Okay, to make a short story long:

Mason's American cousin J is having a 7th birthday party on June 3rd. We got the invitation on May 18th and that afternoon his mother S called to see why we hadn't RSVP'd.

I told her we would come and then she said the party was at a fitness centre and there would be swimming and rock climbing, so bring Mason's bathing suit. She then said she didn't think Mason would be allowed to do the rock climbing because you have to be 5 to do that.

I said something to the effect of "So there'll be an area for the parents," and she said "It's a drop off party." I said again, "So there'll be an area for the parents?" She then said something to the effect of that she knows Mason will be the youngest one there and so she understands we wouldn't want to leave him and that for the 7 year olds it's 'not cool' to have the parents around. She does (I think) understand that Mason will not be there without one or the other or both of his parents there.

Mason, at 4 yr 5 months will by far be the youngest one there. J is good with Mason as long as 7 y.o. B, their other cousin isn't around; then he basically ignores Mason in favour of B who is the same age. I expect he will be ignored by everyone and I know it crushes him when J hangs with him and as soon as B arrives, Mason is quickly forgotten as the two older ones rush off. I understand it's the age thing, but Mason doesn't and it really hurts him.

So, because we got the invitation about 10 minutes before she called and didn't know all this other stuff now I'm concerned. There is no freaking way I am dropping Mason off in another country for a birthday party with tons of older kids and a swimming pool. I mean, who's watching these kids? Yeah there is a lifeguard but still... Mason is apprehensive in the water and who knows how many kids will be there and I am not cool about leaving him there.

SIL is not going, she refuses to drop off her kids and she refuses to try to entertain her 10 month old at the gym for 3 hours for the party. She is sending BIL and the two older kids (B-7 and M-almost 5) but she is seriously thinking about not letting M go, because she is a girl and it's a "boy" party. She thinks her cousin will get mad if M doesn't go.

Graham is totally laid back so I'm not concerned about entertaining him at the gym. I can bring my bathing suit and sit in the wading pool with him while Patrick watches Mason.

I have no idea if the food/gifts is before or after any of the gym activities. I don't know if we are expected to go to J's house before or after any of this.

SIL has half a mind to bail on the whole thing! I don't think that is quite fair as J and his Dad G (Patrick and SILs cousin) come over here all the time for holidays etc. and the Canadians almost never go there. Of course there is only 2 of them and there are a lot more of us to have to travel over there, but I digress.

So, I'm thinking of both of us going and hanging out at the gym, being the only parents doing so. Is that what you would do?

I can't imagine dropping my kid of at a gym for a party and leaving? Am I the only one who feels that way? I think it might be different if it was our own country, I knew all the people that would be there and it was a house, not a gym, KWIM?

Beverly, I can totally relate to the feeling you get watching your son get his feelings hurt when the older kids no longer want to play with him. Dugan is also 4 years 5 months and we have two older girl neighbors that like to play with him, but only when THEY want to. He doesn't understand on the days that they are outside and don't give him the time of day...:blahblah:

I think it's pretty moronic that they would actually EXPECT you to drop off your 4 year old at a b-day party when no other parents are going to be there!! You know the boys aren't going to watch him, they will be way into what they are doing...nor, in fairness to the older boys, that should not be expected to watch him, they are at a b-day party.

There is a saying that I like to say..."Poor planning on your part, does not constitute an emergency on mine". So, if you don't feel like being the only parents there....don't go. I personally wouldn't go. But, this is all JMO!

Well, I'm not much of an expert on birthday party ettiquette yet, esp. with older kids, but here's my take. You are very right to be concerned. Although I do know of people here having drop off parties, they are typically for older kids (and I guess 7 would be the age range... not sure). But I can't imagine drop off swimming parties. :errr: That's just me.

She seems pretty firm on the "no parents" thing which is weird considering she knows you have a younger child AND that your younger child won't be able to participate in one of the main activities.

If it were me, I'd either tell her I wasn't coming and skip it (this would be my first choice) or if it causes too much friction for you to miss it I'd confirm with her that you'll be attending and that one of you will be there because you are not comfortable leaving Mason at a swimming event without a parent. Knowing that Mason will likely get blown off by other kids would be enough for me to want to skip it.

Good luck!

Thanks guys.

Bridget, she absolutely knows that we will not be dropping him off. I made that very clear.

It's a totally weird situation too because the parents are divorced and she normally lives in Europe but now is living at her ex's house because the ex (Patrick's cousin) gets J for 2 years. I'm sure when it is her turn to have him she'll take off back to Europe.

So, I'm thinking of both of us going and hanging out at the gym, being the only parents doing so. Is that what you would do?


I think this is a good idea. That way, you go to the party, so no one can cry about you not going, but you do it on your terms. There is NO WAY I'd drop my 4 year old off at a party, particularly one with swimming involved.

If it were me, I'd either tell her I wasn't coming and skip it (this would be my first choice) or if it causes too much friction for you to miss it I'd confirm with her that you'll be attending and that one of you will be there because you are not comfortable leaving Mason at a swimming event without a parent. Knowing that Mason will likely get blown off by other kids would be enough for me to want to skip it.

Good luck!
Big ol' DITTO!

Ok...as a mom of an almost 11 year old I think your SIL's expectations of even 7 year olds is just crazy. There is no way at 7 I would have just dropped my child off at a party where he would be swimming and rock climbing. There are dangers there and I can tell you that 7 year olds are not allowed in our community center pool without an adult there. There are plenty of waiting rooms at our center. I think I would look into the center and see if they have a web site that tells you more about their facility. Yes it is uncool for the parent to go to an at home party come the age of 7 but something where they are swimming is just not heard of.

I think your right that if you do go you and Patrick both go and do what you explained!

4 is way too young for a drop off party. I think 7 can be too young too, depending on the kid. Emily went to a party yesterday (which I stayed at) and one of the kids who was dropped off went missing for awhile. The birthday mother was frantic b/c she was responsible for him. He showed up after about 10 minutes, but it's a big responsibility for one or two adults to watch a lot of kids. Especially when there's a pool :noqueno:

I'd probably get Patrick to take Mason on his own and stay there with him. That way he gets to catch up with his cousin and will watch Mason.

A little OT but Emily was invited to a similiar 6 year old party when she was 3 (the daughter of my friend). All of the other guests were dropped off, so I was the only other parent there, besides the birthday girls parents. I worked my arse off looking after the kids! They kept coming to me asking for a drink or to be taken to the toilet or if they hurt themselves. You definitely need a higher adult/kid ratio with kids that age.

Yes it is uncool for the parent to go to an at home party come the age of 7 but something where they are swimming is just not heard of.



That's not necessarily true. Emily went to a party yesterday (she's nearly 7) and the majority of parents stayed. I asked her if she wanted me to leave her and pick her up later and she said no, she wanted me there. Any responsible parent of a child under 10 wouldn't leave them at a pool party IMO.

You know, on June 2nd you'll probably come down with a virus.. yucky stomach, fever.. that sort of thing. Sorry, you couldn't possibly bring Mason since he's been exposed and you feel like shit. Hope it's not an inconvenience... ;)

That's how I'd handle it if you think she'll be a bitch about it and not want you to stay or be mad if you don't go for that same reason.

I would probably drop Ellie off at a party, if it were at someone's house and if there were no swimming involved. But no way would I just leave her at a party with a bunch of older kids at a gym like that. I would definitely stay.

I'd probably get Patrick to take Mason on his own and stay there with him. That way he gets to catch up with his cousin and will watch Mason.


The ex-wife seems to be arranging the party; I have no idea if the Dad, Patrick's cousin is even going to be there. I would assume he is but the ex-wife is a real trip so who knows what she's got going on.

I have no problem with us being the only parents there! Of course BIL will be there too as he's not leaving his kids alone either. We were talking the other day and thinking about asking what time the food/gifts is going to be and just going for that part.

I did check their website Jayne, as you suggested and other than noticing it is HUGE I didn't see too much else. There wasn't a link regarding parties or anything.

I don't think it is my responsibility to arrange this because it's Patrick's family but of course I'm the woman so.... :rolleyes: You know how it goes. Thankfully he is on board about not leaving Mason there alone. I really like the idea of just going for the food/gifts part; coming late or leaving early.

Mandi, I may come down with a case of Art in the Park-itis or Strawberry Festival Fever. :lol: Both on June 3rd of course! :lol:

I have had several birthday parties for my kids (through all their ages) and I would always encourage the parents to stay if they wanted to. It also gave me a chance to get to know some of their friends parents a bit better. I would not drop off a 4 or 5 year old in the situation you described EVER! I think you are making the right choice.

I think Patrick's broken arm has solved the problem for us. :) Silver linings, eh? :lol:

If he has surgery tomorrow we definitely won't be going and if he doesn't, unless we decide to only go for the food part I think we'll pass. I don't think he wants me driving through Detroit any more than I want to drive through Detroit. :lol:

Yuck. I hate driving in Detroit! :dead: Glad you've found a solution!