My teen is driving me nuts!

[Gymboreegirl]

Does my son have a hearing problem? What is with his mouth? My son is 13 and it seems his first year at being a teen is the worst year in his life! I some how become stupid even after 4 years of college I am totally dumb according to him. Ok we have snow about 9 inches on the ground it is snowing again today.:cold: What does he wear to school for a jacket? A HOODY! WTH are you blind, do you not feel the cold? WHAT? We have days when everything is wonderful and I think wow this phase in his teen life is over, but wamo it comes back tempers flare:furious: lectures from his dad and I :angry2: and still the child does not give an inch! Am I alone? Am I doing something wrong? What happened to that wonderful little boy that would hug and kiss me just because? Will I ever get him back?

CLimbing off my soap box and hanging my head and wondering if I will get my sweet boy back again.

Sorry to just go on, but I just needed to vent a little, thanks for reading this.

[MelissaM]

:lol: Been there! Done that...and survived without killing anyone! :woo:

Honestly, my best advice is to let go and give them some freedom and just don't worry about it. If he's cold - he's cold...it's his own problem. Next time he'll bring a coat...and if he doesn't - well he's still cold and it's his own choice. KWIM?

Teens love compromise and choice and respect...if you show him that you are comfortable with him making his own decisions about some things then he won't feel the need to rebel. Seriously - if you ORDER a 14 year old to wear a coat cause it is cold out...you can pretty much guarantee that they will look at you and decide the exact opposite. It's just the way they are at that age...its normal and natural and a whole part of that "distancing" process that changes him from a child to an adult :)

Good luck! Don't sweat the small stuff and pick your battles wisely and very infrequently. You'll survive!!!

[Suzi]

Wow...I was going to say (not nearly as eloquently as Melissa!) the very same thing! EXCELLENT advice (as usual :biggrin: )! :aok:

[MelissaM]

:lol: Thanks Suzi!

[Gymboreegirl]

I try to let things roll off my back and I try to make my dh mellow out when it comes to him, but some days I could just ring his neck for how he treats his siblings or acts like we owe him the world.


I love your advise and I am glad he is "normal" as normal can be. I can not understand why he would throw his clothes behind our couch and deny it, he is a great son don't get me wrong, I just hope I do not get grey hair because of this phase in his life.

He plays sports and is very good at what he does, he is on the honor roll so we must be doing something right. Will this get better is there light at the end of this dark tunnel? How do I get my dh off his back? How do I make ds understand if he keeps mouthing off to dad he will just dig a deeper hole for himself?:disbelief (http://www.onceuponalife.com/forums/misc.php?do=getsmilies&wysiwyg=1&forumid=113#)

[MelissaM]

Well you won't like my advice about your DH but here goes anyway. :shuffle:

You need to put your foot down and tell the man to stop acting like a fool and to let your son be himself and to cut him a bit of slack. I mean, he WILL have to get off of his back...and if he doesn't I can pretty much guarantee that your boy will get worse and worse.

I know how boys that age think. I have taught them and I have brothers and I am dealing with my daughter's boyfriend in exactly that situation...first thing that goes through their minds is "He'll be on my case ANYWAY REAGRDLESS so what's the point of acting better? It doesn't change anything or get me anywhere" Then that thought is immediately followed by "He's so STUPID. I HATE him!" And that will get you nowhere fast.

For me...who cares if he deny's throwing his clothes behind the couch? Look at him and say "Oh really? Funny, someone must have come into your room and thrown them there...oh hey! Did they sprout their own legs and walk?" Wink wink...ruffle his hair affectionately....then "Well they are your clothes so why don't you be a dear and take them out of there now, they'll get dirty and rumpled and the cats will think they are litter and piss on them, then you'll go to school smelling like cat piss. Wouldn't that suck?" Big smile. Stand and wait for him to get the clothes.

:dunno: Kill em' with kindness my dear...works every time.

[Stacey]

You need to put your foot down and tell the man to stop acting like a fool and to let your son be himself and to cut him a bit of slack. I mean, he WILL have to get off of his back...and if he doesn't I can pretty much guarantee that your boy will get worse and worse.
I agree with this. My dad's philosophy was that he was the dad and that was it. He was the boss. No question. He and I fought every single day. He had no idea how to talk to me. He'd just yell because I was "supposed" to listen. He was the authority afterall. Our relationship is just finally getting to be okay. But honestly, we'll never have the relationship that we should, and it's because of my teen years.

My mom handled me very differently. She knew I was a good kid - an athlete and a good student, like your son. She knew that I made good decisions. She asked that I was always honest with her and was very understanding when I was honest about things. Don't get me wrong, my mom was no pushover. Not even close. But she didn't feel the need to always be in boss mode. She only busted that out when she really needed to. She was much like the description Melissa posted. She'd joke with us and let us know that we weren't pulling one over on her, instead of instantly jumping on our cases. I wanted to behave for her. Whereas, with my dad, I couldn't have cared less.

Good luck.

[Gymboreegirl]

Thank you Melissa for your words of wisdom! For the most part I try not to yell at him unless he has pushed too many buttons or when I need to jump in between him and his dad. DH came from a very strick dad but he had a lot of probelms. His dad was a jerk, did drugs and drank and sometimes hit his mom. DH had to grow up kinda fast and was told to be a man and men don't cry and so on. I never met his dad, but I must remind him of how his dad was. Beg him to step back and breath and realize ds is turning into a man and leaving behind his safe and secure boyhood.


My plan for this week is to try and be not just his mom/boss but his friend too to explain to him things would be so much easier if he would do what we ask of him and try not to give too much lip service in the process.

Stacy in a way I too had times with my dad that just seemed to sprial out of control. As I became an adult and matured we fixed our problems, it was hard not having him as a better friend, but he was there when I needed him and I must try to make ds understand this.

To top all things off this week ds who is 11 has sex ed classes this week, what is a mom to do!:doh: (http://www.onceuponalife.com/forums/misc.php?do=getsmilies&wysiwyg=1&forumid=113#)

[Shel]

Kaleb came home this weekend wearing shorts and a hoodie. And it was 20 degrees.

I just shrug and tell him that if he gets pneumonia, he has to pay for the medicine and is not allowed to whine about it once. I figure I'm not picking battles if I don't have to.

[Nadine]

OMG - Melissa, it is just wonderful to have you back among us!
Now I just have to go and pray I'll be able to put your (and the others'!!!) great advice when the situation arises. Now THAT is the hard part.
"Kill them with kindness..." Gotto remember that....

[Gymboreegirl]

Ok I am killing him as ds put it(with kidness that is) so last night he was to do the few things around the house that I asked him to do and watch his siblings untill dh got home. I wen to work at 5pm and dh was home by 7pm. We do pay him to watch his sibs, so that is no big deal. He must serve the dinner I make and between himself and the 11 yr old they are to clean up the kitchen and sweep the floor. No big deal this gets done 90% of the time. The extra things I asked him to do was do his homework, take up his clean clothes and to make sure everyone else did and help 7 yr old brother with his reading. Dh came home early to kids fighting cause 13 yr old was playing xbox, laundry was all over the couch and dd newest things is to pretend she is a wild lion. YIKES heads rolled last night.


Ds asks for his extra money and I said ok let's talk about the extra money and how it was to be earned. I was calm and smiled and said did things get done? No why "I don't know" Boy I just love that line! NOT I also told him on the way to school I am so glad you decided to save your money, he asks why and I proceed to tell him he will need it when he gets really sick and needs to go see the doctor. He walks home every day from school, 15 minutes tops walk through the school grounds to our house. I refuse to take up the laundry so it is still on the couch for him to do ALL of it this afternoon, I will smile and say gee I guess you and your siblings should have done it last night as a team.:heee:

Just another day in a teens life!