i know there was another bedtime hell thread here before, but we are new, and thought maybe we could start a new one....

my wife and i are having real problems with bedtime for connor, our 3yo.

he is in a toddler bed, and used to go to bed like clockwork. 8pm would roll around, and we would say it;s time for bed, and he would get his stuffed doggie, and lead us upstairs. after brushing his teeth, and reading or singing, he would gladly lay down. he has a couple nightlights, so we would be able to leave, and close the door with ZERO resistence.

this worked GREAT...up until about 2 weeks ago.

he has become VERY difficult at bedtime, and we are desperate for advice...
he doesnt want to go upstairs, but when he does...things go well...until we try to leave. nothing else in the routine has changed.

i have to run to a meeting, so i will continue in a bit...sorry for the interruption.

-wil-

If everything was fine and is suddenly NOT... I'd be looking for reasons. At that age they begin some separation from mom in preference of dad... do YOU put him to bed as much as mom?

Also think if any other dynamic has changed in the household. ANYTHING! With little ones the slightest little thing can upset their world.

ok...so....that meeting was less than fun...

where were we....

so nothing has changed in the routine, and he FLIPS when we leave him...
he gets out of bed, and will climb over his gate if it;s up, and come downstairs.
so we tried to be persistent the other night. when he got up, i would silently take him back to his room, and leave...and again....and again...he climbed over the gate everytime. the hall light was on, his door was open...it seemed like a great setup for him. so finally after about 30 times he stopped climbing the gate, and stood there at the door, and called for us...and called....and called. then something snapped, and he fell off the deep end again...started screaming and crying...so finally i went up.
as i reached the top of the stairs, he stopped crying, and went over to his bed, and climbed in, and put his covers on...he just wanted me in the room. i didn't get into bed with him, but sat on his floor and rubbed his head until he passed out.

i feel like i went back 10 steps by goin up there...we were making progress, and i ruined it by going into his room.

a friend told us that the same thing happened to her oldest boy, and her pedi told her to get a lock for the outside of his room....well...we felt weird about it, so we called OUR pedi...ours said NO WAY...do NOT put a lock on the door...that;s traumatic.

they suggested a book by dr. ferber...so i got it lastnight, and we;re gonna start tonight.

we thought we were really in the clear as far as bedtime is concerned...lol...i guess this is parenthood.

he;s gotten to the point where he has thrown up...which i also understand is not uncommon.

if anyone has any suggestions to help us move this along...please offer them up....
and of course if anyone wants to join our gripe...feel free! : )

-wil-

Our 3 year old has recently started being more afraid at bedtime, and will occasionally come into our room in the middle of the night. I think it's because their imaginations really start to develop at this age and the whole monster thing becomes a fear for them. At least that's what it is for our son. Part of our bedtime routine is to blow all of the monsters and ghosts out of his room so they stay away. That helps a little, but he still will wake up and come to us in the middle of the night at times. I just walk him back to his room and put him back in bed and tell him that he's safe and that there are no monsters.

I think it really is more a matter of feeling safe and secure than knowing how to fall asleep. It is in our situation, anyway. Did your son used to fall asleep ok and sleep through the night? If so, I don't know that Ferber is really going to solve your problem because his advice is more about how to teach your child to put themself to sleep.

I would try to find ways to reassure your son that he's safe and secure and that you're always there while he's asleep in his room. It really sounds to me that he's just looking for the reassurance and feeling of safety more than anything else. Good luck!

Where is Suzi? :scan: She has some great advice for bedtime. :nod:

If everything was fine and is suddenly NOT... I'd be looking for reasons. At that age they begin some separation from mom in preference of dad... do YOU put him to bed as much as mom?

Also think if any other dynamic has changed in the household. ANYTHING! With little ones the slightest little thing can upset their world.

here's what we find odd...he is more attached to me...we both put him to bed...beth is in school one night a week, so i do it alone then...but im around all the time...i dont travel for work...i get home at 630, and that;s it...im in.

he probably views me as the lenient one, so we think he;s testing me because he thinks he can get away with it...last week, i had to stay late at work, and beth put him to bed....no problems...it seems to be a problem if he sees me.

the only dynamic that has changed, is that we got a new cat...so now we have 2. but that was a month ago, and he was fine for a bit.:pullhair:

-wil-

i have been there done that with my almost 4 yr old. sounds trite but it is just a stage.

the key is to be consistent. if you have to go up there 20 times and put him back in bed then go ahead.

nichole's right, ferber is more for getting kids to go to sleep on their own. is your room upstairs? you might tell him you are in your room, not far etc. and see if he'll stay in there then. of course the hazard with this is you fall asleep while waiting for him :lol:

hmmmm....he DID used to fall asleep with NO problem, and sleep thru the night...

he has also been coming in our room in the middle of the night...i forgot to mention that.

our bedrooms are on the same level, and just separated by a short hallway.

persistence will probably be the key here...perhaps that book is not for us.

thanks so much for all your feedback...it;s good to know we;re not the only ones who ever went thru this...lol...

-wil-