Not opening gifts at birthday party?

[Bev]

Mason was invited on Tuesday to a birthday party for two brothers from his class for yesterday. We said yes and rushed around to get some gifts. Mason was super excited because he picked out the gifts and the gift bags.

The party was at a local nature centre and there was a lecture about snakes and then a walk through the centre and then pizza, pop and cake. Then everyone started leaving!

Mason was shocked! Aren't they going to open my presents? I want to play with them (the kids). How come they aren't opening my presents? We were almost the last ones to leave because it took us a few minutes to realize what was happening. We were near the one birthday boy so finally I just said "He's going to open them at home why don't you give him the bag so he knows which gift yoiu gave him." Mason gave him the bag and then we left, much to Mason's disappointment.

Is it me, or is that weird? Don't kids normally open the gifts at the party? How are they going to thank us? We never met the parents until that day, they don't know our address (although I did put the phone number on the gift tag in case they want to phone for a play date).

[Bridget]

Seems there was a thread similar to this on here but I can't remember for sure.

I know this is becoming more common and at the few parties I have been to they have not opened the gifts. Seemed like some people said it depended on how big the party was; at very small gatherings it was more common tos till open them. :dunno:

[Trish]

I think it is very odd and almost rude. Because, like you said, if they don't have your address, how are they going to thank you and opening the gift there and thanking you would have been nice :dunno:

[Bridget]

Oh Trish, yeah you're right. I read this too fast and didn't see the part about them not having your address! At the parties we were at they told us all what was going on, plus they knew our address and whatnot.

[jennp]

Connor has yet to open presents at any of his parties, and he has only attended one party where the gifts were opened at the party. It just isn't done around here in the under 6 set. Patience with party guests wears thin, birthdday child refusing to open any more gifts because they want to play with what is already open..... We just save those lessons for when they can handle it a little better at a bit older age.

[jennp]

Oh, most parties everyone knows addresses and what is going on ahead of time....

[Mandi]

I don't think we've ever been to a party where the gifts weren't opened (well a kids party, that is).

I don't think that the gift not being opened is a huge deal. But I'd imagine that my girls would be upset about not getting to at least play with their friends, kwim?

Oh and maybe they're going to send a thank you note home from school? That way they don't necessarily need to have your address. :dunno:

[TtownAnne]

I'm with Jenn - we only did it at Caroline's first birthday, and even then she had no interest. The kids want to play, some guests have tantrums because THEY want to help open the present or play with the present they gave the birthday child, or sometimes if you are having the party at a separate location, there simply isn't time to open 20-25 gifts (if you have included family as well) and eat and play, etc. We save all gifts until we get home.

[Susan]

I think it is very odd and almost rude. Because, like you said, if they don't have your address, how are they going to thank you and opening the gift there and thanking you would have been nice :dunno:

I agree on the latter point. If they don't have your address or any other way to thank you. However, I don't think its rude in general to NOT open gifts at tha party. I've been to parties both ways and actually prefer that they NOT open them. First its hard for me to explain to my kids that (a) they can't open that gift and (b) they can't just run up, grab it and play with it once its open. Maybe when kids are older that won't be an issue. And second, I think it can lead to some people feeling bad that theirs wasn't as expensive, etc.

My $.02.

[Julie]

I agree with Jenn and Susan. When the kids are little, it is just easier to not open that bag of worms :lol:

[LISA]

I've only been to one kids ( heck any party) where the gifts were not opened and I'm still bitter :lol: the kids that are there want to get excited about the gifts they gave and get and I want some sort of thank you be it verbal or written( won't hold my breath on ever getting a written thank you from dh's family :rolleyes: )

[Bev]

Thanks everyone. I just thought it was a bit strange, I've never seen that before. Mind you now that I think about it all of the parties he's been to have been his relatives. At 4 Mason knows he is not the one getting the presents and he was super excited to see them opening the gift he bought so therefore was quite disappointed.

Even if they did send a thank you to the school we wouldn't get it because Mason doesn't go back until January 2007. I'm not going back to work until then and we can't afford to send him until we have my income again. I don't even remember if she said thank you for coming or not. This was the first time we've met the parents too.

Anne, I don't know who's going to your parties but I've never been to a kids party with 20-25 gifts! :lol:

I guess it's a regional thing or something that is normally discussed ahead of time. :dunno:

[MamaGoofy]

Personally I think it's rude. In the past month we have been to 5 birthday parties and 3 of them the kids didn't open the presents. David was quite upset. I feel that in today's society we are to hung up on out doing each other than what a birthday party really represents....celelbrating a birth. Playing with friends, enjoying games and cake and opening presents is what it's all about..in my opinion of course. Yeah sure they can send thank you cards.. big whoop.. I would rather see the excitment on the child face when they open the presents and get a thank you then. Maybe I am old fashioned..but that's me and my .02 cents.

[Mary DK]

Personally I think it's rude. In the past month we have been to 5 birthday parties and 3 of them the kids didn't open the presents. David was quite upset. I feel that in today's society we are to hung up on out doing each other than what a birthday party really represents....celelbrating a birth. Playing with friends, enjoying games and cake and opening presents is what it's all about..in my opinion of course. Yeah sure they can send thank you cards.. big whoop.. I would rather see the excitment on the child face when they open the presents and get a thank you then. Maybe I am old fashioned..but that's me and my .02 cents.
ITA with you! :nod: Eliot gets such a kick out of seeing his friends open the gift he chose and help wrap, he would be greatly dissapointed if he/she didn't open it.
We have never been to a party where they didn't open presents and we have only done that once. It was Eliot's first bday party he was not feeling good and cried most of the time, didn't wanted anything to do with the piñata/cake/playmates/gifts so we told everybody that we would open presents when he felt better. There were a couple of people left when Eliot started to feel better and we open their presents, the rest got a thankyou note with a pic of Eliot opening their present. I felt horrible about it but everybody understood under the circumstances.

[Nadine]

I think it is an essential part of a kid's party.
I made the mistake during Yumi's first party of chucking them away to his room - unopened. Result? He sneaked in there, opened them all when I didn;t see (another mistake- I had NO ONE to help me and around 30 kids) and so I ended up not knowing what he had gotten from whom.

[TtownAnne]

Well, like I said that's if you include family in the party. Most "outside locations" have a minimum of 10-15 people, then if you add in aunts/uncles/cousins/grandparents/etc, you're facing opening a lot of presents and thus a lot of opportunities for someone to have a tantrum. We started doing it this way after Caroline going to a friend's party and four kids rushed the birthday kid opening a gift, all screaming "I WANT TO PLAY WITH THAT!" making the birthday kid cry and then all four kids cry when they were dragged away and told they weren't allowed ot play with it.

Anne, I don't know who's going to your parties but I've never been to a kids party with 20-25 gifts! :lol:

[Dennis]

I can't remember the last party we went to where they did open the presents. I think it makes things much easier if they don't open them for the reasons others have already stated. When Joe and Frances are older we'll have them open the presents at the party, but at this age it makes things so much easier not to.

[Mary DK]

Kind of OT but I thought I would share.
At Eliot's last party (it was a Nascar party) we had a "winners circle" set up. I sent the kids to get the gift they had brought and then sit at the front of the "winners circle", we called one kid at the time to join Eliot at the circle, he/she got to give Eliot their gift and when Eliot was done opening it, Eliot handed them a little trophy & their goodie bag and we had their picture taken together (which I send a copy of when I sent their thankyou card).
We didn't have anybody getting upset or trying to get up because they were either holding the gift and waiting for their name to be called or checking out their goodie bags :aok: It made every kid part of the gift opening.
It also solves the problem of missing giving any kid their goodie bags before they leave, I know I have forgotten to do it before. We'll probably do something like it in future bday parties :nod:

[Brookamy]

Great idea Mary!

[Clare]

Anne, I don't know who's going to your parties but I've never been to a kids party with 20-25 gifts! :lol:



Umm, that's a small party around here :shuffle: I think there were 38 at Emily's last party!

We've done it both ways. I certainly don't think that it's rude at all not to open gifts. The times that we have done it, it's been like Anne described. Other kids ripping paper off, all trying to help, all trying to play with the gifts. And it's so hectic that I end up not knowing who gave what. I prefer to open gifts afterwards. Saying that though, at Emily's age now, the kids tend to hand her the gifts when they walk in and she opens it there and then. So there isn't a gift opening ceremony and I still don't know who gave her what :lol:

As for thankyous, well we've had this thread before and I know that I'm definitely in the minority when I say that thankyou notes for kids birthday parties aren't necessary and aren't done here very much at all. We thank everyone personally for attending and for their gift, even if it hasn't been opened. And when we go to a party, my children always thank the host and birthday child for inviting them.

[MamaGoofy]

That is a great idea Mary. I'll have to keep that in mind for David's party!

[Bonnie]

I've only been to one party where they DID open gifts. They had the party at their house, and included both friends and family. The birthday girl opened gifts in the living room, but most of the kids were playing in the play room during the gift opening.

We just did Caroline's party yesterday at My Gym... You only get the location for 1 1/2 hours, and they wrap up the gifts for you to take home. I thought that was a good way to do it for this age group and the number of kids... and also the fact that for the limited time we got the place, I wanted to get my money's worth and let the kids play.

If I had the party at my home, I would probably do present opening during the party.

[gulp!]

Personally, I'm against opening gifts at the party. Mostly because I'm still scarred by an incident at Emma's 2nd birthday. One of the moms *insisted* we open gifts because she wanted to see Emma's reaction when she opened it. She opened a different gift, a doll stroller, and three little girls swooped in and started grabbing for it. It was instant pandemonium, and there were tears and tantrums for quite a while afterward. After that, I vowed to NOT open gifts in front of the kids again. Maybe when they are older, but I'm not going to have that happen again. Emma was sobbing!

[TtownAnne]

Stef, that story was the inspiration as to how we stopped doing it! It just avoids lots of tantrums and tears and frustration for everyone, and if anyone thinks it is rude then they don't have to come to the next party!

[Trish]

Well, I guess I put my huge foot in my mouth w/the "rude" comment :blush1: Honestly, I just don't think I've been to enough children's birthday parties, so I probably should not have even commented on the situation. We only do family parties and I've only been to 2 kids parties and they have opened the presents and it's been fine, but I can see (from your examples) how things could go horribly wrong. I take back my rude comment and am sulking away in shame :mope: ;)

[TtownAnne]

Oh, Trish, I wasn't even directing it at you! :blue: In the case of not having peoples' addresses to be able to send a proper thank you, then yes, maybe it is rude, unless you follow the idea of thanking them personally while there. I just don't view it as a slight to the gift-giver, but moreso a method of preserving sanity and avoiding tantrums as best as possible!

[Trish]

Oh no, Anne, I wasn't talking about you, or anyone in particular, I just felt that I answered the question w/o really thinking about it, so I just wanted to point that out. I'm not even sure if I would do thank you's for all the gifts, now that I think about it :blush1: that seems like too much work :lol:

[Cami]

I realize that there is the potential for problems when presents are opened:
*other kids want the presents
*everyone wants to open the presents
*the birthday kid doesn't like/already has the present and says so.

My kids might be more materialistic than most but they do know that presents are part of a birthday party. They are confused and sad when they don't see gifts being opened. They get so excited about picking out presents for their friends and they want to see their friends getting the presents. I know at some ages it is hard to hold kids back, but even at 3 and 4, my girls know that the birthday presents are for the birthday kid and they shouldn't "help" open them or take the presents away. And there's nothing wrong with kids seeing another kid get a present and learning that everyone has his own special day.

The main reason I wouldn't want to open presents in front of guests is the "don't like this/I have this" response. I know I rehearsed with my girls not to say anything like that before their 3rd bday parties.

[Bev]

I agree Cami. I certainly see the potential for problems when the children are 2 but when they are 4 I don't think it's as big a problem.

[audrey_13]

We have not had Jack open presents at his parties the last few years and probably won't again this year. We've been to parties that have done it both ways. I never thought that it might be viewed as rude not to open presents at the party. We decided not to open them partly for the reasons other people have said (chaos, hurt feelings, etc.) and also so there would be more time for games, pizza, cake and the kids playing together and less focus on Jack as the center of the universe. He hasn't seemed to care that we wait until later to open them and no one asks about it during the party. We always send thank you notes for the gifts and also thank guests for coming and for their gifts when they are leaving the party.

One thing I love about boards like this is you get viewpoints that you would never think of otherwise.

Audrey

Hi Bev! :wavey:

[Bev]

Hi Audrey! :)