three blocks away and my mom knew everybody, parents that I hung out with when I was kid. So this is a natural thing for parents to do," said Lotter.

Only now it's done electronically. Parents can monitor all elements of a message: time, date and the actual conversation.

"Of course we don't spy on our daughter. This is monitoring, she knows it. She knows she's being monitored," said Villa.

She knows because it was part of the deal so she could get a cell phone.

The service is currently the only one of its kind. It's compatible with 40 different models of cell phones.

It's easy to sign up - you simply call a radar operator and they will download the program onto your child's phone over the air. It will cost you $10 a month.

The company says the data you collected can't be erased. It's protected by radar, so if in fact your child is contacted by a predator, these phone records can then be used in court as evidence.

For more information, visit www.mymobilewatchdog.com (http://www.mymobilewatchdog.com/).


(Copyright KUSA*TV. All rights reserved.)

[sheila]

Wow. We aren't anywhere near cell phone aged kids yet, but reading what you dound on your daughter's phone was very surprising! I never would have guessed that any of those things would be there.

[Jayne]

We are considering a phone for Tylor for his 13th birthday since he will be off to the high School next year. That said..he is getting my old phone. It does have text on it but no picture function and we will monitor it's use. He will only have 200 minutes a month and if he goes over that he pays for it. It is scary what kids can do these days and what happens when your not around. I think we have the fear in Tylor though. We tell him we monitor his computer/phone/room..everything he owns and so he seems to be afraid to do anything without asking :lol: We do monitor his computer/im chats so he knows that for sure.

[MrsPeacefrog]

Eek, Jayne! Your poor son will be too scared to touch himself (literally) in his own room! :awink:


My girlfriend is going through this right now, she was in the car alone with her daughters phone (her daughter had run into the bank for her and they were on their way to pick up her daughters boyfriend and go to the pool) her phone beeped and she thought it was the boyfriend wondering where they were, so she looked at it and found herself looking at a failed picture message returning to her daughters phone, she opened it and lo and behold was staring at her own daughter vayjayjay! She was horrified, and looked further and found a picture of the boyfriends whoohaa staring back at her too. (apparantly enormous, but that is deviating from the story)

She took the phone off her daugther and she has been grounded for life. She is going to give her back her phone, but is giving her a phone that can not picture message.

I think the monitoring is a great idea, I think phones are great, and wish I had one when younger, would have been great to have when stuck for a ride or lost etc so I want my kids to have one, but I refuse to equip it with the features that allow this kind of thing to go on. I know kids are kids and are going to do these kind of things, but they just don't get the ramifications, my friend had to explain to her daughter the prospect of him showing his friends that picture, not to mention if they broke up and he plastered the pictures all over school! :errr:

[Girlo]

We're not anywhere near this stage either, but it does sound like a great value for $10 a month. :aok:

Having been a teenager (and a wild one with a good memory.....), I'm not terribly surprised. I got away with whatever I could when I was a teen....no matter how dangerous, absurd, inappropriate, etc.

[Shel]

We don't "monitor" Kaleb, but he knows that surprise inspections are possible at any moment :giggle: I like that it gives him somewhat a sense of privacy, but it keeps him honest because he never knows when we might pop and see what he's been up to (which honestly, we rarely do).

It's like a random drug test without the pee.

[Clare]

Wow, Deb :eek: How old is that girl?

No phones here yet although Emily is desperate for one and Alex wants to give her one. I don't see the need for it until high school, but we will see who wins this battle :awink:

I'm not sure that I'd go as far as this monitoring device, I think I like Shel's idea of random testing. But if I did find anything dodgy in a random check then I might get the device installed.

[MrsPeacefrog]

15, she is turning 16 in July.

Shel, I think that is a great way to do it too :aok: I think it's important for kids to have some aspect of privacy/sanctuary. We musn't forget that we were once that age. But I do agree it's a good idea for if the trust is broken by finding something inappropriate.

[Silke]

I know, Natascha wants one but only over my dead body. :giggle: We had an internet incident last year, and this is one reason for not getting one, and the other that I'd be worried about my bill. :lol:

[Nadine]

We got Yumi a cell phone this summer because he started taking a cab to the pool 2x a week. This way he can contact us if he gets stuck, misses the schoolbus, is in trouble, feels bad about things at school ... you name it.
His phone is restricted in that he can only call 8 numbers we authorized. He can txt only those numbers as well. No internet access, no image txting.
It is there for his safety and he doesn't abuse it.

[Jayne]

Eek, Jayne! Your poor son will be too scared to touch himself (literally) in his own room! :awink:



When I say he knows we monitor..It is more like Shel is speaking of. We do random checks (On his computer especially) and we will on the phone if and when he gets it. I think that is part of being a parent..I know i was checked up on all the time. We respect Tylor and he has some privacy but his room is never off limits to us and his computer is linked to ours so we can check it at all times. Not that we do and he knows we don't always but if he is in a chat I have the right to ask him who he is talking to and make sure I know them. When he added his buddy list I asked him who they all were, called their parents to make sure they were who they said they were etc. Most parents thought it was a good idea and I have since had two calls to make sure my sons screen name was him :lol: Even Alyssa now has IM..which is funny. She only talks to Tylor, Dan, myself, my parents and a little girl on her bus.

[Mary DK]

Becky, I would freak out to find that in my kid's phone :hug99: and I would definitely take it away immediately :nod: And when/if it was to be returned I would definitely spend the $10 to download that program :aok:

Jayne, I think that's great :nod: That's pretty much what we'll be doing with the boys. Right now there is not much going on, just a few on-line sites (Cars, Nascar, etc) that they can visit & it's only on my computer where I can see what they're doing at all times.

Nadine, that's the kind of phone Eliot will be getting for his first phone. We don't even have a internet/picture phone ourselves so we don't think a kid even needs it.

[Karri]

OMG, Becky. I would have freaked out. I always see snippits like that on shows like 20/20, Dateline, etc and it scares the crap out of me for what's ahead of us. Can I asked how she handled it? How did you guys not want to lock her up and throw away the key? :lol:

[Cami]

found a picture of the boyfriends whoohaa staring back at her too. (apparantly enormous, but that is deviating from the story)

The whole thing is horrifying and I would want to lock my child in her room for years if she did this, but I am completely cracking up that your friend commented on size in the midst of the story. :lol2:

[bunybomb]

She was completely caught off guard when I asked for the phone. She gave it to me freely without arguement. But she also thinks Chris and I are dumb and don't know how to work with technology, etc. After finding the goods, I talked to her about it. She said she didn't know two of the guys and she got the phone #s from her friend B. She said she got the naked guy picture from B and she got the picture from her 16 year old step-sister. She told me that she didn't know the guy in the picture and I do believe her. But I also said that it wasn't appropriate to have. The pictures of herself were not naked but one was in a bikini top and although she is flat chested, it was obvious she was trying to be provocative and it was meant to be sent to someone. I asked about the sexual text messages and she said she got carried away and was joking. She said she's not ready for sex and she's not even sure she's ready to kiss anyone. We talked about how dangerous it was and how quickly someone could find out where she lived and take her. Also we discussed how bad of a reputation she will get when this spills over to boys she goes to school with. I remember being that age and how grown up it made me feel to talk about sex and being flirtatious, etc. Now days, technology just makes it different. If I could lock her up, I certainly would. :lol:

I discussed this service with Chris last night and he's all for it. Dyl can have her phone back and if she is upset about the service, she doesn't need a phone!

[bunybomb]

Unfortunately, this service won't work with the phone we currently have for her. I don't want her to have internet access on her phone so I can't go with it. But what I did add is a service that will lockdown the contact list in her phone and no one can be added or deleted without a code. With this service, if she received text/pic messages or calls from those not on the list, I will receive an alert on my cell phone. But I'm fudging a bit and telling her that I can see all text/pic messages. I decided it's more of a pain for me when Dylan doesn't have her phone. If I cancel the text feature, she doesn't even want a phone which I understand since that is all kids do.

I decided on the contract method. I wrote up this contract and will present to her this weekend. If she will sign it, then she can have her phone back.

CONTRACT



Cell phone contract

Between Parents, Becky/Chris XXXXX and daughter, Dylan XXXXX





This contract is being executed to allow the use of a parent-paid cell phone issued to Dylan XXXXX for use in voice, text and picture messaging. This contract is to outline rules and regulations of use for one (1) Motorola RAZR phone. This contract can be changed and/or revoked at any given date or time.




The phone will be used only for voice calling and text messaging of persons known personally by Dylan and her parents. These contacts will be discussed and full disclosure of relationship with a contact will be completed. The Contact list will not be modified, added to or deleted without consent of parents.



Internet access is not available on this phone and has been blocked.



A service has been added to the phone to allow full viewing of all text messages; incoming and outgoing, all pictures; incoming and outgoing, as well as all phone numbers of incoming and outgoing voice calls. All content of text and picture messages must be appropriate in nature and must not include drug/alcohol references or sexually explicit words, phrases or pictures. This is the phone of a 13 year old girl and will only be used as such. If text, pictures and voice calls are sent to or received from persons unknown, an alert will be sent to Mom’s phone.



Phone will be surrendered to parents at anytime. Inspections will be conducted at anytime.



All school classes must be showing a B grade or higher on the parent portal to maintain possession of the phone.



These policies must be followed EXACTLY and with NO EXCEPTIONS or EXCUSES. This is a one-strike policy. One (1) offense will result in permanent loss of phone and number will be disconnected.




By signing this contract, parties are stating they understand and will follow all rules and regulations outlined in the above summary. If questions regarding this contract arise, ask first before assumptions are made that could result in service termination.





Thoughts?

[Michal]

I think that you handled the situation appropriately Becky. Having a phone at 13 should be an earned privilege and it looks like you are doing a good job of teaching her responsibility.

[Alysia]

Becky, I am impressed. :aok: Let us know what she thinks of it!