My DH had a vasectomy and it has reversed itself. I recently had a miscarriage after a very unexpected pregnancy! We are now considering having a 3rd baby. I told my parents about what happened. My mom said "Well, I guess now if you decide you want another, it's an option," and I think she and my dad would be very happy for us if we had another.

DH told his mom. Her reaction was not so good. And she told him not to tell his sister or father, because they would freak out.

I know that if/when we I get pregnant again, it will not go over well with DH's family. DH's mom is fine, but his dad and sister are very judgemental and well, basically, if we lead our life differently than they are leading theirs, then what we're doing is wrong.

If you're TOC or TTC and you know your family does not "approve" of your decision, does it affect you at all? Part of me wants to say "Mind your own business - it's our life!" and part of me feels guilty for even thinking about TTC again knowing they'd be so upset with us - "maybe they're right, maybe we shouldn't be thinking of having another..." (I have a very guilty conscience :lol: )

If you want another baby, have one. It's none of anyone else's business!! They've got some nerve! :mad:

Oh, I think we plan to! :lol: It's just annoying, and sad, to know that people close to you don't support your decision, ya know?

Two of my brothers were, and they're not too happy that I'm pregnant either. Sarah has special needs and was recently diagnosed with autism, and for some reason they think I'd neglect her therapy or something. Of course being the mature adults they are, they told my mom and not me. Lovely.

Thankfully Sarah was on her game when she saw them yesterday. She was talking, eating well, etc. :eviltongu

Tara, sorry that it's this way with DH's family... May I ask why they would be upset about you TTC #3? Please tell me to butt out if it's none of my business...

They, well, they don't like they we aren't doing things "right". We live in an apartment. We rent. Our first priority should be getting into a house. We should think of nothing else. We should do nothing that will prevent that.

We're young still - I'm 27 and DH is 29. We will get a house eventually. We're nowhere close to it now, and if we decide to have a 3rd, we don't want to put it off for 10 years so that we can get into a house first. But it's not a high priority for us. Maybe it should be, but it's not.

DH's mom is concerned about my health if we have another - I went through a severe depression after my 2nd was born - and I understand her concerns - I am concerned too! But things are very different now, I have better support systems in place, and see a psychiatrist regularly, so while the risk would be high, I think we can manage better if I go through it again...

My family would just be happy to have another baby added to the family! :lol:

Tara, thanks for sharing that. While I'm all for investing in your future and planning accordingly, I disagree with DH's family making you feel awful about not doing things the way they would think is right.... you have your family and you are doing things in the order you deem important. I think it's ok for them to voice their opinion, but to make you feel crappy over that? not acceptable. I think it's great that you want another baby and you are making that decision, even if it means waiting a bit longer for other things :) !

As far as health concerns, i understand MIL and yourself being worried about that. Still not a reason to talk you out of TTC, and it sounds like MIL is just worried, not overstepping boundaries? It does sound like you have a good handle on things, and I'm sure that will help things a ton!!!

You will have all the support you ever want here, so I hope that will help :)

My father breathes a sigh of relief every time he sees me have a drink at a family party b/c he knows it means I'm not pg. He asks Joe practically every time we see him if he's "made the appt." We just laugh at him, but I know he'd be a bit stressed if I did get pg again b/c my mom does so much for us. Most of that is voluntary on her part, but I've also come to rely on that help and I know it would add extra stress to their lives. But that said, if I really wanted another baby, I wouldn't hesitate to have one.

I'm sorry your family is not being very supportive, Tara. I'm sure it's in good part that they're worried about your health.

I'm sorry to hear that too, Tara. :hug99: It sounds like you know your limitations and have the resources in place to make sure you're not ever back in the same place you were after your 2nd baby. That's the mature and healthy way to approach anything in life, if you ask me! Well.....I'll definitely be happy for you guys! :)

As for us, I think our families would be happy.....but guarded. After losing so many babies to m/c lately, I think they'd rather see us just raise Alex and not put ourselves through it all again. However....if I ever do get pg again, I'll wait to tell anybody (except Paul and my boss) until I see a heartbeat on a late first-tri u/s. :awink: That way, no one will have to hear the bad news.

I believe it's a decision between a husband and wife, it's no one elses damn business, to put it bluntly.

The only time I would feel it becomes someone elses problem is if you were relying on said people for money, if they have to help you financially now before adding another child to the mix, then I find that to be selfish and then yes, they have every right to speak up if you were going to add another mouth to feed, but if you are on your own two feet, and do not rely on them, then they can keep their judgements to themselves, and if they try to make you feel guilty you need to tell them that it's your decision and to butt out.

I believe it's a decision between a husband and wife, it's no one elses damn business, to put it bluntly.

The only time I would feel it becomes someone elses problem is if you were relying on said people for money, if they have to help you financially now before adding another child to the mix, then I find that to be selfish and then yes, they have every right to speak up if you were going to add another mouth to feed, but if you are on your own two feet, and do not rely on them, then they can keep their judgements to themselves, and if they try to make you feel guilty you need to tell them that it's your decision and to butt out.While I agree with this, I also think it's all non-financial support. I'm not saying this fits in Tara's case, but if the family ends up babysitting, driving, etc. your kids around b/c you can't due to a high-risk pg or a new baby - well, then if they have a problem with you getting pg and you do, you shouldn't expect their support or not expect to have family strain based on your decision.

Originally posted by the highly fertile Alyssa
My father breathes a sigh of relief every time he sees me have a drink at a family party b/c he knows it means I'm not pg.

I know this is a serious topic, but this sentence just struck me as extremely funny. :lol:

But, agreed as to Alyssa's last post. I do think it is the choice of the mother/father, but if that decision directly impacts others - either financially or otherwise (ie: caregiving, etc) then I think this MUST be something considered before the decision is made to have another child. Otherwise, I think you would have to ensure that before you have another child, you will be able to take care of that child financially or otherwise. And I think that goes moreso once the pregnancy/newborn stage is over. For example, if someone has two children who are being taken care of full time during the day by grandparents while the parents work, etc., then you have to think about whether a. they could handle a third, b. whether they want to make another 5-6 year commitment to do so, etc.

Quote:
<TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=6 width="100%" border=0><TBODY><TR><TD class=alt2 style="BORDER-RIGHT: 1px inset; BORDER-TOP: 1px inset; BORDER-LEFT: 1px inset; BORDER-BOTTOM: 1px inset">Originally Posted by MrsPeacefrog
I believe it's a decision between a husband and wife, it's no one elses damn business, to put it bluntly.

The only time I would feel it becomes someone elses problem is if you were relying on said people for money, if they have to help you financially now before adding another child to the mix, then I find that to be selfish and then yes, they have every right to speak up if you were going to add another mouth to feed, but if you are on your own two feet, and do not rely on them, then they can keep their judgements to themselves, and if they try to make you feel guilty you need to tell them that it's your decision and to butt out.
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While I agree with this, I also think it's all non-financial support. I'm not saying this fits in Tara's case, but if the family ends up babysitting, driving, etc. your kids around b/c you can't due to a high-risk pg or a new baby - well, then if they have a problem with you getting pg and you do, you shouldn't expect their support or not expect to have family strain based on your decision.

I agree with both - and the funny thing is, the 2 people who would be upset if we had another are the 2 people who offer us no support! :lol: My parents have helped us out financially in the past - and they would be thrilled to have another grandchild! MIL babysits when we need her (she lives 45 minutes away, so it's not a frequent thing, but a few times throughout the year), and the only thing she is worried about is my health...

But my FIL and SIL who don't do that, are the ones who would have a problem... Which is what I really don't understand!

That's funny, Alyssa :giggle:

I agree that for the most part, its no one's business except the husband and wife's, except in situations like Sandy mentioned.
I am sorry that your ILs aren't being more receptive and supportive about it. Do you perhaps think that they are worried about your husband ending up as a single father and the kids being motherless if your depression is even worse this time around? (i hated to type that, so i am sorry if i offended you).

Karri, I don't think that's the case - SIL has no idea what I went through - My husband never told her (and I was good at hiding things when we were out). FIL is also pretty oblivious - My husband told him when I was hospitalized once, but downplayed things. His father doesn't really know what I went through either. His mom and my parents are the only ones who know the extent of it.

For Brent's dad and sister, it's strictly a financial thing. By not having a house, we are doing something wrong :(. I could understand them better if they had other reasons, but everything is about getting a house...

ah, ok then. well then its totally none of their business. if you want to live the rest of your lives renting, then that's your's and brent's perrogative. not everyone wants to be a homeowner (and take on all the burdens that come along with it) or thinks it important.

While I agree with this, I also think it's all non-financial support. I'm not saying this fits in Tara's case, but if the family ends up babysitting, driving, etc. your kids around b/c you can't due to a high-risk pg or a new baby - well, then if they have a problem with you getting pg and you do, you shouldn't expect their support or not expect to have family strain based on your decision.

I agree with this too, and to be honest, I consider it financial support when grandparents do the caregiving while you work so you don't have to pay for daycare. Yes they aren't handing over actual money, but they are saving you a fortune on daycare costs so hence financial support and falls under the same category as I was talking :crazy:

I also agree with you in the sense that if you have had problems in the past and you knowingly go ahead and get pregnant knowing it's going to impact other people who are going to have to care for you or your children while you get through the pregnancy, then their feelings should be taken into account too.

For Brent's dad and sister, it's strictly a financial thing. By not having a house, we are doing something wrong :(. I could understand them better if they had other reasons, but everything is about getting a house...

If this is all it comes down to, then I wouldn't even let it bother me! I couldn't care less what other people think about us. It's your life and you will NEVER please everybody, so don't let it bother you, it seems no matter what you did they would probably have something new to pick on, so go and procreate and don't worry about these people :lol: