Not sure what to do with Rebekah...crying because of childcare

[Brooke]

Rebekah is 5.5 yrs old. She's pretty mature, right on track I guess. She loves older kids, like the 7-8 yr old range. She will be starting all day kindergarten in the fall.

This summer, to keep her busy and away from the TV, we put her in the childcare/daycare at our church. It's before and after school care during the school year, and all day care in the summer. The kids are ages 4/5 through 5th grade. So she is one of the youngest. It's about 40 kids, but alot are on vacation. When I dropped her off this morning, there were only about 10 kids there.

She goes on Mondays and Wednesdays ONLY. The other days she is with my mom.

Lately, she has been crying and saying she wants to quit childcare. I can't figure out why. She gives lots of reasons -


She misses us
She misses Daniel
She misses my mom
She will miss her favorite TV shows
They don't have a tv
She doesn't like to do their "stations" (they make them do more than just play)
She wants to go to Ocean City instead
She would rather watch movies
It makes her tired.
We don't spend enough time together (and she named everything I did without her all weekend - mowing the grass, doing laundry, making hamburgers...)
You get the idea. Last night she cried for over an hour and eventually cried herself to sleep because she didn't want to go to Childcare today. I know she'll start the crying when I get home tonight.

I did figure out that one girl told her I wouldn't like something she colored because she colored with black.

I'm at a loss. I don't know what to do. She is crying or getting teary-eyed a little while she's there. At first she did ok but now it's getting worse.

I told her that sometimes we have to do things we don't like but we do them anyway. I also told her that we always pick her up and we won't leave her there.

She NEEDS to go but I can't have her crying every day. What's Kindergarten going to be like? And all of this really wears on me.

Someone suggested a reward system where she gets something small every day she doesn't cry and then maybe gets bigger rewards every week or so. I don't know if it would work with her personality, though.

[gulp!]

we had this problem with Emma last year during day camp. She pitched such a fit every morning that eventually we pulled her out. It was camp- it wasn't worth the battle. Come to find out, her main teacher was away for a good portion of it with family issues, and it was a bunch of teens that had them sit there and color most of the day. No wonder she hated it.

This year I found an activity that she loved- dance camp, and she went every single day without a whimper, despite not knowing a single soul there. If Rebekah is putting up that much of a fuss, there's probably a reason, especially if she doesn't usually balk at going to school/daycare.

I'd rather save my battle for the one that counts, which will be kindergarten.

[stass]

:hug99: We have similar trouble with Saxon. He gets anxious about school though he seems to do well when he is there. We just make him go. If it is really a bad day I'll say "hey let's go get donuts to take to class!" Or something special like that.

HTH. :)

[sheila]

I have questions...

Does she have a problem with it during the school year? Or is this something entirely new for her?
What have her teachers said about her behavior in school?
Have you explained why you need her to go?
Does she need to go to this program? Or does she just need to go somewhere on MW?


Sometimes, I think a little push is all that is needed to get a child used to a new situation. Sometimes, though, there are other issues that are more important.




I :heart: the donuts idea and might be using that for Katie next year at school if she has a hard time. Thanks Stacey!

[Brooke]

Responses to Sheila's questions.

Does she have a problem with it during the school year? Or is this something entirely new for her? This is new. She went to preschool until mid-may, in the same building, in the classroom next door. She knew the teachers and several of the kids in the childcare but she had never actually stayed with them. She was ok when we told her she would be going since her friend Meghan is in there.

What have her teachers said about her behavior in school?Miss Judy, the main teacher, initially said that she was ok after I left, but the last 2 days (today and last Monday) she said she's just been ok, and kind of teary all day. Miss Judy has talked to her about it and she gets the same answers we get.

Have you explained why you need her to go? Yes, kind of. We explained that she would have fun and she would make new friends who will be in school with her in the fall. I have told her that it's not good for her to watch TV all day every day and that it is fun to play with the other kids.

I didn't tell her the "real" reason - my mom can't handle her, Daniel, and Molly (15 months old) every day of the week so we chose to put her in the childcare on the days that mom usually has Molly. This was actually my mom's suggestion initially because she knew she'd have trouble keeping Rebekah occupied all day every day.

Does she need to go to this program? Or does she just need to go somewhere on MW? She just needs to go somewhere to keep her from sitting at my mom's in front of the TV all summer. She doesn't stay active at mom's. When Daniel is napping, they don't really do anything except play games.

Oh - she was ok when she came home today and acts like she had fun but she still says that she wants to quit.

[TtownAnne]

Has she been going since the end of school without complaint? Then I would need to have a serious talk to the teacher/director/whatever to find out if there have been any changes in the classroom, etc., that she could be reacting to. If she's been going since the end of school, it makes no sense that suddenly she'd just no longer like it, and I would think that something has happened that maybe she can't explain. Since your mom can't handle her on those two particular days, I would do whatever possible to make it easier on her to get through the day, and follow up on whether there had been any problems or changes.

[Brooke]

Has she been going since the end of school without complaint? Then I would need to have a serious talk to the teacher/director/whatever to find out if there have been any changes in the classroom, etc., that she could be reacting to. If she's been going since the end of school, it makes no sense that suddenly she'd just no longer like it, and I would think that something has happened that maybe she can't explain. Since your mom can't handle her on those two particular days, I would do whatever possible to make it easier on her to get through the day, and follow up on whether there had been any problems or changes.

She did this once before, after a couple of weeks. She went to the beach with my parents for the weekend and then came back and had to go to Childcare the next day and she was a mess. I thought it was because she was tired from the weekend and she hadn't seen me all weekend.

There has been one big change since she started - the elementary school kids used to only be there before and after school and now they are there all day (since June 18). The girls there all like her and like to do things with her but maybe it's just too many older kids?

We talked about appropriate behaviors (touching, etc) just last week so I think she would tell me if something of that nature was happening. I wonder if the kids are saying things to hurt her feelings. She doesn't take criticism very well (she is sooooo much like me!) and she gets her feelings hurt very easily. But she's going to to have to grow a thick skin fast if she's going to make it through school.

I'm trying to balance my protectiveness and knowing that she doesn't like it there with teaching her that she can't quit something just because she doesn't like it.

[TtownAnne]

It sounds like she is very attached to your mom (which would make sense since she frequently takes care of her) and after an opportunity to spend time with your mom - the beach, etc. - falls apart on her "strength" about going, if that makes sense. I wouldn't let her out of it, because it is necessary since your mom can't handle the three kids all together, and because you aren't going to be able to let her out of it if she pulls the same routine with kindergarten. But you should work with the teachers and with some type of reward system towards making it a positive. Maybe a star chart with star stickers for good days and then a special treat (her favorite movie, special dessert, etc.) for 10 stars or so?

[Brooke]

I was thinking about rewards...like each week she doesn't cry we go play mini-golf or go bowling ($1 game night is Thursday night!....I love bowling).

[stass]

I was thinking about getting a helper for my mom. A young girl to help out. (though I am pretty slow about actually finding someone) Maybe that would be something you could do as an alternative. :dunno:

[Karri]

The kids are ages 4/5 through 5th grade. So she is one of the youngest. It's about 40 kids, but alot are on vacation. When I dropped her off this morning, there were only about 10 kids there.

Right there, it tells me that its going to be hectic or a kid is going to feel ignored. There may have only been 10 this morning, but was that all that cam all day?
I know that most of the kids in Aidan's class this past year didn't like after school care. It isn't like school, and it isn't like daycare. Its just meh.

She NEEDS to go but I can't have her crying every day. What's Kindergarten going to be like? And all of this really wears on me.


It will be different. That's like comparing apples to oranges.

[Joan]

I was think the same as karri, that age 4-10/11 is a HUGE range, 40 kids at that! Are they separated at all? You have gotten some good advice already, but just wanted to offer some support. I've been there! :hug99:

[Brooke]

I don't know if they separate them at all. They have "stations" and it's kind of structured but I really don't know what it's like all day.

I think they are allowed to have up to 50 kids enrolled, in 2 rooms (with 3 adults). The kids can go between rooms for different activities. When the weather is nice, they go outside. But it's too hot to go outside this week.

Maybe it's the age difference. Hmm....I'll have to think about it. I need her to definitely finish out this week and next week (my dad is having surgery) and then after that, my mom is on vacation....ugh! I was depending on her going through mid-august.

[Bev]

That's a lot of kids with very little adult supervision, IMO. Is there some bullying going on that the adults aren't seeing?

She is certainly old enough to "use her words" to say why she doesn't like it and "because" doesn't count. KWIM? I'd try to get her to talk about it more. What was the best part of the day (getting picked up doesn't count), What was the worst part of the day (getting dropped off doesn't count), what the the best activity, what do you want to do that you haven't done yet (watching tv doesn't count), etc. etc. :blahblah:

[TtownAnne]

Brooke, how have things been going?