If you're invited to a shower and don't go...

[Alyssa]

I am invited to a bridal shower for Joe's cousin's fiance. I like his cousin but don't know him very well (he lives in NC and I have probably only met him 5 times), and I have never met this fiance. I am not able to go to the shower.

My MIL is going and knows I cannot go. She wants to know if I want to go in on a gift.

In this situation, if MIL was not going, I would RSVP and not send a gift. I might get a little bit of a nicer wedding gift as a result. But MIL seems to think I should send a gift anyway. What do you think is proper?

(I usually put myself in the other person's shoes, and if I were the bride and the guest was me, I would not have been bothered that someone I never met and could not attend my shower did not send along a gift.)

[Trish]

Not sure on what is more "proper" but this is what I would do....If I was not going, I probably wouldn't get them a gift, since you don't know her that well, but since MIL is going and asked you to go in on a gift, I would probably do that, but not spend as much as I normally would :dunno:

[Kara]

I'd probably go in on something with MIL.

[Girlo]

Not sure on what is more "proper" but this is what I would do....If I was not going, I probably wouldn't get them a gift, since you don't know her that well, but since MIL is going and asked you to go in on a gift, I would probably do that, but not spend as much as I normally would :dunno:

This is exactly what I wanted to write! :)

[Alyssa]

Okay...but how do I tactfully say that to my MIL? :dunno:

[Kara]

Okay...but how do I tactfully say that to my MIL? :dunno:

Does she know you can't make the actual shower?

will she expect you to chip in big bucks for someone you don't know?

you could always have DH tell her LOL.

[Alyssa]

Does she know you can't make the actual shower?

will she expect you to chip in big bucks for someone you don't know?

you could always have DH tell her LOL.

Yes, MIL knows I can't go. She doesn't know this girl either. I don't think she'd expect big bucks, but $25-$35. Which I guess is both not a big deal but also something I don't feel like spending on a gift for someone I don't know to a shower that I can't attend in a summer where I have 6 weddings and the associated showers.

[Jayne]

I think I would tell MIL that you really were not going to get a gift for the shower but a nicer gift for the wedding and leave it at that. I wouldn't be that worried by it. As you said, you don't even know the girl and you have hardly met the boy.

[Trish]

Okay...but how do I tactfully say that to my MIL? :dunno:Just say "sure, I'll go in with you. I'll give you $20 (or whatever) and if she says something, just explain that you don't even know the girl :dunno: Good luck!

[Nichole]

Yeah, what Trish said. :nod:

[Melissa]

Just say "sure, I'll go in with you. I'll give you $20 (or whatever) and if she says something, just explain that you don't even know the girl :dunno: Good luck!
I agree with this!

[sheila]

I would do what Trish said (both times)