What influenced your decision....

[LisaE]

on how many children you want to have? Or how did you know you were done?
I have to admit that this past weekend when AF showed up I was more than relieved. I just don't know if I want any more children and I know for sure NOW would not be a good time. The more I think about it, I would rather have my children closer together, but it looks like having them farther apart would be more convenient financially. I am just afriad that in 2-3 years I won't want anymore and might be content and happy with just Jude. Its such a hard decision to make and although there really isn't a rush to make it, I would feel better just knowing so I could plan the future and know what is ahead of me.

[Amy]

Right now age and money are strong factors in our decision to 'maybe' be done after #2 arrives. We'll be 35 and 33 this year, and DH really strongly wanted to be done having kids at 35. So strongly, he was going to get the big V in early April, even before #2 is here. I kept trying to offer to get my tubes tied, since I'm having a c section, it wouldn't be a big deal...but I couldn't get the words out without crying. That told us we weren't 100% sure we're done, so we're going to wait another year. Two babies in 15 months is a LOT to ask of anyone, and we want to give my body a bit of a rest. If we still feel the same next spring, then he'll go in for the big V.

If we'd met earlier in life, we'd probably have 4 children...we love our daughter more than anything, and would love for her to grow up with brothers and sisters to share her childhood with, and to share our love with. However, having kids at 36 is something I personally do not want to do. As for the money side of things....if I have to, I can always go back to work later, but I can't have kids after a certain point.

One of DH's best friends from high school has 5 bio kids, and his live in gf has a son who also lives with them...6 kids total ranging in age from 2 to 16. He put it this way "Going from 1 to 2 kids is a huge adjustment. 2 to 3, no big deal. 3 to 4, eh who cares? 4 to 5? f*&$ it, might as well have 6!!" :lol:

[Shanna]

Mother nature determined how many kids I had. We were only planning on having 2 and ended upwith twins +1. We were also planning on waiting, but I ovulated while bf'ing w/o an AF :dunno: God willed it, I suppose :)

[Ausmaree]

We have been talking about this. My daughter is 7 and my baby girl is only 3 weeks old. We would like a couple more, but I think I will wait until my baby is one and a half before we try again. That way, she will be in pre-school perhaps a couple of days a week. We're not 100% decided yet though! I do want them to be fairly close together in age.

[kim]

age mainly.

i got married at 35 and had tony 5 months later. it is HARD to be pg at this age (and here i am again at 37) especially when you're overweight, but what ya gonna do? i will be 38 when i deliver and i'll be tying my tubes as i'll be having a sched. c-section.

financially we could have more, but honestly i'm getting too old for this crap :lol:

[Billy]

Marriage determines mine..I got married the first time because I was pregnant (young and stupid), had a terrible marriage and when things were getting better 4 1/2 years later decided to have another. Shortly after my daughter was born I realized what a troubled marriage I had, packed our stuff up and left him. Then I met and fell in love with my DH and he wanted 2 kids', hoping for a boy and a girl (he got lucky :lol: ). I think 3 would be the perfect number but I've been blessed with 4 and truthfully would like more but I had my tubes done with my son. Determinning factors...financial reasons basically, no more rooms, oh yeah my sanity too!! These kids' can be crazy! :lol: I do envy those with only one child though. I couldn't imagine all the love I have for 4 kids' being heaped onto one! That little baby would be sooo spoiled! And all the undivided attention he/she would have, not having a sibling to share mommy/daddy with. I think that would be awesome!

[Dawnie]

We decided to actively TTC for Victoria when I was 29 and he was 30. We knew we wanted two children and didn't want to have to "race against the clock" if we had trouble conceiving. After she was born we planned to wait at least a year and a half to try for another.

Well, we were blessed with two surprise pregnancies and had three in three years. It's not what we really wanted but we love our children and couldn't imagine life with out them. Making the decision not to have anymore children was easy for us after that. We have three happy healthy children who make our lives complete. Financially we are doing okay now but know there's no way we could afford a 4th. So, Jim went for a vasectomy in December with no regrets. I am feeling a bit nostalgic that Lauren will be our last little one and all things baby will leave our house soon but there's no way I want to be pregnant again and go through the exhausting infant stage again.

Dawn

[Kate]

I always thought that I would want 2 - 3 children. When Cameron was five months old we started TTC #2. It took us a year, and Cameron is going to have a little brother in May. We are going to wait five years and see if we want to try one more time for a little girl. At that point I will be 29 and Sean will be 36. We really want to buy a house and start our own business before having another child. We may also decide that we are content with our two boys and be done. I really don't do pregnancy well, so that is another factor too.

[Stacy]

Growing up I always saw myself with 2-3 kids however after a fairly hard pregnancy and some physical and emotional problems now we are only having one. DH got snipped when Dylan was 6 months old. We new right away after he was born but the dr.s told us to wait.
Dylan is spoiled both with love and material items.
Like I have said in another thread I look at Dylan and to me he is an only child type of person. Does that make sense?

[kalynnsmom]

Alot of things are influencing our decision. We are going to wait several years. For one, I'm still in school, and I'd like to get my nursing degree and work a few years. So, alot of it is financial.

Another part of it is that Bill has a genetic disorder called Neurofibromatosis. Kalynn has it, and Bill is terrified of our future children this. Kalynn has been absolutely healthy, despite a surgery to remove a cyst (common in NF). Although she has been healthy, she requires more Dr's visits to make sure everything is ok. Bill has been very healthy as well, just a few cysts removed here and there. So that's another situation that is influencing our decision.

[Jillian]

I posted something really long here last night, but now it is gone. So here is the shortened version. My body was just not meant to be pregnant. In my first pregnancy I had an irratible uterus with contractions starting at 14 weeks and cervical change starting at 32 weeks, she was born at 36, hyperemesis, spotting for the entire pregnancy, IUGR. This second pregnancy my hyperemesis has been a LOT worse, spotting off and on, contractions starting at 9 weeks, cervical change starting at 25 weeks, 2 hospital stays for pre-term labor, 2 other hospital trips for iv meds to stop pre-term labor, oral medications for the past 7 weeks for pre-term labor...hoping to still make it to 36 weeks, but exciting I'm finally at 34! So anyway, we will not be doing this pregnancy thing again.

[happysmileylady]

We plan to have three. We don't think we could afford more than that, unless one of us wins the lottery.

[Barb]

We're just going to have one more because of age (I'm almost 35) and money.

[Jenn]

This baby will be our last even though I always wanted 3 children, now I think 2 will be perfect for us. Honestly, the biggest influence has been my pregnancies. I had horrible m/s all the way through my 3rd tri with Peyton. With this pregnancy my m/s was even worse up until 12 weeks. I was on Zofran (a drug for chemo patients) just to be able to eat since I couldn't keep anything down. I was really depressed those 12 weeks and barely got out of bed. Luckily my DH was wonderful and stepped up and was tremendous (still is) with our daughter and the house. I just can't see having another child after this one and putting my DH and our kids through me being so sick. I hate being pregnant and I'm counting the days until it's over. I just don't think my body was made to go through this over and over so 2 kids will be it for us.

[redhairedgirl]

Our decision is determined by my health. :bawl: I have tubal infertility that puts me at a higher risk to have an ectopic pregnancy than average. I was also told that my tubes could also block themselves again. I'd have to have another laparoscopy.
Then, I herniated a disc while delivery. It pinched my sciatic nerve causing paralyzing pain down my right leg. I have been told that pregnancy will only make the situation worse. I can work on my back muscles and get in shape, but I would have a c-section. I'm not opposed to that idea, but honestly the pain that I've gone through has been hard enough... I can't imagine how bad it would be going through a pregnancy and not being able to get any relief. Just living with the pain for a month was hard enough. I was told that physical therapy could only help for so long, and I definitely would not be able to have any painkillers. More than likely, I'd be on bedrest.
Finally, I had really bad post partum depression, and well, DH put it bluntly and said he does not want to have any more children because it was just hell.

It really hurts sometimes. Granted, if we were surprised, we'd welcome it... but DH is making sure that there are no surprises. He's not a "surprise" kind of guy. :blue:


Mandy

[Karri]

We initially wanted two or three (leaning more towards two). At first, we thought we'd wait 3-4 years between them. But then after spending time with our nephews who were 21 mos apart, we decided to move it up (they played so nicely together!)

I didnt have an awful PG w/ Aidan, but I did end up on bedrest at 32 weeks and managed to hold out having him till 38 weeks. This time, it was much worse (twins, duh!) and then bedrest again, this time at 26 weeks and in the hospital. We now know I have an incompetant cervix and that this will always happen. How could I possibly have more kids and end up on BR knowing that I have three others at home? How would we deal with that? Then there is money...there are things we want to be able to afford to do and one more child would just hinder that. And then there is this newborn stage. I sooo love my sleep and a little bit of life.....and I know I dont want to go thru this again. So we know, 100%, that we are done!

[Lora]

Interesting question since I am struggling with the answer at this time. I have two boys who are 19 months apart. After Patrick was born I was pretty sure that I was done. I was 35 at the time of his birth and didn't think that I wanted to go through another pregnancy. However, DH wasn't so sure about that decision and suggested we think about it for a while. Just last week we realized that both of us really want a third child. So our plan is to TTC again within the next year or two. The age thing really doesn't bother me so much anymore. My Mom actually reminded me that she was 37 (almost 38) when she had my brother and DH's Mom was almost 41 when she had him.

Lora

[Marcella]

Initially, I wanted two. However, DH wanted 4 or 5! :eek: So, after many discussions, we kind of "compromised" on 3 (mainly due to my age... I just had my first at 31, and I really don't want to be having children into my late 30's if I can help it). So, as long as things go as planned, we will have #2 sometime in 2005 (hopefully), and perhaps #3 in 2007, and then we'll be done. DH still says he'd "like" 4, but I think he'd be perfectly happy with three. However, if we end up having three girls (which would be fine with me).. I know he's going to push for adoption! :lol:

[Jillian]

Just to make sure we were certain. The doctor today told us no more. She said that the contractions and early cervical change will be there for every pregnancy, and will start earlier with each pregnancy, and just because they were able to stop labor (with terbutaline and the highest dose of magnesium possible) this time it doesn't mean they'd be able to next time. So I'd be on bedrest the whole pregnancy, and still be at risk of having a very early preemie.

[Leslie]

There are several factors that influence us. Money is a big one. We live in one of the most expensive places in the country. I'd love to have 4 children. But we can't afford a house big enough for that many kids plus the childcare associated with having that many. And I could never stay home full time. There's no way we could make it on DH's salary, especially since I have always been the breadwinner. Age isn't an issue. Health isn't. But money is such a big one for us.

[Bobbie]

I have to admit that this past weekend when AF showed up I was more than relieved. I just don't know if I want any more children and I know for sure NOW would not be a good time. The more I think about it, I would rather have my children closer together, but it looks like having them farther apart would be more convenient financially. I am just afriad that in 2-3 years I won't want anymore and might be content and happy with just Jude. Its such a hard decision to make and although there really isn't a rush to make it, I would feel better just knowing so I could plan the future and know what is ahead of me.

Lisa, I am right on board with nearly EVERY WORD you wrote! :lol: Except I don't think I'm really afraid of being content later; I'm pretty much at peace with the idea of having an only child, and if I feel more resolved about it in a couple years, that'll be okay.

When we came to our marriage, I wanted zero or one child and DH wanted one or two children. We never really resolved that issue, but two years ago nature and a little birth control mishap resolved it for us. In retrospect, I'm so glad things happened the way they did and I couldn't imagine life without K. One child seems to be a good compromise for us; everyone is happy. But the fact that I fell in love with a baby once before makes me wonder if we should consider a second child.

I think there are some great benefits to having an only child. Most importantly, we'd be able to give her more of our time and energy. I know I'd be able to find plenty of love in my heart for another child, but I'd worry about splitting my attention (not to mention my patience) between two. We'd also be able to give her more of our financial resources, and to that end, I might also have more time for my career. Being parents is very important to us, but DH and I both enjoy a variety of other things that would become more difficult with another child in the family. Additionally, we've developed some particular ideas about how we want to handle child care. My MIL currently cares for K while I work, and as much as she'd want to, she just couldn't handle another child due to her health. If I decided to quit my part-time job instead of finding other arrangements, we'd be pretty poor. Aside from these things, I just never pictured myself as a mother of many children. And to top it off, I didn't enjoy pregnancy or the newborn phase, which makes me very hesitant to take the leap of TTC.

But then...I think another child could be a great gift to DH and K, and certainly I would fall in love all over again. I think it would be nice having two siblings close in age grow up together, but that would be financially difficult for us. I think our circumstances could improve within another year or two, and if we waited 'til K was in preschool or kindergarten, I might feel better about the attention-splitting thing and MIL might even be able to provide care for our next child. But it's so hard to say now whether dealing with the pregnancy and baby stuff all over again would be attractive or unnattractive to us a couple years down the road. :dunno:

[Faye]

when I had my son 8 years ago he was going to be my only child :nod: I raised him all alone for quite a while and decide no way I would go through having another baby in the house again. then his dad and I got back together and married when he was 5 years old. by that time I had already forgotten the bad parts of his first year or two of life. once married, my DH and I discussed having another child and finally decided we probably would. we were married about 6 months and then I became pregnant with our daughter. now we are very content with both children.

I loved having that one-on-one time with my son for 6 years before another child entering the picture and we are very close because of it. but I wouldn't give my daughter up for the world. my children get along great and it's nice to know he will have a sibling if anything were to ever happen to me or his father. I also think the spacing between them is perfect because I knew I didn't want another child until that point and probably wouldn't have been able to handle another child before the time that I finally had her. :) whatever way you decide to go, whether you have just one child or decide to have two, three, or even more than that, you and your husband will make the choice that is best for you both. the best thing about it is that you don't have to decide right now. your first child is still very young and you just might change your mind down the road.

[magoo]

I'm not sure how many children we will end up having. I would like three, Eric wants two, but is open to the thought of three. He is an only child, and does not want to have an only child. He has always said "More than one, or none at all." Since we have one, that pretty much means we'll have at least one more. We'll have one more, and see how we feel from there.

Sarah

[togirl]

I could have written Bobbie's post. Except for the beginning - I always thought I wanted at least two kids, but now that I've gone through the newborn stage I'm honestly not sure I want to do it again. But then in the grand scheme of things it is a relatively short - though difficult time. I still waver on this almost daily. Dh and I have decided to wait until Sept of this year to even think about ttc and see how we feel then. Although there is something to be said for getting the baby stage over with sooner rather than later, and the longer we wait, the harder it may be to go back to that sleep deprived state. But then, they say it's easier the second time....who knows!

[mrs.knip]

Growing up whenever someone would ask me how many kids I wanted I always said 4. Then I met Tim who is 12 years older than me and he said he would like 4 too. Then our first baby was stillborn at 26 weeks due to my severe pre-eclampsia. My pregnancy with Maggie was scary and wrought with worry. So even though I have always wanted 4 that number may go down to three because of past pregnancies and DH's age right now 39. I was one of two girls and always wished that there was at least one more so I know I would like to have three.

[mommyLil]

Well we haven't decided. I always thought I wanted 2 kids, DH always wanted two kids we'd agreed we'd have two kids eventually before we got married. I think its because we each have one sibbling. That being said for whatever reason I am imagining myself with three kids now. I mentioned this to DH and he still only wants 2 but will keep an open mind after we have baby number 2. We want to start TTC when Nick is one. There's a good chance we'll have twins. I'm the first of 3 cousins on my dad's side to not have any identical twins. It runs in my family. So everyone says baby #2 will be twins anyways. I was actually shocked during my first ultrasound to find out there was only one baby in there :lol:

[Tina]

Well, we definately know that we are done! I am currently pg with #3! I went from wanting no children to wanting three after we had our "oops" honeymoon baby. We both have decided that #3 is it. Age isn't an issue since I am 26 & DH is 31. Finances are not an issue either for # but would be for #4! Healthwise isn't an issue as I get pg very easily & my pg's are relatively easy. I think if health had been an issue we might have just had one. DH & I were not even certain if we wanted anymore than 2 after Logan but then we were OTL. After that pg ended in a m/c last Sept. we had definately decided we wanted three! DH is the middle of three boys & I am an only so we definately knew we wanted 2 (I hated being an only even though I was spoiled rotten, I missed having siblings~still do). We just know in our hearts 3 is the magic number & DH will be getting sniped this summer/fall after our second son is born.

Tina

[ArtsyMom]

There's another similar thread going on in this section on only children.

You know, I have one brother but I was telling my DH that I was still lonely a lot of the time growing up cuz my bro and I did NOT get along at all and still aren't really that close. So, just because there's more than one child in the family, doesn't mean that they will be "buds". However, it would be nice to know that our son would have someone to lean on if something were to happen to us.

We haven't decided yet...it seems so soon as DS is only 6 mos. old and still not sleeping through the night.

[Jen A]

After Austin was born, my dh jokingly said "Let's do it again right away!" My response was absolute horror! :lol: I've always envisioned myself with 2 kids of whatever sex, but I had no interest in getting pg right away after Austin's birth.

By the time he was 2, I was thinking differently. I really wanted baby #2, and had to convince dh to give it a go. He only sort of wanted another one, but he didn't want Austin to be an only, either. I won, obviously. ;)

After Jackson was born, he had some health issues, and we waited for the all-clear from his cardiologist before dh had a vasectomy. That was over a year ago, and we're comfy with the decision to have no more children. It's a money thing, mostly. While I would love to have more kids (in theory, not sure my sanity would survive more) we just can't afford them. And, while I'm happy that dh had the V, I do not feel ready to have my tubes tied. It seems much too final for me at this point, if that makes any sense.