Yet another allowance thread

[Bev]

My sister is having issues with her kids and their allowance. She's tried a number of things but nothing seems to be working very well. She asked me to post this here for some input/advice.

Her latest experiment was on the advice of her friend who puts the allowance all in dimes in a small jar and then if they are sassy or don't do what they are asked, the child takes a dime from his/her jar and then puts it in the parents jar. The theory being that the child will begin to behave better as they have to move the money themselves to the other jar and it hurts to lose their money. It wouldn't mean as much if the parents moved the money.

The 9 year old was on $2/week and the 7 year old on $1.50 (.25c per year/age) but then they tried the above experiment where each one got $2 of dimes and then they lost dimes for not doing as they were told, etc. so sometimes they might end up with only .70c rather than the whole $2. She said that's not really working either; to quote her "they freaking complain about everything including something as simple as taking their plate off the table to the dishwasher."


She said they expect the kids to do age appropriate work around the house. It's not tied to the allowance, although sometimes if they've been asked to do a job and my sister ends up doing it, it will cost them a dime.

Her main question is: How do you get them to do the work without complaining incessantly about it, and should they be paid for household jobs that they should do simply because they are a member of the household? She thinks they should not get paid for household jobs (clearing the table, feeding the dog etc.) because she doesn't get paid to do them.

Do your kids get an allowance? How old are they now and when you started giving them an allowance? How did you determine how much they get? What is it used for? Does it take the place of you buying them toys etc. or is it just for candy and things and you still buy the 'big stuff?" Is it tied to household jobs or is it a freebie? Have I asked enough questions? :lol:

[Silke]

Natascha is 12 and gets $12/month. We started with allowance when she was 10 with $10/month. Half of her allowance has to go to savings the rest is hers, and she can do with it whatever she wants: candy, books, movies etc. It is not tied to chores, and I don't take it away as punishment either.

We used to pay her for household chores for extra money. She loved that, but she expected money then every time. So we put an end to that. She is expected to do chores around the house, and some days, she doesn't do it without complaining or rolling eyes. I guess, that's just in their nature. :lol: You have to pick your battles, and since each child is different not every method works. Last year we used a penny jar. Each penny represented when she did something good (helping with chores without complaining, just helping without being asked). She could trade her pennies in for computer time, internet time, or renting a movie (each item having a different penny value). For Natascha rewarding the good things works much better than constant punishment. She was always in defense mode, and she would cooperate much better with us when we didn't fight and argue over this.
We actually don't need to use the penny jar anymore. She is usually pretty good about helping now as long as I give her enough warning before she has to interrupt whatever she is doing.

[Silke]

Oh....I still buy all the big stuff for her.

[Silke]

I made the experience that trying to find a way to get them to cooperate is much better than punishing them for not doing it. You just need to find what works....that's the hard part.

[magoo]

Do your kids get an allowance? Not yet. Anna is just turning 4. J is 1.5.

How old are they now and when you started giving them an allowance? I honestly don't know when we'll start. Probably not for a while yet.

How did you determine how much they get? I've heard 50 cents per year of age. That seems on the low end. A dollar seems on the high end. I don't think that 25 cents is enough. :dunno:

What is it used for? Does it take the place of you buying them toys etc. or is it just for candy and things and you still buy the 'big stuff?"

My plan is that when we start giving Anna a regular allowance, we will buy her one of these Learning Cents Banks (http://www.learningcents.com/).

There are three tubes. Spend, Save, Give. We will decide with her how her allowance will be divided and it will be divided like that each week. For example, 35% to Spend, 35% to Save, and 30% to Give.

The Spend stuff would likely be for things like candy, spending money on vacation... "extra" stuff. For example, I will buy her jeans and shoes, but as she grows older, if she wants a $150 pair of shoes or jeans, then she can save up her money to pay the difference. If she wants a certain toy and it's not her birthday or Christmas, then she can save for it.

The Save stuff would be saved and put in an account and invested as the amount gets larger.

The Give stuff would be for whatever she likes. Offering at church, buying a toy for a Christmas toy drive, donating to whatever registered charity/NPO that she is interested in.


Is it tied to household jobs or is it a freebie? I haven't discussed this with Eric, but I would like for it NOT to be tied to household chores. They will do chores because they are living in the house and they will be expected to contribute to the smooth functioning of the household. If it's tied to chores, and they don't care about the money, then they can just choose to forego their allowance and sit on their butts.

That being said, if they want to earn extra money by doing extra chores, then I would go along with it. For example, if they want to clean out the fridge or weed the garden, then they could earn extra money.

[Kristen]

Camille is only 20 months, but I think we will follow the Dave Ramsey method of giving a commission rather than allowance. She will be paid for doing certain household chore so she learns that work = money. There are certain chores that she will be required to do as just a member of the household. At the time, we can determine which chores fall under which category.

We will divide into the spend, save, give category. She will have to save for certain items. Toys and trinkets that won't be associated with birthdays or other holidays.

I think if you simply hand them money each week, they don't learn the value of working for goal.

[Dennis]

We haven't started giving our kids an allowance yet. When we do, our plan is that you have to do chores because you are a member of the family, and you get an allowance because you are a member of the family, and the two are not connected. So if they don't do their chores, the consequences are something other than losing part or all of your allowance.

In your sister's case, it's clear that losing the money isn't motivating the kids to behave better, so she needs to find something else. What that something is totally depends on her kids.

Dennis

[schwanda]

We haven't started giving an allowance yet. My oldest is not quite 3 so I feel that he's still a bit young.
I will definitely NOT have allowance tied to chores. Like Dennis said I expect any member of family to help around the house and I'll give allowance because I want the kids to learn about handling money. I also want to give spend, save, and charity. Our synagogue has a monthly special service for children where they give tzedakah (charity) so I'll have the kids being "their" money for that. I already set aside $25 per month for their 529s but I want them to learn to set aside a portion of money for their own savings.

Amanda

[Jillian]

Janelle gets allowance, she gets $4 a week (and when she was 3 she got $3 a week) we put it on a bank card for her (our bank offers this and just takes it out our account to hers automatically for her). She uses it for things like she bought everyone a stocking stuffer at christmas plus bought a present for her favorite aunt and her brother...nothing we asked her to do, just what she wanted to spend it on. She has to actually tell us "mommy I want to go to the store and spend my allowance on xyz" for us to bring her card with us...that way if she sees something at the store she HAS to have, she has to go home and think about if it is something she really wants before she buys it. I'm sure as she gets older this will change. Right now she is really really good at saving her money, when she went christmas shopping she had around $80 from allowance + birthday money saved up...and now she hasn't spent anything since that trip and has about $20...not sure exactly, I'd have to check.

I don't know when we will start an allowance for Caid, Janelle was 3 1/2, but she understood that to get something at the store it would cost money...Kincaid doesn't even truly get that he can have something he sees at the store yet, let alone how to get it, so I doubt he'll be ready anytime soon.