Behavioral issues

[LISA]

I've been putting off doing this but I need to get it out..
I'm at my whits end, really. I'm crying right now because I have no f'n idea what to do about Paige.

She has had quite a rough year at school, she has been in school full day's full time because it's a french school and that's how they do it, not sure if that's relavent..

The long/short of it is she likes to play with boys and is sometimes rough, but here is the thing, only at school..we constantly are called because she has either hit or bit another child( she too is on the receiving end of this) but I'm getting the impression it's her..

Yesterday we got a call she bit some kid on the knee's(WTF!?) so I punished her to her room all night except to eat and bathroom, I asked her this morning before she got on the school bus if she was going to be good( something I ask every mother f'n day :tearhair: she of course said she would be, I told her if she wasn't she wouldn't be going to Jacob's bday party this weekend( she LOVES this kid and vise versa)
*SIGH* Cass called me from the bus and told me that the girl that takes Paige from class to the bus told her that Paige bit a boy, hit him and told a teacher to shut up ( she denies the teacher bit)

so she's in her room again and I've told her she isn't going to the bday party this weekend( I'm going to feel like a heel when I call the mom up and explain why she can't come :( )

Why why why does everything go in one ear and out the other?????
another thing, she is not like this at home, I'm not in denial either, I see her with my nieces and other kids and she is so good with them, never pushes or bites or anything like that but when it comes to school????

I am feeling like THE worst mom right now.. I booked an appointment with my doc as soon as I got off the phone with Cass, maybe she can shed some light on this for me :mope:

[kim]

:justahug: lisa. how can you be the worst mom if she's only doing it at school? it sounds like something is most definately going on there! have her teachers said anything?

full days every day? how old is she? sorry i can't remember but i thought she was about 5? if so that just might be too much for her and she's rebelling.

[LISA]

Thanks Kim :bighug: I am just so upset about this, I must be doing something wrong though she just won't listen or learn from her mistakes?? I just can't stop crying ( not infront of the girls though) Paige is 4 yrs old and if she went to a "normal" school she would only be going 1/2 day's every other day. Ya, it does sound like she is rebelling..dear god help me if she rebels like I did as a child :tearhair: they say, Payback is a bitch..Dh just called from work, I gave him the rundown and he is going to call Jacobs parents and explain( that will feed the family rumour mill that our kid is bad and that I am a bad mom etc..:rolleyes: ) He wants to keep her home from school tomorrow, he's off..not sure what that will prove :dunno:

[Kara]

Keeping her home might be exactly what she wants...
First you are NOT the worst mom!!!

She is only 4...and school all day every day is ALOT....alot to ask of a 4 yr old IMO...unless they are GREAT teachers at teaching them and keeping them occupied. I would start at school...Is this during class? recess?? Is it the same kids each time??

[Jayne]

You are so not a bad mom. You are doing everything exactly right and your worried about your daughter.

I think that if you could..go shaddow the school. Just stay one step behind and see where the day goes wrong for her. Is it the afternoons and she is acting out because she is tired...is she bored...you need to get to the root of this. I don't know that keeping her from that party will do anything. I think that she needs to see the punishment right when the crime happens and if the teachers are just letting it happen then that is a problem.

[Melissa]

Katie is going through a phase of pushing and hitting. Usually it is because other kids get into her personal space and she isn't used to that. However, everytime that I drop her off for the gym's babysitting (which is one of the only places she does this) I run down a list. I say, "No hitting." She then repeats, "no hitting." Me: no pushing. She then repeats that. Then I'll say, "Hitting makes other children sad." etc....

I don't think it is enough to tell a kid, "ok be good." Sometimes they just don't have a clue as to what "good" is. So I would have her start saying that list too, "no biting, no hitting, that makes other kids sad."

I agree with Jayne, if you can shadow her in school and see what triggers her behavior, then I think you can clue in the teachers (because it is obviously not getting better with whatever they are doing). Because I've watched Katie some times at the gym babysitting, I've seen that she just doesn't run up to kids and hit them, she just pushes them away when they invade her personal space.

Good luck! You are a GREAT MOM! You are trying to find the root of the problem! Bad moms would just say, "eh, I don't care."

[Clare]

:bighug: I'm sorry you're feeling so down about this Lisa. But I agree with everyone, you are a good Mom. You're concerned about and want to fix the problem. A bad Mom wouldn't care :bighug: Have you talked to the school? I'd start with a meeting with her teacher to try to find out when/why/who etc. That might give you a place to start with working out what the triggers are.

[LISA]

Thank you everyone for your kind words, it's helping really.. I had to get out, I told Cass to watch Paige and I went for a drive to have a good cry and just escape.. now I'm having doubts about keeping her from the party? but I told her she wouldn't be able to go if she was bad again, am I doing the right thing by not letting her go?

I like the shadowing idea Jayne, I wonder if dh would agree to do it tomorrow, I'm working nights tonight and have to sleep tomorrow. Hell it can't hurt.

[Bev]

:hug99: Lisa. I like Jayne's idea and also I agree with Melissa. Paige might not know what "bad" is. And let's be honest, there are times when people miss the first shove and only see the second one, KWIM?

You are a terrific Mom, if you weren't you wouldn't be worried about this. :hug99: