My niece Anna has always been wonderful with Sarah. She's 11 months older, and very advanced.

She is starting to ask questions about Sarah. She seems to know that Sarah needs help, and she willingly gives it. She didn't understand why Sarah didn't play with the Christmas gift she picked out for her, and my brother and SIL don't really know what to say. They are worried about telling Anna the wrong thing and having her say something insulting, or possibly having Anna think that Sarah is hopeless or something.

Sarah was in one of her moods the last time we saw them and was hitting and kicking Anna. We stopped her every time she even attempted, and Anna was surprisingly good about it. She didn't even react, other than to give her a very confused look.

I want to explain to Anna as best as I can what is going on with Sarah, and I'd like to thank her for being so nice and helpful and understanding. She's almost 4. I was thinking of telling her at Sarah's birthday party something along the lines of, "I want to thank you for being so helpful with Sarah. You are always so nice to her." But then how do I explain about the toy? It's cute, but Sarah doesn't understand it yet. I'm not sure how you tell a 4-year-old that her cousin has special needs. I want to explain to her that everybody is different and that someday she will be ready for it. I just don't really know how.

What about giving her parents a book to read to her? This one looks like it might be really good: http://www.amazon.com/Keishas-Doors-Benjamin-Amazon-com-Reviewers/dp/1933319003/ref=pd_sim_b_title_3/105-8347339-9409210 I couldn't find the book that the support services teacher read to my class at the beginning of the year. I will have to ask her what the title of it was. It was probably a bit too much for your niece anyway since she is only 4.

I want to explain to her that everybody is different and that someday she will be ready for it. I just don't really know how.
I think I'd probably say just that. I would tell her that we all learn to do things at different speeds and that it's just taking Sarah a little longer than most other kids.

Kim, I'll take a look at that book. It might still be a bit much for Anna to understand. But a book is a good idea. Anna loves books and loves it when we read to her!

Sarah, that's a good thought.

I asked Sarah's speech therapist this morning because she has a son who is autistic and a younger son who is not. She said that when the younger one would ask why the older one didn't have to do XYZ or wouldn't do XYZ, she would just simply say he can't do it yet.

I think the "everyone is different" is a very good tact. At almost 4, I think my older two could have grasped that. And it's reassuring to know that, in Anna, you're seeing that young children can be so kind. Good luck!

Yeah, I know we're really lucky. Anna is a sweetheart. It's amazing because her father is one of the brothers who is being a jerk about my being pregnant (doesn't think I should have another child due to Sarah's problems).

I ordered this book:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0979471303/ref=s9_asin_image_1?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-1&pf_rd_r=0P920CMYZB956V235291&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=320448601&pf_rd_i=507846

The book Kim recommended seemed a bit over Anna's head. This one may be as well, but hopefully not. I'm sure my brother and SIL will explain any parts that Anna doesn't seem to get.