Jewel
January 30th, 2006, 05:13 PM
Don't you think so, too? Don't you enjoy being there for your child with all your soul, sans worrying about a second pregnancy and the best age difference? You can play with your child and show him the world and absolutely needn't fear that your close relationship may be disturbed because another baby bursts in. No one will ever take the least bit of your love and care away from your little darling. You don't have to expect a crucial change and its negative effects, but can keep things as they are. When you see exhausted mothers with two and more kids on the street, sigh with relief - that'll never happen to you and your child.
What enables me to see things that way? My own experience: I'm an only child and very happy about it. I had a great childhood and benefited a lot from my parents' undivided attention, I could feel how precious I was to them and I'm glad I had a relaxed mother who never got tired of listening to her "little princess" instead of a stressed one hurrying around her two kids and putting me in a corner with my little sib so that we played together and left her alone. While other parents longed to be free of their children for some hours, my mother liked spending all her time with me and that was much better than having a sibling, I think. With siblings you have to fight and share everything - I've always associated them with trouble you cannot avoid. The positive sides of brothers and sisters, you can as well get them with friends: playing and having fun, social life such as sharing and helping one another, of course quarrelling, too, now and again... And to your best friend you can also be very close and you're even able to choose him/her, in contrast to siblings!
So I haven't missed a brother or sister - not since I was 7 or 8 - and feel fortunate being my parents' only child. I've been given a special position in the heart of our family, with advantages others cannot have, experiences they miss out on... I prefer that to the common experience of a sibling relationship.
Concerning the character issue, I believe that only children hardly differ from others. Maybe they're a bit more ambitious and careful as they were often raised more thoroughly (they're also said to be, on average, more intelligent for that reason - yeah!), but all those doubts about their social behaviour - no. Every child is surrounded by other kids at kindergarten, school, in the neighbourhood and so on, and there are plenty of opportunities to develop social skills. You needn't live with another kid at home to learn how to deal with people and don't forget that mum and dad are humans for communication, too!
Moreover, I am convinced that being forced to share all the time does not make you a better person. On the contrary, it's nasty how people with siblings and several kids condemn only children and impose their stereotypes on them just because they needn't go through tiring fights and have their parents' full attention and support. I'm often shocked at other people's opinion about only children and how frankly they say such rude and untrue things. And the resulting pressure (nearly duty) to have a second child makes me sad. I regret that so many parents think their small family inferior to those of average size.
A short comment on the "spoiling" criticism: Please don't begrudge only children getting more toys and gifts from their parents. Who else shall the lonely only play with :biggrin: and if the loving daddy likes it so much to see his son's or daughter's sparkling eyes - let him, or them both, be happy.
A further argument which I find especially stupid is that you need a sibling to "share the burden" when your parents die. Well, I'm an independent person and can manage every situation without a brother or sister. There is none existing and that's all right forever. I'd look after my parents if they needed permanent care one day, of course, no problem. I've been fine all my (still young) life as their only child and I thank them for this decision, so I won't fear the drawbacks. And how many siblings don't get along and are no great help to each other in adult life? I'd never produce a second child for the purpose that in 50 years, when I'm taken to the grave, it'll give some comfort to my son or daughter... who will surely have his/her own family by then and thus will be far from lonely!
So this is my view on the only child matter, based on my personal experience. I know, rather unusual, but I hope it encourages to look beyond attitudes one takes for granted.
Lydia from Germany
What enables me to see things that way? My own experience: I'm an only child and very happy about it. I had a great childhood and benefited a lot from my parents' undivided attention, I could feel how precious I was to them and I'm glad I had a relaxed mother who never got tired of listening to her "little princess" instead of a stressed one hurrying around her two kids and putting me in a corner with my little sib so that we played together and left her alone. While other parents longed to be free of their children for some hours, my mother liked spending all her time with me and that was much better than having a sibling, I think. With siblings you have to fight and share everything - I've always associated them with trouble you cannot avoid. The positive sides of brothers and sisters, you can as well get them with friends: playing and having fun, social life such as sharing and helping one another, of course quarrelling, too, now and again... And to your best friend you can also be very close and you're even able to choose him/her, in contrast to siblings!
So I haven't missed a brother or sister - not since I was 7 or 8 - and feel fortunate being my parents' only child. I've been given a special position in the heart of our family, with advantages others cannot have, experiences they miss out on... I prefer that to the common experience of a sibling relationship.
Concerning the character issue, I believe that only children hardly differ from others. Maybe they're a bit more ambitious and careful as they were often raised more thoroughly (they're also said to be, on average, more intelligent for that reason - yeah!), but all those doubts about their social behaviour - no. Every child is surrounded by other kids at kindergarten, school, in the neighbourhood and so on, and there are plenty of opportunities to develop social skills. You needn't live with another kid at home to learn how to deal with people and don't forget that mum and dad are humans for communication, too!
Moreover, I am convinced that being forced to share all the time does not make you a better person. On the contrary, it's nasty how people with siblings and several kids condemn only children and impose their stereotypes on them just because they needn't go through tiring fights and have their parents' full attention and support. I'm often shocked at other people's opinion about only children and how frankly they say such rude and untrue things. And the resulting pressure (nearly duty) to have a second child makes me sad. I regret that so many parents think their small family inferior to those of average size.
A short comment on the "spoiling" criticism: Please don't begrudge only children getting more toys and gifts from their parents. Who else shall the lonely only play with :biggrin: and if the loving daddy likes it so much to see his son's or daughter's sparkling eyes - let him, or them both, be happy.
A further argument which I find especially stupid is that you need a sibling to "share the burden" when your parents die. Well, I'm an independent person and can manage every situation without a brother or sister. There is none existing and that's all right forever. I'd look after my parents if they needed permanent care one day, of course, no problem. I've been fine all my (still young) life as their only child and I thank them for this decision, so I won't fear the drawbacks. And how many siblings don't get along and are no great help to each other in adult life? I'd never produce a second child for the purpose that in 50 years, when I'm taken to the grave, it'll give some comfort to my son or daughter... who will surely have his/her own family by then and thus will be far from lonely!
So this is my view on the only child matter, based on my personal experience. I know, rather unusual, but I hope it encourages to look beyond attitudes one takes for granted.
Lydia from Germany