This is a question that has been on my mind a lot lately. It used to be said that our generation wants to "have it all" -- meaning a great marriage, terrific family, meaningful work, AND happiness. I'm wondering if you think it is possible to "have it all."

To answer my own question, I think it is possible to have it all, but probably not "all at once." From reading these boards, I have learned to truly appreciate my life. I think my life as a wife, mother of one toddler, and employee is probably about as good as it gets. My husband is all-around awesome. He is a great, HELPFUL, dad and husband. I WANT to work and don't feel guilty about that choice at all, my work pays well and is flexible. My boss is understanding. My son's daycare is fabulous. Our work hours are reasonable and our commute short. We have plenty of time to spend with our son each day. He is a healthy, happy little boy.

BUT. . . one of the reasons things are so good is that I gave up a promotion at work (more money, more hours, more stress) so that I could have a reasonably well-balanced life. I felt like my family needed me to have a job that I could leave when the clock strikes four. It is definitely better for my family that I am "just an employee" versus being a manager. However, I would definitely be more professionally stimulated if I could return to a managerial position. I would be much happier AT WORK (although not overall happier) if I had the job I didn't take. I am ok with this right now because I know that someday my kid(s) will be older and I can take a more fulfilling job then -- when it fits in my family's life better. So, I think I can have it all, but I have learned that I can't have it all at the same time. And, that is ok with me.

What do you think? Do you "have it all?" Is is even possible?

I think it depends on what "having it all" means to you, and that's different for everyone. I think I really do have it all. I have a wonderful wife, two incredible children, and a job that pays enough and has the flexibility you need when you have two small children.

At this point in my life, I don't want to be on the career fast-track. Climbing the corporate ladder used to be high on my list of priorities, but now it's not. So I don't feel like I would be giving anything up by passing up a job like that - not that I've had one offered to me. I'm perfectly content just being in a mid-level position as long as I'm making enough to pay the bills and I have time to spend with my family.

The only time I think you can't have it all is when you want two or more things that are in direct conflict with each other. Mia, to use your example, you want to have a managerial position and you also want to have more time to spend with your family. So by your standards, you can't have it all because it's impossible to have the job you want without it cutting into your family time. You feel like you are giving something up by not having a managerial position.

On the other hand, I don't feel like I'm giving anything up by being in a lower position. Even before we had the kids, I realized I much preferred having more free time instead of a more demanding job. My ultimate goals in each of the different areas - even when taking them separately - don't conflict with each other. So I feel like I can - and do - have it all.

Dennis

I think it depends on what "having it all" means to you, and that's different for everyone.

Dennis
:nod: Having it all is possible and will vary by person. To me it means that my family is healthy and happy. I have a wonderful home, a good husband, great kids and a terrific career. By all means I have it all! But that doesn't mean at times I don't take it for granted. I have to step back and take a good look because sometimes it does overwhelm me.

I worked part-time until Alex turned one. I applied for a new position within my company and got it. With the promotion I had to come back full time with 10 times the responsibilties and huge exposure. It's the best thing I ever did. I could actually become Becky again. So for roughly 40 hours a week, I feel like I am ME! Something I had been missing because I wasn't challenged intellectually at home or in my old job. I feel because I have this outlet, I am a happier person at home and that reflects in our family life. My kids haven't suffered and reap the benefits of a person who feels fulfilled and has a bigger paycheck to contribute. I don't want to continue climbing the corporate ladder so to speak, I have found my niche for now. I couldn't have taken on this role if I didn't have an awesome boss, who is also a mom to a toddler so we have a meeting of the minds and we cover each other so we have the necessary flexibility.

I agree it depends on what having it all means to you. Unlike many people here I'd be much happier if I weren't in the position where Ihad to work. Thats not to say I don't like my job, I loved it before Nick was born. I have a great boss here too and work for a company I can only say positive things about. I have and awesome husband who is by far the most active father I know. I love my son dearly and cant begin to imagine a better baby. To many people they'd think I have it all but I long to be a SAHM at this point. I assumed I'd be happy working after I had my child but this has turned out not to be true... unfortuntally I'm in a field where sequencing isn't really possible so if I leave my career will probobally end and I'm okay with that. I'd view it as having it all if I could be home with Nick because thats what I want more than anything in the world.

I have seen a lot of the thought that you cannot have it all, all at once, and I do agree with that and also agree with the idea that it depends on your definition of having it all... I strategically took a lower key position before having children because I knew there was no way I could keep up the pace of an attorney in private practice and be the kind of parent I wanted to be as well as the kind of employee I wanted to be... I now work for the government so it is much more of a 9 to 5 type job with holidays, vacation, etc. I like my job and definitely get satisfaction out of it as well as a nice paycheck, benefits, etc. I am able to spend a lot of time with my family. I feel like I am maintaining a balance between work and home, so I suppose to a certain extent it is "having it all", but these days I find myself really wishing I could spend a lot less time working, I'd be happy working 20 hours a week, and more time with my girls, and in my mind I would still have it all.