Well, it looks like there is a strong possibility that I will take the plunge and become a SAHM this fall. Both of the older boys will be going to preschool and it will be hard to get them there if I am working. DH is really pushing me to quit work and financially we should be alright. The problem is that it scares me to quit a job that I have had for nearly 14 years. I don't know how I will feel to not be contributing financially to the household anymore. Money has never been an issue in our marriage and I don't ever want it to be but I am going to have a hard time relying solely on DH to support us. I have always taken great pride in knowing that I am helping to support our household. I guess I am looking for a little bit of encouragement from those who have been down this road already!

Lora

Is part time work an option?

I guess the easiest thing is to look at it as contributing in a different way; you're contributing LOTS of time to your children, you're contributing your work to keep your home running smoothly so that you still have plenty of time for doing things as a family, etc. DH reminds me that while the paycheck is in his name, what I do is just as important of a contribution and the net total is still our money.

I couldn't have said it better than Anne. That is the same way I look at it, as does my husband.

I guess the easiest thing is to look at it as contributing in a different way; you're contributing LOTS of time to your children, you're contributing your work to keep your home running smoothly so that you still have plenty of time for doing things as a family, etc. DH reminds me that while the paycheck is in his name, what I do is just as important of a contribution and the net total is still our money.
:nod: What she said. DH and I feel the same way. My contribution, though it may not be money (okay...so I did get me a little pt job mainly for savings in the girls' accounts & to give me a break from the house/kids which is what I felt I needed ), is just as important....spending time w/ the girls, etc. That's just as important in our opinion. :) They're only young once and you only get one chance to have this kind of time with them. Also, DH still considers it OUR money even though he comes home with the checks. :) I'm sure it'll take an adjustment, but you will get use to it.

I agree with the other ladies. YOU WILL BE CONTRIBUTING!!! It may not be monetarily but it will be just as important! :) Good luck and enjoy your time with your babies!

I agree with everyone else that you WILL be contributing but I also think I know exactly what you are getting at - it's more than that.

Being in my mid- to late-thirties when I quit my VERY professional job to become SAHM to Julia, I had a difficult time with that transition. It was hard to come to terms with not bringing home a paycheck anymore (especially since mine was larger than DH's) and how was I going to justify (to myself, mostly) that I was an equal in my marriage (I think the first time I filled out a form where I was asked my profession and I had to check the box for HOMEMAKER I was going to D-I-E). Further, it was a struggle for me to RELY on DH that much...after living my life, building a professional career, buying and maintaining a home all on my own, it was VERY difficult to reconcile that I was no longer contributing to our household in a financial aspect and I had to rely on DH for financial support. For the first time in my nearly 40 years, I began to question my value (in financial terms) and that was tough. I correlated my life so CLOSELY to my professional career that when I found myself suddenly without a job, I was sent into a bit of a tailspin.

The bright side of it is, I did reconcile it all and I wouldn't change it for the world. I have given my daughter the greatest gift I think possible, the gift of my time and attention. Yes, I still think about purchases before I make them (even though it's really not necessary) and I sometimes question my contribution to our family - but then again, I think every parent does that. There are days I long for the thrill of the corporate world but then I get to take my daughter to gymnastics and swim lessons and I know I am doing the right thing.

If you are so inclined and you have the means, I say do it! You will work it all out - it may take a few months but you will never regret the decision to spend more quality time with your kids. Good luck!

I am agreeing with everyone else, so not much more to add other than my support. To be honest I have never felt more exhausted mentally and physically by my job as a SAHM and although I feel the stings of people thinking I sit and watch Oprah eating bon bons all day, I know and my husband knows (well most the time :rolleyes: ) that my job is 100 x harder than his and I feel great achievement in what I do for my kids and my husband.

I hope that you will feel the same way...(and just as a side note, I started up my own in home business which helped me bring in money and make me get that feeling of contributing more its always an option for you if you are not "getting over" that feeling :hug99: )

ITA with everyone! I struggled with not contributing financially at first too, but you will be so busy with those boys, you'll soon realize that you are contributing. Just in a different way.

Last night I tried to write something along the lines of what Suzi said, so now since she's written my feelings well, I can just agree with her! :nod:

Emotionally it was a hard adjustment. No matter how much we talk about how we are still equals, I had a tough time accepting that I was no longer independent.

But it did make us feel more like a family, if that makes any sense. As if we are more bound together and need each other more. I rely on him for financial security (among other things of course), he relies on me for raising our children (again, among other things).

My husband makes the money but I pretty much do all the spending. I pay the bills, buy the groceries, etc. So in a way, it gives me more independence because I decide where all the money goes. But it makes me more accountable too. If I spend money on x, then we don't have it to spend on y. It's not that my husband would say "you can't spend money on this or this" but when I see the money that is coming in and realize that is all there is, I question every purchase. Do I really need this? It's our money that I'm spending, not mine.

Erg, Brady is waking up and I can't finish this coherently!

Suzi, you did a great job in expressing how I feel about quitting my job! I am in my late thirties and I worked since I got out of college. I know that I will never regret doing this to give the boys my time while they are young. I will always be able to go back to a job in the future but I will never get this time again with my children. I know that DH will never make it an issue that he is our sole support. He supported me 100% two years ago when I reduced my hours to part-time and cut my paycheck in half. I am becoming more comfortable with the fact that this is the best decision for our family. Those boys are my life and I want to do whatever I can to be there for them. I am beginning to realize that this can't happen if I am at work even on a part-time basis. Thanks so much for your support ladies! It looks like I will most likely be joining you as a SAHM in the fall!

Lora

I am so glad that you are feeling better about it, I think Cami made a great point. I agree it made us become more of a unit. We both have jobs for our family, my job is to keep things running smoothly, bills paid, house clean, kids and husband fed and content, my husbands job is to provide the finance so my job can run smoothly (among other things)

:hug99: I hope you have a smooth transition, you know that we are all here to help you through it!!!