Happy with one...

[SGoldensohn]

Our daughter is two years old, and we are thoroughly enjoying her as our only child. My husband and I recently decided that we are not going to have any more children -- we had always been leaning towards this, but now we are 99.99% definite on it. Unfortunately, when people hear that she is going to be an "only," they are shocked and dismayed. They tell me that she will grow up not knowing how to share... or that she'll be lonely without having a brother or a sister... or that we should have another child even if it's only to spare her the stress of having to take care of us (her parents) in our old age! I know I shouldn't be concerned about what other people think, but it's just hard to hear people criticize our decision. Even my OB/GYN told me I was making a mistake by having only one child! But, it's a decision that we've decided to stick with. In fact, I am an only child myself, and I don't have any of the "issues" that people claim to befall only children. Why can't people just be more supportive? Anyone else experiencing the same thing?

[MamaGoofy]

I am not experiencing the same thing but can understand your feelings. It's know ones business how many children you have or don't have. It's you and your DH decision. If your DD is all you and your husband want...then so be it...no matter what anyone else says. Some people need to learn to keep their opinions to themselves.

PS: Welcome to our community. :)

[TtownAnne]

My personal favorite reply is "Da Vinci didn't attempt to improve on the Mona Lisa, so why would I try to improve the perfection we have?" ;)

[MamaGoofy]

Good one Anne. :thumbsup:

[pam]

It's too bad that people react that way. While there are benefits to having siblings, I'm sure that there are plenty of benefits to being an only. One of my DH's 10 year old nieces is any only. She's very bright, social, talented (used to compete in gymnastics, has played the violin since the age of 5), pretty independent (she sent a poem in to a contest when she was 9 without telling her parents & she will be published in a book of poetry) & kind hearted. She listens to other people when then talk. She isn't an egotistical, self-centered child.

I say continue to enjoy your life & your family. People can have their own opinions but don't necessarily know what is best for your family.

[sunnyflower]

We are having similar comments! I feel that Brenna will do fine as an only. She has a bunch of cousins who live near by that she will see constantly. She does great at daycare and plays as nicely as a 2 year old can. Does she have problems with sharing-yes, but what little kid doesn't. Is she the sweetest thing in the world-Yes.

I have a few friends with onlies and they are very talented children.

~Kerrie

[Karin]

I think it's terrible that people would make such comments and criticize your decision to have one child. It's you and your husband's decision and NO ONE has the right to criticize or to impose their opinions on you! I like Anne's response -that would hopefully shut someone up pretty quickly! I wish you good luck in putting such rude people in their place!

[SGoldensohn]

It definitely took us a while to make our own commitment to have only one, and during that time, people asked us about it all the time. Now that we've decided, it's like they just don't know what to say about it. I just donated all of my maternity clothes and many of my friends and family were surprised about that. I actually had a good friend (?!?) say to me, "You gave away your maternity clothes? I thought you were just stalling about having another baby. But, now that you gave away all your clothes, what will you do if you get pregnant?" I told her that that wasn't likely, but that if it happened, we would figure all the details out later. I think she thinks I am nuts...

But, oh well. It's nice to know that there are other people on this board who have onlies, or who know onlies. We (yes, I am an only, too!) tend to be more well-adjusted than people think... :hehe:

[Shel]

I have 4, and they don't know how to share :lol:

[TtownAnne]

I read a book that someone recommended to me about only children and some of the myths/generalizations associated with the idea and how to combat them or work with them, etc. Also I've found that lots of things people impute to only children are common to ANY kid under the age of 10 or so! Is there seriously any kid, singleton or a triplet, that doesn't demand the world revolve around them at some point??? I seriously doubt it. It's all in whether you LET the world revolve around them. That's where monsterism arrives, whether you have one child or twelve. Sure Caroline may not wait her turn to talk - she doesn't have to at home because she's the only one talking to me; but she shares alot better than many other children I've seen.

[Wendy]

Abby is an only child. She is very well adjusted, sweet, smart and very well behaved. At this point I dont even care about what people think about it.....it is my life and my sanity at stake and as far as I am concerned anybody that tries to say anything differently to me can kiss my ass :)

[sunnyflower]

Yeah Wendy! What we as a family decide to do is our business. Sometimes I feel pressured by friends and family to have a 2nd, but with daycare going up we just can't.

[Wendy]

Yeah Wendy! What we as a family decide to do is our business. Sometimes I feel pressured by friends and family to have a 2nd, but with daycare going up we just can't.

Yes...not to mention all the other stuff! This month alone I think I have spent another $400.00 just on extra stuff....gymnastics, dance, dance costume (for April recital) and school pictures. She also wants to start horse back riding lessons again as well.....ugh...forgetting that time is a factor the expense makes me sick! Whoever said that kids get more expensive as they get older was not kidding!! :lol:

[Roger]

Yes...not to mention all the other stuff! This month alone I think I have spent another $400.00 just on extra stuff....gymnastics, dance, dance costume (for April recital) and school pictures. She also wants to start horse back riding lessons again as well.....ugh...forgetting that time is a factor the expense makes me sick! Whoever said that kids get more expensive as they get older was not kidding!! :lol:

IT SHOULD BE NOTED that I am an only child, so draw your own conclusions as to how well adjusted they are.

In my experience, only children are sarcastic, self-centered, egotistical smart-asses. :smoke:

[TtownAnne]

MUST. NOT. jump. into opening provided here! :lol2:

IT SHOULD BE NOTED that I am an only child, so draw your own conclusions as to how well adjusted they are.

I think it's what you make of it - if you let them rule the house because they are the only one, then they will be spoiled and self-centered and such. (although really, what 3/4/5 year old isn't self-centered, no matter how many siblings they have? That's the way their minds work! :dunno: ) Caroline interrupts when I'm on the phone, just because she's generally the only one talking to me during the day, so can't figure out why she has to wait (no matter how many times I tell her). But she's the greatest at sharing, which I think would generally not be expected since she doesn't HAVE to share things on a regular basis.

[Wendy]

MUST. NOT. jump. into opening provided here! :lol2:





:lol: I was leaving it alone too!

I agree....what kid this age is a bit self centered. I am working with Abby on the whole sharing thing. It is hard for her to understand sometimes because, as you said, she normally doesnt have to. She understands it in her head, but it feels weird to her to actually do it.

[Roger]

:lol: I was leaving it alone too!

I agree....what kid this age is a bit self centered. Abby I am working with Abby on the whole sharing thing. It is hard for her to understand sometimes because, as you said, she normally doesnt have to. She understands it in her head, but it feels weird to her to actually do it.

HEY! I was only kidding. Anne is much nicer...

[Lyoshka]

Roger.. :lol2:

[Lyoshka]

While we are not planning for Nikita to be an only child, I can certainly understand and respect your feelings of having an only. I think that it's okay to ask ppl if they want more kids, but a lot of ppl are pushy and assuming when they talk about this subject...everybody has their reasons for feeling the way they do. I'm sure that your kids will do fine being only children :)

[bunybomb]

In my experience, only children are sarcastic, self-centered, egotistical smart-asses. :smoke:

This may be true, but I outgrew it...well some of it. :lol:

[sunnyflower]

In my experience, only children are sarcastic, self-centered, egotistical smart-asses. :smoke:

I am the oldest of 4 and that's how I am! Sometimes it is the only way I can get through a day surrounded by 11 and 12 year olds!

[MrsPeacefrog]

I think that people have opinions no matter what you do! You are suffering from people being critical of you having an only child, while I suffer from people constantly commenting on me having too many children (I have 3 boys under the age of 4)

I am telling you this because I don't think it has anything to do with your decision. People are just opinionated asses! So I say do what you feel is best for you, and ignore what anyone else says! they don't have to live your life, you do.

:heee:

[Lyoshka]

True dat, Deb!

[sunnyflower]

THanks!!! We actually got questioned by my SIL today about us wanting to have another one. Sure it would be nice, but right now I don't think I could. I think Brenna will be great no matter what.

~Kerrie

[AmyP]

I was talking to DH last night and told him I'm thinking these days of not having any more. I really didn't enjoy pregnancy and I would rather not go through that again. Sarah was a very fussy colicky newborn, and I don't want to go through that again either (although I know that another child may not have colic).

We were on a playdate yesterday with a little boy a few months younger than Sarah (another only child), and I thought the two of them shared pretty nicely. They're not even 2 yet and they worked things out pretty well amongst themselves.

The problem now is DH isn't really on the same page. He wants another one, but not yet. He just keeps :blahblah: about how having a sibling taught him so many people lessons and :blahblah:. I have three brothers and I can't say it was all that great. I don't know how much I learned from being around them, other than not being afraid to talk to guys. And while I'm very very close to my youngest brother, I'm not all that close to the other two. DH and his sister are very close, but not when they were little. Maybe that's why we have such different opinions on the topic. :dunno:

[Hannabanana]

I'm so tired of people who are related to me having their first and asking me when I'm going to have another one just because they're over the moon with excitement. I'm happy for them ... truly!!
People in my family know that I would love to have another child but dh doesn't want any more and there is a certain amount of conflict that we are dealing with and it's not bad enough having to go to family gatherings and seeing these newborns than having thoughtless people badger me about having another child. I find this very disrespectful!!
<sigh> why do other people have opinions on your life?!?

[Kimberly]

We constantly deal with the comments about having another one. I think the comments are getting more and more common the older Ali gets. I just kind of smile and tell them we're working on it. It feels very awkward and pushy to me and I don't really want to explain the whole IF story to everyone that asks. I think I need to come up with some snarky answers. :lol:

[Girlo]

We're starting to get comments now as well....now that Alex turned 3 and there's no sibling in sight. :( The people who are close to us (family and friends) are in the know about our situation and they don't bring it up. It's the random person in Costco or wherever that I do what Kim does - smile and nod and say "We're working on it". :mope:

I know this thread is about being happy with one....and I'm not....and I"m thinking maybe I should start because that might be our reality.

[Alysia]

:mope:

I know this thread is about being happy with one....and I'm not....and I"m thinking maybe I should start because that might be our reality.


:hug99: X1,000,000!!

[AmyP]

I thought I'd add here that I was holding my baby niece - she's 7 months old yesterday. She's sweet, precious, adorable, and I love her dearly, but I didn't get the slightest twinge of wanting another.

I told DH this today and he said, "Are things that bad with Sarah?" :gah: He's just not getting that it's not the reason. Sarah's tough, especially with her delays. My birth experience was lousy, she was colicky, etc. I've been dealt a rough card with her. But that's not it! I just don't want another one because I'm happy with her. I don't feel like our family is incomplete by any means. She sees her cousins all the time (one is a shade under a year older and the other is 16 months younger), so she'll get experience with other kids. We have a great playgroup right now, and I"m hoping we still get together with the kids even after they're older. We can afford to do more things for her (esp. since the public schools around here SUCK, so we're probably going parochial or homeschooling), and she sees enough other kids all the time so she'll do fine socially.

[TtownAnne]

And there's nothing wrong with that, Amy - and hell, if your story meets "the qualifications", then I have even less reason to want one because Caroline has been a remarkably easy kid, with no delays, wasn't colicky, I had a super-easy pregnancy and birth. I just don't want another one, and I learned that after babysitting my neighbor's 18-month old for an afternoon two weeks ago. Lauren is a lovely kid and I like our neighbors and am always willing to help them out, but I was happy when she went home. I just don't WANT another - I'm past the constant "no no, don't touch, be gentle" hovering, I enjoy sleeping through the night (except for occasional bathroom calls), and I'm content with the way our family works. With one kid I can let Caroline do all the things she wants to do, that I wasn't able to do because my mother had to deal with my brother - ballet, tap, soccer, whatever.

[Kimberly]

I know this thread is about being happy with one....and I'm not....and I"m thinking maybe I should start because that might be our reality.

Shannon - Please know that you aren't alone! We have been ttc #2 since Ali was 6 months old... she's 4 now. I know exactly how you feel! I'm not sure if it will ever feel "right" but it does get easier... We are making another go with the meds this spring/summer and that will be it. Whatever happens will happen and I think that I am okay with that now.

[sunnyflower]

Recently my SIL announced that she was pg with number 2 and I actually got jealous. They are younger than me and not as financially secure as we are so I was like "why can't it be me?" Well...I got a + pg test on the 3rd and I was very upset. I wanted Brenna to be an only. I was actually getting used to it. To make a long story short the pg wasn't meant to be as I started bleeding today. ANd the scary thing is is that I am relieved. Is that wrong of me? Selfish? Mixed feelings here as I type this.

~Kerrie