Help me get back control of my life!

[Elisete]

After having Ben my life is soooo out of control! I feel like I chase my tail all day long. I'm going all day long but nothing gets done. Ted and Sam are out of control, I don't have down time with my husband, the house is a mess, laundry is OUT OF CONTROL even though I do at least 2 loads a day! I think I need a schedule. I feel that if I had a schedule Ted and Sam wouldn't feel neglected and might start acting better and hopefully go to sleep with out such a fuss so that I can have time to catch up on house work, spend time with DH or even do things for ME. Bed time has been a nightmare. They usually go to be around 7:30 - 8 but it has been dragging on 'til about 10m lately. Teddy is 5 1/2 and Sam is 4. I think they can do things on there own like getting dressed, get their shoes on, help pick up, getting some food on their own. I don't think I need to do EVERYTHING for them still! I still have to wipe their butts, when can they start doing that on their own?!! When I ask them things they whine and cry until I can't stand it anymore! DH does NOTHING to help around the house, you name it I do it. We have had several talks/fights about it but nothing has changed. His new thing is to keep telling me how he had the whole house cleaned, laundry done and how clean the toilet stayed while the boys and I were AWAY IN FLORIDA! Isn't he great? He can keep a whole house clean when NO ONE is home!!!!! Any way....I don't want to rant. I need help.

Do you have a schedule? can you help me make one? I want to include playtime, "home work" time (this is when the boys and I practice our numbers, letters etc.) snack time, etc. Any advice is welcome!! Thank you!

[schwanda]

I'm not a SAHM but I've found www.flylady.net (http://www.flylady.net) to be really helpful. It sounds little crazy at first but I think it's really helped me stay in control of my life and my house.

Amanda

[Jayne]

I am a Stay at home mom and a Nanny so I usually always have at least two children here. 3 in the summer and I now have one on the way. I might be able to help a bit. But really it just has to click.

As far as the Teddy and Sam wipeing their butts..They can do this. They might tell you they can't but they can. Alyssa has been doing it for at least a year and my three year old neice does it. I got something for them when they were just learning.
I have these
http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/I/410VQY83TGL._AA280_PIbundle-6,TopRight,0,0_AA280_SH20_.jpg (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/images/B000F0WYGI/ref=dp_image_0/002-6819829-0234445?ie=UTF8&n=3760901&s=hpc)
and they sit by the toilet. The kids do a lot better with these as they are learning and Alyssa has no problem at school Of course the school also makes them wipe so she had to learn.

I try and do my laundry during morning rush. I get up and put a load of laundry in just before I get the little one I am watching for the day. I too try to do two-three loads a day. Once the little one is here I usually get everyone dressed and breakfast on the table. While they eat I switch out loads.

After breakfast you could do some lesson time. Kids are usually ready to go by then. Maybe plan a craft or activity. You do your part and then get them busy maybe on a game or a craft and switch our load of laundry again. Now you should have a load to fold. I try and get the kids involved in folding! Alyssa loves to do socks and underwear! Towels are really easy for them to help with too so I kinda gage my load so that it has something for everyone :lol:

(I know Ben throws this and I don't know how his schedule is but if he takes a morning nap plan the lesson then)

By now the load is folded and the kids can help put it away with you! Then maybe some play time. If it is raining set them up inside and if not plan on going outside! If you have a good book keep it close. Teddy and Sam are old enough to play and you can keep an eye on them and take a good breath! Even if it is 30 minutes it might help!

I like to get the kids involved in lunch. I give options and try and let them help any way I can. Even Timmy who is not yet 2 helps set the table! He likes to do cups!

I am sure Ben is up for lunch so you can have him at the table or playing in the room while the older two set the table. He will probably be very entertained by watching them do this (I have a 5 month old on Tuesday and Thursday and she loves watching Alyssa run around!)

I usually try and make sure everyone has a full belly and then we can run errands! Sometimes it is a trip to the park or the grocery store or just getting out for fresh air. I find that usually around 12:30-1 is a great time to go. I am usually home though no later then 2:30 for Naps! It doesn't give a lot of time but some time. If your going to the grocery store give the boys their own list. Sam can remember bread and milk and Teddy things like Yogurt, meat, etc. Giving them responsibilities will really help them to feel involved and occupy them.

I can add more but I might be going to far already. Try and keep consistant. That helps the kids and usually I find if you tell them the schedule they do well. I try and have all clothes in the laundry room the night before so I knwo what I am going to do.

As for bed time..They are old enough to dress themselves and brush their teeth. I usually have a routine. Alyssa even bathes herself all but her hair. We read a book and it is lights out. NO IFS ANDS OR BUTS. Occasionally she will have trouble but I kiss her and say good night and that is it. Her bed time is 8.

[Elisete]

I can add more but I might be going to far already.

No! This is great! This is what I need. Please add more if you have more to add!

[Jayne]

Let me finish my lunch and I will be back!

[Jayne]

OK..left off at 2:30...

This is Nap time/down time. Every child weather they take a nap or not gets down time. Alyssa will still nap 90% of the time. Everyone goes to their room at 2:30 and must stay there 1.5 hrs. Uaually Timmy and Hannah will nap and like I said Usually Alyssa will to but if she can't sleep she will come to me and ask if she can just play queitly in her room which is allowed. She can have a few toys in her bed and play or read a book but she has a clock in her room and knows she can come down at 4. Tylor gets home from school right at 4 so this works out great.

Usually at 4 when everyone is up and home we do a snack. Just something little, Crackers, cheese, applesauce..etc.

Tylor then does his homework in his room and the kids have some more playtime. DH doesn't get home until 5:30 so I try and start dinner around 5.

Timmy goes home at 5:30 and Hannah at 4:30.

I let Alyssa help me with Dinner. She again sets the table or gets ingredients out for me. I also allow her TV time during Dinner prep time.

After Dinner we usually watch something on TV or do a board game or just hang out as a family.

Bedtime routine starts at 7 here. We do baths/showers, brush teeth, read books, get changed for bed and they get 30 minutes TV time depending on what they have watched all day. Lights are out at 8pm. This gives me the rest of the night to either finish laundry, clean up the house or just relax with Dan.

I also have clean up time at the end of each play session so that we don't have a HUGE mess at the end of the day. The kids do what they can. Even Timmy who is almost 2 helps. I usually save my dishes until the end of the night unless Alyssa and Ty have extra time. They will help me with drying and putting them away.

The more involvement you can get with the kids on chores the more they are likely to cooperate more with you. I find the more structure you give them the better the day!

If you have questions or want more where we have something going on that night..Or even a weekly planner let me know. PM me or ask here! I will try and help as much as possible!

[Jen]

I agree that giving them some responsibilities is a good thing. I try to start out by making it fun. I let them throw their laundry from the ledge and then collect it and sort by colors into the laundry baskets. The sort clean socks, hand me things to fold, and Kalyssa puts away her own laundry. I think 4 and 5 are old enough to learn where their things go and put them away.

I let mine (ages 2,4,6) unload and put away stuff from the dishwasher (silverware and plastic stuff). I make them bring their plates to the counter when finished.

We have a pretty strict rule that bedrooms (and play areas) must be cleaned up before bed. I usually remind them well before bedtime and if they don't do it, they are punished by losing the toys that are left out. Of course, you can adjust it to fit your kids. I'd start by letting them know your rules and what you expect. You can expect them to balk at first and try to get away without doing it. But once they see that you are serious, they should come around. I usually get a plastic garbage bag or storage bin and pack up anything that is not put away. Then they can earn things back a little at a time.

I'm guilty of wiping my kid's butt too long too! Kalyssa has been doing it herself for a long time but Kaden was still asking me to do it and my mom is the one who made me realize that he'll keep asking if I keep doing it. Just show them how, supervise a few times and they will get it. They will let you do everything if you keep doing it. Just like the husbands, why should they help when they know they don't "have" to. :awink: My husband is the same way so unless I specifically tell him, "hold the baby while I put Kaden to bed" then I know he's not going to offer.

I think every mom feels like they are sinking at some point so don't be too hard on yourself. It's a stressful job and can be unrewarding at times. If the house has to be a wreck for a few days, so be it. I find that when I stop worrying about the mess and take time to play with the kids and have fun, everyone is much happier and it's easier to get in the frame of mind to be productive.

Having the kids in bed would give you much more time to feel like a normal person again. Bedtime can be a real challenge. I think staying consistent is the main thing. Try to be calm but firm and let them know they must stay in bed and be still and quiet. I find putting mine to bed earlier really helped. I kept them in a strict routine for a year of going to bed at 7pm (6:30 for the young one). It really helped my oldest daughter get the rest she needed and she wasn't so unruly.

Now that I an 8 month old as well, I don't have as much of a schedule as I once did but I'm hoping to get him on one soon.

[Elisete]

I'm not a SAHM but I've found www.flylady.net (http://www.flylady.net/) to be really helpful. It sounds little crazy at first but I think it's really helped me stay in control of my life and my house.

Amanda

Thank you Amanda, this looks great!

[Cami]

I can relate to what you're going through! In the past year, I've gotten a lot more undisciplined and unstructured at home and I can see the impact it's having on the kids.

I think a routine helps a ton. Our old one was...

I'd get up and shower usually before the kids woke up (obviously if they wake up early this won't work). When they got up, they'd have breakfast and then have a little time to play while I cleaned up the kitchen, unloaded the dishwasher, started laundry, made a to-do list or whatever little things like that.

I agree with getting them involved in what you're doing. It's kind of a personality thing- if it drives you nuts to have them "in your way", then let them go on their own. If the yelling/fighting/noise of them playing drives you nuts, get them to help you. Just this morning, my kids were fighting over the vacuum... I never thought to let them do it before. They loved it! They do help me sort laundry and put their own away. B, who is 2, LOVES to help me unload the dishwasher and washing machine.

I think they can do a lot more than we give them credit for. I think both kids and parents just get used to doing something a certain way and don't even think about it.

You could organize their clothes so they can reach them and sort them so they can find matching pieces, and they can dress themselves while you get yourself ready or do little chores around the house. And set up stuff in the kitchen so they can get snacks and drinks when they want to.

So back to our routine... depending on preschool schedules, we'd either go there or out somewhere by 9:30/10:00. Either somewhere to play, or to meet a friend, or to storytime, or shopping or whatever. It varied each day, but there was almost always some morning outing.

Home around noon and we'd make lunch. B would take a nap after and the girls had to "be quiet" so he'd sleep. We'd read books or they'd color or we'd do something we couldn't do when he was awake (something messy or something he'd destroy). Sometimes I'd tell them to "let me work" (computer) :giggle: But this is a good time to give the older kids special time with you. Or a good time to do "homework" with the kids.

After naptime, they'd have a snack and then either we'd take a walk, I'd let them play, or we'd see our neighbors (all with kids and we hung out a lot). Just for a little while before we started to make dinner. A lot of times the girls would "help" me. If they didn't want to, they'd either watch tv or play or whatever while I cooked.

Then dinner, books, bath (some nights) and bed straight after, at 8:00. I think it would help you a lot if you really enforce bedtime. Maybe they would seem calmer if they got more sleep?

Now obviously not every day was exactly the same, but I would say that the majority more or less followed this pattern. And we'd always do some activities on certain days. It just cuts down on whining if they know that this is the way/day/time that we do things. Like if they know their bedtime is 8 pm, there's nothing to argue with. If they sense you'll drop the battle, they'll push it. I see my kids starting to do this! They keep whining for water after they go to bed. They know I will cave... so they keep doing it.

It's really really hard to start taking more control back. I've found that my kids are getting used to fighting it. I hope consistency is what works.

I wonder if they are acting a little more out of control because there is a baby around now?

I am finding too that they can really be more annoying now at these ages!! More arguing, fighting over petty things, stupid disagreements. They really drive me totally nuts some days. I waffle (bad!) between trying to work out who did what in their fights and stepping back to let them work it out.

Would it help to get a housekeeper in once to do a superclean and then you'd have a clean house to start from? Or set aside some time when DH is around and can watch the boys, so you can deal with the most annoying big clean projects... like organizing a closet or cleaning out a particular space.

Good luck. Keep checking in! :)

[MrsPeacefrog]

I know what you are going through.

I have gone through patches like this where I felt like things were spinning out of control and no one was listening to my cries for help. My husband had the attitude of "well I don't care if the place is messy so don't do anything" which made it worse because he didn't get what all the fuss was about, he has since changed that and has become active in "helping" me, I mean he isn't doing great deal of work around the house but he does enforce the laws with the kids that they DO have to help me more so my life isn't so overwhelmed. What made this happens was me basically putting it straight to him that if he wants a nagging, unhappy miserable wife then he can carry on the way he is going. If he wants a happy home life with me willing to have sex with him and be happy enough to have a conversation with him with out resentment then he better do something because the way we were heading was divorce cause he needed to plug in.

He snapped out of it when I put it that way.

As for the kids I do have a semi schedule. I don't have strict days but we do have set things that are done so that our day can go smoothly.

When it comes to things like wiping bums and getting dressed I did not give my kids an option. I told them they were ready and I said if they weren't then they could go back in nappies and be babies in a cot. I know that sounds harsh but they do try to hang onto that as long as possible but they hated the thought of being babies again because that meant losing TV privileges, going outside privileges etc because babies stay at home doing nothing. It worked, they still try to say "I can't" and all I have to say is "Ok, Aiden is going to be back in nappies today and sit in the cot" and that pretty much snaps it out of him. OR I just flat out refuse to do it, I know that sounds gross but when his bum gets itchy he realises that he needs to do it.

Like Jen we also have a "any toys left on the floor before bedtime get thrown out" rule. they are old enough to pick up their own mess, so before bedtime after their bath they spend 15 minutes getting all the toys around the house and their bedrooms and putting them away. Anything that is left around they have seen me physically throw out so they know I mean business. They also have to put their own clothes in the laundry baskets and all dishes go in the sink when they are finished.

When I am doing a general clean up I make it a game for them to help me for example "Who can put this piece of rubbish in the bin fastests" or "Skip up the hall, put the jumper in the cupboard then roll back to me" They think it's fun and I get them out of my hair while I am doing a serious clean.

As for kids being out of control I also have this problem at times and I find when these things are happening is when I am not spending as much time with them, I would be so overwhelmed with everything that I just don't have time. I do find though if I get up in the morning, do the breakfast thing and clean up after breakfast and I set up some kind of craft thing or play a game with the the kids, they tend to be happier for me in the day because I have given them the attention they crave. I also set aside some time after nap time to run around and play with them outside, pushing on the swings, digging in the dirt etc, they love this and tend to be better for me when I do it.

Laundry, aahhh good ole laundry. This is a never ending battle in my house. And I know it's going to get worse when #4 arrives. This is ONE thing Tony is helping me with now, he couldn't stand not being able to find his clothes cause they would always be in a basket somewhere, so I gave the ultimatum to remain annoyed or to help! He now comes home from work and will throw a load on if there is one in the basket, or bring one in, just doing those few little gestures means one less trip to the laundry for me, then I happily sit at night while watching TV and the kids in bed doing the folding. Sometimes I can go a week with out going outside to do laundry, all I did was fold because he was doing it all. One less chore in my life makes me a happy wife willing to please my man. (that's a very good draw card with them, they don't realise how "thankful" we can be for the little help they can give :brow: )

Anyway I hope that your life can get in control soon and you start to feel better about things :hug99:

[schwanda]

Thank you Amanda, this looks great!

Glad to help! I don't follow it very closely but it has helped me establish working routines to get through my week. I like the fact that it's about positive reinforcement and doing things a little bit at a time!

Amanda

[sabrina]

In our house a timer is our best friend. I use it constantly. And we use a routine. Although, I have to say the routine has gone away lately and I can totally see how it is affecting my children.

When I did have a consistent routine this is what it looked like.

5 a.m. wake up and fix DH lunch and breakfast. Gather his wallet, keys, ID tag, palm and IPOD.

Throw in a load of laundry.

After he leaves, then I walk on the treadmill for 30 minutes while catching up on TV shows I have DVR'd.

After this I would have my quiet time to read my Bible and pray. I would then get dressed, make the bed and start breakfast and reboot my laundry.

If the kids were not awake yet then I would wake them up, eat breakfast and they would then get dressed. I still lay out Eoins (3.5) clothes but Emmalee picks out her own after we discuss the weather. They could play for a while until I had the kitchen cleaned up and done a little bit of straightening. I would also think about dinner and get out meat to thaw if need be. Reboot laundry if needed at this point.

At this point I would put in the Leapfrog Letter Factory or talking words factory video while I got the school books/papers and whatever was needed for school that day. At this point we would do some school and then have a short snack/play time while I did some more laundry. We usually only did about 60-90 minutes of school but would take a break about every 30 minutes. They could go to the bathroom and play for a few minutes while I did something quickly. Back together for more school.

At around 11:00 I would head upstairs to start preparing lunch so we could eat at 11:30. After lunch they are allowed to play until 1:00. At that time I set the timer for 15 minutes to clean up the toys. After that the kids lay down and rest for at least 45 minutes. I also lay down for 45 minutes and set a timer. I take a 30 minute nap. HOpefully, they will fall asleep during this time. If not they are allowed to play quietly in their room on their beds for 30 minutes. I will bring them a snack and a drink during that time. When the timer goes off for this they are allowed to play in the basement or outside depending on the weather. They can play until Dh gets home from work then they are to clean up the toys and prepare for dinner. At 8 p.m. they take a bath and get jammies on. At 8:30 we read a quick Bible story and say prayers and then it is time for bed. They can each have a small drink of water and go to the bathroom.

That is pretty much our day. One thing is they are each responsible for getting their clothes to the laundry room and putting their clothes away. I have a small basket for each of them and I will set it on their beds. We have rods low enough in Emmalee's closet for her to hang up her own clothes as well. She is also responsible for doing the towels (washing, drying, folding and putting away). I do still help her with this because she is only 5. Friday nights are family movie nights and I will throw the socks in the middle of the floor and have a sock matching fest. I pay them a penny for each correctly matched pair.

Eoin loves to sweep and dust so I let him. It may not be perfect but he is learning responsibility. We have hardwood floors so I will give each of them a microfiber cloth and let them wipe the floors of their rooms to sweep it.

Emmalee also sets the table and unloads the silverware tray from the dishwasher.

When they go to bed the toys must be cleaned up or I bag them up and they must earn them back by keeping the rest of the toys picked up. To help them know where to put them I have the containers labeled with pictures of what goes in them. This also helps DH.

I hope this helps.

[Elisete]

Thank you all for the tips. I started some what of a schedule and it is helping a little bit. It is still hard. There are days when it takes every thing I have just to get myself out of bed. I am trying very hard to play more with the boys. When Ben takes a nap I focus on them instead of doing chores. Baby steps.

[Jayne]

I know you can do it! It isn't easy at first but once it becomes a routine you will find out it gets a whole lot easier and more natural! Your a great mom and those kids love you no matter how things go! :hug99:

[AmyP]

I only have one child, but here is our routine. Although it is occasionally adjusted because of all of her therapy.

She usually wakes up around 7 or so. Breakfast is right when she wakes up. She can give herself a sippy cup of milk while I fix the rest of it.

I feed her breakfast while having my breakfast as well. I am on Slim-Fast, so I just drink a shake anyway.

I let her play for a while on her own. She is pretty good about entertaining herself. We have various PBS shows on until about 10 am. Sesame Street is from 9-10 am and then the TV is off. Sometimes I will turn it back on if I have a lot to do, but it's usually off.

She usually needs a diaper change by 10:30 am. If she doesn't have therapy, then I sit her in a booster seat at the dining room table and we work on her skills. We're working right now on coloring, simple puzzles, etc. This only lasts maybe 10 minutes at the most, but she is only 2 and is developmentally delayed (basically about 1 1/2 in most skill levels). After we've worked, then she can play more on her own.

Lunch is around noon and she is down for a nap immediately after (between 12:30 and 1).

She's usually awake by 3:30-4. She gets a sippy of milk and then she plays on her own. I try at some point to practice her skills again at the dining room table. I gauge it on her mood.

Then she plays on her own and I try to fix dinner. It's usually something simple like Hamburger Helper or Campbell's Supper Bakes.

Sarah eats around 6-6:30 (she isn't on table food yet) and then she has a little more free play time, usually she plays with Daddy, and then I start her bedtime routine at 7:30 or so.

Bedtime routine is simple. She gets a bath every other night, then a story, and then she is in her crib. She knows that we mean business when we put her to bed. She rarely gets up at night, except when she isn't feeling well.

[Karri]

My 5 year old still can't wipe his butt :blush: And yes, I work on it with him every time he poops. But he just can't reach well enough. I think its the length of his arms vs the long torso. He ends up with poop left in there and icky undies and a itchy butt. And yes, we use the moist wipes. So :dunno:

Anyway.....our schedule w/ a 5 yo and 2 3.5 yr olds.

They get up between 5:30-6:30 on their own.
Breakfast is at 7am.
Get dressed, teeth brushed, hair combed.
(we follow the above routine even when school is out, just so that its not hard to get back into it).

We have to leave to walk to school at 8:15. I get back to the house at 8:40 w/ the twins. I let them do whatever (play/watch TV) while I toss a load of laundry in, shower, or whatever. Then we usually head out the door by 9:00 to do something with other people or to go to the gym.

We have to get Aidan from school at 11:05. After that, we head home and I let them play outside or in the basement (change of scenery)...but no TV. While they are playing, I do some more laundry and/or start lunch.

Lunch is usually around 12.

After lunch, everyone picks up any messes and then the twins go down for their naps.
Then I make Aidan have quiet time. Usually he first chooses to draw/color, then watch a TV show, then have some computer time, and then we read some books and play a game.

The twins wake up between 3-4pm. When everyone is up, we go outside and have a snack. We may go for a bike ride (me walking). If I have something to do, I may run in the house while they are in the backyard and I may finish up (like laundry). I usually also start dinner.

We usually eat around 6pm. After dinner is bathtime, and while I run the bath, they clean up. They know if they don't clean up, they don't get any fun time after bath. Then bathtime, then we may play a game if there is time. After that, its up to bed, read books, and lights out. By the time all is said and done, its usually 7:45.

As far as keeping on top of laundry, I try to do it 3 times a week. With 5 people, you'll always have a buttload of laundry, whether you do it every day or once a week. It just your pref. when you choose to do it.

For housework, I choose to do mine once a week. I tried the one-room-a-day method and hated that my house was never fully clean. I do it Fridays, some in the morning, some in the afternoon. My husband is a help, though. He agrees that the kids are my job first, the house is our job together. So he scrubs the floors for me on the weekend and cleans the cat boxes, and all those fun chores :lol:

The kids all have responsibilities. Aside from cleaning up their toys, they have to set the table for all 3 meals every day. And they have to clear their spots when they are done. I also let the kids put their socks away in their drawers (i could let them do the rest, but I am just way too anal about neat dresser drawers and I'd twitch :lol: ) . When we're outside, they have to put all their stuff (bikes, toys) away in the garage before we go in at night.

And I do make them get dressed themselves (or as much as possible, for the younger ones - they have issues w/ shirts).

[Elisete]

Karri,

My day is pretty much like yours!

I'm very anal about cleaning the house though. I just can't stand to see toys all over the place. The boys pee all over the toilet, I clean it at least 4 times a day! I clean the sink and toilet one last time after their bath. The floors get swept or vacumed every day, the rug twice a week. I'm trying to have the boys come into the house through the basement so they can leave their shoes down there instead of tracking dirt into the house. I started doing the laundry first thing and the morning and it has gotten a bit easier. I try my best to fold and put away as soon as it is ready. I have to stay on top of it or else it gets out of control fast! They are not allowed to play upstairs in the bedrooms! That is one whole floor less for me to clean! I dust, vac, change the sheets on the beds once a week.

I have two areas that seem to gather junk that I need to sort through. Once I have those under control I am going to try to prevent them from getting cluttered again.

I liked Deb's idea on any toys that are left out get thrown away. I'm going to start to do that but put them away for a few days instead of throwing them away.

Sam was great at getting himself dressed! He used to pick out his own clothes and get dressed on his own. Lately he won't do anything! The other day I swear I put his sneakers on for him at least fifty times!!! I get so frigen angry!!!! If I don't do it he whines and whines, it drives me nuts so I just do it so that he will shut up and go outside and play! I would love it if the boys would get out of the tub on their own, dry themselves off and put their PJ's on by them selves. That way I could get Ben ready for bed and not feel so stressed out. Bed time here is still a huge battle. I'm trying to get them on a schedule of going to bed by 8PM. Every night one or the other fights me! I have to stick to my guns though so that they know I mean business.

The weather has been sunny and warm lately. Things go better for me when the weather is nice. The boys play outside most of the day or we go to the park. It is the cold, rainy days that are hard because we are stuck inside and I have to entertain them all day. There is a place near by that is like an indoor playground. It is $5 per kid to get in. We went there last week when it was pouring out. That is a good place to go once in a while. It gets expensive because there are a bunch of games that you have to pay extra to play and then they want snacks and drinks and those are marked up in price.

[Jen]

I do the sock matching too. I'm so happy to have someone else matching those millions of socks. I also make things into a game and that helps a lot to get them motivated.

The recent back sliding and whining does sound like a reaction to the new sibling and maybe some jealousy. I know it's difficult, but maybe you could try to inject some humor at those times when they are whining and driving you insane. If there is a way you could make both yourself and the kids laugh, it really helps to diffuse the tension. Sometime I act silly, like the kids, and jump around waving my arms or fake whining and that will start them laughing. Or when my son decides to pout I'll say, "Hey, I'm going to trip and fall down on that big lip you have sticking out there!" and he will always start to laugh and usually forget why he was upset.

My 4yr old and 6 year old dry themselves off after baths and get dressed. They are responsible for bringing their clothes into the bathroom before the bath starts so there is no "I'm too cold to go get my clothes" talk.

Just be strong and let them know that there are new rules and you will not back down. It sounds like they are testing you. It won't last forever, just until they realize that it's pointless and they get no results. It's easy to get worn down little by little, especially when there are so many demands and you are already feeling stressed.

[sabrina]

Regarding laundry, I try to do specific things each day. It helps me to stay on top of it fairly well. Here is my schedule for the laundry.

Monday - darks
Tueday - lights
Wed - whites and gentle cycle stuff
thurs - towels
friday - sheets and bedding (dust ruffle, mattress cover, comforter, pillow shams, etc)
Saturday - throw rugs and miscellaneous stuff that need to be washed (shower curtains, etc)
Sunday - catch up day to do whatever I wasn't able to finish for whatever reason during the week.

I know other people will do one persons laundry for the day. I have also heard the phrase of doing four loads by four p.m. each day. I could do that but I don't have four loads to do each day. Like I said having a schedule is something that has helped me. I also go by the rule that if it doesn't get to the laundry basket it doesn't get washed. We have a laundry chute that we use.

[Jayne]

As far as the shoes...Scrap the tennis shoes for outside play. I know..sounds crazy but when Alyssa was going through that phase I was going nuts. She liked them on...then off, then on..I couldn't stand it so I sais she was done. I got her a knock off pair of croc's from Payless for a whole 10$ and those are her outdoor shoes. She loves them and I am not responsible for putting them on her. She has gotten more independent and will get her Tennis shoes on her own feet for school but she can't yet tie them so I still do that. For school I don't mind but for play that can be an in and out type thing all day..The croc's work great!

[Elisete]

Jen, what I do with the socks is I safety pin the pair together! You are right, I just have to stick to my guns more. Ben still wakes up several times at night so I am tired and crabby and the whining gets on my very last nerve!

Sabrina, I recently put a laundry basket in my room because Ed would undress up there and just leave his clothes on the floor. I told him that if it doesn't get in the basket and brought down to the washer it won't get washed. I went down this morning and there was the basket! YIPPY!

Jayne, their sneakers are velcro! There is no reason why they can't get them on by themselves. I told them that if they don't want to use their sneakers then put on their flip flops on sandals.

I have been giving the boys incentives to behave well. For example last night I told them that if they took a bath, ate a snack and went to bed with out a fuss I would take them to the skate park this morning. What do I do if one behaves and the other doesn't? Should I not use that type of incentive? Ed said that they should help each other out. Like Teddy say to Sam "let's behave so we can go to the park!" Sounds like too advanced thinking for my boys! :lol:

[DarcyT]

You poor thing :( I feel for you. I've been there as well and still have weeks where things go bad like that and it seems nothing is getting done. My 5 yr old does not wipe her butt either and I don't expect her to because her little arms are still so short :lol: I think the crocs idea (or similar shoe) is great. My kids love them, even my boys. They also like water shoes since those can be worn pretty much anywhere. I'm not sure what to say about the laundry issue. I do laundry atleast every third day myself but the clean laundry will sit in baskets for a couple days until I finally put it up (blush). I've gotten real lax in that area. I do expect my older two children to put away their own clothing so that helps some. I also make my oldest two do dishes every evening or atleast load the dishwasher and get it started...and one of them always sets the table for dinner too. I've even had them help with making salads while I watch the meat cooking. If you have a fenced in yard then now would be a good time to get them outside and playing. That gives them time to get some "sun" and I've read in many places that getting a lot time outdoors in the sun actually helps with their sleep.

Maybe you could decide which days of the week you will do certain chores. Like maybe do vacuuming only a couple days per week and wash laundry only every other day no matter how many clothes are dirty. I'm sure you can stand to go one day in between the days you actually do laundry right? ;) I used to think I had to do it all the time too but I cut back in that area and it makes more of a load when I finally do it but its better on me not to have to do them so often anymore. Make the children or your hubby wear certain clothing twice like their jeans or shorts if they aren't dirty. Have your boys learn to take a bit of toilet paper and wipe down the area of the toilet where they may have pee'd and that will help you out as well. You don't need to use a cleaner every single time. I think maybe just hold off on doing so many things every single day. You can do it if you really set your mind to it. I used to want to vacuum almost every day (now down to every third day unless it gets really messy) and that helps not to do it every day anymore. I spot sweep in areas where the kids make messes with crumbs each day but I don't vacuum like I did. My life is precious too and I don't want to spend most of it cleaning house. :) Besides, I feel like the attention I give to my kids will help them to behave better when I do finally get busy with housework. I make sure I fit in time for them in large chunks throughout the day so they don't feel left out. It can be hard sometimes because I'm always stressing about what needs to be done, but I feel better if sometimes I just let stuff go and get lazy. Its not in my nature to be that way and I actually have to force myself to be lazy sometimes but it does help.

[Cami]

With the incentives, we give them things like getting to stay up "late" (extra half hour) or going out one on one with me, on the weekend when my husband is home... those who don't behave get to stay with him. :lol: So that way we can adjust it if one kid behaves and the other doesn't. The one on one time with a parent works SO well as a reward for my kids.

[Karri]

With the incentives, we give them things like getting to stay up "late" (extra half hour) or going out one on one with me, on the weekend when my husband is home... those who don't behave get to stay with him. :lol: So that way we can adjust it if one kid behaves and the other doesn't. The one on one time with a parent works SO well as a reward for my kids.

This is what we do, as well. Or on the weekend, the reward may be getting to fall asleep in our bed (this is something they looooove for some reason).

Oh - I do sweep every day, don't get me wrong. My husband may do it, though. We typically do it after dinner. No use doing it before then, because we'll just have to do it again after dinner.

I hear ya on the pee thing. I have 3 who pee all over the place (believe it or not, girls make a mess. Who knew!) I've actually trained Aidan (5) to use a Lysol wipe to clean up if he misses. :aok:
I do wipe it down at the end of each day, though. Otherwise, ick :lol:

[sabrina]

Regarding incentives, we do a lot of cuddle and snuggle time with the kids. We also have rules for watching tv. They must play outside for a certain number of hours and have their toys picked up in their rooms and play room before they get tv time. We have a jar we put marbles in. They get marbles for being obedient, helping each other, sharing, good manners at dinner, helping me, etc. When the jar is full of marbles they each get to pick one special thing to do like go to the movies, go to a special place for dinner, go on a date with daddy or mommy. So many times they pick something very simple like going to the book store to get a new book or taking a nap with mommy or daddy. They especially like to take a nap with daddy. Sometimes they will pick watching a movie as a family or just doing a craft together. The point is we let them choose. They are in control of that and are learning to choose to do the right things to get the reward and they are learning to work together to accomplish the task (filling the jar with marbles). It does take a while to fill the jar so we will do little mini rewards in the meantime that are chosen by DH and I. They may consist of snuggling with daddy while mommy takes a shower at night or getting an extra bed time story.