How do you think other people view you as a parent?

[Dennis]

Mary and I were talking about this last night. She was saying that it seems like everyone else with kids has everything totally under control and we're struggling all the time. I said that other people probably look at us and think that we have it all under control. We drop them off at daycare and pick them up easily. They don't act up when we're out (for the most part). When people come over the house is usually in reasonable shape. When we go to other people's houses, they're usually well-behaved. And so on.

With most of our friends, when we look at them, it seems like they have everything pretty much under control. Mary does have one friend that we dread seeing because her kids are maniancs, though.

So if you step back and honestly look at your family, how do you think other people perceive you?

Dennis

[AahRee]

I think it depends on who you're referring to. Some of our friends have a really different parenting style, and I'm sure, to them, it seems like we're spoiling Katie. However, our friends who are a lot more strict and restrictive have the wild kids, while Katie is generally really well-behaved. I seriously HOPE none of our friends think we have it all figured out, because we surely don't. However, I don't think we're perceived as a total basket case, either. :lol:

[Nocona]

Several people have made comments to us that Matthew is just the happiest kid they've ever seen and that he's always smiling and laughing so, therefore, we are doing a great job.

I'm sure some people thing he's a little crazy, but hey, he's almost 2, that's what they do!

ITA with Anne... depends on their parenting style and what they do. Everyone I know pretty much has it together. The only one that I can think of that doesn't is my SIL and I think that's because her expectations of the behaviors of her 16mo are way too high (he shouldn't make a mess when he eats, etc :rolleyes: ).

[sheila]

:lol: I was just about to steal this from your playgroup, Dennis!

I'm always surprised that people have such complimentary things to say to us. I just got back from a friends' house who kept saying how easy I made having 2 in 2 look. Most of the time when we're out, Maggie is pretty well behaved, and most of the comments we get are positive (so smart, so friendly, so talkative...)

Of course, I think that people with kids tend to remember Maggie being good more clearly because they are comparing her "out of the house" behavior with their child's worst at home behavior. They don't see Maggie's at home behavior, and I think they forget some of the (ahem) challenges she poses (like not sleeping through the night, hitting herself, getting sassy, tantrums...) after we talk about them.

[Hilary]

Several people have made comments to us that Matthew is just the happiest kid they've ever seen and that he's always smiling and laughing so, therefore, we are doing a great job.


:nod: My mom has said something like this to me. She's told me several times that I'm doing a good job with Madelynn! :lol: But, she doesn't see me very often (3-4 times a year) and compared to my sister (who she sees all the time) I'm amazing! :lol:

[Karri]

Well, its not often that we've gotten out with all three. But when people come here, I think things always go relatively smooth. i know that family members always comment that we seem to be such good parents and have it together. Like Sheila said, they dont see the bedtime woes, the awful tantrums, and all that good stuff.

[miacat]

Well, my son is what is known as a "spirited child." Fortunately for us, Matthew is always MUCH happier and well-behaved out of the house and around other people than inside the house, so most stangers think we're doing a great job and are a relaxed, happy family.

I think our friends and family's reactions are mixed: Some people think we are super relaxed and act more like our DS is a 3rd or 4th child rather than a 1st child. My husband and I just don't flip out about stuff and Matthew is obviously thriving. Other friends, however, think we are way too scheduled with our son. They just don't understand why we have to have Matthew home for his bedtime when we do. I just laugh them off. I've discovered that children are different just like adults. My son thrives on routine and schedules. Other kids are much more flexible. Those who complain about our routines usually are parents of flexible kids. Those who have kids that thrive on schedules and routines understand completely why we are the way we are about bedtime.

[JillMelissa]

Well, we obviously aren't at the point where there would be any behavior issues since Emily is still a baby, but I do know for a fact that some of the other moms I know IRL think I'm too strict with her for making sure she's always at home at naptime, not letting her just catch a nap in the stroller and calling it even, that kind of thing. Of course, these same women have babies who wake up multiple times throughout the night... so maybe I'm not so crazy after all for teaching Emily good sleeping habits? :lol:

[Leslie]

I always hear secondhand how people think we're terrific parents. It's easy when you have a terrific kid. But I think we do know how to predict Ian's behavior pretty well by now. We aren't going to go to dinner at 7 when bedtime's at 8. I think some parents ignore their children's warning signs. I try to be in tune with Ian so I can keep him pleasant to be around. At home, like the other posters, things happen that outsiders don't see. Like the tamtrums etc.

[Tara]

I think that for the most part people see us as good parents. ALthough, most of our friends don't have children yet! :lol: Many are getting pregnant now and have commented to me that they are using me as the model! SCARY!!!
However, we have had people question our ridgedness with anps/bedtime. No, we can't go out to party at 9pm...WE HAVE A CHILD!!!!!

[Carla]

While I hear from other people that people think I'm a really good mother, I secretly wouldn't be surprised if people thought I were nuts :lol: . I'm not mainstream in a lot of things (ie-attachment/natural parenting in a place where people don't believe in it). When people see Ethan, they see a well behaved, happy, sociable, friendly boy. Very seldom is he "bad" when people are around (hyper maybe and the odd tantrum). At home can be another story, but best I can tell, he's normal for his age! I no longer care what people think of my parenting or I'd drive myself crazy. We're happy and that's all that counts.

[mommyLil]

Well we're the first of our group of friends to have kids... No one believes us that Nick is in fact a very high needs baby. (except our baby sitter but she spends 8 hours a day with him) He loves people so much that he is thrilled when we are around someone new or someone he only sees periodically. People tell us constantly how happy he is and how well adjusted he seems to be.

Funny thing is in the next breathe they do criticize our parenting style. We definatelly go against the norm here. We don't let him CIO, we breastfeed, we adjust to his scedule and let him be the lead rather than sticking him on our schedule. They think we're nuts that one of us is always in the back seat with him because he gets lonely on car trips. (I hate going anywhere by myself with him for that reason) I really think that nothing else would work for him in the sense that with his personality he'd be extremely unhappy if we did anything else. A lot of people think we're spoiling him but I think we're responding to his needs.

It just amuses that they go on about how happy and well adjusted he is and then criticize for doing the things that get him to that state.

I've made a point of joining an AP group here and going to LLL meetings just to have parents around me that understand why I choose to parent him the way that I do.

The other thing is they think we're doing something wrong because he's not sleeping through the night yet but I think its just his personality and the fact that he gets hungry at night.

[MizLacey]

I get criticized frequently (not here yet!), and have been on other boards, for 'allowing' my ex to have custody of the kids immediately after our divorce. I don't think it was a bad decision and in the same circumstances, I'm pretty confident I'd make the same one again. I had no income, no idea of where I was going to live, and no support network. My ex was working, wasn't moving, and everyone in our lives took his 'side' (he told them a story about why we got divorced that wasn't entirely true but they all believed him). It just made sense to leave the kids with him. We always had joint legal custody; he still has physical custody though our daughter lives with me.

Sometimes I think people see me as entirely too strict. I am very strict when I have the kids. Before my daughter moved in, I knew that if I ever lost one, I'd never see either of them again. I've obviously lightened up a bit now that they're older, but I still demand to know where they are going and whom they are with when going out. Other folks, though, think I'm too permissive because my daughter has a cell phone and I let her go out every weekend to her friends' homes.

I'm comfortable in allowing my kids to make decisions and suffer consequences....to a point. I won't let them jump off a bridge, but I will allow them to purchase something yucky with their bday money and find out it's better to save for higher quality. I get criticized for that, too. My kids' friends, though, think I'm great. I listen to them, don't tell their folks unless I tell them I'm telling their parents first, and give my honest opinion. I respect them and they, in turn, respect me.