Dear So and So...

[Jenn]

They have this thread at another board and I love reading it so I'm totally stealing it and starting it here. It can be anything good, bad, ugly...whatever!

Ok, I'll start. :)

[Jenn]

Dear Neighbor,

Thanks for letting your dog attack me tonight while I was running. You know, there are leash laws in this area but I guess you, and half the neighborhood, are too good for them. Is it really necessary to have your evil, little, yippy dog outside with you, without a leash on, while you do yard work. I was running in the street and your stupid dog ran after me and jumped on my leg. There is no reason that I should be afraid to run around our neighborhood but it's becoming that way because you, and 1/2 dozen other people think it's ok to just let your dog run loose. This is the 4th time I've been chased by a dog in about 4 months and I'm tired of it. I'm a dog lover but the next time your dog comes after me, don't think I won't kick the crap out of it. :handbags:

Sincerely,
Your pissed off neighbor

[Mary DK]

Dear Neighborhood Association,
My door has been red since the week after we moved here, that would be more than 2years ago!! And just now y'all are making a stink about it?? Not that I won't change it if that's what we really need to do we will... what bothers me the most is that nobody from the association has said anything before. I'm really wondering what kind of job y'all are doing over there & what y'all are doing with MY money b/c to tell you the truth I don't see much going on around here.

Sincerely,
CR Resident since 2004

[Bridget]

Dear Neighborhood Association,

Leave Mary's door alone or I'm going to kick all your asses!

Sincerely,
Bridget

[Shel]

Dear James

Thank you for sending your wife on the scrap retreat. I really didn't want to have to talk smack about you and hate you for the rest of my life

Sincerely,
Anne's best friend

[TtownAnne]

Dear James -

I know you probably don't give a crap about making my friends happy (although you did meet Shel and say she was cool), but you made me happy. You never cease to pleasantly surprise me. And you didn't even ONCE mention that it might conflict with going to see your parents! I swear when we go I'll go with a smile on my face.

Love,
Your grateful wife

[Nichole]

Dear zit on my face,

Go away!!

Sincerely,
The person not digging your presence

[AmyP]

Dear Stupid Headcold,

Please leave me and all of my family, especially Sarah because I don't want her to get another ear infection.

Sincerely,
Sick of Sniffling

[Shel]

(although you did meet Shel and say she was cool

Dear James,

Thank you for saying I was cool. Now I really can't talk smack about you anymore.

Sincerely,
The Cool One

[AmyP]

And a nice one...

Dear Rob,

Thank you for modifying the agreement so I can go on the scrap retreat. I promise to keep up my efforts with weight loss.

Sincerely,
Your loving wife :)

[Karri]

Dear zit on my face,

Go away!!

Sincerely,
The person not digging your presence

Did you write this for me? :lol:

[Karri]

Dear people at that company,
Please be charmed by my husband and extend him an offer. And while you're at it, please charm him so that he wants to come work for you. I really want to move.
Thank you,
A Frustrated Wife in WI

[mcox]

Dear Stupid Company That I Work For,
Please negotiate a DECENT contract SOON so we can get back to work!!!
Sincerely,
An Employee That Has Bills To Pay And Kids To Feed

[Brandi]

Dear makers of Guitar Hero,
What have you done to me? I've turned into a crazed lunatic who must get her Guitar Hero every day OR ELSE! And if my husband gets better at it than me, I'm going to scream! I don't get any sleep and all I do is sing Guitar Hero songs night and day! Please don't make any more of these addictive games for me to waste all of my time on. Sorry, that's all I can write now. I must go play Guitar Hero.

[Mary DK]

Dear Neighborhood Association,

Leave Mary's door alone or I'm going to kick all your asses!

Sincerely,
Bridget
Awww, thank you Birthday Girl! :cake:

[MrsPeacefrog]

Dear owner of the vacant house next door to me,

PLEASE lease your house to a nice couple with children the age of my children who do not have 100 cars to tinker on out the front and friends with loud motorbikes who feel the need to drop by at 1am and rev out the front. I have an even better idea, run all your applicants through me :heee:

Sincerely
Your ever so gracious neighbour who will probably end up pissing off the occupants more than they can piss us off with our random all nighter parties

[Lynn]

Deb, do you live next door to me? :lol: I could have written that same letter!

Dear morons at the nursing home:
I'm sorry that my dad's new insurance coverage is *too difficult* for you to figure out. That is not my responsibility. You need to get a clue (or a new job).
And while you're at it, please stop calling me Lynn Marie. My middle name is not part of my first name. It is reserved for when I am in trouble with my parents.

Sincerely,
daughter of resident A-17.

[AmyP]

Dear makers of Guitar Hero,
What have you done to me? I've turned into a crazed lunatic who must get her Guitar Hero every day OR ELSE! And if my husband gets better at it than me, I'm going to scream! I don't get any sleep and all I do is sing Guitar Hero songs night and day! Please don't make any more of these addictive games for me to waste all of my time on. Sorry, that's all I can write now. I must go play Guitar Hero.

:lol2: I could write basically the same one to Blizzard for making World of Warcraft. Just replace Guitar Hero with World of Warcraft and change "sing Guitar Hero songs" to "think about my character and how I can get more honor or more experience points" and that's my letter. :lol:

[Dennis]

Dear weather forecasters,

With all the technology you have, why can't you predict snow accurately? Or at least in the ballpark? When I went to bed last night you said we were going to get 6 to 12 inches. We got zero.

Sincerely,

Someone who thinks you suck

[Becca]

Dear weather forecasters,

With all the technology you have, why can't you predict snow accurately? Or at least in the ballpark? When I went to bed last night you said we were going to get 6 to 12 inches. We got zero.

Sincerely,

Someone who thinks you suck

Dennis, be glad you got none!! We were just forcasted "rain" two days ago....it hasn't stopped snowing since. :(

[Becca]

OH! I forgot...

Dear people at Tim Horton's,
What exactly is it that you put in your products that make them SO addictive?? First I got hooked on your ICED CAPP's...then it was coffee (DOUBLE DOUBLE!!)...then it was your steeped tea! I just can't help myself!!!! And your toasted blueberry bagel with strawberry cream cheese is ALL my boys and I can think of during breakfast!! Its a safe bet in saying that since we have a Timmy's right across the street that we spend an extraordinary amount of $ there every week, and its not totally by choice. Sometimes I feel like an addict going through withdrawl if I don't have a DOUBLE DOUBLE everyday...speaking of which I need to now go and drink my DOUBLE DOUBLE before it gets too cold.

Sincerely,
Timmy's Addict who has only won 2 free coffees on "RRROLL UP THE RIM TO WIN"

[gulp!]

Dear Sun,

Come out, come out, wherever you are.

Sincerely,
Sick and tired of winter weather

[Darcy]

Dear Spring,

You teased us a little more than a week ago when we reached record highs. Now as I sit typing this, I see that your nasty friend Winter has made an appearance with her snow and cold temperatures. Can you please tell Winter that we no longer need her around here, and that maybe she needs a vacation. We miss you, Spring. We miss spending time with you, frolicking outside, basking in the sun's warm glow, running through the grass, and watching the flowers bloom. What did we do to spite you? I promise to make amends.

Sincerely,
Fed Up with the Cold

[Karly]

To my dear daughter,

I am sick and tired of your whining. If you don't cut it out soon, I will need to be sent to the loony bin.

Love,

Your tired of hearing you fuss, mother

[bunybomb]

Dear Detective Stewart of Douglas County,

Thank you for nothing. The hours (ha!) you claim to have spent working on our case has produced nothing. You claim this is a she-said, he-said case and can't pursue charges against the people that trespassed and robbed my home or the woman who was responsible for house-sitting. I'm so proud to pay the highest tax rate in Colorado only to be told there is nothing more you will be doing to get us restitution for a crime committed against us. You have proven to us that crime does pay! I'm sure the punk teenagers that vandalized our home and robbed us of our security also thank you for not nailing their sorry asses to the wall.

Warm Regards,

A woman who will be forever disillusioned with our justice system.

[Nichole]

:fado: UGH, Becky!! :furious:

[Alysia]

Dear Daycare,

If you want me to have my daughter's doctor sign a form regarding teacher/child ratio, don't you think you should fill that information out on the form BEFORE making me give it to my doctor to sign? Is my daughter's doctor supposed to be psychic?

Sincerely,

Disgruntled Mom

[Mary DK]

A woman who will be forever disillusioned with our justice system.
Oh no Becky, that's terrible! :hug99:

[Girlo]

Oh Becky..... :hug99: That sucks hard. :hug99: So.....does that mean that ANY crime committed in your county is ultimately going to be a "he said, she said" situation? :wtf: You guys were out of the country and your home was robbed during a PARTY held by the person hired to care for your home. And the police are saying that it's just an unfortunate situation????? :wtf: You have GOT to be kidding me.......

[magoo]

Becky ~ I'm so sorry. :blue:

Becca ~ You reminded me:

Dear Tim Hortons,

My husband Rrrrolls up the Rim every stinkin' day, and has only won one stinkin' cookie. Please send some winning cups to the Tim Horton's by his office.

Signed,

Hoping to win an Ipod Nano

[Alyson]

Dear Postal Service,

It's been 12 days since we filled out the mail forwarding papers, you cannot tell me that we haven't recieved ANY mail in 12 days!! Where is our mail!?

Frustrated

[Dennis]

Dear Becky,

Call Tom Martino or some other local media figures. This is the type of story they love - local officials who won't do their jobs. Bill Johnson in the Rocky is another one who would be all over a story like this.

And have you looked into filing a civil suit against her?

[Karly]

Dear Becky,

As a former resident of Denver, I too agree with Dennis. Call Tom Martino. He'd be all over your story like white on rice.

Sincerely,

A former listener to The Tom Martino Show on KOA

[sabrina]

Dear Husband,

Thank you so much for volunteering to clean this sty of a house tonight so that I may go stamp and scrap at the church scrapping night. I really do appreciate you doing this.

Sincerely,
Your ever so grateful and loving wife.

P.s. you get to decide what's for dinner and your to-do list is made and waiting on the kitchen table. See ya later.

[Nichole]

Dear body,

Stop feeling cold.

K thanks,
The Shiverer

[Wendy]

Dear A***:

Please. Its Friday afternoon. I have a bunch of women coming over to my house tonight and I would really like to get the fuck out of here. Please stop messing around with ebay and lets just go the hell home!!

Thanks-
Your faithful employee who is already prepared for the hearings on Monday.

[bunybomb]

Dear Becky,

Call Tom Martino or some other local media figures. This is the type of story they love - local officials who won't do their jobs. Bill Johnson in the Rocky is another one who would be all over a story like this.

And have you looked into filing a civil suit against her?

My coworker said this too! I'll get Tom Martino and Paula Woodward working on it! Great idea.

And yes, we are looking to file a civil suit against her.

[Jayne]

Dear Bra,
Please stop letting the underwire poke me in the arm. I am really tired of buying new bra's because you can't keep your wires stitched in.

Thank you,
pinched arm

[Nichole]

Dear name misspellers,

My name has an 'h' in the middle of it. Yes, I know it's not the typical way to spell my name, but it's the way my mom decided she liked it. And I like it this way, too. I take the time to try to properly spell everyones' names when I address them in written communication, and I'd appreciate the same courtesy.

Thanks,
Nichole :heee:

(someone at work just said the other day, "your name isn't spelled that way, is it?!" Uh yes, it is. :lol: )

[LISA]

OMG Nichole...I just realized that I've been misspelling your name :heee:I'm soooo sorry :blush:


Dear fellow employee..
stop answering me in that snarky know it all tone of voice..I swear, if you weren't 55 I would :handbags: :catfight: .. your not my mother..I get enough of that shit from her thankyouverymuch!

[MrsPeacefrog]

Dear Nichole,

Every single Nichole I know spells it NicHole, I have rarely seen it with out the H so for me that is the uncommon way, not yours. SO come to Australia and you won't have your problem.

Sincerely
The one who always has brilliant ideas that somehow gets people to her country :heee:

[MrsPeacefrog]

Dear Becky,

That suckola's but I am glad there is a plan of attack

Sincerely,
Me.

[MrsPeacefrog]

Dear kids of mine,

Why oh why must you ALWAYS get up at 6:30am on a weekend but sleep in on a weekday when I have things to do? Is this your sick joke you play on me? Do you plot the night before, schemeing and planning to rise early just so I can sit here like a zombie?

Sincerely
Your ever so grateful mother who will get revenge when you are teenagers :devil:

[MrsPeacefrog]

Dear OUAL,

Sorry for the serialicious posts. Well I really am not but thought I better atleast attempt an apology.

Sincerely
Serial Poster

[Kate]

Dear Doctors Offices Throughout Massachusetts,

Why is it when I call to make appointments the earliest appointments you have available are in September and October?

Also, if someone has an appointment at a certain time, is it to much to ask for you to be somewhat on time. Trying to entertain two children in a waiting room or exam room for an hour is not fun at all.

Thank you,

Mother of two children that have to see two different specialists

[bunybomb]

Dear NicHole,

I work with a Nicole and I always spell her name wrong. Yeah for me! :woot:

Sincerely,

NicHole's internet friend!

[Becca]

Dear Wonderful Husband,
Thankyou for sending me to the spa tomorrow...I would not have gone of my own free will. And thankyou for my Timmy's DoubleDoube...and for keeping the boys out of my hair so I can be here at OUAL without any interuptions.
Sincerely
Your loving wife who knows she owes you tonight

[Alysia]

Dear Mrs Peacefrogger,

You crack me up.


Sincerely,

Me

[MrsPeacefrog]

Dear You,

I have good superglue to put you back together, so don't panic

Sincerely
Mrs fixerupperer

[Alysia]

Dear Mrs fixerupperer,

You are so helpful. Thank you

Your biggest fan,

Me (who is no longer cracked up!)

[Darcy]

Dear FIL,
I would love for you to end this family feud so we could all celebrate holidays and gatherings in one place. Instead, the "good" son that is my husband and his lovely family have to spend holidays at two different places to appease both sides of the family. Just apologize and let bygones be bygones. I've almost forgiven you for calling me a b&tch so many years ago, I'm sure SIL might forgive you of thinking she's a heartless woman. You might also want to think about attending one of your grandchildren's birthday parties one of these years. It's odd when it's only your wife who attends. But maybe it's because when you're at your own house, you can freely down an entire fifth of vodka without anyone harrassing you and can pass out at a convenient 7 pm.

Thanks,
Your DIL who's ever-so-grateful we have supportive ILs in my parents

P.S. Who the heck has a nickname of Buz anyway? Do you think spelling it with one Z is cool? :rolleyes:

[MrsPeacefrog]

Me (who is no longer cracked up!)


Dear no longer cracked up,

*agasp* is that because I am no longer funny or because I have really good superglue.

Sincerely
Hoping beyond hope it's the 2nd option.

[Mandi]

Nichole.. I feel your pain. I get Mandy all the freaking time. :disbelief

Dear Brayden,

I know you're 2, but for freaks sake, stop being such a grump ass. It's starting to get very frustrating, annoying and embarassing. Throwing yourself on the ground and refusing to walk when I have to drop off your sister at school is so not cool. Especially when I have to carry Arden and keep an eye on Melayna. So knock that shit off!

Mommy

[Mary DK]

Dear weather,
Please calm down & do not cause any damage...yes, we do need the rain but we don't need people getting hurt or houses destroyed... pretty please?

Sincerely,
Watching weather Mom in TX

[stass]

Dear food,
Stop tempting me.

Fat Ass

[Bonnie]

Dear Tatum,

I love you dearly, but sometimes, you really need to just be mellow, take a nap, and please sleep all night. Thank you.

Love, Mommy

[Bonnie]

Dear Caroline,

Mommy does not want to travel for work. Mommy hates to travel and hates to leave home. Please don't make Mommy feel even worse about having to go to Texas for 2 days than she already feels. I'll be back before you know it.

Love, Mommy

[mrs.knip]

Dear DH,
I know I set the TIVO for your beloved STARGATE so I don't know why it wasn't recorded but don't get so grumpy with me when you KNOW it reairs again at 10pm.
Your loving wife

[Dennis]

Dear Brandi,

If you look at the recording history on the todo list, it will tell you why shows didn't record.

[Shel]

Dear Brayden,

I know you're 2, but for freaks sake, stop being such a grump ass. It's starting to get very frustrating, annoying and embarassing.

Mommy



Dear Owen,

Please refer to the above note Brayden's mommy wrote him today the next time you feel like throwing yourself on the ground to throw a fit because you aren't getting your way.

Your mother

[Karly]

Dear Neighbor,

Thank you so much for being a kind neighbor by keeping your dog on a leash AND for being nice enough to let my kids (who are usually afraid of dogs) come and pet your dog today. I really appreciate your thoughtfulness. And as a bonus, you are even cooler for being willing to play catch with my son, while I stayed inside and kept his baby brother occupied.

You're a gem, what ever your name is! :lol:

Sincerely,

Your neighbor in the building over

[Jenn]

Dear Karly,

You're so lucky to have such thoughtful neighbors. Maybe your neighbor can teach mine a thing or two.

Sincerely,
someone who is jealous of your thoughtful neighbors

[Karin]

Dear House,
Please have yourself packed and ready to go on 5/10. This would really save me from having a nervous breakdown. Thanks so much...

Sincerely,
Tired, overworked and underpaid ME

[Brandi]

:lol2: I could write basically the same one to Blizzard for making World of Warcraft. Just replace Guitar Hero with World of Warcraft and change "sing Guitar Hero songs" to "think about my character and how I can get more honor or more experience points" and that's my letter. :lol:

I love it Amy! I can't wait to meet you!

[Brandi]

Dear Detective Stewart of Douglas County,

Thank you for nothing. The hours (ha!) you claim to have spent working on our case has produced nothing. You claim this is a she-said, he-said case and can't pursue charges against the people that trespassed and robbed my home or the woman who was responsible for house-sitting. I'm so proud to pay the highest tax rate in Colorado only to be told there is nothing more you will be doing to get us restitution for a crime committed against us. You have proven to us that crime does pay! I'm sure the punk teenagers that vandalized our home and robbed us of our security also thank you for not nailing their sorry asses to the wall.

Warm Regards,

A woman who will be forever disillusioned with our justice system.

I think you should send this one!

[Brandi]

Dear y'all,
These are totally cracking me up! And I don't laugh that easily!

My favorite - OK, is it just me or do any of you think "Nic-HOLE" when everyone capitalizes the H in the middle like this: NicHole? I am dying laughing over this one!

Sincerly,
One who must go get a tissue to wipe the laughing tears out of her eyes

[Jayne]

Dear Nichole,
I too feel your pain. Heck...even here people forget the Y in my name. DRIVES ME BATTY. I for one like the name with an H!

Sincerly,
JaYne

[MrsPeacefrog]

Dear Dinner,

Please cook yourself as I am far from ready to get off my lazy bum and cook you. I will accept a 3 course meal instead of a 5 so please don't outdo yourself.

Sincerely,
Hungry but can't be bothered

[Clare]

My favorite - OK, is it just me or do any of you think "Nic-HOLE" when everyone capitalizes the H in the middle like this: NicHole? I am dying laughing over this one!



I'm totally saying Nic-Hole when I see it typed like that :lol:

I went to school with a Nichole and a Nicole, so they both look right to me.

Dear Me,

Wine is fattening, you know that. So eating really well but continuing to drink wine is not going to help you lose weight.

Sincerely,

Your Wobbly Belly Fat Arse Self who just opened a bottle of wine :pig:

[MrsPeacefrog]

Dear Wobbly Belly,

You look great, so it's all an illusion. :aok: Drink up!

Sincerely,

Jealous one who has a belly but for other reasons that stop her from joining you.

[Girlo]

Dear Clare -
I'll happily, joyfully trade my HUGE fat arse and wobbly belly for your teeny one any second of the day. :) Let me know when you're ready to trade.....
Signed,
Needs To Get More Serious About Her Diet

[redhairedgirl]

Dear New Boyfriend,

You're so good to me and I really like you. I'm just so damned afraid I'm going to screw everything up cause I have zero self esteem right now.

I just keep my fingers crossed that you have tons of patience.

Yours,
The one you call "beautiful"

[Mandi]

Dear best friend,

How come every single time we get together we have to cook? And how come you always want something deep fried when you know I'm trying to lose weight? :gah:

Love,
Never gonna get rid of this badonkadonk butt

[Bridget]

Dear Children and Husband,

I am very tired. I would like to take a nap. You are all very tired. I would like for you all to take a nap. I never, ever get to take a nap because daddy always goes to sleep in ten seconds and won't wake up even if one of you kids lights something on fire. So typically I don't even bother because not napping at all is better than laying down for ten minutes than having to get back up. But I am very tired today and would really like to take a nap.

Please do not kick me, open my eyes with your sticky little fingers, snore really loudly, or cry. Please don't poop in your pants, ask for more milk, a blankie, a pacifier, or vomit anywhere in the house. And if you do, do not wonder why I am going to be a real bitch later today.

Love,
Your mommy and your wife.

P.S. Nap time means we are not "going to sleep" by watching Blues Clues or Diego or Dora or the Wonder Freaking Pets. K?

[Mary DK]

Dear Bridget,

If your children & hubby do not let you take a nap. Wanna come join me when I ran away from my children & hubby to go to a nice spa for the rest of the weekend?

Sincerely,
Your friend from the "stressed out-tired Mom" Club

[Mrs. Shae]

Dear UBOC ~

thank you very fook ing much! ... my mom is 81 and has lost most of her sight ... my dad is 82 and had a stroke 6-1/2 years ago that greatly affected his ability to write ...

so today when hubby and i brought them into your branch to turn in the 34 Savings Bonds they had ... the one my mom had already come into YOUR branch to find out what she had to do to cash them in ... the ones that i spent an hour filing out the forms AHEAD of time since there was NO WAY they could ...

ya could have at least CHECKED to make sure there were NO problems ... BEFORE you had my dad sign ALL 34 bonds [which then needed their address written on them ... thank you for at least helping me with that] and the three forms ...

because once this was all done ... it was at that point that you looked at the two forms of ID my dad had placed on the desk when we first got there ... and you said "oh, this license is expired ... i don't think we can do these" ! ? ! ? ! ? !

wt:fook: ... sure my dad probably should have an ID ... but he wasn't DRIVING ... and i can pretty much guarantee that his picture hasn't expired ... we are now stuck with all these pre-signed Savings Bonds ... which you also THEN mentioned that since they don't bank with UBOC ... you can only process one set at a time ... two to three weeks apart ... which means that AFTER my dad goes to the DMV and applies for an ID and waits for it to come ... we need to come back THREE separate times over the course of three months ... to cash in their damn bonds ...

Signed,

ME ... who stopped using Banks and uses Credit Unions ONLY for obvious reasons

MY MOM ... who also stopped using Banks and uses Credit Unions ONLY for obvious reasons

[Mrs. Shae]

Dear hubby ~

thank you very much for going down to my parents and putting up with my dad's stubbornness ... thank you for helping me keep him away from the table saw that he has NO business using ... and putting up with him, my mom and me ... while we figured out which wood needed to be cut and what size it should be cut [i swear ... if i would have known ... i would have gone out myself to Lowes ... got the wood and lattices ... and had them cut for them]

and thank you very much for waiting patiently during the above UBOC fiasco ... and not letting everyone there know how you REALLY felt ...

Signed,

your very loving wife, who plans to be VERY :sex:loving in fifteen days when we head to Vegas to celebrate our 7th anniversary

[LISA]

Dear FIL

Hey remember how when Paige was a tiny infant you kept saying you would take her for the day/night?? then when she was a toddler you said she could come over once she was out of diapers?? well she's been out of diapers since she was 2 so um wtf are you waiting for? :mad:

signed
your low life welfare bum of a daughter inlaw.. that is what you called me right? :scratch: :devil:

[AmyP]

Dear Lazy Butt,

Please remove yourself from the computer chair and stop playing World of Warcraft and surfing on OUAL. Sarah and I need to eat dinner and we can't do that too easily with you glued to the chair.

And while you're at it, shrink yourself!

Sincerely,

The Rest of Me

[AmyP]

Dear Sarah,

Please go upstairs and fix and eat your own dinner and then change your own diaper, put on your pajamas and go to bed.

Signed,
Mommy

[AmyP]

Dear Lazy Butt,

Seeing as Sarah can't do anything in the above letter, refer to your previous letter.

Signed,
The Rest of Me

[Brooke]

Dear Dr. Tatar:

Thank you so so so much for fixing my son's ears! The difference in just 2 days is miraculous! He's a different child.

I'm so happy to have my happy, silly boy back!

Thanks again!
Brooke

[pam]

Dear y'all,
These are totally cracking me up! And I don't laugh that easily!

My favorite - OK, is it just me or do any of you think "Nic-HOLE" when everyone capitalizes the H in the middle like this: NicHole? I am dying laughing over this one!

Sincerly,
One who must go get a tissue to wipe the laughing tears out of her eyes

Ditto! I keep saying the same thing (maybe more like Nick-hole). That couldn't be the latest way to say...:scratch:

[pam]

Most Annoying FIL,

Since it's so much trouble for you to come all the way to California, why did you even bother? You didn't want to come this time or any of the times since Amelia was born. Interesting & very hard to believe.

Also, it's not in good form to give credit to the wrong person for something or to tell someone that something they gave you is not what they say it is. You said that you "don't think of it as a scrapbook," but being the one who put many hours into making it, I can tell you that it IS a scrapbook.

MIL & FIL,

I know it must be hard but since you are only here a few times a year & Amelia doesn't know you, how 'bout letting her come to you instead of sticking your face or your fingers into her face. Not that nice when she's confined to a stroller or a highchair & she can't move away from you should she desire to do so. How 'bout it giving her a break?

Your oh-so-annoyed daughter in law who wonders how your son came out so nice & normal

[Becca]

Dear Stephanie from the Urban Oasis Day Spa,

Thankyou SO much for making my first spa experience so great. I was so relaxed and at peace for the first time in over 2yrs (coincidentally before I had kids) You made me feel like a total :queen:
Rest assured I WILL be back again SOON!!

~Relaxed & Renergized


Dear DH,

Thankyou for kicking me out of the house this morning sans kids. I spent a wonderful morning shopping in all the stores I wanted to go to (even ones with breakables!!) and then had the BEST TIME at the spa. I know I shouldn't have spent $ on the boys since they didn't need anything, but it made me feel good. I hope you have a good time at the movie with the neighbor...I'll be waiting for you when you get home. :sex:

~Your loving wife:loveeyes:

[mrs.knip]

Dear BIL- You are not the King of the Ranch. Your brother (my DH) and father work hard too- they do not have to follow your almighty way at all times! They have their own brains and are perfectly capable of doing things with out your stupid input! :( Unless you want to be the only one working on this ranch you better change your attitude and the way you treat your family.
-Your SIL who would like you to give it a break!

[stass]

Dear people who come here just to sell me stuff,

I ain't buyin'.

-stass

[stass]

Dear Stass,

you shouldn't post while drinking.

Stass

[stass]

Dear Stass,

STFU

-stass (trying to build up an alcohol tolerance for the retreat so I don't look like a wussy) :lol:

[marcy]

Dear stomach bug.

Please leave my daughter alone. She is too little and doesn't deserve to have you attacking her not once or twice but three times today. She's happy all day long except when you mess with her stomach. And I'm tired of cleaning up puke and doing wash. Go pick on someone your own size.

Sincerely,
A mommy who's jumping up every few minutes expecting sickies to strike a sleeping baby again

[Brandi]

Dear hubby,
GET OFF MY GUITAR HERO! OK? I NEED Guitar Hero! NOW!

P.S. You don't play a guitar with the strap only around your neck. You look like a dork. You put it over one shoulder. Have you SEEN someone play guitar before?

Sincerely,
Your "addicted to Guitar Hero" wife who needs her fix

[stass]

Dear Marcy

Sorry your baby is sick! Popcicles are your friend. Good luck!

Signed,
Been there

[MrsPeacefrog]

Dear food shop,

You don't like me and I don't like you, so lets make this as painless as possible.

Sincerely,

Soon to be trolley bumping grocery shopper

[Clare]

Dear Deb,

At least you can go food shopping on a Sunday. Here in hicksville, I had to fight the ginormous crowds in the supermarket yesterday.

Signed,

She who misses living in the big city.

[Bridget]

Dear Stass,

Please drink more. I find you very funny and I could use a laugh.

Signed,
Bridget

[Bridget]

Dear Clare,

I didn't realize you lived in Hicksville. I thought Hicksville was a term reserved mostly for midwestern cities in the United States. Actually I'm relieved now to know I'm not alone.

Sincerely,
Hicksville USA

[Michal]

Dear Former Tenant,

Please figure out how to have your mail sent to your current residence as it has been 3 years since you've lived at this address. I am tired of receiving your mail and having to walk down to the post office to have it forwarded to you. I am sorry that you find this task to be too tedious and I suppose it is convient that I am nice enough to have it sent to you, but did I mention that it has been 3 YEARS!! BTW, would it be mail fraud if I started "accidently" throwing it in the garbage?

Signed,
Current tenant (AKA, Not Canada Post)

[Nichole]

Dear ladies in open toed sandals,

Yes, I'm happy it's warm enough to wear sandals again, too! :woot: That said, we need to go over some of the ground rules for open toed sandals:

1. Your toes should end before the shoe does. What I mean is, your toes are not supposed to hang over the front of your shoes. It looks really bad and yucky and makes me fear that you're going to drag your toes on the ground and trip on your toenails. I don't like to think about that because it's scary and a little gross.

2. While we're on the subject of toenails, please keep those bad boys clipped. Pretty please? Your toenails are not like fingernails; they shouldn't extend past the skin of your toes. Frankly, that's just creepy and nasty. Clippers are your friend, mmkay?

Thanks for sparing us,
the people afraid of your hangy-offy toes with their claw nails :errr: :dead:

[Mrs. Shae]

for Nichole ... who thanks to this thread ... i will think of as Nic~Hole ...

The Open Toed Shoe Pledge

As a member of the Cute Girl Sisterhood, I pledge to follow the Rules
when wearing sandals and other open-toe shoes:

I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over
and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.

I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free.
I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.

I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.

I will shave the hairs off my big toe.

I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker,
mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.

If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into
place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it.

I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr.
Scholl's if my feet need him.

I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low
price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids' sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.

I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell
and begin to look like Vienna sausages.

I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she
asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes are as long as my fingers and no sandal makes creepy feet look good.

I will promise if I wear flip flops that I will ensure that they are actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.

I will promise to go to my local nail salon at least once per season and
have a real pedicure (they are about $35 and worth EVERY penny).

I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show signs of wear... nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals.

[pam]

Dear stass,

How sad is it that I see this post


-stass (trying to build up an alcohol tolerance for the retreat so I don't look like a wussy) :lol:

& had to pour myself a glass of wine for the same reason yet I hate that I have to keep retyping since I keep making typos & I've only had one sip! Gahhhh! You gals will drink me under the table. I'm so pathetic. I give up :sigh:

pam aka the real wuss

[Joan]

These are so funny!!

[MrsPeacefrog]

Dear Clare,

Even though I don't live in hicksville and the shops were available for me, I chickened out and did it online instead, as my lazy ass decided it couldn't be bothered dealing with it :shuffle: Even though it took me an additional hour to go through every single virtual aisle to make sure I didn't forget anything, and it's costing me an additional $10 in delivery, it was WORTH IT!

Sincerely

Laziest shopper who isn't in hicksville but didn't take advantage of the convenience and instead took advantage of the online convenience of the 21st century.

[stass]

Dear Bridget,

Sorry I passed out after one glass of wine so I couldn't read your post.

Sincerely,

Light weight!

[Karin]

Dear Deb,
Just want to say that you have the right idea, girlfriend! I, who have fewer children that I'd have to tote around the store, who is not wonderfully pregnant like you are, absolutely love, love, LOVE online grocery shopping and delivery! In the time that it would take to lug everyone/everything around the store, load up the car, etc. I can have the laundry done and the house cleaned up (or I can sit on the couch and watch Dr. Phil and Oprah :awink: ) It's not being lazy, it's being able to brilliantly multi-task!! Make no apologies!!

Signed,
One who understands

[Karri]

Dear Delta-
So help me god, if you eff up my return flight like you did my flight out here, I will go postal on your asses.

Signed,
A disgruntled passenger

[Shel]

Dear Stacey,

I am also a lightweight, and fall asleep after half a glass of wine. Don't worry about building up your tolerance. Do what I did last year and say sober and laugh at everyone trying to scrap while lightly toasted.

Sincerely,
The girl who drank 3 oz of wine last year.

[AmyP]

Dear Stacey,

I am a lightweight too. You, Shel, and I can laugh at all the drunk scrappers. :lol:

Sincerely,
A lightweight and proud of it

[Mandi]

Dear SIL,

WTF is wrong with you? First you miss out on your neice's birthday party which I told you about a freaking month in advance! And then when we see you the day after you don't even wish her a happy birthday or give her a present? Not to mention you completely forgot Brayden's birthday too. I know you're all wrapped up in your better than everyone else boyfriend but stop being a bitch and think about someone else for a change. That really hurt my daughters feelings and when she's hurt I get pissed. And you really don't want to piss me off!

Gonna kick your ass if you don't rectify this soon,

Mandi

[Becca]

Dear Neighbor/Friend,
Please stop phoning and coming over just to ask my dh questions/favours that your fully-capable dh can do himself. Perhaps I wouldn't be as ticked about it if you'd stop bailing out on plans that we make. You really need to learn to be independant and responsible enough to plan your day and FOLLOW THROUGH instead of opting to just sit at home on your a$$. Think of those who you're letting down!!
Sincerely
Your neighbor/friend who wants to spend some time with her dh and is tired of cancelling plans that she makes for all of us.

[Michele]

Dear scheduler at Gymboree,

When I ask for a week off b/c I'm on vacation, please don't schedule me, b/c I won't show up. Remember that form I filled out MONTHS ago, saying that I couldn't work this week. Please refer to it in the future.

Also, don't call my home phone and leave frantic messages b/c I won't get them b/c I'M NOT AT HOME, I'm on vacation, like I told you verbally and in written form at least 10 times! Maybe if you called my cell phone - I know you have the number - then I could have reminded you again that I'm out of state and can't work this week. Then maybe there wouldn't have been a problem.

Thank you.

Signed,
I quit, I swear I'm gonna...probably tomorrow...your 40% discount is not worth it anymore!

[Michele]

Dear Jackson,

It is ok to nap once in a while. It is not admitting defeat.

Love, Mommy

[Michele]

Dear New England,

It is FREAKING April 15th, please get with the program. Warm the F up and stop raining!

Thank you,

Sick of winter

[Dennis]

Dear Former Tenant,

Please figure out how to have your mail sent to your current residence as it has been 3 years since you've lived at this address. I am tired of receiving your mail and having to walk down to the post office to have it forwarded to you. I am sorry that you find this task to be too tedious and I suppose it is convient that I am nice enough to have it sent to you, but did I mention that it has been 3 YEARS!! BTW, would it be mail fraud if I started "accidently" throwing it in the garbage?

Signed,
Current tenant (AKA, Not Canada Post)

Dear Clarity,

There is nothing wrong with tossing the mail in the trash.

[Lynn]

Dear sister:
Will wonders never cease? Did you really go and visit dad today? Thank you for giving me and your brother a day off so we could be with our families. Although you are the world's giant selfish PITA, I still love you. Mom makes me.
Your appreciative little sister.

[Lynn]

Dear Keith:
I really want to co-parent with you but you are behaving like a child yourself. Please admit that you were wrong to give in to Aaron last night after I said no 1,597 times. I appreciate you making me look like the bad guy. Thanks. Next week when Aaron is behaving like a monster I will call you at work and let YOU deal with it.
xoxo
Your wife

[stass]

Dear Keith,

:slap: That is for Lynn!

Stass, her imaginary online pal.

[mrs.knip]

Dear Maggie,
Can you please quit being an annoying brat? You do not need to be so mean to your brother and purposely ignore me. I know how nice and sweet of a girl you can be can you please remind me?
Love,
Your mommy who loves you very much but is not real fond of you today.

[Shel]

Dear ILs,

I adore you. Thank you for volunteering to babysit my heathens so my husband and I can enjoy a nice dinner where I'm not dealing with a whiney 5 year old or a screaming 2 year old. I am so blessed to have ILs like you

Love
Your only daughter :)

[redhairedgirl]

Dear Work and Co-Workers....

I hate all of you except Jim. Jim is the only one who still treats me with respect. The rest of you can kiss my ass - and I'm really not looking forward to another work week with all you jerks.

Signed,
Your former office manager who has been sent to prison in the Tower.

[redhairedgirl]

Dear New Boyfriend,

Once again, you were better than I ever imagined. Break my heart and I will personally come down to Virginia and kick your ass.

Signed,
The one you say you're crazy about - but not in the straight-jacket way.

P.S. Thanks for fixing my computer and the one toilet when you were here. The second one was totally unexpected - I would have just called a plumber, but hey - you volunteered and impressed me.

[gulp!]

Dear kids,

Please find some constructive ways to occupy your time while we're stuck in the house in the middle of a 2 day storm. If I hear any more whining, fighting, or general destructive behavior, I'm going to lose my mind.

Thank you,
Mommy

[MrsPeacefrog]

Dear Former Tenant,

Please figure out how to have your mail sent to your current residence as it has been 3 years since you've lived at this address. I am tired of receiving your mail and having to walk down to the post office to have it forwarded to you. I am sorry that you find this task to be too tedious and I suppose it is convient that I am nice enough to have it sent to you, but did I mention that it has been 3 YEARS!! BTW, would it be mail fraud if I started "accidently" throwing it in the garbage?

Signed,
Current tenant (AKA, Not Canada Post)


Dear Current Tennant who is not Canada Post,

I agree with Dennis, 6 months is ample, any future mail is their own fault and is to be tossed. :heee: They don't bother cause they know you will just forward it for them.

Sincerely,

Someone who was in that exact situtation and gave up after 6 months and 5 years later I still get mail and it goes straight in the bin.

[MrsPeacefrog]

Dear Lynn,

:gah: That is for your frustration

Sincerely,

Somone who also knows what it's like to be in that situation :rolleyes:

[MrsPeacefrog]

Dear Kids,

The minute I sit down is not a signal for you to start harassing me for a drink when I was JUST in the kitchen asking if you wanted anything else.

Sincerely,

The one who feels being a slave is getting very very old.

[Karin]

Dear dumbass dog,
If you're going to ask to go out 10 f#$%ing times a day during a f$%^*ing nor'easter, could you learn how NOT to get your leash wrapped around the f$%^ing tree so that I don't have to come out to rescue you? It would be so kind of you...if you're unable to help yourself and MUST go out, could you at least strap a garbage pail to your back and save me the trip? Thanks so much...

Signed,
Your grouchy, rained-on owner

[Bridget]

Dear OUAL,

Does it seem weird that I would want to go to a spa just to get a foot massage? Because I would, but it seems weird that I would because foot rubbing is still sorta socially unnaceptable.

And why is it OK to have a facial where someone physically squeezes your blackheads and no one thinks that is odd but having someone rub your feet is kooky.

????

Sincerely,
The Kook

[Brandi]

Dear daughter,
You are 2 1/2 even though you think you are 13. The eye rolling and "nah" remarks are going to put me over the edge.
Signed,
Mother who is not ready for a teenager yet

[Brandi]

Dear Guitar Hero,
I'm kicking your butt! You think you can take me down, but NOOOOOOO! Only 11 out of 48 songs left on the hard level to beat! ROCK ON!
Signed,
Totally addicted and ready to kick some more butt

P.S. Please crash while my hubby is playing you tonight. He must not get better scores than me!

[Clare]

Dear Brandi,

Your Guitar Hero addiction is totally cracking me up! :lol:

Signed,
She who's getting a kick out of seeing a different side of you.

[MrsPeacefrog]

Dear Brandi,

Can we please get video footage of you playing guitar hero

Signed,
Another who is getting a kick out of your addiction and side of you that I didn't know was there :giggle:

[Nadine]

Dear DH's CEO,

Please please please make him an offer to promote him and kick that looser of a boss of his to a different company. That would make DH's dream come true and would make us all so very happy. Oh- and make that TODAY or else he has to give notice and move on to a different job he doesn't really want to take. But since he has such a looser of a boss, he can't bear the thought of staying there another day. And neither can I.

The hopeful and ever-so-thankful if you get your act together wife of Y

[sheila]

Dear Kook,

Get the foot massage, just tell people its a pedicure. Show off your pretty toenails and you will seem normal. Well, maybe to people who don't know you too well.

Sincerely,
No witty name at the moment because my brain is not working yet.

[Brandi]

Dear Guitar Hero Fans,
There have not been any plans made for a "Making of a Guitar Hero Addict" video, but now that I know there is a need for this, I'll get to work on it. Maybe we can get one tonight while I'm kicking more GH butt!
Signed,
One who will undoubtedly be playing Guitar Hero tonight (but who went to bed early last night because she couldn't hack it anymore - don't worry, it won't happen again)

[sheila]

Dear guy at the stop sign,

If you are going to wave me on when we are both at the stop sign, it is bad form to then honk your horn at me when I go.

Sincerly,
The honked at

PS -- driving with a chihuahua in your lap is not manly. Even if you are driving a really big SUV.

[Lynn]

Dearest love of my life:
Seriously? How do you sleep through your son's cries? HOW!? I find it ever so convenient that you :airquote: didn't hear him :airquote: and I have to go down to find out what's wrong. I sure hope there isn't a fire in our home as I'm positive you'd sleep through the smoke detectors too.
Love,
Your wife who was gracious enough to let you sleep. Next time, it's all you.

[Karri]

Dear People-
Please grow up and be accountable for your actions.
Thank you,

Sick and tired of hearing the blame being passed onto everyone else

[Mary DK]

Dear AF, (and I'm using the term "dear" very losely)

Why do you have to come with such wrath? Is it b/c I didn't invite you to come over for like 36 months? Well, me & my body were a little busy carrying a child & then feeding this child and couldn't have you visit. So, could you please don't take it personally, get over it & be a little nicer from now on?

Sincerely,
One that is freaking tired of your vengeance

[Mary DK]

Dear boss, (using the term "dear" losely this time too!!)

If you're gonna change your mind about printing the NL, how about letting me know about it instead of canceling it without telling me & letting me send the info to the printing company... it makes us look like morons that have no idea what communication is... oh wait, you are a moron that has no idea what communication is! :gah:

Sincerely,
Somebody that has work with you for so long that knows this is not something new :rolleyes:

[Mary DK]

Dear rain,
Would you mind staying away until Tuesday night? Eliot's kindergarten class has been looking forward to the zoo field trip on tuesday. It would be nice if we can go & we don't have to deal with 20+ dissapointed kiddos.

Thanks in advance,
Mary

[Michele]

Dear Nor'easter,

ENOUGH ALREADY!

Sincerely,
Michele

[TtownAnne]

Dear Wind -

Enough. 60+mph gusts is just ridiculous. If you rip the siding off my house, my poor husband will have an aneurysm. Do you want to be responsible for that? I hope not.

Sincerely,
Windblown

[Mary DK]

Dear Michele & Anne,
Sorry y'all are having to deal with the crazy weather :hug99:

Sincerely,
Mary

[AmyP]

Dear Wind -

Enough. 60+mph gusts is just ridiculous. If you rip the siding off my house, my poor husband will have an aneurysm. Do you want to be responsible for that? I hope not.

Sincerely,
Windblown

Ditto that. I had to run an errand this morning and I thought Sarah and I were going to fall over.

[Lynn]

Dear East Coast peeps:
Sorry we blew the snow and wind and cold your way. Apparently we were in the mood to share. I'll blow our (slightly) warmer temps and sunny skies your way. You should receive them early next week.
:heart:
A Midwesterner

[Jenn]

Dear crazy weather,

Thanks for dropping a tree on my MIL's house. Really, I appreciate it because you know, I don't mind the added stress right now. :rolleyes:

Kindly,
a stressed out person that is sick of the wind


Dear co-worker,

I truly appreciate your team effort attitude and when I show you something that would take 2 seconds to help me, the fact that you say that's not you're job. I love that you are so willing to help others out when it won't put you out anymore. :rolleyes:

Sincerely,
the one that won't do shit for you now if you ever need me to

[Michele]

Dear Fat-free, Sugar-free Pudding,

Thank you for being so tasty, yet so low in points...

Sincerely,
Someone in need of dessert from time to time

[LISA]

Dear Store Manager

Thank you for FINALLY meeting with us now,
please follow through on the points we made tonight
thank you
signed
One of your over worked under-appreciated staff members

[Kate]

Dear Mother Nature,

I am not sure if you and Father Time are having a fight, but it is April 17th. It is supposed to be spring. Please take this cold wet weather away until Winter. I saw snow flakes on my ride in to work this morning. Please just stop winter. Thank you.

Cold and Wet New Englander

[Kristen]

Dear Husband...
Why is it that our daughter only gets sick when you are out of town? I really enjoyed cleaning up vomit and comforting our daughter all night last night by myself. Did I mention that I've already done 5 loads of laundry this morning as a result? *Sigh* I also loved having to call my high strung principal and ask for a sub. Guess that's what sick days are for.

Your loving wife

[Girlo]

Dear Fat-free, Sugar-free Pudding,

Thank you for being so tasty, yet so low in points...

Sincerely,
Someone in need of dessert from time to time

Amen Sistah!!! :bliss:

[Brooke]

Dear Sickies -

Please, please, PLEASE leave our family alone! Maybe you've forgotten, but you've already made Rebekah sick TWICE. Why is she throwing up again today?

Please go away.

Sincerely,
Very tired mommy.

[Brooke]

Dear Mom:

I'm truly sorry Rebekah is throwing up at your house today, but secretly I'm glad I'm at work!

Signed:
Your loving daughter.

[AmyP]

Dear Kitchen,

Please clean yourself.

Signed,
Too Lazy to Clean

[Shel]

Dear Fat-free, Sugar-free Pudding,

Thank you for being so tasty, yet so low in points...

Sincerely,
Someone in need of dessert from time to time



And from someone who is not doing points, thank you for only being 60 calories, and on sale every week at my grocery store!

[Lynn]

Dear website I'm trying to order from:
Thanks for making me register to buy. Also thank you for filling out 1,976 blanks to get to the *buy now* page. Finally, thank you for making me do all that freaking work and just so you can say your website is busy and I should try later. :gah:

Signed,
A once loyal buyer

[bunybomb]

Dearest son,

Being 4 1/2 years old brings lots of new things into your life. You are becoming very independent and self sufficient which makes me proud. My question for you today.....how could you have two accidents last night? That hasn't happened for months and I just took off your plastic sheets!

Your loving mom.


Dearest daughter,

Being 12 1/2 years old brings lots of new things into your life. You are independent and self sufficient which makes me proud. My question, after Dad and I dropped $200 over the weekend so you could take snowboard lessons, why are you such a sassy, spoiled brat? We love to do these things for you but now regret we ever did. You will enjoy getting nothing for awhile!

Your loving mom.

[Alysia]

Dear Me,

Could you actually sleep when you are supposed to? Instead of tossing and turning ALL night long? Sleep is important to function.

Sincerely,

A very tired person with huge, ugly bags under her eyes.

[Shel]

Dear Insurance Compay,

YOU SUCK. Why in the hell do I have to buy the prescription YOU prefer me to buy, instead of the one my DOCTOR, who went to MEDICAL SCHOOL prescribed for me. How freaking unfair to make me pay $100 a month for meds unless I want to switch to something you prefer for $15 a month, even though I have already taken that medicine and it DOES NOT WORK FOR ME. Now I get to decide if I want to feed my kids or feel healthy. Thanks a lot for nothing. So glad the outrageous amount of money we have to pay for insurance is helping my out of pocket cost.

Thanks for making my ulcer grow bigger
Pissed off in Indiana

[Becca]

Dear Sons of Mine,
Why did you feel the deep desire to get up at 530 this morning?? And why have neither of you had a nap yet?? Its going on 1230pm and I would like to stop making cheese sandwiches, getting more juice/water, and changing the DVD long enough to catch a few hundred winks. Please lay down on your respective couch-beds and GO TO SLEEP!!
~Your loving, but gaddamn TIRED mommy.

Dear Bell ExpressVU remote,
Why the hell are you not working?! I've replaced your batteries twice and still you don't work. I need you to work so I can just change the channel instead of having to get up off my lazy butt and change DVD's every 5minutes!!! Please work now. Please oh please!!!
~fed-up and lazy mommy of 2 overtired boys who just wants a nap

[redhairedgirl]

Dear Soon to be ex-husband's Attorney,

I don't know how the hell you sleep at night pulling the shit you pull on me. How can you seriously say that I'm an unfit and improper parent? Do you even know me? No..... You know as well as I do the only reason he filed that shit was to get out of paying child support. How the hell do you sleep at night knowing there are scum of the earth that wish to screw over a single MOM just trying her hardest to get by! How can you even ask me to pay YOUR fees when I make less than 5 times what he does - and now I'm unemployed because of these stupid stunts you and he keep pulling on me! It's no damned wonder I'm a nervous wreck! I get served at work for a custody battle from a man that has never shown more than a 30 minute interest in his own son! I get served and fear that I'll go to daycare to pick him up and he won't be there! No damned wonder I can't concentrate - and it's cost me my job you damned ho!
I got news for you sister, you're a disgrace to womankind by this kind of stunt. May your ass be inflamed with hemmoroids and you never find anything that works for them.
May your feet be cursed with bunions that hurt with any type of shoe.
May you never find clothing that fits you correctly and hair that never wants to work.

I hate you. And I hope you never have a full night of sleep with something like this laying on your conscience again. :salute:

Signed,
A Single Mom who just wanted to compromise instead of go to court so that she could move on with her life!

[AmyP]

Dear House,

Please clean the guest room yourself, and do Sarah's laundry for me. I'm tired and I don't want to do either.

Signed,
Me

[Brooke]

Dear Mandy's Ex-husband's attorney -

You suck!

I hope Mandy tells everyone she knows never to use you or your practice.

Sincerely,
Brooke

[Lynn]

Dear Medicare:
I don't get it. Why do you think you should reevaluate my dad's condition every week? I like how YOU think YOU can determine if he needs coverage. Do you live with him? Do you think we're lying when we say he needs coverage? Do you think we have EIGHT THOUSAND dollars just sitting around to use to pay privately? You suck. I feel bad for the old people in America.
Disgruntled in MI.

[Karri]

Dear sweet, loving husband-

I love everything you do for me and I am so thankful that I am married to you and that you are the father of my kids. But goddammit....find some way to fucking stop snoring! If it means getting shit cut out of you, do it! I am sick of being startled awake by your loud snoring 3-4-5 times a night. I feel like I have a newborn again. And it makes me irratable and sluggish all day. This is not good for anyone.

Signed,
Your very very very tired wife

[Brooke]

Dear sweet, loving husband-

I love everything you do for me and I am so thankful that I am married to you and that you are the father of my kids. But goddammit....find some way to fucking stop snoring! If it means getting shit cut out of you, do it! I am sick of being startled awake by your loud snoring 3-4-5 times a night. I feel like I have a newborn again. And it makes me irratable and sluggish all day. This is not good for anyone.

Signed,
Your very very very tired wife

Ditto! Except I need to add....

If you have to wear the silly breathing thing at night, then do it! Stop being so goddammed selfish! Who cares what you look like while you are sleeping? I certainly don't find you attractive while you are sleeping, especially when you fart and snore with your mouth wide open.

[Jenn]

Dear Lynn,

No shit that medicare is insane. Lucky for us, we get to pay that $8,000/month for a nursing home for MIL. :rolleyes: It comes out of her money but we don't know just how long her money is going to last. *sigh*

Sincerely,
someone that feels your pain


Dear Karri and Brooke,

If you can get your husbands to comply with whatever treatment needed for snoring, would you kindly have them speak with my husband because he's not convinced his snoring is a problem.

Sincerely,
another tired, cranky wife

[sheila]

Dear wives of snorers,

Stagg just showed me this, and we are considering getting it. It seems less scary than the CPAP or the surgery. And in the long run $70 might be a small price to pay for good sleep.
www.sonapillow.com

Sincerely,
another sleep-deprived wife of a snorer

[Shel]

Dear Karri, Brooke and Jenn,

I completely sympathize

Signed
Thankful wife of a husband who works third shift so I only have to listen to him snore on weekends

[MrsPeacefrog]

Dear Medicare:
I don't get it. Why do you think you should reevaluate my dad's condition every week? I like how YOU think YOU can determine if he needs coverage. Do you live with him? Do you think we're lying when we say he needs coverage? Do you think we have EIGHT THOUSAND dollars just sitting around to use to pay privately? You suck. I feel bad for the old people in America.
Disgruntled in MI.

:hug99:

[MrsPeacefrog]

Dear wives of snorers,

Stagg just showed me this, and we are considering getting it. It seems less scary than the CPAP or the surgery. And in the long run $70 might be a small price to pay for good sleep.
www.sonapillow.com (http://www.sonapillow.com/)

Sincerely,
another sleep-deprived wife of a snorer


Dear maker of the sona pillow,

So let me get this right, they are sleeping on their arms? Wouldn't that cause them to go dead

Signed,

The wife who doesn't really care if his arm drops off as long as he stops snoring but knows that is a question he will ask

[Brandi]

Dear Guitar Hero,
I haven't been able to play you tonight because you are now my husband's new best friend. BUT, you are going DOWN! You THINK you beat me on that Psychobilly Freakout! But I will get you yet. It might not be tonight, or tomorrow night (of possibly a very long time since it is kicking my ass) but I will get you! The harder you make yourself, the more I want to take you down!
Signed,
One who isn't so eager to PRACTICE tonight

P.S. Can you keep kicking my husband's friends' asses because I think it's cool that I can beat them!

[Brandi]

Dear Guitar Hero,
Will you please go quietly if I try to stash you into my bag for the Scrapbooking retreat in a week and a half? I will pack you in something warm and cozy, I promise! Just don't let out any cries for HELP because my husband will kick me down and steal you back.
Signed,
Me - you know, the lady with the fast fingers!

[AmyP]

Dear World of Warcraft,

Stop being so darn addicting! I was up too late last night because I just had to hit level 57.

Signed,
Buffyholic on Gnomeregan

Dear Somebody on Gnomeregan,

Please buy my epic axe. You know you want it. :giggle: It's no fun having a weapon worth a buttload of money that I can't use if nobody will buy it from me!

Signed,
Buffyholic

[Nichole]

Dear cubemate,

I really don't care about your pregnant horses. I'm just nodding and making comments to be polite, so you don't have to give me daily updates on them, ok? Also, I don't really care about your dogs, either. :heee:

Thanks,
your trying not to be rude by ignoring your animal blather neighbor

[AmyP]

Dear cubemate,

I really don't care about your pregnant horses. I'm just nodding and making comments to be polite, so you don't have to give me daily updates on them, ok? Also, I don't really care about your dogs, either. :heee:

Thanks,
your trying not to be rude by ignoring your animal blather neighbor

:lol2:

[Kate]

Dear Boss,

I understand that it is very nice of you to do the coffee run everyday, but could you please get my coffee right. It is a medium iced french vanilla. Not regular coffee, not hazelnut, just french vanilla. I don't ask for much, just the right cup of coffee in the morning so that I don't become a raving bitch.

Sincerely,
Your Assistant Who is drinking another regular coffee.

[pam]

Dear sleep,

What a special rendezvous we had last night. How I had missed you! Do you know how much I enjoy your presence? I feel revived...almost young again. Ahhhh!

I love you,

No longer sleepless in San Diego

p.s. Please come back tonight

[Lynn]

Dear Aaron:
Thank you so much for getting your crankiness out. You have been a joy the last few days. Mommy surely has a much better day when you're having a good day too.
xoxo
mommy

Dear Keith:
Thank you for finding a dog sitter for the weekend. I appreciate you asking around at work so I didn't have to scramble around at the last minute. You rock!
xoxo
Lynn

Dear Keith:
While I appreciate what you have done for the dogs, don't think it lets you off the hook. I do NOT appreciate you scheduling a trip out of town when you knew your mom was going to be here. Dealing with her for 2 days straight (by myself!) is worse than dealing with Aaron on a bad day. Please do everything in your power to switch your trip. If not, you better bring me home lots of liquor.
xoxo
Lynn

[Mary DK]

Dear sleep,

What a special rendezvous we had last night. How I had missed you! Do you know how much I enjoy your presence? I feel revived...almost young again. Ahhhh!

I love you,

No longer sleepless in San Diego

p.s. Please come back tonight
:lol:

[Karri]

Dear Sheila-
Thank you for that link. I fear that won't work :( We've ruled out apnea and he snores on his side. But if you test it out and it works, let me know.

Thank you.
Wife who is making her husband sleep in her daughter's room

[Alysia]

Dear Karri,

Has he been to an ENT specialist? He might have a deviated septum which could be fixed with surgery.

Signed,

A girl who used to snore really badly but so much anymore

[Karri]

Dear Alysia -
No, that's our next course of action, if I could get him to do it. That's what the Sleep Wellness Institute suggested when they ruled out any sleep disorder. He comes from a long line of heavy breathers and snorers. I think they should yank out his tonsils, adenoids and uvula :lol: But who am I? :lol:

Anyway, thanks for the tip.

Tired

[Wendy]

Dear Roger:

Please see the above letters from other people who refuse to sleep in the same room as their husbands. It really is not that I dont love you or want to sleep with you. It is merely the fact that I have to have my sleep. Surely you can begin to understand that it is not fair to ask me to give up my sleep because you are "lonely" yet refuse to do anything about the very thing that keeps me up when we do sleep in the same room?

Your Wife that needs her rest.

[Brooke]

Dear fellow wives of snorers -

I really wish DH would see an ENT or a specialist. But he's afraid he would need surgery to fix the problem. So he's content to snore away and stop breathing repeatedly throughout the night (I count the times, and I have video of him doing it to prove it to him).

Signed:
Another tired, sleepless wife.

[Karin]

Dear wives of snorers,
I'm so sorry that you don't get the peaceful, quiet sleep that you need. How about earplugs? Seriously, my DH uses them on occasion when I'm sick with a cough that keeps him up. He swears by them. Just a thought!

Signed,
Hoping to help

[Shel]

Dear Karin

Earplugs do not drown out the sound of a chainsaw 4 inches from your head :giggle:

Sincerely,
really glad I only deal with a snorer on the weekends

[Karin]

Dear Shel,
Well, my husband's earplugs can drown out a jet engine, but I suppose a chainsaw is a WHOLE 'nother matter. :lol:

Signed,
Thankful I'm a heavy sleeper

[Alysia]

Dear Wives with Husbands afraid of surgery,

VICODIN and lots of it.

Signed,

Been there done that!

[magoo]

Dear Aaron:
Thank you so much for getting your crankiness out. You have been a joy the last few days. Mommy surely has a much better day when you're having a good day too.
xoxo
mommy

Dear Aaron,

While I am, thrilled that your crankies are gone and that you and your mommy are back to having a good time together, I must ask: Did you have to send the crankies to Anna? She has been driving me up the wall. Please, next time send them elsewhere.

Signed
Is listing my daughter in ebay illegal?


Dear Anna,

I love you, I reaaaaaly do, but you are not much fun to be with these past days. Seriously. Stop looking for trouble. You know I've joked about putting you out with the trash before. Well, you'd better be careful. The garbage trucks are coming tomorrow. Okay... just kidding! I wouldn't really do that, but please, I'm down on my knees and begging you... please adjust your attitude so we can have some fun again.

Love,
Your loving, but fed up mommy

[Brooke]

Dear Karin:

Earplugs are a thought, but then I wouldn't hear the children in the middle of the night. And, of course, DH sleeps like a log and never hears them.

I've given up on ever finding a workable solution. I've reached the point where I'm so exhausted that I can sleep through alot of the snoring.

Just wanted everyone to know that I do sympatize!

Brooke

[Clare]

Dear Disney film/tv makers,

Why do all of your storylines have to have a dead mother? Not all attractive, fun, successful, heroic kids are being raised by single dads, but you wouldn't know it from watching a Disney show. How about a story about a wonderful, strong, funny, intelligent kid who lives in a 2 parent home or even with a single mother?

Signed,

A mother who's fed up with Disney glorifying fathers and killing off mothers:snob:

[LISA]

Dear Mind

it's 2:30 in the AM! no your not at work so it's safe to rest, stop thinking and get some sleep!
signed your tired body who' butt will be dragging later on today :dead:

[Nadine]

Dear kids,
Thank you SO much for being so wonderful this morning and not fussing for for getting ready on time. I am double appreciative of it after the horrible morning we had the day before when i thought I could multitask and put the laundry away and get other chores done while asking you to get dressed on your own. Having realized that my sanity is more important than laundry that waits to be folded and put away, and given you my full attention - each when it was your turn - did the trick and... we had a calm and ncie morning and got out of the house at a decent hour.

Love,
Your mom who was not stressed out this morning


Dear Shoham,

I know TTing at night is as hard for you as it is for me. But I'd appreciate it if you didn't scream your head off and wake up Moriah by doing so at 3 am when you wake up all soaked. I can imagine it feels yucky and unpleasant but being hysterical and not letting me change your clothes etc doesn't help.... Now as long as this happens once a night, I can handle it - sort of. But please keep in mind that Moriah also nurses once a night lately and that this means your mom has top get up between 2-4 times each night.

Love,
your sleep-deprived mom who hopes you'll get the hang of staying dry at night ASAP

[Lynn]

Dear Anna:
Your mommy works really hard. Please give her a break. Either that or else beg that you only want daddy in the middle of the night or on the weekends so that she can get some sleep.
And that whole thing where your mom wants to put you out on the corner? My mom has threatened to sell me to the gypsies.
Love,
Aaron

[magoo]

Dear Jacob,

Thank you for sleeping through the night. I really needed it! Let's go to the park this morning. :)

Love,
Your finally rested mommy.


Dear Anna,

Thanks for a better morning!

Love,
Mommy



Dear Racoon,

The garbage trucks come before we get out of bed in the morning, so we like to put out the garbage the night before like everyone else on our street. Well, imagine my joy when I had to clean up our garbage which had been torn into. Next time, pick someone else's garbage, or better yet, stay in the woods!

Signed,
In need of a pair of rubber gloves

[MrsPeacefrog]

Dear Irony,

Thankyou for giving me a cold that has caused me to snore in my sleep, which then in effect got my snoring king of a husband bitching and moaning at me that he didn't get a wink of sleep due to it! :wtf:

Signed,

The wife of a man who is lucky I didn't divorce his ass on the spot.

[Karin]

Dear Brooke,
Oops! Forgot about having to listen for the kids! That would be important, wouldn't it? :lol:

Signed,
Brain on temporary vacation

[Alyssa]

Dear Colin,

Why must every night be a fight over your dinner? I'm thrilled you like meat, and even eat Aidan's some nights. But that doesn't mean you can't take 4 bites of rice/couscous/potato and your vegetables. It should not take you an hour to eat. It breaks into our reading/game time, and that saddens me.


Dear Aidan & Colin,

You know how to make a mess, why is it so impossible to clean up that mess? Why does this have to be a fight every freaking day? Seamus cleans up better than you do. Why, why, why?

Signed,
Your Frustrated Mother

[redhairedgirl]

Dear Joe the Mailman,

I really appreciate you telling me three times in about 10 minutes that you think I"m beautiful.
I really wish you would have just done your job and just delivered the mail and not asked me out to dinner. Now I have to make sure I'm out of the house everytime you stop by so that I can avoid you. Please make sure that I get all my mail or I will call your supervisor.

Thanks,
Mandy who lives on XYZ Road.

P.S. I didn't know how to tell you that I was already seeing someone because I really don't need that kind of shit going all over town right now.

[Lynn]

Dear Aaron:
:gah: I'm very frustrated at you right now. I planned a nice playdate for you and you were less than desirable to be around. My friend's 2 year old was better behaved than you and that's sad. Can you toss that grumpy side of you right out the door? I'm pretty tired of it.
Love
Your mom who has had it!

[Stacey]

Dear liar,

I don't believe you. I think you've been making shit up for a while now.

Signed,
Not a moron

[Karri]

Dear Aidan,
I am thrilled that you love to converse with me. But jeebus...can you ever just STOP FREAKING TALKING?! You've been talking since I picked you up from school at 11:00 and its 2:00 now and I don't think you've taken a break. My mind needs to rest.

Thank you,
Your non-talkative mama

[Michele]

Dear Jackson,

I love that you are curious and inquisitive and all that, but if you ask me why? one more friggin time, I think I'm going to lose my mind. I don't know everything...I used to think I did, but you've made it very clear that I don't. I'm sorry.

Love,
Someone who knows a lot less than she thought she did

P.S. Every time we see a car, please don't ask me whose car it is...I don't know that either.

[Darcy]

Dear Riley,
There must be something in the air with you 3 year olds because I'm also getting tired of your antics. Why must everything that doesn't go your way result in such obnoxious tears? I get so embarrassed when you do that in public. And every little toy that Jeremy is playing with, you don't need right that very instant. You must learn the word "share". Some days I can't wait until your little brother can stick up for himself. You're in for a rude awakening then, kiddo.

Also, every little loud noise is not thunder. From hammering houses away to loud car radios to even an airplane WAY up in the sky, nothing will happen to you in the house. :tearhair: Please try to get over this little phobia of yours.

Love,
Your overworked mother

Dear Snowball,
We miss you dear kitty. I'm so worried that I don't know where you are. If you got out somehow, I will never forgive myself if you don't return. I've left you some tuna outside and even in the basement since I hate that I have no idea where you are. Please come back. The kids (and I) miss you tremendously. :blue:

Love,
Your worried owner

[Girlo]

Karri, Michele, and Darcy - :hug99: I feel your pain!

Karri - you could sub the name "Paul" for "Aiden" and I'm right there with you. :giggle: Drives me absolutely apeshit!!

Michele - you can let Jackson know that his evil twin lives in WA. :lol: I also get the "who's in that car?" and "who lives in that house?" every time we drive through town. :lol: I don't freaking know!!

Darcy - :hug99: I hope Snowball comes home soon.....

[Kimberly]

Dear Karri,
Maybe Ali and Aidan can get married and they can talk to each other non-stop.

Signed,
The mommy of a child who talks from waking to sleeping each day

[Lynn]

Dear keith:
I am tired of writing these letters to you! Today I bought Aaron 2 new sets of his beloved Thomas pajamas. When we got home I washed them so we could bring them with us out of town this weekend.
Imagine how pissed off I was when I realized you left a pen in the pocket of your jeans and it got ALL OVER AARON'S BRAND NEW PAJAMAS. I think I'm going to kill (kidding) you.
Your beloved wife

[stass]

Dear Tragically Hip,

Why did you cancel your show that was going to happen on the day after my birthday? I was so excited that I had such good seats. I thought the Toledo Zoo would be such a great place to see you. I am so sad that you won't be there. I don't understand what a routing problem is but I bet it could be worked out. :(

Signed,
Tragically Sad

[Clare]

Dear Fellow Mums of 3 year olds,

I feel your pain :gah: Luckily for me, this is my youngest child, not my oldest, so I know that this phase passes. But damn, I wish it would hurry up and pass before I need to commit myself.

Signed Totally Fed Up of hearing NO screamed at me.

[TtownAnne]

Dear Michele*-

P.S. Every time we see a car, please don't ask me whose car it is...I don't know that either.

Caroline used to ask me where each car was going. I'd make up answers. It shuts up the questions after a bit, and you look flippin' BRILLIANT in their eyes. Win-win for everyone. :aok:

~Anne

[Karin]

Dear Ants,
Leave my den alone. We don't like you. Go away.

Dear Steve and Katie,
Please go to sleep early because mommy is beyond tired.

Dear Husband,
Next time you go to work and leave me alone with two kids for 8 days, please come home with big bottles of wine. Big...I mean REALLY big.

Signed,
Wishing I was drinking wine right now

[Michele]

Dear Anne,

You are an evil genius!

Respectfully,
Michele*

[Eva]

My Dearest Flowers

I know that I do not have a green thumb but please don't die on my this Summer. I have worked hard all day picking you out at the nursery and planting you and promise to take care of you. Please last longer the you predecessor

Sincerly
Amatuer Gardener

Dear Emma

Like the rest of your fellow 3 year olds, please stop the whiney, crying and the general 3 year old behaviour. You will be 4 in a few months so please don't let 4 be even worse..

Love
Mommy

Dear Christine
Don't turn 3!!! Stay little.
:)

[Karri]

Dear Elliott-
I think you're cute and everything, but dangnabbit....stay in freakin' bed! :complain: Quit coming downstairs 2-3-4 times, bringing me shit and saying, "dis don't belong up dere." Its funny, but its getting old. And you're not getting enough sleep. So stay put!

Love,
your mama

[Alyssa]

Dear Deb,

Thank you for posting about Sebastian Bach in your names thread, as it's resulted in me singing "Youth Gone Wild" in my head for several days now. That might sound sarcastic, but it's actually sincere, as this has allowed me to move away from my prior obsession, "Girlfriend" by Avril Lavigne. Truthfully, I'm not sure which is more embarrassing. :giggle:

Signed,
Your Highly Impressionable Friend

[Alyssa]

Dear Frustrated Moms of 3 Year Olds,

I'd happily take a 3 year old over a 4 year old, as I find 4 to be a far more challenging age than 3. If you're interested in seeing this first hand, I could arrange an exchange program with a certain blond haired, blue eyed 4 year old boy. You know where to find me.

Signed,
A Woman Who Still Has Another 10 Months of Age 4 To Deal With

[Nichole]

Dear Alyssa,

Ricky was a young boy, He had a heart of stone.
Lived 9 to 5 and worked his fingers to the bone.
Just barely got out of school, came from the edge of town.
Fought like a switchblade so no one could take him down.
He had no money, oooh no good at home.
He walked the streets a soldier and he fought the world alone
And now it's

18 and life You got it
18 and life you know
Your crime is time and it's
18 and life to go

Love,
another one who is slightly embarrassed, yet nostalgic :lol:

[Alyssa]

Dear Nichole,

I do like that Skid Row song better. But for some reason, the other one is stuck in my head. I even tried to blast it out today with "Pour Some Sugar on Me." Twice! If Def Leppard can't do the trick, what can?

Signed,
Someone who also really wants to find her Bon Jovi concert t-shirt

[MrsPeacefrog]

Dear Alyssa,

You are more than welcome, I too have been walking around singing Skid Row songs, and I must say I am shocked I still remember all the words :lol:

Signed,

One who is not embarassed of her Skid Row obsessed past :giggle:

[Michele]

Dear Nichole,

Tequilla in his heartbeat, his veins burned gasoline.
They kept his motor running, but they never kept him clean.
They say he loved adventure, Ricky's the wild one.
He married trouble, had a courtship with a gun.
Bang bang shoot 'em up, the party never ends.
You can't think of dying when the bottle's your best friend.
And now it's

18 and life, you got it...

Now that's stuck in my head too...

Signed,
Another nostalgic Skid Row fan :giggle:

[Karri]

Dear Nichole and Michele*,
Thank you oh so kindly for putting 18 & Life in my head :lol: Now it will be stuck there all day.

Signed,
Someone who was once a hair band groupie wannabe

[LISA]

Dear neighbours
I have a feeling you really like birds what with the 18 million bird feeders in your yard :rolleyes: but hey I DON'T LIKE BIRD SHIT!! so knock it off unless you want to come over and scrub the bird shit off my deck on a daily basis..

Signed, a true lover of wildlife just not their shit..

[Nichole]

Dear sweet boys of mine,

Please stop undoing everything I do, it makes me crazy. Also, please stop leaving your little socks all over the house. You really do not need more than one pair of socks a day. Trust me on this one.

Love,
your harried mom who would like to do things once and be done with them

[Mary DK]

Dear Goodie Two Shoes Neighbor,
We just found out that you have become part of the neighborhood association & wonder if that had anything to do with the letter we received about our red door.

Wondering,
Your "trying to give you the benefit of the doubt" neighbor

[Mary DK]

Dear son,
I am so very sorry you inherited Mommy's bad allergies :( I hope your cough & stuffy nose go away soon :bighug:

Love,
Your Mommy who loves you bunches

[MrsPeacefrog]

Dear sleepy selfish husband,

Thank you again for having another weekend go by where I get up to the kids both times and NEVER get a break, thanks for reminding me that your sleep somehow is more important than mine :rolleyes:

Signed,

Fed up wife.

[Girlo]

Dear Lisa -
Don't you live next door to your parents? :heee:

Signed,
Someone who's not quite sure......

[Nichole]

Dear house,

Please pack yourself. That would be greaaaaat.

Thanks,
me