I found this last summer and posted it in the IVF thread but I think this warrants a thread all its own. I do not know the author.

"Couples experiencing infertility often receive well-meaning but extremely insensitive "advice." We can all list the most popular ones: "Just relax and you'll get pregnant," or "Adopt and you'll get pregnant." Of the most painful from those who think they've got the goods on God's plan, "Maybe God never meant for you to have children." The sheer audacity of making a statement like that never fails to amaze me.

"These same people would never walk up to someone seeking treatment for cancer and say, "Maybe God never meant for you to live." However, because I am infertile, I'm supposed to get on with my life. It's hard to understand that people can not see infertility for what it is, a disease for which I have to seek treatment. What if Jonas Salk had said to the parents of polio victims, "Maybe God meant for thousands of our children to be cripples, live in an iron lung or die." What if he'd never tried to find a cure? Who could think for one minute that that was God's plan?

What do I think God meant when he gave me infertility? I think he meant for my husband and me to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocks us down. I think God meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, create procedures and protocols. I think God meant for us to find a cure for infertility.

No, God never meant for me not to have children. That's not my destiny; that's just a fork in the road I'm on. I've been placed on the road less traveled, and, like it or not, I'm a better person for it. Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution, and I haven't let Him down.

Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God has singled me out for a special treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I've ever known.

While I would never choose infertility, I can not deny that a fertile woman could never know the joy that awaits me. Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby of my own. And the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice I'll say, "Don't tell me what God meant when He handed me infertility. I already know."

Thanks for posting that, Suzi, it really, really hit home...

Suzi, Thank you for sharing such a great article! Having experienced nothing but disappointment and sorrow in this arduous "infertility" road, I know without a doubt that it has made me a better person by far! Simply learning that I had this constant fight, made me stronger and yet a much more sensitive person than before. I learned to care very, very deeply for people I didn´t even know and would probably never even would share a cup of coffee with... but we have in common, our suffering and our inmense sense for "not giving up". We are all there to hold each other and give a hand to help the fallen one get up and continue the path. We give the word friendship a whole new meaning! We genuinly cry with our "friends" losses and we get truly excited with their success... BFP´s are the trophies of our lives! Women/couples like us are admirable for the inner strength we develop and with each shot we receive... we are the guinea pigs for the other women that will follow our steps. Some day in the future, maybe the average women in treatment will receive only 10 shots instead of the average 200!!! And I will look back with a big grin knowing I was in a small way, I too was a contributor to it. We don´t complaint, we don´t give up, on the contrary, we are so willing and each time we have a failure... we get up stronger than ever... thank the Lord for a new oportunity, and we go for another round! Each down is a new begining :hb:

Vyonne

PS Once again, thank you Suzi... I shed a lot of tears, but what a great and truthful article!!!

Thank you so much for posting that Suzi!! :bighug:

Hi Suzi,

I love your message... it touched my heart. I strongly agree with you. I supposed to go for my IVF last year but to due conflict in my belief that if infertility was God's plan then so be it until i heard about people having success with the high technology. But again that's not a natural conceiving so i said forget about it. Some of my friends and family member don't agree with IVF too ,however thanks to my younger brother who encouraged me to go ahead. He said: "that's why God allow new technology in this world so people can used them, God give you trials but he also provides solutions". I thought of it a million times and decided to post through with IVM.

I am not getting any younger, gosh i just realized am already 34. Anyways, last january I convinced my hubby to go ahead with the procedure despite of the expences as it won't be covered by insurance. Finally i started my cycle this month. Thanks God my ER went well yesterday though i didn't have enough follicles as expected. I just hope and pray for the best. I lift everything in God's hands. here i am waiting a call from my embryologist to confirm the date of my ET.

Thanks once again for the very helpful post. I wish you all the best in life. GOODLUCK !

Have a blessed day,
jan:shuffle:

Hi Jan! I am glad that you found meaning in those words, I think it strikes home with anyone suffering from infertility.

We'd LOVE to have you come join our IVF support group, just follow this link: http://www.onceuponalife.com/forums/showthread.php?t=26988&page=1&pp=20

We can help make the wait until beta a little more bearable. :hug99: Hope to see you there!

Hello I am new to this I just wanted to tell everyone thank you I have come to your site and read everything that everyone has posted and it meant alot to me. I have been trying to have a baby for 2 years now I have pcos after trying everything. We were even told my dh sperm count was low after my doctor told me that on our last appt. we decided adoption was right for us. well this month came and guess what i am pregnant. I has used femara for the first time last cycle and it worked when nothing else had! I am going to keep everyone in my prays and babydust to all........

Suzi, thank you for posting that article. It is AMAZING! As somebody who doesn't have any infertility history, I will never know the pain you go through....and I'm really sorry you are being put through this test. It's not fair and it's too painful. I count my blessings every day for having been able to conceive and give birth to our healthy baby boy. I feel for you, as much as I can having never gone through that horrible pain...and I will keep you in my prayers and i hope that soon Julia will have a little sibling to play with :) If there is ANYTHING I can do for you...it would be my honor.

:) You gotta love the "Maybe God never intended for you to have children" Oh but He meant for the 17 year old school slut to be PG for the 2nd or 3rd time? He meant for the drug addict who sells her children to reproduce :rolleyes:

I chose to believe God "gave me" infertility for a reason. I have to, otherwise life just sucks. I choose to believe it's because I'd have been a teen mom with a loser father for my children if I could have gotten pregnant. I choose to believe it's taken so long to get PG with my sencond child because God knows better than I, that having kids close together (as *I* planned and wanted) would have killed me and not been a good thing. Looking back I don't think I could have handled a newborn when Gab was 2. So I think God knows what He is doing in MY life because I have faith in His plan ;)

Suzi, that is absolutely beautiful. People can be so insensitive.

When I had my second tubal and was recovering from surgery my grandmother actually had the audacity to tell me that I should be thankful because "God always corrects his mistakes." I felt like she had struck me and I told her how hurtful that comment was. Incredibly, she said that God never meant for some women to be mothers because he knew that they wouldn't be good at it. She said that my two babies were tubal and died because I was one of those women who wouldn't make a good mother. She also said that God knew best and I should be thankful that I'd never have a child like me since I was told I am probably infertile now without IVF. (I have bipolar disorder.) I gave up. How can you say anything at all to that kind of ignorance? :shuffle: And anyway, everyone else who knows me says that I would be a wonderful mom. In fact, I think all women who have struggled with infertility are the best moms there could ever be. Who could love a child more?

I do love your post. Thank you for sharing.

Michelle

Andrea: That one just kills me, too. I was told that "God always corrects his mistakes" when I lost 2 babies through ectopics. That kind of mentality is just plain mean. I don't pay any attention, either, though such comments are so hurtful at times.

My minister at my sons service told us that if anyone made a stupied coment :angry2: to just tell them "Not Helpful". :noqueno: Thats some good advice.... and so true...

Keep ++++++++

Amanda
I will get pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So true....so true. :blue: So much that I keep having to remind myself and if I do forget, I just come back and read this again.

By the way, if any of you would like to print and share this article it was written by Dawne Davis a Resolve member from Colorado. And the title is actually "What God Meant".

:wub1:

although I have what is classed as 2nd infertility I just wanted to say that is a amazing post


I had tears streaming down my face reading this part

Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God has singled me out for a special treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I've ever known.

when I finally got to bring my baby home this would be the best way to describe how I felt