Just curious about everyone else's experience. Is "staying home" what you envisioned it would be like? What's been as you expected and what's been a surprise?

Is "staying home" what you envisioned it would be like?
Yes and no. Yes, I love being at home to watch Julia grow and learn. I love to share things with her or just watch as she figures something out for herself. I enjoy having the time to take her to gymnastics and ballet classes, to play with her friends, and to Starbuck's to share some Mommy/daughter time. This is exactly why I waited until I will almost 40 to have my family - I wanted to be there for every moment to experience my children growing up. No, I never thought it would be so hard giving up my career. Not just in the sense of it being hard to go from professional technology consultant to SAHM, it was difficult in ways I never imagined. It has been hard for me to retain my sense of value and contribution; our society does not view a SAHM as an equal to anyone. It's been hard to go from making LOTS of money to making nothing. I struggle with spending money on myself because I don't earn any money.

What's been as you expected and what's been a surprise?
The wonder of watching Julia grow up is exactly what I expected, maybe even more...but I never expected to love it so much. Her thrill in acquiring a new skill is unrestrained - what a gift to share in that! Her laugh is contagious, her joy is intoxicating. I am surprised by how much I miss work but I wouldn't miss this part of Julia's life for anything.

Is "staying home" what you envisioned it would be like?
I'm answering this according to the age Aaron's at (3) instead of infancy/babyhood. Yes, it's basically what I thought it would be like. I always thought we'd do a lot of activities together and we do. I always think of my mom as a SAHM and she did nothing like what we do. She didn't get us involved in activities or do playdates or anything. She took a nap every day from 3-5 and cleaned house on Fridays. I like to get us out of the house almost everyday, even if it's walking to the library a few blocks away or driving to the post office. I would have an extremely hard time staying at home all the time.

I LOVE having a day that's pretty much open to do whatever. I love that it isn't a structured 8-5 thing.

And of course, I love being able to be with Aaron to see him change everyday. I know my husband feels sad that he is missing out on stuff (first steps, etc) but he's happy I'm home with him.

What's been as you expected and what's been a surprise? I pretty much expected it to be hard. It's plain hard being with someone solo for 12+ hours a day. They're the only ones you talk to (most days) and they're the only ones you have contact with.

The thing I found surprising was how easily I got into a groove. Some days I feel like I'm monotonous (wake up at 6:30, shower at 7:00, get Aaron up at X, eat breakfast, etc) but for the most part our days are easy going and not at all stressful.

I was also surprised at how much I miss the outside world (working) and how easy it is to not have a clue what's going on in the news.

What has surprised me the most though? How much I absolutely LOVE this job. I wanted to be a career mom and I am the total opposite. I hate that sometimes we're not held in high regard but I do like that we get acknowledged for our 'work'. I love the huge feeling of pride when I look at Aaron's face.

Yes, the hours are long, and the pay is pretty crappy. I hate not being able to have a sick day or to get much of a break everyday. But the benefits rock. :)

It is in the ball park of what I expected, I didn't expect my life to be so busy, I thought I would be able to be out doing activities with the kids more often and just going down to the park whenever, but as it turns out I am pretty occupied with 3 kids under the age of 4. Either the baby is napping, or the older two are having a nap, or I need to get the laundry done (which builds up fast with this family of 5) or I need to get to the post office to post off scales, do food shopping, sort the house out, change the linens on all 4 beds and cots. It's just a constant cycle. With not a massive amount of free time. But I guess that is what happens when you have 3 kids under the age of 4.

I also did expect to be part of a mothers group, but as it turns out I didn't get the chance to do that because we moved 5 weeks after Aiden was born and my group was back where I used to live, so I missed out on that experience. I am slowly getting to know Mum's from the daycare but we don't know many people where we live now so it's a slow and lonely process, but we are getting there.

I expected to really enjoy watching my kids grow up and that is exactly what is happening, I am so pleased that I can be here for them. But I am surprised how some days I go just crazy sick of being the referee to their fights and how the constant screaming noise of 3 kids can send me absolutely nuts.

Over all I wouldn't change it for the world, but I am definatley working on trying to get more adult interaction during the day and learning new ways to keep them better occupied so the fighting is at a minimum!

Is "staying home" what you envisioned it would be like? My vision of "staying home" was how my mom did it. It all seemed very orderly and fun. My recollection is that we did a lot of cool things. I don't think I do it as well as she did. Maybe my kids won't remember it either, but I don't remember my mom losing her cool as much as I seem to.

What's been as you expected and what's been a surprise? I think I expected to spend a lot more time doing random things with the kids and a lot more time teaching them things. I didn't expect to have a struggle between "my time" and "time with the kids" and feel like I wanted more for "myself." I didn't expect to miss my financial contribution and to feel less important or valued.

Overall, I think it is like I thought it would be. I make a routine, I take care of the house, the kids help out, we do some fun stuff. But it's the feelings that go along with it that aren't what I'd expected.

But it's the feelings that go along with it that aren't what I'd expected.
Cami, I understand that feeling. I was unprepared for the feeling of not contributing financially and all the ramifications of that. I went from being our family's main breadwinner to SAHM and that was a really difficult transition for me. I think it still is but not so....in the forefront.

Cami: I am with you 100%, but I also tell myself that maybe my mother probably lost her cool alot more when we were younger and I just don't remember. I also tell myself that my mother only had 2 children with an almost 4 year gap, You and I have 3 children very close together and it is alot harder. (not that I know how many brothers and sisters you have) but I tell myself more and more the older they get the easier it will be, it's just hard right now with such young children all at home :hug99:

Deb, my parents had me and then my brother 18 months later. He apparently was a little hellion. My mom says that my grandparents refused to babysit if they had more kids, so that was it!

I think, yeah, life would be calmer if I only had two. Brady made it a lot tougher! Is it the same for you? Do any two of your kids seem much easier than all of them?

Suzi, I agree. I felt like when we both worked, we had more of an equal relationship. And it's not as if my husband does anything to make me feel inadequate. It's mostly my own feelings.

Another thing I wasn't prepared for is feeling so distant from the working world. I could not go back to my old job and be able to do it now. I don't have that brain and those skills anymore. And although I am tied down with the kids and bound by their schedules, I have so much freedom now. I didn't realize how accustomed I'd get to that and how hard the thought of giving that up would be.

Is "staying home" what you envisioned it would be like? Hrm..... honestly, no.

What's been as you expected and what's been a surprise? I think I expected to spend much more time being involved in activities like swim lessons, gymboree, and art classes and stuff like that. I expected to be able to have more me time where I could go to the gym and put the kids in kid care, but I can't seem to find that balance. With 3 kids, its just impossible. If I want to be involved with my MOMS group, then I need to make the compromose w/ me time. And the classes? Its not happening b/c its not do-able w/ 3 kids - the logistics of it and the finances that go along with it.
And its SO freakin' hard to run errands w/ 3 kids (it doesnt mean I dont do it)

The routine stuff is what I expected. We have a typical routine that was pretty easy to slide into after about 6-7 months of me being a mom to 3. I expected to be able to strike a balance between kids and housework and I have done pretty well with that. I have also expected to be able to spend time doing activities with my kids, but also push them to play independently to help foster their creativity :)

I am thankful that I never felt guilt when I left my job and I still don't. I don't harbor any feelings of inadequacy.

Is "staying home" what you envisioned it would be like?
In some ways, yes, but mostly no.

What's been as you expected and what's been a surprise?
I expected we'd have a bit of a routine and we do. It took longer to get one than I expected, but oh well. It's a pretty flexible routine, but probably because I only have one child.

I figured we'd do Gymboree classes and playgroups and all sorts of things like that. I think I expected all these new mom friends and other people with little ones to just magically show up. I also thought people I'd made friends with at various kid events would stick around and I've already lost touch with quite a few people. Gymboree classes are too expensive and with Sarah's delays, they're basically pointless right now. Although she does take a Gymboree-like class through EI. We start a swim class tomorrow as well.

I have found playgroups, but it's been through a lot of effort on my part. And that's only been in the past few weeks.

I expected to be spending a lot more time teaching Sarah things and such, but she's pretty independent most of the time. She'd rather go off and play with her toys and it's hard to get her to focus on an activity. I'm just now getting her to take time and we work on a couple skills each day. Otherwise we play together until she gets bored with me and then she goes off and plays with toys.

I also expected to easily balance housework and childcare and me time and I'm still struggling with that. Depression doesn't help matters, but I think my meds are kicking in so that should help.

I also didn't expect to have a child with delays and have to manage scheduling her therapy appointments. So far I've only forgotten about one and thankfully we were home when the therapist came over. I was just caught off-guard and a little embarrassed.

Like Karri, I have no guilt about leaving my job. I do work a little, but right now it's more a favor to my father than a supplement to my income. And I have no feelings on inadaquency either.

Is "staying home" what you envisioned it would be like?
Staying home with just Jackson was like I envisioned it, but staying home with 2 kids isn't quite what I thought. With just Jackson, it was like he was my little playmate. I could take him anywhere and do anything with him. He has also consistently taken a 3 hour nap in the middle of the day since he was 10 months old. So I got a 3 hour break every day. Now they don't always nap at the same time, and since he is getting older he is giving his nap up. I didn't realize how much I needed that time during the day until Anna was born. With the 2 of them I feel more like a parent than a playmate. One of them always needs something, and I can't always count on having my me time.

What's been as you expected and what's been a surprise?
I was surprised how quickly Scott's money became our money :lol: I thought I would have a hard time with not contributing, but I really didn't. I do prefer to feel like I'm doing something to help out financially, so I do work now a couple nights a week, but I only bring in about $150 a week. If you had asked me this question when Jackson was a baby I would have said that I'm surprised at how patient I am with him, now, I'm surprised at how quickly an almost 3 year old can make me lose it. :lol:

I'm just on maternity leave but it's easier than I thought. I was not even sure I could handle it before I did it. I thought it would be more stressful but I think having more time to be with the kids has helped them not act up as much.

Of course, if you have someone who keeps them in a good routine while you are away, that would make it easier but I didn't. They would often not get naps while I was working and by the time we got home it was just a stressful mess, everyone was tired and hungry and it was basically just a rush to eat, bathe, and get in bed.

It's much nicer to be able to clean up as I go and take care of the kids. I think all stay at home moms need to have some days off or it can start to feel like you don't have a life outside of the kids.

I agree Jen, that is my problem, I do NOT have a day off, ever, even when I have A & R in daycare I still have Jacob, or I am at work (with Jacob) and it builds up. It's exhausting having to look after children 24/7 with no weekend off or a break of any kind!

Cami: to answer your question YES I do find if my mother takes Aiden with her, my house is dead quiet, Jacob is a happy baby and easy to manage, and Riley is content to play with himself and never complains or cries. I love Aiden to death he is my first baby and would never ever change him, but he is definately the trouble maker in the house :lol: