Thoughts on skipping a grade...

[Wendy]

Abby has been attending Montessori school since she has been 2 ½. She will continue there through next year and then will go on to first grade at a school of our choosing. (her current school only goes to through kindergarten). Last fall at our parent/teacher conference her teacher (that she has had for three years now) suggested that we start thinking about her transiting out of Kindergarten next year and right into second grade. We go for our second parent/teacher conference in two weeks so I wanted to see if you guys had any additional thoughts for me to think about before I talk to her teacher again.



I am just going to list some of my thoughts (pros and cons) so you can tell me if I have thought of it all..




Abby’s birthday is January 10 (our cut off here in GA is September 1) so she will be one of the older ones in her class as it stands. Certainly nothing wrong with that but it does mean she will be in class with kids that are 8 months younger than she is.
Abby has always been mature for her age. She chooses friends that are older than she is and interacts better with kids older than she is. Even at 2 when she first started school she hung out with the kids that were 5 and 6 rather than with the kids her own age…..it wont be until next year that she will actually have friends that are her own age and that is only because they are going to finally be the oldest in the classroom. (Montessori is a multi age classroom).
Abby is currently reading in a high 2nd grade level and her reading comprehension is on the same level as well.
Abby’s math skills are out standing as well in that she does double digit adding and subtraction as well as multiplication.
I have looked at the curriculum for the public schools in our county and based on what they have to know upon exiting a grade she would currently test out of first and half way into second for all things except for reading….reading she would test out of 2nd grade.
My biggest concern is that I want her to continue to love to learn. I don’t want her sitting in a classroom bored. Sure, there are programs for “gifted” kids but from what I can see they are more or less project based and the parents tend to spend a lot of time doing the project and therefore its more the parents learning rather than the kids per se. I want her to continue to be challenged and know that while things might come easy for her she still has to work for them….this is huge for me as I think it follows through in the way you approach your life etc.
She will be hitting a college campus when she is only 17.
I will miss a year at home with her.
She will be out of college at the age of 21 (ignoring grad school for the moment) and that is really young to be going into the work force…..she may always be mature for her age and I hope that I can instill some good decision making abilities in her but still….21???? She will just be legal to drink! :awink:
I have toured the private school we hope to get her into…I toured the first grade class in that I knew she wouldn’t go before first grade and it would be a perfect fit for her now….I cant imagine after 18 more months that she would be happy in that environment at all.
Her friends will be driving 6 months to a year before her….ugh how to handle the dating/being in the car with someone at 15 when its not your fault all of your friends are older than you…..your parents are the ones that made that decision.
Physically she would more than fit in. She has always been tall for her age…..and physically mature as well. Since last year she has been taking gymnastics with kids that are 7-11 in that Abby was mature enough and advanced enough to “compete” with them.


I know most of this is rambling but I am so torn about this…..I don’t want her to be bored in school at all….I know first hand how that can affect a life (DH will tell stories about having to sit out in the hall and read to a tape recorder because the teacher didn’t know what else to do with him) and I think the fact that he was never challenged in school or really college made the real world and career issues much harder for him. I don’t want that for her. However, because I don’t know my daughter at 15 or 17 I don’t want to be creating a situation that is going to be bad for her in the long run. Thoughts?

[Jayne]

Woudl it be possible to skip K next year and go into the private school at 1st grade.

I think that skipping a grade can be hard if you wait to long. I think that a lot of friendships are started in 1st grade and maybe starting out there would be a better fit then starting in at 2nd. I really don't have experience but I think the main reasons for a child to go to school at a certain age is maturity and academics. Sounds like those things are covered. She sounds like she has the social skills as well. Those are really important.

As for her being 17 when she starts college..well that may be tough on her but at her maturity rate..if she keeps on as she is..she will be ready. You will make her ready and guide her with the tools to go on and grow into the young woman you know she can be! :hug99:

[Wendy]

Thanks Jayne!

To answer your question about Kindergarten though....no, that isnt an option for a couple of reason. One because she will learn so much more where she is now then she would anywhere else. She loves it there, they are her family and I know that her teacher (since she has known her for so long) knows exactly what she needs and how to best challenge her. Also, we have missed the application deadline for the private school and only as a last resort would I put her in the public school...certainly not to bash public schools....and on top of that our county is VERY strict on advancing students and pretty much has a zero rate of letting anybody skip kindgergarten.

[Michal]

The way you described her, she sounds ready to go into 2nd grade socially and academically.
I do not see a problem with graduating school a year earlier, I was 17 when I graduated and it was no big deal :dunno: She will adjust and make friends no matter what grade she is in.

[Cami]

When we were that age, lots of kids in my area started kindergarten at 4ish... as an example, I remember many of my class not getting their drivers license until in our junior year. Although because now more parents hold kids back, there's an even bigger age gap now than there was then... so that's something to consider.

If you're thinking of doing it, I'd think it's better to do it earlier than later, so she wouldn't have to adjust to new classmates after they've made friendships. Also you could always have her repeat the year if it ended up not being the best solution.

I think what I'd do is decide what school you will want her to go to and talk to them. Find out how supportive they are of skipping grades, what programs they have for gifted students, and what their history is of dealing with kids who skip grades.

[Jillian]

A girl that my mom had in her daycare (and I am very close to) started Kincergarden "early" (cutoff of sept. 1st and her birthday is Nov. 25th) and then skipped 4th grade. And then when she was in 6th grade they let her start going to the highschool for math, english, and band classes. She is a senior now, only has 2 classes (Choir and Band) at the high school, and it's been like that for at least 2 years now, everything else is dual enrollment with a local university (which the school district pays for in full!), when she graduates in the spring she will have her first 2 years of college completed.

She is very popular, great at sports (she is on the volley ball, pom girl, and track teams), has tons of friends, and is a good kid, it hasn't negatively effected her at all.

But...she will be leaving for college at 16...I know what I and 90% of my classmates did my first year of college, and I'm not so sure the college setting is right for a 16 year old...neither is her mother who is trying to convince her to be an exchange student and do a year in europe before coming back here to go to college the next year, at 17.

[Jillian]

Is there a montessori school in your area that goes past K? That seems like it might be the best for her. Or look into waldorf, which is pretty similar to montessori in how they group kids in age groups instead of by grades and encourage learning at their own pace.

[Karri]

I was also going to ask if there was another Montessori in the area that goes up to 8th grade. If she's thriving in that environment, I'd be inclined to find another one to put her in, since its working for her now.

[Missy&Maggie]

I did not skip a grade in school, but I wish they would have let me. I'm not even sure my parents knew to ask if I could. I read early and did math early just like Abby. I also have a September birthday so I started school when I was still 4. I was bored, bored, bored in elementary school. In 4th grade they started a gifted program in my town and it was helpful -- I got out of a 1/2 day of class every week to go to a different school for the gifted program. Academically I was ahead of my class but socially I'm not so sure.

All that being said, I am not sure what we would do with Maggie if we were in that situation. I'm not sure I would want her to skip a grade either. :dunno: I remember there was a girl in my class that was allowed to skip kindergarten and she did okay.

[sheila]

I'm going to be the odd one out.

I don't think that second grade is the right place for a 5 year old. Not because she'd be younger and smaller, but because the 2nd graders will be older and bigger. And I tend to think the same about first grade and a 5 year old, to a lesser extent.

It is one thing to say that your child is ready for that school year because she is mature and all the rest, but consider the rest of the second grade. Or even the rest of the first grade. Those kids aren't going to be more mature than average, and her age and size will likely make Abby a target for the bullies. Add intelligence to that and things could get worse for her.

IF she's getting bored in school, it is up to the parents and the teachers to work something out. If you are concerned about it, then it is your responsibility to initiate a discussion with the teacher about it and make sure that discussion continues. If she is bored, then work from there. It could be something as simple as making sure some harder books are available to her. It could be something else.

[Dennis]

IMO it should be a last resort, because it's impossible to predict how she's going to mature later on. I skipped a grade early on and I was fine until junior high. I was a late bloomer and compounded with being a year younger than everyone else, I had a ton of problems socially. I started college at 17 and I definitely didn't have the maturity that you need.

I totally understand where you are coming from on not wanting her to be bored, and it could work out great for her. At the same time, there are huge risks involved and there's no way to know how it's going to work out. I say do everything you can to find a school that can meet her academic needs whre she can stay with her age group. Then if you can't, consider skipping her.

[Dennis]

I crossposted with Sheila, and I give a ditto to her comments.

[Wendy]

Thanks for the thoughts ladies.

Just to answer a couple of questions....

Yes, there is another Montessori school in the area that goes to the 8th grade. However, they just started last year and are still trying to get their stuff together. Her current teacher is working on her Masters in Montessori education and has some inside scoop on that school in particular and says that at this point she would not suggest it. Maybe in a few years but not as of yet. The other draw back for me is the fact that as she gets older I would like for her to be in a traditional school setting and be able to enjoy the benefits of that....most of which would be lacking in a Montessori setting.

Sheila- Abby would be 6 1/2 going into the second grade. It wouldnt be for this next year but for the following hear. I hear what you are saying though and that is something that has to play into our decision. However, as it stands right now I KNOW she would be bored if I put her into a traditional kindergarten classroom for next year. They do colors of the week the first part of the year. Abby has been doing sounds of the week since she started school at two. They start with basic site words. Abby brought home her first chapter book yesterday. (Abbys friend Sara went there for a few months this past fall that is why I know this for sure) And while I do agree with you about it being something that the parents and teachers work together on, I just dont see parents really being able to do that these days. As everybody always says, it all depends on the teacher....so it changes year to year. If you have a teacher that will do the extra work to continue to challenge your child then things might be ok. If not then you are in a situation of doing constant battle with the teacher all year long.

[Kara]

I would sit with your Montessori teacher and the school if possible to find out if they would allow this..and then find out what happens if you don't choose to skip, and she gets bored, what would they do in that situation as well, then you have information for both sides.

[Wendy]

IMO it should be a last resort, because it's impossible to predict how she's going to mature later on. I skipped a grade early on and I was fine until junior high. I was a late bloomer and compounded with being a year younger than everyone else, I had a ton of problems socially. I started college at 17 and I definitely didn't have the maturity that you need.

I totally understand where you are coming from on not wanting her to be bored, and it could work out great for her. At the same time, there are huge risks involved and there's no way to know how it's going to work out. I say do everything you can to find a school that can meet her academic needs whre she can stay with her age group. Then if you can't, consider skipping her.

Dennis- how would you have felt about your parents keeping you at home an extra year to give you that extra year to mature? In other words, if we find ourselves in that situation as she gets older finding a way to hold her back....not educationally but finding a way to let her continue but stay at home. (maybe that is actually impossible....and she may hate us for it but it had crossed my mind :lol: )

[Girlo]

I think it sounds like it's worth a try. :aok:

How about a Sudbury school? I know they don't have them everywhere, but they sound wonderful! There's one near us that goes from 1st grade (or maybe even K....) through high school. It's multi-age, so there's not the whole "youngest kid in the class" thing. Because of it's flexibility, it might be worth looking into. :)

[Dennis]

Dennis- how would you have felt about your parents keeping you at home an extra year to give you that extra year to mature? In other words, if we find ourselves in that situation as she gets older finding a way to hold her back....not educationally but finding a way to let her continue but stay at home. (maybe that is actually impossible....and she may hate us for it but it had crossed my mind :lol: )

Wendy, do you mean something like taking me out after 7th grade for a year and then going into 8th grade? That would've been totally humiliating. The only way I could see it possibly working would be to go into a different school.

There were probably some things my parents and teachers could have done that would've helped mitigate the problems somewhat. And you and Roger know Abby better than anyone.

[Clare]

We've struggled with this too. Emily missed the cutoff by 6 weeks so is one of the oldest in her class. She has also always been advanced. She was reading and writing in pre-school and on chapter books in kindergarten when most of the class were still learning the alphabet. Our principal is very anti skipping grades though. Since she was in pre-school he has been telling me that they'll look at it when she's in 2nd grade. Now she's in 2nd grade he tells me that they won't look at it till she's in 4th grade :rolleyes:

DH does not want her to skip a grade. He says he'd rather her be the smartest in the class. Socially she is very happy where she is. She loves her friends and I worry about taking her away from them. But it's a small enough school that she also knows all the kids in the class above and wouldn't have a problem fitting in and she would see all of her current friends and recess and lunch.

I think a lot depends on the teacher. I'm pleased with her current teacher so far (we are only 5 weeks into the school year here). She approached me on the 2nd day of school to say that she was aware that Emily was advanced and she wanted to work with me to make sure that she's giving her appropriate work. She's currently working on 4th grade sight words and books. So at this stage, skipping isn't an option at this school and hopefully it will work out for us. But I know people whose kids have skipped grades and it's been the right move for their kids. I don't think there's a "right" answer to this. As Dennis said, you know your child best.

[Karly]

I want to echo the thought that you and Roger know Abby best. Together, the two of you will have to decide what makes the most sense and what will be the best fit for your daughter.

[Mrs. Shae]

although i am not a parent ... so this is not based on my children ... i did skip [sort of] a grade ...

i was born after the cutoff ... so i started school a little later than others ... i was well prepared for kindergarten ... when i started first grade ... my teacher and my parents realized ... i was more advanced than first grade ... and while possibly younger than those in second grade ... the decision was made to "advance" me ... fortunately ... my class was a "combined" first/second grade ... so while i started and ended in one class ... i just went in as grade one ... and then went on to grade three ...

i had absolutely no problems in elementary/middle school ... there were times in 3rd and 4th grade that i too was "bored" ... i was just not challenged enough ... i was fortunate that there were additional classes and summer schools that filled in ...

i honestly didn't notice anything about the age difference ... and we are talking about one year here ... until the time to take Driver's Training and get my Learner's Permit ... in fact ... one of my best friends since 7th grade ... share's my birthday ... but one year apart ... and yet we were in the same grade ... so ya ... she got to drive first ... i survived [she drove me around :lol:] ...

all my rambling just means ... that from my experience ... if the change is at that age ... and only one year ... i would make the same choice as my parents ...

[Alyssa]

I wouldn't accelerate her grade-wise.

I was no Doogie Houser, but I was a pretty advanced kid - reading by kindergarten, identified by first grade for advanced, out-of-classroom reading/writing programs, etc. I was a curious, bright and competitive child. The competitive part of me liked being among the smartest in my class, and getting to do things in the advanced programs, getting picked for events like town-wide spelling bees, etc. I was comfortable and happy and loved school. I felt challenged but not stressed.

I would never have wanted to be moved up so that I was the youngest among my peers, because I'm pretty sure that would have added pressure on me to feel the need to measure up to people who were older than me and possibly more mature socially and academically. (I remember feeling that way in the few mixed grade classes I had in high school...was I as good as the older kids?)

[Bridget]

I'm kinda repeating some stuff, so forgive me. And I think rereading this I sound preachy, which isn't my intention. I just am telling my experience/opinion as wishy washy as it may be!

My post is very similar to Alyssa's, although I wasn't identified/put in a special gifted group until later. I remember reading all (or nearly all) of the first grade reader on the first day of class and at the end of the reading period the other kids were on page two, stumbling around on the word "cat" and thinking to myself, (not joking) "oh man, this is what it's going to be like for the next 12 years". I can relate when you say she is bored.

I was the "smart" girl (also pudgy) who wore glasses at seven and was always the shortest one in my class (and compared to the next grade up I was a total shrimp). Maybe life is easier for the young girl who is very pretty, but I think being the "smart" kid can be hard no matter how you look. And of course there are all types of smart - being an early/fast learner is no prediction of success at life.

If I'd been moved up some things would have been better and some wouldn't. Just to pick one item: I read on a level so far above my peers that moving up a grade wouldn't have helped. What did help was having teachers who embraced my strengths and allowed me to read ahead of what others were doing, regardless of my grade level. I was very fortunate to have that (and I know the difference because my first grade teacher hated me and made my life hell).

I think my experiences are why I am so happy to have stumbled upon Caleb's private school (which is what happened, even though now I'm totally sold on it) because they really emphasize the individual student and individual learning style, but don't really promote moving students ahead. He can be with kids his own age and general maturity level, but work ahead as he needs and to some extent do his own thing.

I guess it's all just finding the right fit for your child and family. :dunno:

[Shanna]

I could have written Bridget's post. That said, I was among the youngest in my class - my birthday is July 28 and the cutoff is September 1.

On the other hand, my thinking is that there are age cut-offs for a reason. While some children are brighter than others, many are more advanced - there is a reason why a six-year-old is slated to be in the 1st grade at six years old. :dunno: Emotional maturity, physical maturity, intelligence - those are all things that are truly hard to gauge (in my opinion) in a child of five or six. I think Jacob is an amazingly bright child. I think he handles himself far better than my nephew who is only a week older. I think he would probably be bored in kindergarten as well, but in my opinion, he needs that experience.

I was reading in kindergarten. I got to go to the first grade classroom for reading class when I was in kindergarten. I think that, typically, kids even out. Alot of kids are super-intelligent, alot of kids are more advanced than kindergarten when they get there. But alot of times, being "advanced" slows down and most everyone evens out. That isn't to say that someone loses intelligence or begins to lose interest in learning. In my opinion, alot of times, the kids that are really advanced in the early years are advanced because of their parents and because of the emphasis that is put on the child at an early age to excel. While I don't think there is anything wrong with that, I also think that it goes back to the whole "let kids be kids" thing and that kids need just as much time to learn through play as they do to learn through formal "schooling". In the younger grades, that is how things are taught and they tend to transition to a more lecture-based learning system as the child's abilities to pay attention longer grow.

Sorry for my rambling, but I guess my point is that I don't see skipping a grade as beneficial 100% of the time. There are kids that turn out great, but I'm sure there are also those who don't. :dunno: You and Roger know Abby best and I know you are putting alot into this decision, but ultimately, it's y'alls and I wish you the best. :)

[Wendy]

Thank you all for your responses. I really appreciate all of the very well thought out thoughts and comments.

I guess what I am struggling with the most is exaclty what you all have said. We do know Abby best and ultimately it is our decision on what we will do (with the input of her teachers etc.) I guess it just really brings to light for me how hard being a parent can be at times....it is like I told a friend of mine the other day....I am uesd to making decisions for my life....and if I screw up then I deal with it and hopefully learn from it. This is Abby's life though....if I screw up then she is the one that is going to be impacted the most in the long run. Of course I have had decisions to make in the five years she has already been around....and they have all seemed to be very good ones for her....but this one is, by far, the most imporatant one and it makes me very nervous.

[Shanna]

Yup, you hit the nail on the head. It is so hard to choose the directions of our children's lives at such a young age - especially when we know the consequences :)

You're doing a great job with her - and I know that the decision you make will be the best for y'all :)

[Suzi]

When I was 5 I was tested for kindergarten entrance at my mother's insistence and I tested at the 2nd grade level. I started 1st grade (instead of 2nd, where I tested) and although kind of bored at first, I was fortunate to attend a public school that offered an accelerated track within each classroom. I was quickly identified as a high-level learner and placed in the accelerated learning group (even at a year younger).

My birthday is Novemeber 18th and I was always the youngest in my class. I was also the smallest save for one other girl (we always had to line up in gym class by height and Jill Brownell was always the only one shorter than me :lol: ). Being one of the smallest didn't affect me in the least, to me it was no different - heck I could've been Jill Brownell who WASN'T a year ahead for her age and STILL the smallest! I don't really feel that size was much of an issue throughout my school career, some people are just shorter/taller than others. Even as one of the smallest I was never picked on - I had WAY too big a personality for that to ever happen.

The only time being so young made an impact on my life was high school. I was behind a year to get my driver's license LEGALLY, and I mention this only because I was driving anyway. When my parents found out I was driving without a license they BEGGED me to stop driving and I didn't. I shudder to think what could've happened to them had I caused an accident or worse, been involved in a fatal accident. Not that I was a bad driver because I wasn't - I was very responsible and cautious - and kept driving underage.

I can see where things would be different for boys (in Dennis' case) and it would be difficult to be a grade ahead of your chronological age. For girls, I think the difference is negligible since they are more advanced socially. Also, since boys tend to mature later, I can see why Dennis ran into the problems he did; with girls I just don't see that happening. On the flip-side, you will have to deal with some issues (dating, wearing make-up, leaving home for college, etc.) at a younger chronological age but chronological age is really nothing more than a number when you are functioning at a higher social level.

Academically, I can honestly say that never once did I feel pressure to perform. I never questioned if I were as smart as the other kids in my class because I knew I was. Even being the very youngest in my graduating class (of 563 students) I was always one of the smartest, quite often setting the bar for class performance. Abby is already achieving at a higher level, I don't see any reason to slow her down to match a placement in the school system.

I lived my life as the youngster and honestly, I don't feel I was negatively impacted being the youngest in my class. Like Shanna said, there are accelerated children who perform fine and those who struggle, I think it is a decision best made for each individual based on their abilities and personality. Lucky for Abby, there are no better judges of these factors than you and Roger! :nod:

[Alyssa]

Thank you all for your responses. I really appreciate all of the very well thought out thoughts and comments.

I guess what I am struggling with the most is exaclty what you all have said. We do know Abby best and ultimately it is our decision on what we will do (with the input of her teachers etc.) I guess it just really brings to light for me how hard being a parent can be at times....it is like I told a friend of mine the other day....I am uesd to making decisions for my life....and if I screw up then I deal with it and hopefully learn from it. This is Abby's life though....if I screw up then she is the one that is going to be impacted the most in the long run. Of course I have had decisions to make in the five years she has already been around....and they have all seemed to be very good ones for her....but this one is, by far, the most imporatant one and it makes me very nervous.
A thought struck me reading this. I could see regretting accelerating her if she struggles or whatnot, but I find it harder to find a situation where you might regret holding her back at a young age. Meaning, there are so many different ways to enrich her normal classroom activities both in and out of school, so you could always go that route. But if you accelerate her and she's not ready, there's not as much you can easily do.

Just a thought.

[~Deborah~]

We could be facing this too with Joshua. Joshua is the oldest in his class...some of the children just turned 4 at the end of december and he turned 5 two weeks later. Joshua's teacher has told us that he is advanced and gets bored very easily so she has to give him harder stuff to do.

When I was in school, I was the youngest as the cut off then was Feb 1 and my birthday is Jan 29. I found it hard sometimes but struggled through.