I'm sure I'm not alone in this. We're having major bedtime issues with our 2 year old. Let me start by saying that we have a 3 week old so he's had some fairly big changes in his life recently. Nathaniel also has 2 homes (long story) but we're currently in NY where he has a toddler bed. We have a pretty set bedtime routine: brush teeth, wash hands and face, change diaper and put on jammies. We have an animal book we look at together every night. He gets into his bed. So far, so good. As long as I stay with him, he'll stay in bed. He knows that if he gets out of bed, I'll leave the room and close the door (he can't open this door). I always come back but he doesn't like that. If I leave the room and the door is open, he won't stay in bed. The problem is that it's been taking up to TWO HOURS to get him to sleep. I would say that I'm putting him to bed too early but he's exhausted and he's had the same bedtime for a while. He hasn't been taking good naps (trying to get him to nap in his bed is 100 times worse than night time!) and he's really, really tired. It's partly a game for him and partly a separate anxiety issue (I think!). I've been putting him to bed because at least he'll stay in bed for me (my husband isn't as strict as I am). My husband watches the baby while I do bedtime with Nathaniel. We're totally frustrated. I don't know if I should just close the door and leave (which seems really cruel to me but I'm at my wits end). We've considered a gate but he's a really good climber and I'm worried about him getting hurt or knocking the gate over or just being able to climb over it.
We are desperate for advice, opinions, anything!!!

Amanda

:bullhorn: SUZI!

We have similar troubles with my kids... compounded by the fact that there are two of them in the same room and they tend to feed off each other. Drew is definitely worse than Abby and wants someone to rub his back, cuddle him, etc. We are getting better but what seems to work for us these days is to go through the bedtime routine ending with me sitting in their room with them in beds and read a story. After story I turn on their music, rub Drews back for a minute, rub Abby's back for a minute say good night and walk out. We do have a gate at the door... they can and have climbed but now know if they climb the gate I will then put the childproof knob cover on and cover the door. I usually have to go back in a few times to calm Drew down and get him settled again. I'm trying very hard not to get into a habit where I need to be in the room until they fall asleep. I've done the sit by the door and don't talk, establish eye contact, etc and sometimes it is successful, sometimes not. There are nights when it takes two hours and nights when it takes five minutes. It can be extremely frustrating and I am definitely worried about adding #3 to the bedtime mix. I'm hoping that in the next few months things settle down and the routine becomes more established. We just switched to twin beds from cribs in January so I expected a few bad months.

The other suggestion that was given to me but we haven't tried yet is to get a spare door for the room and cut it off 2/3 of the way up. That way you can close the door but still hear/see into the room. More difficult to climb than a gate but sill allows you to monitor what is going on without opening the door.

Good luck! I hope that it gets better soon!

Just noticed that Nathaniel shares a birthday with my kiddos... a year behind!

I say put him to bed and leave. Its NOT cruel. You're just clearly stating to him that its bedtime and time to go to sleep. Period. He needs to get in that mode before he CAN open the door. (I say that assuming that he's just to little and hasn't figured out HOW to open the door, but soon he will.)

He's probably jealous of the new baby and wants alone time with his parents. I KNOW its hard, but do your best to give him that when you can. Every minute counts! And make sure your husband is on the same page. You need to decide that regardless of who is putting him to bed, the method is the same. Your son needs that consistency from you.

I just re-read your post, and I have a question... it sounds like you don't typically close his door at night? Or you haven't been, but now you're wondering if you should? Is that right? And if so, why do you think its cruel to close the door? I realize I may not be understanding everything here. sorry.

Close the door and leave. Is he bawling his head off?

I remember this transition and it was HELL. And the reason I think it was hell was because we let it be. It was months of hell.

So maybe it's just a 2/12 birthday thing??? :lol:
Susan - Nathaniel can open most doors but his bedroom door is very difficult to open (even for me!). I just hate the idea of "locking" him in his room. I guess I'm being too nice! We have NOT been closing his door at night. When the door is closed all the way it "clicks" and if he's not completely asleep, the noise wakes him up (or it used to). That's why we leave the door open a crack.

Amanda

Karri - Yup! He'll scream his head off if we just leave him.

Amanda

I'm pretty ok with letting him cry a bit. I just think I'm overly sensitive to the fact that he has alot going on with the new baby and everything. On the other hand I cannot continue to sit in his room for 2 hours every night.

Amanda

From day one we have been closing our kids doors, so thankfully I didn't have to worry about that transition. They're very used to it being closed. Its not cruel. Its a transition for him, certainly.

Maybe try telling him that he needs to stay in bed, or else you'll be back in and THEN you will close the door. It will be hell, but he'll get it. And then, if its what you desire, you can leave his door open as you have been.

Amanda, there is no need to let Nathaniel CIO by himself and you CAN teach him to be a much better sleeper (how does sleeping through from 8pm-ish to 7am sound?). Someone told me I use roughly the same method as shown on one of the nanny shows (for older kids), I'd be happy to help you if you like. PM me and we can discuss.

Thanks Susan and Suzi! I'm PM'ed you Suzi. Totally grateful for all the suggestions so far!

Amanda

Hey Amanda -

You know we faced/are facing the same dilemma w/Livi. She is getting better. I read "The No Cry Toddler Sleep Solution" and it helped a bit. But, we still sit in Livi's room until she falls asleep, but, it only takes about 20 minutes - including a story. And, we do NOT close the bedroom door. She sleeps w/it open.

-Erin

Lauren HATES it when we close her door. So if she keeps getting out of bed we will close it for maybe 2 or 3 minutes and she is FREAKING out.. we then open it and threaten her that we will close it again if she gets up. It usually works. I cannot let Lauren CIO.. never an option for me. I have also let her take a couple books to bed with her and leave her bedside lamp on and she will fall asleep looking at her books.

Thanks for all the ideas. It seems to be getting a little better with time. We've started leaving him in his room with the door open. If he gets out of bed 3 times, we close the door for a few minutes and try again. Thankfully it seems to be working!

Amanda