I know there are several of us whose spouses work a ton.

How do you deal?

Keith recently got a promotion that has him working 12-13 hour days, 6 days a week. Even if he's home, he's working on his laptop or his cell is ringing.

When he does come home, he's getting things ready for the next day (clothes, lunch, etc) and then we're busy putting Aaron to bed and getting him settled. By the time Keith sits down, it's nearly 8:30 and 99.9% of the time he's asleep within minutes. So when he's here, he's not really *here*. :(

I know he's providing me/Aaron the privilege of me being able to SAH and I am grateful of that. I know it's not forever because he's in his extreme busy season now and that will end by July 4. But then it picks right back up in September. In the next 2 weeks he is going to have to add Sundays to the mix too. He even has to work on Mother's Day! :cry:

I'm really, really trying not to let him know that his working so much is taking a toll on me. He knows it does (especially given what recently happened to us) but he can't do anything to change it right now and it completely stinks. I just feel like I'm resenting him for being gone so much. I have to cut him some slack because I know he's busy and tired and would probably rather be here with us than at work.

Anyone else in the same boat as me?

I'm not exactly in the same boat, but similar. We live in Knoxville (where I work) and my husband's business is in Greeneville (1h 15m away). To knock down on the commute, he drives Monday morning and doesn't come home until Tuesday evening and then he does the same on Thursday morning and is back Friday evening. He usually doesn't make it back in until 7:30 or so in the evenings so those evenings are basically shot. I'm lucky because I live next to my parents so they help out ALOT! I know both he and I are tiring of the situation (he's been doing this since 2000!) but me moving to Greeneville is not an option as there are rarely library openings in the school system and I am the insurance provider. I keep hoping he might end his business and take a programming or networking job here in Knoxville, but that doesn't look likely.

Edited to say: I know I'm not a SAHM/WAHM, but I wanted to post anyway. You aren't alone!

I'm there with you Lynn...Chris mostly works every day of the week and even when he comes home at night he is working on his laptop and his cell is at his side.

One thing he does do is he almost always makes it home for a late dinner and bedtime routine with Julia - that takes about 1-1/2 to 2 hours. I don't worry so much about Chris not spending time with me, rather it's when Julia doesn't get to see him for at least a bit in the evening that I get upset. So, he makes it a priority that he stops working (mostly) between like 6:30 and 8:30 and then he can work after that.

I know it sucks. :hug99:

James is an accountant, and being deep in the midst of tax season right now, we barely see him. He leaves by 730am, and generally gets home around 830-845pm. (Caroline goes to bed at 8:15, so she sees him even less!) The only saving grace is that tax season ends in a month and two days!

James is an accountant, and being deep in the midst of tax season right now, we barely see him. He leaves by 730am, and generally gets home around 830-845pm. (Caroline goes to bed at 8:15, so she sees him even less!) The only saving grace is that tax season ends in a month and two days!

I bet you have the countdown going!

Not that you're counting down or anything Anne :heee:

Actually that first week or so after tax season is equally hard, because I've gotten so used to him being gone that when it's over it feels like he is always underfoot! :lol:

The only saving grace is that tax season ends in a month and two days!
Not that you're keeping track, or anything. :heee:

I feel so sad for all of you. Eric has been putting in extra hours to meet a deadline lately, but nothing near what you are all describing. I don't know how I would manage, so hugs to you all! :hug99:

I am here. DH works tons of hours, he works mon-Fri 6:30am-7pm and a Sat 6:30am-1pm

I try to be understanding, he has a really stressful job as a road construction manager, we also have his cell phone continously ringing even all day Sunday, so quality time with him is pretty non-existant. As said already I have the ability to be a SAHM with my kids but sometimes I wonder if it would be easier for him to reduce his hours, spend more time with the family and I go out to work, but in saying that I want to spend as much time with my kids before the go out to school.

Only last night the phone rang at 2:30am, the buildings right next door went on fire and with DH's office and yard containing so many dangerous fuels that would cause another potentially serious blast he had to go out to work, and is not expected back home again until 7pm.

Of course with DH working so many long hours I have to be the supporting, understanding wife, but because I practically do a 15+hr day at home its not the same thing :dunno:

emm, that kind of turned out to be a vent :lol: :shuffle:

I am here. I am coping, but I have my moments.

For the past 6 months, Chris has been traveling during the week. He typically comes home Thursday evenings. It really sucks. But we had to make a decision...he had to put in his 'travel time' to climb the ladder and it was either now or later. We decided that its never a great time, but now is a better time, rather than when the kids are involved in sports and school activities and whatnot.

I am used to the long hours. Its always been a part of his lifestyle (a consultant's life) since the day I met him (is that sad?).

Its hard on me, but I am coping (medication :heee: ). But I think its harder on the kids. When he's home, he gives them his all. He plays with them and does bathtime and devotes all his attention to them until bedtime. He plays with them all weekend. But if he leaves the house to run an errand, Norah will sob & sob & sob. Or like the yesterday morning when Chris was getting ready to leave (prior to 5 am :dead: ) , Aidan decided he wanted to get up and I said no, and he started screaming and sobbing, "I want my daddy! I dont want daddy to leave!"
The only saving grace I have is that one of mybest friends has a father who travelled internationally for his job all her childhood and she said she doesnt remember him being absent. Rather, she has memories of all the good things, since when he was home, he was giving it his all. So that is just what I stress...that when your husbands are home, they concentrate on the kid(s) until the kids are in bed. Its such a short period of time.

Now we just need to find the 'us' balance. We're struggling there. I am tired b/c of being a parent all day, he's tired from traveling and working so hard and the stress of the job. I dont have an answer there :lol:

This is what we're struggling with - James is just so tired by the time he gets home (if he's even home before Caroline is in bed) that all he wants to do is eat and fall into bed.

So that is just what I stress...that when your husbands are home, they concentrate on the kid(s) until the kids are in bed. Its such a short period of time.

Now we just need to find the 'us' balance. We're struggling there. I am tired b/c of being a parent all day, he's tired from traveling and working so hard and the stress of the job. I dont have an answer there :lol:

Your post in your journal yesterday is what got me thinking a lot about this. I think what's hardest for me is that we don't have a babysitter, or even family available if we *did* decide we wanted to go out. We don't focus on us. It's him vs. me vs. Aaron.

Of course when Keith is here he's spending time with Aaron and I'm grateful for that. It would be much harder on me if he didn't.

Anne - Aren't there nights that you feel like doing that, too? :heee: I don't mean to sound like a bitchy person, but when we decided to have kids, I laid it out there....I knew what his job was like, he knew what his job was like, but despite that, I still expect him to give 100% when he's home. Its only fair for this kids.

Lynn - Can you find a babysitter? Put an ad out at a local college or find a high schooler?
Chris and I were talking on the phone last night and decided that we need to have one night a week where he just doesnt work. No turning on the laptop. No TV. No reading, no knitting, no scrapping. Just him & I. And this is during the *week*....not the weekend. We're going to attempt it and hopefully it will help. We're also going to suck it up and start date night once a month again. We've been on such a strict budget that we kinda cut it out. But we decided that we could even just use someone during nap on a weekend and go out for a cup of coffee for 2 hours. We have an 8th grader who is more than willing, but I was nervous. But during the day when they're napping, i think I could do it. And it would be cheaper :heee:
Anyway, I digress. We're trying any way we can...

Lynn, I'd be happy to watch him. :)

Another one who sees very little of her husband. Stagg works anywhere from 12-18 hours a day, and a little on the weekends. If we are lucky, there will be a night a week he'll be home in time for bath. Since Katie tends to sleep in in the morning, there is usually (at least) a day or two she doesn't see him at all.

The weekends are always rough because he has things he needs to finish up or he'll just be thinking about what he needs to do. Another big issue for me is that he is so tired on the weekends, that he wants to nap... and have the girls nap with him. But we have *mostly* taken care of that (since the girls don't really nap anymore, napping with him throws everything into chaos). And then we argue, which is never fun.

As far as going out is concerned, we go through good phases and not so good phases. Sometimes, we'll rack up 3 weekends in a row with a date, then not go out for 3 weeks or more.

The evenings for us are just rough. Even on the nights I do end up seeing him before I go to bed, things are wonky. He's at least an hour or two behind me in the winding down process, and it makes things more difficult.

LISA-- you might want to stop reading now

The biggest issue is that it wreaks havoc on our sex life because when I am almost wound down and ready for bed, he is all ready to go and I'm over it. He hates hearing that I had been thinking about sex all day, but by the he's home, the thought is history. But what can you do?

I'm with you too Lynn.

Jim's training schedule this year is starting to become a lot like last year. The weeks he's home in between he has his drill weekend so he works 12 days straight and we don't see him.
He's been trying to come home early whenever he can to make up for it.
His new CO bought him a new palm to help with his scheduling. He also gave Jim the ok to come home on days he gets done early or doesn't have much going on. Although that seems to not be happening.
He keeps saying when they start the construction of his new office he won't be able to do much there and will be home, but that is looking like it will fall over the time he's at another training in April.
He had to bail on coaching the boys baseball teams this year because he basically won't be here. He's missing all of our birthdays again this year and is now saying that our spring break trip may not "work out."
Thankfully he already put in his leave for our trip to Hawaii or that would probably get thrown out the window too.
I know this is all so he can get his promotion, but it seems like every year it's the same thing.
After this promotion he can only gain 1 more rank before he tops out so hopefully that means the end is in sight.
Right now April-August he has a training somewhere for a couple weeks at a time. BNOC is 4-6 weeks, but he split it up into multiple trips.

I've been trying to just be thankful that he was removed from the deployment list. I just talked to my friend Sonja yestarday who's husband is on his way to Afghanistan. His 3rd deployment in 4 years. He'll be gone another 14-16 mos.

My husband is never around. Even when he's here, he's not. Jeremy is gone from roughly 7AM to 9:30PM - Monday through Friday - sometimes he stays in VA, sometimes he's on a business trip, so I may not even see him myself. He rarely sees Aiden at all during the week. I'm exhausted and going to college on top of it. While I have someone watch Aiden, I am not always so good about devoting that time to schoolwork - because that is a time I could run errands without Aiden!
I am basically a single Mom through the week. I just have our own little routine, and that's it. I don't even flinch anymore going through a week.

However, weekends when my husband is gone - he was gone for the last two weekends all weekend long, as well as all week, and I have a back problem. That's pretty much when I've hit my limit. While I have my Father nearby, I rarely ask him for help. Too much pride - too many issues with the guy, I don't know what my problem is - but I charge on by myself.

Jeremy does not spend time with Aiden. It's sad. It's very, very sad. Even when Jeremy is here, he isn't. He has some extreme computer addiction issues - funny, I say this while I'm on here myself - but I can atleast walk away from my computer. He cannot. It honestly is driving a spike in our marriage.

We have no us time. None. Even when we've had Aiden spend a night at my Dad's - we go out to dinner, and that's it. My husband works on top security projects - so I can't even know anything about his job. He can go on a business trip, but can't tell me what he's doing. Since work is a large portion of his life - I don't know what to talk about with him anymore. :dunno:
I've accepted parts of our situation which has made it easier on me. Parts of it, I haven't and parts that are hard to deal with - like my back issue.

Jeremy has always worked long hours. I met him while he was in grad school - and he was in the lab constantly - until the wee hours of the morning sometimes.
I quit having the expectation that he was going to spend all his time with Aiden. I quit having the expectation that he was going to come home early. I quit having a lot of expectations, really - and that helped. I thank my lucky stars that while I may seem like a single Mom - that I'm not working on top of this as well. Atleast not outside the home. I will never know how a single Mom does it - even though my Mom was a single Mom. I guess in some strange way, that gives me comfort and strength - that I could have to work on top of this and do it all alone.
I just factored my husband out of the equation for some things, and when he is around, it's a blessing. That's if he is NOT on the computer. :rolleyes:
That's not to say he doesn't tick me off though or that I didn't wish things were different. :shuffle:

Another one whose husband works constantly. His higher up recently quit there as well, so he's doing even more work than before, and is always getting phone calls. I counted on Saturday, and he got 12 phone calls before noon. He's always getting called in to do something because someone else has screwed something up, or something is down. It's really frustrating to try to plan anything at all, because I know that the chances that he'll get called in to work or be on the cell phone the entire time are really high. He actually has had to go in on holidays even, when he should be home with his family. The weekend before Christmas, I had to take the boys to my Dad's by myself, because he worked from 8 am Friday morning, until 3:30 pm Saturday afternoon. Straight.

I get really frustrated with his job sometimes, but I know that he's providing for us and it allows me to stay at home, which I want. But there are times I'd like to tell him to shove his job :lol:

My husband doesn't work as much as some of yours do, but he is gone from 7:15-6:30 M-F, and then there is work at home some nights. When he does get home, it is all about Jackson, he does bath and bed with him, and that usually takes until 9:00pm. So I have him from 9-whenever we go to bed, but usually one or both of us is tired, so it isn't really quality time. Then there are the nights when I work, so pretty much we pass Jackson off and don't see each other at all. It is hard at times, but I am glad that I am able to SAH with Jackson for the most part (although I do work a couple nights a week, and babysit a couple days a week). The next thing is the blackberry...usually only directors and above at his company get them, but Scott has a lot of sensitive clients, so there is talk of getting him one. I am hoping not b/c that means he is always on call.

One thing we need to do is get a babysitter that isn't family. Right now my parents are our main babysitters, and I feel bad asking them all the time. Plus, my Mom goes to bed early and doesn't like staying here late with Jackson. Finding a teenage/college age babsitter to have a couple times a month is going to be a priority for me in the next couple of months.

I seriously don't know how you guys who have traveling husbands do it all the time!

Karri - my Dad traveled all through my childhood, and I don't remember him being gone a lot either. I'd say he was gone 2.5 weeks a month on average and all I remember was how great it was when he came home. We have a great relationship now, so I can't say I was scarred by it at all!

Up until a month ago Josh worked a job that was like that. Then add the hour to hour and a half commute! I would let the girls sleep in everyday just so they could stay up late enough to see him! and even when they saw him it would be for just a half hour at most.

He's now changed careers ( :rolleyes: ) and is only gone from 7:00am until 6:00pm .......I haven't gotten adjusted yet because he's annoying the heck out of me and I'm tired of him being home all the time (not to mention the paycheck being cut in HALF)

It's hard when they're gone sooo much though. Are you a member of a MOMs club or something of the like? I'm sure that would be a nice resource to have!

I work a regular 8-6 and JOhn works 2-??? so I rarely see him. I'm usually up when he gets home, just because I hate being woken up by the dog when he gets home. He has been working every Saturday for most of the year, so that is really tiring to me as well. It is really really hard, I agree with everyone else!

I'm checking in too. :wavey:

DH goes to work at 5 and usually gets home around 6 or 6:30. :( He has been working 6-7 dats a week lately too. It sucks and the girls hate it. In NM he'd work 7 14 hours days and then have 7 days off, so the girls were used to that. Madelynn even asked me once if Daddy was coming home to visit.

It should get better in a couple of years though, once they have the mine up and running smoothly. :crossfing

As a pilot, Jamie's schedule comes and goes.. this month it is GONE! He has been home 2 out of the past 22 days. :angry2: Typically, he works 8 on, 6 off. And he is home for the 6 days strait. But the 8 days on, he isn't home at all. February and March have been super busy and we haven't seen the 6 days strait once.
That is one of the main reasons we go to Europe in the summer, he is home everynight. It isn't *so* bad for me, its been this way since I met him. But it is hard on Lauren sometimes. We dropped him off at the airport a couple weeks ago and as soon as we pulled up to the airport Lauren stared screaming.. "I don't want Daddy to go to work, please Daddy don't leave me." It was terrible.
I won't complain about my workload, I only have Lauren. I am sure if I had more children I would complain more. I just feel bad for him and Lauren. It is really hard on him, probably harder.