considering a 3rd

[TaraF]

I have 2 boys, and they are 18 months apart. Eric will be 4 in April and Connor turned 5 in October. We are thinking of having a 3rd. Right now our plan is, if we decide to actually do it ;), is to start TTC in the fall of 2008 so that baby would be born mid-2009. At that time, Eric would be 5 and Connor would be almost 7. My ideal timing would have me due in or after September 2009 (Eric would be entering Senior Kindergarten at that point) so that my maternity leave would end when Eric enters grade 1 (then Connor and Eric would be in school full time, and I'd either stay home and work part-time, or return to work and have to worry about full-time daycare for only 1 child).

I know that things will be a lot different having 2 older kids (whereas Connor was still had a 'baby' when Eric was born!). And we will be starting from scratch as far as supplies go - we planned to only have 2, so we got rid of everything! The only 'baby' things we still have is the potty and a few toys that I just hadn't gotten around to getting rid of yet... Going from 1-2, we had everything, so financially, it was just more diapers that we had to worry about... To have a 3rd, we'll have diapers, and the cost of everything else again! (though there is a lot of stuff I wouldn't bother getting third time around, and hopefully could get a lot of stuff second-hand from friends who are done with their stuff ;)). We also will need to get a new vehicle (our Cavalier could not fit 3 kids unless someone went in the trunk! :lol: )

For those who have 3 (or more) how was the transition from 2 to 3 kids? Financially, was it better or worse than you expected? Are your kids close in age or not? And if they're not, how did the older kids react to a new baby? Is there anything you wish you'd known, or thought of, before you decided to have a 3rd that you'd like to share with me? ;)

[Karri]

I think my situation is different than those with 3 siblings and I didn't choose it, either :lol: But I wanted to weigh in on the financial aspect..... 3 kids are costing us an arm and a leg. I am not talking about taking them on vacation, either, because that is something that we choose to be frivilous about. I am talking about feeding them (my kids eat a boatload of food, especially fruit!!!) and putting them in activities. I can easily drop $500 every 12 weeks to put them into activites and I am not overscheduling us, either (and that's cheap b/c we go through the YMCA).
And time...time for activities for 3 kids is hard for me to juggle. Especially with school and homework thrown in the mix.

[Cami]

Now that my three all need their own meals when we go to restaurants, need packed lunches most days, all have their own activities, and all have friends who invite them to birthday parties, I agree with Karri on the cost.... like she said, even fruit for example. :lol: The cost factor doesn't hit at first. Infants don't really add that much but later it will catch up to you (as I'm sure you see with two growing boys).

I have a few friends who had 3rd babies when their youngest started school full time. Their opinions were that they'd forgotten how non-stop needy babies are. They found it hard to get out each morning, coordinating the baby's feedings with getting older kids ready for and on the way to school. But they really enjoyed the time with a new baby again. They relaxed and appreciated how sweet a baby is. Oh and the older siblings did great with a baby. They were old enough, had friends and their own world and weren't bothered by having a baby around. I can't think of one child who had a hard time with it.

[Elisete]

My boys were about 5 and 3.5 years old when Ben was born. Ben was a "happy surprise" My two older boys are 16 months apart. I thought taking care of them was pretty easy because they were both doing the same type of things. The third baby threw me for a loop! I just can't seem to get my act together! The first few months were HARD! Babies need sooooo much attention but the older boys need attention too. The lack of sleep (which I still am going through) really takes a toll on you. You really do forget how much work it is taking care of a baby.

The two older boys LOVED Ben from day one! They are very good about helping me keep an eye on him.

Financially it hasn't been too bad. I still had all of the baby clothes, toys etc. I buy diapers at BJ's or WalMart. My two older boys do eat me out of house and home though! I can't imagine how it is going to be when they are teenagers :lol: Teddy is in kindergarten now and Sam is in a private pre-school. Next year they will both be in public school so we will be able to same some money there.

The only thing I wish we did different would be having the third one sooner. I think it will get easier with time. The two older ones will be in school full time next year so that will give me more time to do things for myself.

[Sandy]

REading this with interest and horror, all at the same time. :lol: :bawl: :lol:

[Elisete]

REading this with interest and horror, all at the same time. :lol: :bawl: :lol:

I don't want to scare you all :lol:

Another thing....I found being pregnant the third time sooooo exhausting! The first few months I didn't feel well and was very tired but I had to take care of my two boys. Then the last few months when I felt HUGE and was very uncomfortable and had to chase after the two boys.....uggggg! I can't imagine having to take care of 3 kids and being pregnant, that is why I'm not having any more! :lol:

[TaraF]

I don't want to scare you all :lol:

Another thing....I found being pregnant the third time sooooo exhausting! The first few months I didn't feel well and was very tired but I had to take care of my two boys.

I am worried about pregnancy too - I was very sick with my first and sicker with my 2nd, from day 1 till I delivered (seconds after delivering I had colour back in my face for the first time in 9 months!). I was off work before I was out of the first trimester, for the remainder of the pregnancy! I worry that it will be like that again - or worse - and how we'll deal with that... The only thing is, if that happens, the kids can continue to go to daycare and DH will be home in the evenings. As it is, he gets the kids ready and out the door in the mornings. I'm really hoping that the 3rd time will be different and that if we do have another, it'll be a perfect pregnancy! :lol:

[milliez]

For those who have 3 (or more) how was the transition from 2 to 3 kids? I actually thought that it was easier going from 2 to 3 than from 1 to 2. The older two played together and that left me having a ton of time to devote to Layla, which was great. I wasn't able to do that with Nicholas.

Financially, was it better or worse than you expected? The kids are still young, so I don't think we're feeling much of the financial burden yet. Layla and Olivia are cloth diapered and I breastfed Layla and am bf'ing Olivia as well. Kenny is in Kindergarten and Nicholas is in preschool, so they're not really involved in a lot of extra curricular activities yet. We spend about $600.00 per month on groceries, but I know that will become more as they continue to grow.

Are your kids close in age or not? Yes! Kenny and Nicholas are 20 months apart, Nicholas and Layla are 30 months apart and Layla and Olivia are 23 months apart.

Is there anything you wish you'd known, or thought of, before you decided to have a 3rd that you'd like to share with me? ;) Not really. Layla (and Olivia) was a big surprise for us, so it's not like we put much thought into it. It just happened.

I think that because you have two older children, it will be great to have a 3rd at this point. They will be in school full time and will have each other to play with at home. I think it would be wonderful to have that special one on one time with the baby. I will never regret having all of ours so close together, but I think the spacing would be great too!

~ Melissa

[TaraF]

Hi Melissa -Your wee Olivia shares a birthday with my Connor (just 5 years apart ;)).

[KristenF]

...subbing :shuffle:

[Bonnie]

Mine are really close, 19 months from 1 to 2, 20 from 2 to 3. I didn't find it so hard going from 2 to 3 until Tatum started to really move and turned out to be a wild child... it's fun but chaotic at all time. They are constantly on the go and in each others faces, which can be a nightmare. But they also are so close they can all play together.

Financially, I don't notice much of a change... I have 3 girls close in age, so they can share tons of things. We have a nanny, so that is $$, but that didn't change much with the addition of a 3rd child. We don't go out much because to get a babysitter and do a night out is very expensive, but that was the same when we only had 2. I figure it is going to get pricey when I have 3 teenage girls, but 2 wouldn't have been all that much cheaper. 3 college educations is going to set us back as well, but we're saving.

I had extremely easy pregnancies, so that was not an issue. It was hard to spend tons of time with Tatum as a newborn because of the demands of a 3 year old and 20 month old, but she may end up being the best adjusted one, you never know.

Tatum was a happy surprise, though we were thinking about eventually having a 3rd... we didn't give it any real thought, so no advice there.

Since mine are so close, I can't speak to dealing with a bigger age difference, but I'd think it would be easier to manage a newborn when the other 2 are older.

[debstar]

Just subbing here too. Mine will be the exact same gaps as your girls Bonnie; 19 mths from 1-2 & 20 mths from 2-3.

[milliez]

Hi Melissa -Your wee Olivia shares a birthday with my Connor (just 5 years apart ;)).

OMG, I never noticed that!! Very neat!

~ Melissa

[milliez]

In response to being sick and having the older kids, it definitely wasn't fun, but I made it through. I had awful nausea throughout my entire pregnancy with both girls. With Olivia I had horrible fatigue, but Kenny was 5 1/2, almost 6, so I was able to get him situated and then lay down for a nap while the other two napped. That helped me out a ton. I felt bad for Kenny, but he survived.:awink:

~ Melissa

[Sandy]

...subbing :shuffle:

Wow! This surprises me! Any other surprises coming??? :popcorn:

[Kimmy0712]

I am hoping that it won;t be too difficult to go from 2 to 3. The boys are going to be 6 and almost 5 when the baby comes and they do play well together. At this point I am just plain tired. I really can't remember the last time I slept through the night, maybe 5 years ago. That will be nothing new for me.

[KristenF]

Wow! This surprises me! Any other surprises coming??? :popcorn:

We're both pretty sure we're going to try for #3, we're just not talking about a target date yet. I'm thinking I want to wait another year and a half, so Mason will have started Kindergarten at the same time we get pg (Sept. 09, for a June 2010 baby-I don't want a new baby at the start of any school year-they would be 8 and 6 when #3 arrives) If I cave, at the very earliest we will try this Sept. when Mason goes from 3 half-days to 5 half-days. I just can't imagine being pregnant again nine months from now.

I just want some time to myself, to catch up on organizing projects and stuff that have been left in the dust for 6 years, and just to catch my breath, before starting. all. over. again. I have to admit, little hints are starting to show me that I could be susceptible to baby fever... we'll see what effect little Sophie has on me when she arrives.:roseglass

[Michele]

I just want some time to myself, to catch up on organizing projects and stuff that have been left in the dust for 6 years, and just to catch my breath, before starting. all. over. again. I have to admit, little hints are starting to show me that I could be susceptible to baby fever... we'll see what effect little Sophie has on me when she arrives.:roseglass

This is pretty much me too. I haven't ruled out a third, but I feel like I need some time to catch my breath before it happens.

I will say that the farther away from "baby" Anna gets, the harder it is to think about going back there. However, every time I decide "this is it" the "what if..." comes back. I just can't come to terms with never again yet.

I also feel like my life has been so chaotic since Anna came into the picutre, that I didn't quite get to enjoy her babyness as much as I should have. So I kind of want another when things slow down (if they do) so I can enjoy him/her more. But then maybe I should focus more on enjoying her now rather than wanting another baby to make up for what I feel like I missed...

Either way, I need to focus on myself and finish my Masters program before I can do anything else though.

You can see that I go around and around about this issue, but I find this thread interesting.