Moms of onlies, check in here!

[AahRee]

Are there any other moms of onlies out there? Check in and say hi! Introduce yourself and give us the name and age of your Sensational Singleton!! :biggrin: And if you want, tell us how you reached the decision to be parents of an only.

[AahRee]

I'm Anne, DH is Phil and our only is Katie, who will be 2 in May.
She's likely to be an only for a lot of reasons, but mostly due to my health problems. However, I've done quite a bit of reading about onlies since we first started thinking our family might be complete, and I can definitely say that I'm comfortable with the decision now. There are so many things we'll be able to offer Katie that we wouldn't be able to offer her otherwise, so it's really the right decision for us. I think. We do waver occasionally, but those occasions are getting fewer and further between as time goes on!

[TtownAnne]

How about a "maybe"? We're discussing the idea. James initially only wanted one child, and I said "oh no, we can't possibly have just one." But now that she's here and so much fun, I start to think "what if karma really bites me in the butt and the next time is AWFUL?" Plus, like you said, there is so much more we'd be able to give Caroline that we couldn't do if we divided resources between two kids.

[Cecily]

:lol: Anne- I was totally intending to start this thread this afternoon after I got home from work!

I am Cecily, my dh is Steve, and our only is Lily. Lily will be 2 in June. Before I got pregnant with Lily, I firmly believed that I would have 4 kids! However, my pg was really hard on my body, my labor was aweful, and Lily was much smaller than we expected. The first few weeks were aweful for me, I worried constantly about making sure that she ate enough because she had been born so small. Once she was born, though, she grew like a champ! So, I have a lot of guilt about not gaining weight while I was pg (I lost 20 pounds in one week, and was never able to gain it back).

Now that Lily is older, I don't really feel so much "guilt" as I just don't believe my body can handle another pregnancy. Financially, it is not possible for me to quit work, and I just don't think that I can handle working full time and being pregnant again. So, unless a miracle happens (which is totally possible) and Steve gets a MUCH better job so I can stay home, Lily will be an only child.

Sometimes I waiver on that, but once I stop and think about actually being pregnant again, I realize that I am just being silly :)

Sorry for the novel :lol:

[Brooke]

Sometimes I waiver on that, but once I stop and think about actually being pregnant again, I realize that I am just being silly :)
Rebekah most likely won't be an only but I think our kids will be alot farther spaced than I originally intended.

Being a mom is soooo much work and being a working mom is soooo much harder than I thought it would be. Plus, I HATED being pregnant. Being pregnant isn't really celebrated by the men I work with and I always felt like I needed to hide it and down-play it as much as possible. Plus, I had a hard pregnancy and PPD and I'm still not "normal".

So, even though I do intend to have another, I'm NOT ready right now. And I feel like I'm falling farther and farther behind the average and I'm struggling with that.

[Cecily]

Plus, I had a hard pregnancy and PPD and I'm still not "normal".

So, even though I do intend to have another, I'm NOT ready right now. And I feel like I'm falling farther and farther behind the average and I'm struggling with that.
Brooke- What do you mean by "the average" that you refer to above? The average age between kids? I know what you mean about still not being "normal." That is EXACTLY how I feel. I work with mostly men too (same general field, meaning engineering, as you) and I totally hear you on that.

I was just wondering if you were meaning "the average" as in age between kids, or "the average" as in being completely recovered from childbirth in 1 year :lol: Yeah, tell me that as I take my 8 pills at bedtime every night. I never had to take ANY before, except MAYBE the pill! KWIM?

I just get TOTALLY sick of people saying that we will change our minds. Well, of course, we might. I love the feel and smell of newborns. But, I also remember my pregnancy, and the fact that I didn't sleep more than 2 hours at a time for TEN MONTHS, even while working a full time job where I am expected to work 10 hour days!

Hmmmm... I didn't mean this to turn into a vent. But, it looks like it did. Sorry about that. Anyway, I really am glad to know that I am not the only one still recovering from my last pregnancy, while some people in my playgroup have already completed another one! :owow: :owow: :owow: :owow: God bless them :lol:

Cecily

[AahRee]

Other Anne ~ maybes are very welcome! :biggrin:

Cecily ~ I was thinking it might just be the two of us in here. It's nice to have one another in our p/g. I don't feel like the *odd* one with you around. :bighug:

Brooke ~ :bighug: Average, schmaverage. You have to do what works for your family. Remind me that I said that when I feel like I'm weird for not having a sibling for Katie, okay? But it really is true. It would be silly to have another baby just to be average. Besides, you're above average in my book. :bighug:

[Cecily]

Anne(marie)- I know what you mean. It is nice to have you around as well! :bighug: I am glad that I am not the only one in our p/g that is leaning towards NOT having another baby.

Anne(ttownAnne)- You know you are always welcome :)

Brooke- ITA with Anne. You are above average in my book too!! It is hard to work full time and be pregnant or have a new baby at home. Don't feel bad about not being ready yet. You will know if/when the time comes to have another :bighug:

[Brooke]

Brooke- What do you mean by "the average" that you refer to above? The average age between kids? I know what you mean about still not being "normal." That is EXACTLY how I feel. I work with mostly men too (same general field, meaning engineering, as you) and I totally hear you on that.

Anne and Cecily - You both are so sweet!

By "average", I meant the average length of time between kids. It seems that 2 in 2 years or even 2 in 3 years is "average" now and that if you wait longer, you're the odd ball.

My OB recently retired and I met the new one last month at my annual appointment. She's very young (maybe 30) and she has a child that's 2.5 years old. I mentioned that I wasn't ready to have another baby yet and that I feel like I'm falling behind all the other mothers who already have 2 or more. Surprisingly, she said she felt the exact same thing, like she was the odd one for not having a second so quickly.

Plus, every man I work with has 2 or 3 children and they are all very close together. It's getting harder and harder to find people who understand that I'm just not ready.

[Barb]

By "average", I meant the average length of time between kids. It seems that 2 in 2 years or even 2 in 3 years is "average" now and that if you wait longer, you're the odd ball.

I don't really belong here because I don't plan on Liam being an only, but this statement really hits home with me. I've been really struggling emotionally with the fact that obviously (I'm not pg right now) Liam and his sibling will be more than 2 years apart, probably closer to 3. Brooke, I just wanted you to know that you are not an oddball for wanting more of an age difference. :)

[mcox]

:wavey: I'm here!! We are still very undecided if Olivia will be an only child. IF we do have another one it will not be until Olivia is in Kindergarten. That is only 3 years away and it still scares me to death!! I absolutely HATED being pregnant. I was sick the ENTIRE time and I ended up having PIH and then I developed preeclampsia and had to be induced. Then I ended up with an unplanned C-Section and my incision didn't heal properly.
If I do have another baby I will have to have another C-Section and I'm not looking forward to that.

My MIL is already pressuring me into having another baby when Olivia is 3. That is NEXT YEAR!!! :eek: There is NO WAY I'm going to be ready for another one then. I told her to forget it!! I love Olivia dearly but she is ALOT of work. If we have another baby, I want Olivia to be able to help with the baby, be out of diapers and be able to play on her own without getting hurt. I'm always hearing that I can't let her grow up as an only child. :rolleyes: Why not? We can give her so much more if she is an only child.

That being said, I'm not saying that we will never have another baby. I am keeping some of the neutral clothes, as well as my favorite outfits, just in case. I'm 30 yrs old so if we do have another one I don't want to wait a really long time to have another one because the increased chances of complications. I had enough at 28!!

I guess I'm just undecided at this point in my life. I really love being a mother, I'm just not sure what we will do. :dunno:

Michelle

[Stacy]

Dylan (almost 2) and I are here. :wavey:
Rick and I decided almost right after Dylan was born that he would been an only child.
I had a m/c before Dylan.
My pregnancy wasn't really bad. There was some bleeding at first. They think I was originally supposed to have twins. I had some fainting issues and other typical pregnacy complaints.
For us the decision was easy to make because I had a lot of emotional issues, major anxiety attacks and stuff like that after Dylan.
Also if this makes sense when I look at Dylan I only see him as an only child.
Being a Christian we also prayed about our decision.
Finacial concerns weren't really an issue. We aren't rich but that wasn't part of our main reasoning. Of course I spoil Dylan beyond belief and so do Rick's parents but we would do that for anyone.
Thanks for starting this thread, Anne.

[Cecily]

:welcome: Michelle and Stacy :welcome:

Michelle- I totally hear you! I think I pretty much feel the same as you. Sometimes, I really think it would be great to have another baby, but I just can't ever really PICTURE another one... KWIM? I just don't really think we will end up with one... But, who knows. I believe that God will handle that. If He wants us to have another one, we will have another baby. If not, then we are perfectly happy with Lily being an only.

Stacy- I understand what you are talking about with the emotional issues. I think you might have had more issues than I did, but I had to be referred from my OB's office to a psychiatrist because I had so many postpartum problems. I sincerely believe that if I had not started seeing him, I would have gone insane. I was having major paranoia problems and not getting any rest because I had so many anxiety attacks and other anxiety issues (unable to control the anxiety). Also, I went into a major migraine headache episode during my pg that was not able to be treated until I delivered Lily and finished BF. I also have to take anti-seizure meds to control the migraines now.

I finally have all of that under control now, and am able to actually get through the days with no problems. But, if I were to try for another baby, I would have to get off all that medicine, and I just don't see that happening.

I am glad you girls decided to join us! :bighug:

[AahRee]

I'm so glad I'm not alone with the PPD issues. It took over a year after Katie was born for me to recognize what was going on, but I've been on meds for 6 months now, and they make such a difference for me. I think that that is another reason we're reluctant to have another baby. I don't want to go through all of that again.

Michelle, I recommended to Cecily a book called You and Your Only Child. If you're having a tough time making the decision, it can offer some insight that might be helpful. But the bottom line is, Olivia won't suffer for being an only, and she might even benefit from it. So you don't have to worry about having another child for her sake. Of course, if you want one for your own sake, that's wonderful! :biggrin: I agree with you, though... it's a really, really tough decision. :bighug:

Stacy, you're welcome! :bighug: I feel the same way about Katie. I just see her as an only child, for whatever reason. We're still praying about our decision, and God gave us Katie when we weren't expecting her, so He could certainly do that again, but as time goes on, we get more and more convinced that our family is complete.

Cecily, I'm right with you with the medicines. I'd have to stop taking my Imuran if I got pg, and that would probably mean going back on high doses of prednisone. No thanks! Sometimes I think that certain women aren't meant, physically, to have a lot of children, and I'm one of them.

[Karen&Tess]

:wavey: Me too.

My name is Karen and my beautiful daughter Tess is 18 months old. Why? DH has a daughter by a previous marriage that lives out of town. He pretty much had his mind up when Tess was born. His daughter has health problems (brain injury) that definitely scare him with future children. Then there is the finances of travelling to see her with one child or more than one child. He was concerned about my health since the last pregnancy was so bad in his mind. :dunno: I had a m/c, then GD and Strep B with Tess. None of which would keep me from trying again.

So when Tess was born I asked that we wait six months to make a decision. I didn't want do anything and then regret it. Among the major issue I was struggling was my age. I was 37 when Tess was born. I wanted at least 3 years in between. I wasn't sure I wanted to be pregnant and a new mom at 40. A few months after Tess was born, a UB friend's son was stillborn. It was then that I knew my answer. I could handle the physical aspects of pregnancy. What I didn't want was the emotional aspects - can I get pregnant, will I miscarry, etc.

So a year ago, DH went under the knife. I am happy with our decision. I worry enough about Tess. ;) Our families were not a problem DH's father was encouraging DH to get a vas as soon as Tess was born (did not go over well with me because it had to be our decision). My parents view Tess as a bonus grandchild anyway. I'm pretty sure they thought they were done. :awink:

[olcott]

We're a maybe...Right now, I am perfectly content with 1...However, Robb wants more...so we'll see

[Natalie]

Can I play too?:wavey:

I am nearly 36 weeks pregnant with my one and only, Samuel. :)

The reasons he will most likely be an only child are because I have had an awful pregnancy and, quite frankly, never want to be pregnant ever again. (I had hyperemesis for 4 months and for the last six weeks, the back aches, the pelvis pain etc have been more then I can bear. I probably sound very selfish but I am just someone who does not enjoy being pregnant - motherhood is another story :awink: )

We also have a certain lifestyle we really like - travelling overseas, around the country, my DH wants to return to study, we like having extra cash to do what we like with. We are aware that having one will restrict this lifestyle to a certain extent already but two will make it that much more difficult.

And lastly my DH is an only child. Not that that makes him want an only child but his pov has been really encouraging. He doesn't feel that he missed out anything because he doesn't have any brothers or sisters - in fact his friends are so close to him they are like brothers. As he puts it - he doesn't know any differently. And on the whole spoiling issue, I think that it is me (one of three) who was the spoilt :devil: out of the two of us.

So that's my little family. :biggrin:

[happysmileylady]

Out of all five boards, this is the only thread I have seen like this, though I will admit I haven't been looking.

Caiti is currently an only. We don't intend for her to remain an only, but that's the current situation.

I totally totally totally relate the the sentiments of "falling behind the average" as was mentioned above. Caiti is eight! She has been an only for eight years. And unless we get pg this month or next month, she will be an only for at least nine years. With that much of an age difference, she will probably carry the "only traits" forever.:lol: Not that that is a bad thing or anything.

[AahRee]

Welcome everyone! :welcome: Natalie, I hope your little one makes his appearance soon! :biggrin: I remember how tired I was of being pregnant by the time I hit 36 weeks. :bighug:

[Jillian]

Sometimes I think that certain women aren't meant, physically, to have a lot of children, and I'm one of them.
Just lurking, obviously, since #2 is on the way.

I totally agree with this, and I seemed to want to prove it by getting pregnant with #2. My first pregnancy was filled with complications (hyperemesis, IUGR, started dilating at 32 weeks, membranes ruptured but I would not go into labor on my own...etc.) but I figured they were a 1 time thing. But here I am now, I had worse hyperemesis this time around and I'm 32 weeks and 4cm dilated...and that is with taking drugs (terbutaline for the last 5 1/2 weeks plus 48 hours of magnesium) my body was NOT meant for this and it has been made completely clear, we will not be having any more children.

[miacat]

I am the mom of an only, so far. I am like a few of the posters here. If we do have another child, I would really like them further apart than 2 years (my son is 16 months) and I feel ostracized for that. Most people cannot understand why we don't want to just get over the diaper/sleep deprivation stage all at once. Um, because 1) I HATED being pregnant 2) I am tired running around after a toddler and can't imagine having enough energy to take care of a newborn and a toddler and maintain my physical and mental health 3) I work and the thought of two kids in daycare at once blows me away -- that would be twice as expensive each month as our mortgage payment! I would like our DS to be at least 3 (preferrably 4) by the time a 2nd baby is born so that he is potty-trained and able to entertain himself a little better and able to understand and FOLLOW directions better. However, my husband turns 40 in 2 weeks, and he says if there is no 2nd baby by the time he is 42, we are done. And, I'm ok with that. We're just taking it a month at a time to see if I am ready to be pregnant again. I've been pushing him to consider adoption. I think I could handle a 2nd kid, I just don't think I want to be pregnant again.

I don't buy the "have them close in age so they will be friends" thing. I have two brothers, 2 and 10 years older than me. I have equally great relationships with both of them, and I know that it was harder on my parents having two of us close together than it was having a second one when the first was 8 years old.

[bunkie68]

I'm also the mom of an only at this point - Julian, age 18 months, who's showing promise as a future wrestler! :lol: Right now my life situation doesn't exactly lend itself to another child being a possibility in the near future (husband plans to move out - I sure don't want to be pregnant right now!), so Julian will be an only at least for now, maybe for good. I grew up as an only child (adopted, but I do have siblings that I found later in my life), and I never felt like I missed out on anything by not having brothers and sisters. Frankly, I worry about the expense of raising more than one, especially if I'm going it as a single mom. I'm also getting to the age (I'll be 36 in June) where I wonder if I really want to go through the demands of pregnancy and motherhood to a newborn all over again. And Julian is such a good, happy child, I worry that a second would be demon spawn! :lol: I adore my son, and if he's my only, I am blessed beyond measure.

[Cecily]

Welcome, Karen, Chris (olcott), Natalie, happysmileylady, Mia (miacat), & Lisa (bunkie68)!


I sure didn't expect this group to be so big! Lisa, I am so happy to see you on these boards! Jillian, thanks for the support, and I sure hope that your baby #2 holds on until y'all are ready for him/ her.

[miacat]

Actually, my name is Jenni. My cat's name is Mia :-)

[Cecily]

Oops, Sorry, Jenni!

[Natalie]

Thanks everyone! :)

I can't believe how many of us hate/hated pregnancy or just had a plain awful one. :sad: I keep reading all over the boards about these women that love their pregnant bodies and love being pregnant - I was beginning to wonder what was wrong with me!!! I'm finding pregnancy really overwhelming physically and I cannot wait for it to be done with! I'm so glad I'm not alone on this. :bighug:

[mcox]

I can't believe how many of us hate/hated pregnancy or just had a plain awful one. :sad: I keep reading all over the boards about these women that love their pregnant bodies and love being pregnant - I was beginning to wonder what was wrong with me!!! I'm finding pregnancy really overwhelming physically and I cannot wait for it to be done with! I'm so glad I'm not alone on this. :bighug:


You are definitely not alone!! I'm like you, I was beginning to wonder if I was the weirdo for HATING pregnancy. :lol:

[Bobbie]

What a cool thread! I'd like to join in. :)

15-month-old K is very likely to be our one and only. I have lots of reasons for feeling this way -- financial, emotional, not enjoying pregnancy or the newborn stage -- but the top reason is that our family feels very complete this way. Sometimes DH and I toy with the idea of having another baby (we don't want to completely rule out other possibilities), but I always seem to come to the same conclusion.

Besides, as much as I love being Kiaeryn's mom, I think another one just might put me over the edge. :blush: Someone please tell me I'm not the only one who feels this way.

People who choose to have one child seem to be a minority, so I'm interested in what other parents of onlies have on their minds. :)

[happysmileylady]

Thanks everyone! :)

I can't believe how many of us hate/hated pregnancy or just had a plain awful one. :sad: I keep reading all over the boards about these women that love their pregnant bodies and love being pregnant - I was beginning to wonder what was wrong with me!!! I'm finding pregnancy really overwhelming physically and I cannot wait for it to be done with! I'm so glad I'm not alone on this. :bighug:
While I did enjoy my pg, I have a friend who has had 2 HORRIBLE HORRIBLE pg. With both kids, she threw up constantly for the first four or five months. And when I say constantly, I am talking like every 10 minutes. Literally. She threw up so much that she didn't start gaining weight until her thrid trimester. She also didn't want another one, and her second was totally an accident.

Which brings me to a question for those who are parents of onlies by choice-what would you do if you accidently got pg again?

[Bobbie]

Which brings me to a question for those who are parents of onlies by choice-what would you do if you accidently got pg again?

Having accidentally gotten pg the first time...I know that after recovering from the shock, I would welcome that baby into our family with open arms. Then I would send DH to get snipped.

[mcox]

I would definitely welcome the baby with open arms. Like I said before, I'm not completely sure that Olivia will be an only forever. I know that if I was to get pg accidentally I would hope and pray for an easier pregnancy. :)

[Natalie]

If, by any chance, I did pregnant again, we would love it and welcome it into our family. And then reassess our contraception very carefully. :lol2:


I have another question/complaint. I keep getting comments on "when you have number 2" or "when you are next pregnant". :rolleyes: I mean, come on !! "Number 1" isn't even here yet people are presuming we are already planning the second. How do people deal with this?

I have specifically said to my mother several times, this will be an only and she keeps laughing and saying whatever. Are other people getting this too?

[Stacy]

I am so tired of the question/comment


"It's time for # 2"

no it's not!!! DH has been snipped. we are done!

[AahRee]

I'm not sure what we'd do if I got pg, other than pray a lot. My body really can't handle another pregnancy right now. It's likely to seriously hurt or kill me and/or the baby. So it would be a very, very scary thing. :(

[AahRee]

Natalie ~ you haven't even delivered #1, and they're bugging you about #2? I'd just tell them to back off, and I wouldn't do it nicely, either. You can always blame pg hormones if you regret it later... ;)

[Bobbie]

Ugh, when I was PG with my daughter, some people were already bugging me about #2 and beyond. Now, I can see having a reasonable conversation about this if you've openly expressed a desire to have many children, but this was not the case with me. According to my MIL, you HAVE to have at least one child of each sex. :banghead: I recall the PG hormones getting the best of me at least once.

Several people have asked me about #2 lately, and so far I have responded politely but with my true thoughts: "I think about having another baby sometimes, and then I think...NOPE."

[Karen&Tess]

Besides, as much as I love being Kiaeryn's mom, I think another one just might put me over the edge. :blush: Someone please tell me I'm not the only one who feels this way. You are not alone. I don't know how Mom's with more children do it. :dunno:

My husband teases me about finding a divorce lawyer if I accidently became pregnant (he already got snipped). If somehow that happened, we would go with the flow and adapt.

[Natalie]

Stacy - I am so sorry - I feel like I touched a nerve!! :lol:

I know - people are amazingly rude sometimes. When I told my DH's grandmother we were having a boy her response was "Well, you can try for a girl next time." :wtf: :tantrum:

[Stacy]

Oh Natalie it wasn't you at all. It's people at church who keep asking.
DH has been snipped. However we would feel totally blessed if we were to have gotten p/g again. Friends of ours got p/g 5 years aftr getting snipped. His grew back.

[AahRee]

Stacy, we have that happen with people at church, too. And if you say you're done with only one child, they look at you like you've got three heads or something. :rolleyes: BTW... your sentence *His grew back* made me think, at first, that they snipped the whole thing off! :eek: :lol:

I've talked to Phil about getting the big V done, but he's not ready to yet. He doesn't want more children, but he's not ready to make it permanent yet. Especially not with everything else we have going on. So, we're just being careful for now, and seeing what happens. If God gives us another baby, we'll accept him or her as a blessing, and trust God to take care of the details. But I can't say it wouldn't totally freak us out.

[olcott]

I'm another one who did not enjoy pregnancy at all...I had hyperemesis, had to quit my job because I was either a.) constantly throwing up b.) spotting or c.) having dizzy spells and I almost passed out on more than one occasion, I had awful back pain, migraines and no relief for them, was put on bedrest twice, and just generally was not a happy pg person :lol: Then I went 42 weeks and 1 day overdue, and was ready to kill someone :lol: Induced at 42 weeks and 1 day, and suffered for the next 2 days on a pitocin drip, no pain relief (oh believe me, I asked for pain relief, but nothing they gave me lasted longer than a minute) and finally had an emergency c-section after pushing for over 2 hours and Trey crowning, only to get stuck...

So no, I am not the walking billboard for happy pregnant people :lol: I think the idea of having to go through all that again is scarier than having to do the newborn phase all over again to me :lol:

[happysmileylady]

:lol: You know, I have the opposite thing from most of you. I have wanted #2 since the day I brought Caiti home from the hospital. And yet, for eight years, all I have heard is "you are young, you still have plenty of time to have #2." I guess it doesn't matter what it is, someone has to gripe about it huh?

[AahRee]

Kim, exactly! No matter what you choose, someone is going to criticize you for it. :nod: Wouldn't it be nice if everyone minded their own business? Of course, that will never happen in our lifetime, but it's a nice dream. :lol:

[LisaE]

Hey Everyone! My name is Lisa and its so funny, I just started a thread about how you made your decision on how many children you wanted because my DH and I have been toying with the idea of not having any more.
Ideally I would like to make up my mind and be sure, so we could take the proper steps (DH getting snipped) and start planning the rest of our lives. I want to buy a house, get settled, start looking to the future with Jude etc. DH is NOT ready to get snipped. He wants to wait. I am on BCP and I would like to get an IUD, but if we do decide to have another one, we would have it within the next 5 years, so and IUD isn't really in the cards either. I am scared to death of getting pregnant accidentaly. I know in the end it would all be ok, but right now is NOT the time financially and it would make things a lot harder on us.
I think I am also afraid that we may wait too long. Right now we are waiting till Jude's 3rd birthday to even discuss the possibility of another. Sometimes that seems like ages away and I don't think I want to have my children so far apart, and sometimes it seems like its just right around the corner and I am afraid when that time comes I won't be ready either.
Like many of you, we have lots of reasons to only want one. First and foremost my DH was raised very very poor. He won't even eat bologne now because thats all he ate when he was a kid. Literally. He wants to give Jude all that we can. He wants him to be able to experience things that he never did. Now I was raised in a family of three and I had a good child hoood so I know that it is possible to give 3 kids all they need and more. Its just hard for him to understand that.
Other reasons we only want one child are a bit selfish too. We want to be able to enjoy ourselves a bit more and with Jude growing up as fast as he is, we will soon have a bit more time with eachother, or at least we will soon have a whole nights sleep!!! Also, we would like to travel and have nice things for ourselves and its always easier to do that when you only have one child to support.
So anyhow, thats where we stand now.

Oh I did want to mention that I actually LOVED, LOVED, LOVED being pregnant! :nod: If I could do that all over again, I would. I am also a little odd because I don't so much love the infant part of it all either. You know how some moms want a 'baby' but dont' realize that there was actually going to be a kid? Well, I would rather have a kid than a baby! Does that make me terrible? I mean now at 15 months Jude is AWESOME, but at 3 or 4 months I was just as confused as he was :lol:

[LisaE]

Oh, I also wanted to mention why I am afraid to just have one. I am Mexican and it is in our culture to have very large families. I have like 25 cousins and they all have millions of kids too. I don't want my kids to not have what I have. Having all my family is so important and it really is a blessing to have so much love in one family. I am afraid that my kids will be lonely and not be able to experience the fun huge family that I was able to experience. :(

[Marrazin]

Hi ladies! I'd love to join the group!

My name is Anna and right now, our 12-month-old DD Uma Claire is our only. I say "right now" because I don't feel I can say with absolute certainty that we won't have another, but I'm definitely leaning towards the "we're done!" side of it.

Many of you have mentioned the same things I'm feeling...about dealing with PPD and not feeling like you are "up to" having another one. I haven't gone to the doctor about it, but I think I'm still dealing with PPD. I was diagnosed with a couple of anxiety disorders before I even got pregnant, and I was on medication for them before and during my pregnancy, but during one of my dumber moments I just decided to STOP taking my meds a couple of months after Uma Claire was born. What was I thinking? :lol Anyway, I think about those dark moments that I had for the first 8 months of her life...and which I sometimes still have...and I think, "I just can't bear to go through that again."

I also like the thought of how much more we could do for Uma Claire (financially) if she's our only one. I'm an only child and I was spoiled rotten (though I hope I've avoided the bratty attitude!) and I want the same for my daughter. And I never missed having any siblings...not even for a minute.

The ONLY thing I worry about for Uma Claire is the same worry I have for myself...having to care for elderly parents on her own. I am really, really close to my parents and I am afraid that losing them will devastate me, and I'll have no one (other than my husband) to lean on, and I don't want Uma Claire to feel that way. And I don't want Uma Claire to have the burden of dealing with me and my husband in our old age by herself. It's sort of an irrational fear...I know that to some extent, people with siblings still have to deal with those issues, but that is the one thing that bothers me most. However, it's not exactly a great reason to have another child...just so your first child won't be "alone."

Anyway, I'm glad to know there are other parents out there who just want one child! Someone else mentioned that they felt like an oddball for wanting to space their children further apart...but to me, it feels like *everyone* is having 2 or more, and I feel like the oddball for having only one!

[redhairedgirl]

Can I join? :biggrin:

My name is Mandy and my DH is Jeremy. Our 7-8 month old son Aiden will be an only child. I feel like the whole children issue is something that I've not had the easy way with. I have tubal infertility and 2 prior miscarriages. When I was pregnant, I had m/s until halfway through my pregnancy that required medication. Then, in my 3rd tri, I had the return of m/s. I had high blood pressure that put me on bedrest for the last month.
When I delivered Aiden, I herniated a disc in my spine. Aiden also had a difficult delivery that took him 2 minutes to take his first breath. I had REAL issues with that, and it took me a long time to finally be able to think about it without breaking down into tears.
Oh, did I mention that I had bad PPD? I was hospitalized at one point for the PPD... but I don't even want to talk about that. My husband has made it clear that he doesn't want any more children.
With my herniation in my back, I was told that more than likely, I would be put on bedrest for my entire pregnancy.

Aiden also had REALLY bad reflux and food allergies in the first few months, so that time in my life is just like a haze.... I just honestly do not know if I have the strength physically or mentally to go through it again. I have even contacted my insurance to see if they would cover a tubal litigation, and they would. Although my GYN has told me that with the shape my tubes are in, they may just block themselves back up.

Anyways, (if you're still reading and not bored to tears, I commend you!) my DH and I both agreed that we could give Aiden a very nice life if there aren't any other children. He hasn't been too expensive, but all the Doctor bills for me just to get back to normal have been. :rolleyes:
There is also this part of me that is just afraid that he may feel slighted if he had a sibling. He has my attention ALL the time.... and I don't think I could betray that trust. :lol: There is a part of me that would love to give him a sibling, as I have such a wonderful relationship with my brother, and I just think the world of him... but I seriously don't know if I could live through pregnancy again. Especially with such a "Exuberant" child to run after all day long. :lol:

If we had a surprise, we'd welcome it. However, DH doesn't like surprises and has been making sure that a surprise just doesn't happen.

**ETA: I've mentioned to my Father that Aiden would be an only, and he said it sounded like a good idea. My Mother on the other hand, well, I haven't quite said that Aiden would be an only in so few words, but I have made it clear that physically, I am just not up to another pregnancy.

Mandy

[Stacy]

The ONLY thing I worry about for Uma Claire is the same worry I have for myself...having to care for elderly parents on her own. I am really, really close to my parents and I am afraid that losing them will devastate me, and I'll have no one (other than my husband) to lean on, and I don't want Uma Claire to feel that way. And I don't want Uma Claire to have the burden of dealing with me and my husband in our old age by herself. It's sort of an irrational fear...I know that to some extent, people with siblings still have to deal with those issues, but that is the one thing that bothers me most. However, it's not exactly a great reason to have another child...just so your first child won't be "alone."Sometimes it can be more trouble if more than one sibling is involved in the elderly care of a parent. I know there is one person on here whose uncles aren't the greatest help to her mom when it comes to the care of the grandmother.
I hope that my son will have a family and friends to lean on if/when something happens to DH and I.

Welcome to our little group, BTW.

[Stacy]

Can I join? :biggrin:
There is also this part of me that is just afraid that he may feel slighted if he had a sibling. He has my attention ALL the time.... and I don't think I could betray that trust. :lol: There is a part of me that would love to give him a sibling, as I have such a wonderful relationship with my brother, and I just think the world of him... but I seriously don't know if I could live through pregnancy again. Especially with such a "Exuberant" child to run after all day long. :lol:
Mandy
Of course you can join.

:) I think Dylan would feel slighted too. :lol:

[bunybomb]

Can I join? I'm actually a mom to two however, only one is my biological child. While I love my step-daughter as my own, there is something different about having a biological child. It's not worse, it's not better, it's just different. I've had Dylan since she was 4 but I always wanted my own child. I wanted to experience pregnancy, birth and raising an infant. It doesn't lessen Dylan's place in our family because in a way, I consider her my "first" child.

I never planned on more than one child. I never even thought about feeling guilty that my child wouldn't have a sibling. I am an only child and frankly I never knew the difference.

I loved being pregnant with Alex. I had an easy, enjoyable pregnancy. I did have an emergency c-section for delivery because my body wouldn't cooperate for a vaginal delivery. Although I would love to go through pregnancy again, I don't want to be cut open and I don't want another child. I'm too tired with the two I have. Plus I'm 36 years old!

My husband was happy with having only his daughter. He wanted to have a child with me because he knew that's what I wanted. If it didn't happen he wouldn't have been devasted like I would have been.

The more I write, the more I might not be a fit here because Alex does have a sibling, but there is 8 years between my kids, so once Dylan leaves for college, Alex will be an only. If I can be part that's great, otherwise I'll just be a lurker! ;)

[AahRee]

Becky, you're totally welcome to hang out here! And welcome to Anna (it is Anna, right?) and Mandy! :welcome:

[Bobbie]

I had a PG scare this week. I spent all week thinking about parenting two versus one...it gave a very interesting perspective, but I think I still belong here. :)

[togirl]

Can I join too? I'm not 100% sure about whether or not we want more - many of the reasons have been mentioned. I'm an only child, and growing up I always wanted a sibling and was envious of friends who had brothers and sisters. I also always wished there was someone else around who would understand my crazy parents :) And I worry about my parents getting older and me being the only one there to take care of them, and I don't want Carter to have to go through that too. But I honestly don't know if I want to go through the newborn stage again - I didn't mind being pg - but the first 4 months I'd say were not fun at all. But I'm thinking maybe the second time would be a bit easier just knowing that it does eventually get better. It's so nice to have this thread though where a lot of people are having the same feelings I am.

[Marrazin]

It seems like there's a nice mix of those of us who aren't sure but probably won't have another, are not planning on having another in the near future, and are not planning to have another at all.

In light of that, this question might not be pertinent to all of us...but I'm wondering if any of you can relate to this. Do you ever worry that you're going to confuse the "nostalgia" (for lack of a better word) of being pregnant with actually wanting another child? Don't get me wrong...I was miserable for pretty much all of my pregnancy. It wasn't something I ever wanted to repeat. But whenever someone announces that she's pregnant, I get a little wistful for how it feels to be pregnant...all the excitement and joy and planning the nursery and picking the name and the excitement of those last days before having your baby...all the "romantic" things about being pregnant/having a newborn. So then I think...maybe it would be nice to have another. But I have to force myself to remember the bad times when I questioned our decision to have a child at that time, or when I was really scared that I was losing my grip.

I couldn't give you a good reason for why I decided that I wanted us to try and get pregnant with my daughter. I just said, "OK, now seems like a good time!" and poof, the next month I was pregnant. :lol: I'm scared that I'm going to do the same thing again, when I'm not really ready, and find myself experiencing the same turbulent emotions that I did with my daughter. It's so much easier NOW to say, Yes, we picked just the right time, and I would do it again in a heartbeat. Looking forward, though, I'm more scared of making the wrong decision either way--either TO have another child or NOT have another child. Does that make any sense?

I just reread all that and I'm afraid I sound like a horrible person. I love my daughter more than life itself, and I'm so glad she's in our lives. *sigh* I have no idea what I'm driving at here, ladies. Sorry. :blush: I guess it's that I'm finally starting to feel like I'm getting "back to normal" emotionally, mentally, and physically, and I'm worried that I'm going to be tempted to mess up that balance again.

Thanks for reading if you made it through all this!!

[Stacy]

Your whole post makes total sense.

[Natalie]

yeah, it makes sense to me too.

Sometimes I wonder if I am making the choice not to have another child based on how bad this pregnancy was. I just didn't enjoy it - still aren't (12 days to go :) )

[AahRee]

It makes perfect sense to me, too. :nod: The hard thing about the decision to have (or not have) any certain number of kids (or none at all) is that there is no *right* answer, and you really can't forecast, with perfect certainty, how you'll feel about any decision in the future. I know, though, that unless I'm 110% sure that we want another child, it's not fair to my husband, my daughter, myself OR that next child to go ahead and have one. I could live with wishing I had another child and not having one, but I would have a much harder time with wishing I didn't have a second child if I had one, kwim?

[Rochelle]

:wavey:

Can I join too? I just read through this thread and have a lot of similar feelings. Matthew for the most part I think will be an only child, but BUT I'm still not 100% sure of that. My dh comes from a family of 6 brothers & sisters, and I have 1 brother. I always thought I wanted 3, dh is happy with 1. My pregnancy wasn't terrible (just sciatica which was painful/annoying but not nearly as bad as others with horrible m/s etc)... I just can't decide. Dh will go either way. Sometimes I think it'd be "easier" to have them close in age to get it all "over with" but then other times I couldn't imagine it! I also worry about child care, I work full time now as does dh, we cannot afford daycare, my mom takes care of Matthew. I don't think she could handle 2. Uggh so many decisions. We've talked about revisiting after Matthew turns 2 (not til next January), but we won't put it off much longer than that. Dh is 44 and selfishly I'd like to have some time with him after the kids are grown!

Anyway that's my brief/jumbled story!

[Bobbie]

Do you ever worry that you're going to confuse the "nostalgia" (for lack of a better word) of being pregnant with actually wanting another child?

That is such an interesting question! I think I feel a bit of this but never thought of phrasing it that way. I wonder if sometime down the road I'll feel nostalgic about the time when my daughter was little and maybe the excitement of a new baby will become appealing. I guess it would take some soul searching to figure out whether a real yearning for another child was growing out of those types of feelings, or whether I was merely mourning the loss of Kiaeryn's babyhood.

[ArtsyMom]

Wow! I was going to start a thread like this today but here it is, waiting for me! :lol:

DH and I were just talking about having only one child yesterday. And, a friend of mine who has a baby was saying the same thing.

Like all of you, I love my baby more than life itself but I am exhausted a lot of the time, my body is NOT back to normal (saggy boobs and belly and I think I look 5 yrs older than before I got pg :lol2: ). Plus our life has really changed. It's great in some ways but very hard in others. And, I'm turning 34 this year so that's certainly a factor.

The thing is, if we had another child, I'd really want a girl and I know it doesn't work that way (i.e. you can't really choose the sex). We'll see how things go...maybe I'll change my mind in a year or so. It's such a big decision!

[Cecily]

Marrazin, I thinnk your post makes total sense too. When I hear people say that they are pregnant, this is the thought process that goes on in my head every single time:

"Oh, how sweet. Wouldn't it be nice to have a sweet little baby again."
"Ugh, pregnancy sucked. I don't ever want to do that again."
"Babies are sure cute, but I just started to sleep through the night again."
"I don't think I could handle being pregnant again."
"Boy, I am so glad that they are having a baby! I can play with it, then hand it back and go home and sleep all night :lol:"

In the end, I always come back to thinking that I just couldn't handle doing it again. Thankfully, Steve and I both completely agree on this.

[AahRee]

:wavey:

Dh is 44 and selfishly I'd like to have some time with him after the kids are grown!

Anyway that's my brief/jumbled story!
I don't think that's selfish at all. You deserve some time together as a couple after raising your children. :nod: I feel the same way. I had about 6 years with mine before Katie came along, and it flew by. I love my daughter and love doing things with her, but I know that when we're older, we're going to really love taking trips together and that sort of thing. DH and I are both still in our 20s, and if that's a consideration for me, it definitely is a justifiable consideration for you, with a DH who is older. :nod:

Cecily, I have the same thoughts when I hear about people who are pg. I really, really long to be able to do Katie's early days over and do them *right* (ie... not be so sick from morphine that I can barely look at her, and not mess up the whole BFing thing, etc.) but other than that, when I think of newborns, I think - I'd love to cuddle one for an hour or so, but once my arm starts getting tired, or the baby spits up for the 8th time in half an hour, I'll be glad to hand her back! :lol:

[AahRee]

ArtsyMom (sorry I don't know your name!) :welcome:
I sometimes think it would be nice to have another baby, if I could guarantee it would be a boy, so that DH could have his boy and I could have my girl. (With only one, DH is determined to make our DD into a tomboy :rolleyes: ) But, you're right... it doesn't work that way. (Well, I guess it *can* work that way, for the right price, but that's kind of freaky if you ask me...). Anyway, it IS a huge decision, either way, so feel free to mull it over in here with us. :)

[ArtsyMom]

My name is Lisa. Thanks for the welcome. :sunny:

[redhairedgirl]

Marrazin, I thinnk your post makes total sense too. When I hear people say that they are pregnant, this is the thought process that goes on in my head every single time:

"Oh, how sweet. Wouldn't it be nice to have a sweet little baby again."
"Ugh, pregnancy sucked. I don't ever want to do that again."
"Babies are sure cute, but I just started to sleep through the night again."
"I don't think I could handle being pregnant again."
"Boy, I am so glad that they are having a baby! I can play with it, then hand it back and go home and sleep all night :lol:"

In the end, I always come back to thinking that I just couldn't handle doing it again. Thankfully, Steve and I both completely agree on this.
I agree! I also made sure to write in VERY VIVID detail how much the early days and weeks SUCKED in my journal so that I can go back and read it and say, "THat's what you would get into if you had another one...."

Oh, and I told my DH that I would go volunteer to be one of those ladies that rocks the infants in a NICU or nursery at the hospital before asking for more children. That way, I could still enjoy the infant part, and give 'em back!

Mandy

[bunybomb]

I'm wondering if any of you can relate to this. Do you ever worry that you're going to confuse the "nostalgia" (for lack of a better word) of being pregnant with actually wanting another child?
I can completely relate to this and thanks for putting it into words. This is EXACTLY how I feel. I would love to experience pregnancy again but its not for the right reasons, I do not want the end result. Its absolutely horrible sounding as I type these words but it's exactly how I feel. I loved being pregnant, I had it easy and enjoyed almost every moment. I'm thankful I got to do it once.

[Marrazin]

I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way or has those conflicting emotions!!

[bunkie68]

The ONLY thing I worry about for Uma Claire is the same worry I have for myself...having to care for elderly parents on her own. I am really, really close to my parents and I am afraid that losing them will devastate me, and I'll have no one (other than my husband) to lean on, and I don't want Uma Claire to feel that way. And I don't want Uma Claire to have the burden of dealing with me and my husband in our old age by herself. It's sort of an irrational fear...I know that to some extent, people with siblings still have to deal with those issues, but that is the one thing that bothers me most. However, it's not exactly a great reason to have another child...just so your first child won't be "alone."
Anna, I have the same worry for Julian. I'm an only, and I know I'll be facing this with my dad as he gets older. It will be made even more difficult for me because I live 350 miles away from my dad, so if he ever needed me to be around on a regular basis, one of us would have to move.

I can also relate to whoever posted (Bobbie?) about just not feeling like you could deal with another one. Julian is full-tilt toddler-on-the-go, and he wears me out and sometimes stretches my patience to the limits. Most of the time I have a really hard time envisioning life with two children when the one I've got can run me ragged! :lol: I love Julian more than anything, but he can be a handful at times.

And finances are a consideration, too. My parents were able to make sure I wanted for nothing - not that I got everything I *wanted*, but they were able to send me to private school, pay for my college, things like that. I want to be able to provide those same advantages for Julian, and if I have another one, I'm not sure that will happen. (I'm not sure it will happen anyway, with two kids it would probably be right out.)

My sister keeps asking me about a second. She has two daughters, and she keeps telling me that if you have two, they entertain each other. That may be fine and good for playtime, but what about bathtime and getting dressed and going to sleep and all those other things that require parental involvement and/or supervision? It would be a few years before two could actually play together to the point that I'd be freed up while they did that to do other things, so I don't think that argument necessarily holds water. At first, two would just be more work, and I don't think I have the energy at this point to go through that.

Funny thing, my pregnancy wasn't bad (except for hideous sciatica and my blood pressure kicking up at the end), but I don't feel any nostalgia for it at all! :lol: I'm losing weight right now, and the last thing I want is to be in a situation where I can't help but gain it back!

[lexie]

Marrazin, I thinnk your post makes total sense too. When I hear people say that they are pregnant, this is the thought process that goes on in my head every single time:

"Oh, how sweet. Wouldn't it be nice to have a sweet little baby again."
"Ugh, pregnancy sucked. I don't ever want to do that again."
"Babies are sure cute, but I just started to sleep through the night again."
"I don't think I could handle being pregnant again."
"Boy, I am so glad that they are having a baby! I can play with it, then hand it back and go home and sleep all night :lol:"

In the end, I always come back to thinking that I just couldn't handle doing it again. Thankfully, Steve and I both completely agree on this.
Cecily... I feel the same way!:clap:
I loved being pregnant but the labor was horrible! I honestly have no interest in doing that anytime soon. I think about having another baby and how I miss Lane being little but then I think about how it would make him feel to have to share me.... I just dont want to think about that right now. I will give it 3 years or so and maybe change my mind... people just pressure and it is hard to make them understand I am happy with one!

[Natalie]

Hi all :wavey:
Just wanted to pop in say that I am officially the mother of an only!!! ::yippee:

Samuel James was born 8.36 am 9th March , 2004 - weigh 8lb 5oz!!!!!!!!! :shocked:

guess I had better update my signature now :lol:

[Marrazin]

Congratulations, Natalie!

[Stacy]

Congratualtions, Natalie! :woo:

[lexie]

Welcome:wavey: and Congrats Natalie:babysmile !

[AahRee]

Congratulations, Natalie! Welcome Samuel! :welcome:

[redhairedgirl]

Congratulations Natalie!!! Happy Birthday Samuel!

[Bobbie]

:balloons: Congratulations Natalie and welcome Samuel! :balloons:

[Bobbie]

I thought I'd throw out a question to all the moms of onlies:

Do you ever think about about how to counteract the stereotypical "only child" stigma? You know...spoiled, selfish, coddled, etc. Being the cynical person I am, I'm supposing many of us will wind up getting some less-than-positive feedback no matter how great an effort we put into raising generous, empathetic, independent human beings. (We'll probably hear it from the same people who keep telling us we NEED to have more children. :devil: )

[AahRee]

Hmm.... I'd probably ask them what they are specifically referring to. If my child did something specific to give them that impression, I'd want to know about it. And if they can't pinpoint a specific thing, I think that speaks for itself. :)

[Sam's Mom]

DH and I haven't decided yet if DD will be an only. There's a good chance she will be, though. Sometimes I really want another child...Sam's only five months old, and I already miss my little baby, she's growing up so fast! But then I see people with two or more kids and think "no way can I do that!" Plus (and I'm glad it seems that I can say this here) I really hated being pregnant. I was cranky, tired and miserable most of the time and if I never feel like that again, that's absolutely ok with me.

I'm not too worried about any only child stereotypes from my family...I've got three first cousins who are onlies. And my ILs will probably be ok with it too, since my nephew is an only (and likely to stay that way) and the fewer children I have, the fewer grandchildren of the "wrong" religion they end up with! And the first time a stranger says anything about my "needing" to have another child, I'll be sure to remind them that they couldn't possibly have *meant* to be so rude. :)

[redhairedgirl]

I thought I'd throw out a question to all the moms of onlies:

Do you ever think about about how to counteract the stereotypical "only child" stigma? You know...spoiled, selfish, coddled, etc.
You know, I grew up with the stigma of being a redhead and having "the temper". Yet, oddly enough, if you knew me, you'd know that it takes quite a bit for me to finally show my temper. Well, just like that, people are going to prejudge DS just because he's an only. Yes, he will have opportunities because we will be able to afford them, but I would like to raise him in a manner where he knows the difference of being selfish and being selfless. So, if someone has a preconceived idea about him because he's an only child, he can prove them wrong. :)
And like Annemarie said, if my child did something to give them that idea, I want to know about it!

Mandy

[Natalie]

My DH is an an only and I have never met anyone more selfless and giving. We plan on raising Sam in a similar way to how he was raised and he won't be given everything he wants just because he is an only. I don't think you can spoil a child with love anyway! And he has that in abundance:lol: . It's just a stereotype people have of only children and quite frankly, that's thier issue not mine.

and thanks for the congrats!! :wavey:

[TMFKA-TWTEZNAN]

:thumbsup: Well, I am a mom to an only my daughter is 13 yrs old. My new hubby would love to have kids but, that is not happening. We discussed alot of things when we got together and I let him know that I would not behaving more children. I am 34 yrs old and my daughter is 13 and she has never slept thru the night.

I was told all sorts of horrible things when I decided to have only her..Like what if she passed away:cry: , or what if your husband died and you got remarried.:dead:

Well, she is still here :yippee: and I divorced my first hubby anyway:aok: .
I think you should go with what your heart tells you to do !

When I married my first hubby , I wanted 3 kids..well after the birth of my daughter..I decided one was enough for me:errr: . I have 3 nephews and I love them to death but, I also was able to send them home ... Shame on me... But, it is true !:lol2:

When my daughter sees a baby she oohs and ahhs..But, when asked if she wanted a brother or sister she replies NO WAY !

[Marrazin]

My daughter is already spoiled, and there's nothing that I'll be able to do to avoid that! :lol She is currently an only child, the first granddaughter on both sides, and 200% a Daddy's girl (and Granddaddy's girl, and Great-Granddaddy's girl). :biggrin: That whole thing is completely true of me, too, and I'll admit, it's a great life.

HOWEVER, my goal is to raise her to not ACT spoiled. KWIM? I don't think that I act that way (no one has ever told me otherwise!). My parents raised me to be thankful for the blessings in my life, and I think it's perfectly possible to do that with all children, regardless of whether or not they're only children. I've seen plenty of people with selfish attitudes and who had siblings.

I'm not really sure how I would respond to criticism that my daughter would be "spoiled" because she's an only child. Some people have jokingly said to me, "Oh, she's a Daddy's girl, huh?" as though it's a bad thing, to which I always reply with complete sincerity: "Yes, and I wouldn't have it any other way!"

Well, that's my two cents! :lol:

[CadensMom]

Hi all - Im Monica. My dh is John and we have 1 son named Caden.

We are not 100% sure that there will not be another one, but right now it is looking that way. DH and I are both in school he has one year left and I have 5 years left. There is also the money factor I don't make enough to cover daycare for 2 and my car payment, we just bought a house and could not do it on just dh's income.

I am also not sure I want another. My pregnancy was fine once I got past the major MS and kidney stones. Labor was not to bad. After was tough, but I kind of like the fact that Caden is becoming independent. I don't have to sit and feed him every bite of food. He feeds himself (He is 19 months) I can trust him to sit and watch a video while I go do laundry or clean the bathroom. He is also starting to be able to tell me what he wants. I also want to be able to give hime more things than I could with 2. Dh is a huge help with him.

Basically I am just not sure right now, but am leaning more towards him being a only. Also dh is an only and I am not, but feel like I am. I am not close at all to brother or step-sister. Dh always wished he had a brother or sister. So we are still torn

[Bobbie]

I have great news! Sheila is going to create a sub-forum for parents of only children (see here) (http://www.onceuponalife.com/showthread.php?p=147584). She hasn't decided where to put it yet, but be sure to watch for it. :)

It will be so much easier to continue our discussion in our own forum. :woo:

[Natalie]

That's great news!!

[TMFKA-TWTEZNAN]

My name is Angel and I am 34 yrs old. I am a mom of an onlie . My daughter is 13 yrs old and I just got remarried and there is no way I am having anymore kids. I love my daughter and I am proud to have given her all of my attention. She maybe spoiled but ..she is also the only grandaughter on 3 sides. But, she is not spoiled to the way she has to get her way . I love my daughter alot and I am very proud of her. When I was married to her dad , we decided to have 3 kids ..after she was born I decided that she was all I wanted. My new hubby has no kids and I told him upfront that I will not be having anymore. We both love the idea of having time to ourselves and I have alot of time for my daughter.

But, for some people , they like having other children. I think to each their own . But, I am extremely happy with my only !:thumbsup:

[tori lynne]

Hello I'm Tori, my Husband is nate and we have an only named Abby. She is 7 months and we do not plan on having anymore children. We haven't done anything permanent yet. I feel right now that I'm too young to totally shut that door, I'm only 25. So we are waiting 5 years and then DH will have a little snip snip.

I was an only child and and only grandchild on my mothers side. I loved it. I also know that was given a lot more opportunities by being an only child. I do not feel I was overly spoiled, just well provided for and blessed. My Abby will be the same way.

Right now she is spoiled to death!!! She is also an only grandchild on both mine and my husbands sides of the family. I love being able to spoil her and wouldn't have it any other way!

I am in the minority in this thread I think because I loved being pregnant and had a good pregnancy and so going through the pregnancy part again would be fine with me. I just don't think I could handle 2 children mentally or financially. I love the fact that by having only one we will be able to do things like send her to private school, take her on great vacations, put her in sports programs, help her with her first car and send her to college!!
Plus my DH says that he could never love another child the way he does Abby!! I think that's cute!

Oh... and I too get so sick of people saying... Abby needs a little sister!! I think we can decide that without you, thanks!!

[mybabygarrett]

Hi All! I'm Stacey, DH is Adam and DS is Garrett. I always thought I wanted 2 kids, but now that Garrett's here, I'm not so sure. Put me on the "maybe" list, too!

[Bobbie]

:welcome: to everyone who has recently joined this group. Not to be redundant, but I started a new introductions thread here (http://www.onceuponalife.com/showthread.php?t=6317) because this one has gotten so long. I hope many of the people who posted at the beginning of this thread are still around and will want to participate in our new forum. :)

[Katrina]

Just dropping in!!! I've only been able to skim some of the first pages postings (its late and I am exhausted..well, ok, its only 10pm!)

I think I belong in this group..at least for the long forseable future, as in, we have no plans for future children and are talking more and more about Zack being an only.....

oh wait... i need to follow the new thread? oye... I'll post again later.. just dropping in to say hello!

[mama2jackson]

Hi everyone! You can put me in the "maybe" category for now!

Jackson is almost 17 months and I was 100% positive I was pregnant last week, but turned out I wasn't and I got wind of my true feelings on the subject...at least for now.

I couldn't handle being pregnant right now, even though for the most part, I loved it (after the m/s was through). I had a very rough recovery from my vaginal delivery (10.5 months of recovery time) and am still feeling the many effects of PPD.

My husband works out of town 5/6 days a week and there's NO WAY I could handle working, being a mom to a very active toddler and be pregnant. I remember how difficult those first few months were. I didn't have enough energy to talk on the phone. It scares me that I might go through that again.

Josh would be perfectly happy with Jackson as an only child since he was an only child. I guess only time will tell because I don't even want to discuss the issue again until sometime next year AFTER Jackson is past 2 years old.

[Sherri Cummings]

Hi,

My name is Sherri Cummings and I have an 8 year old only child. We are only able to have one child due to medical issues on my part. It is hard because due to being a military family we move often. My son often feels lonely which can be especially hard for me. Take Care, Sherri

[TtownAnne]

I know we're using other threads now, but I just happened to go back through this and say you AREN'T alone, Tori, this is totally us too. The pregnancy wasn't the issue with me, I had a super-easy pregnancy (with the exception of some VILE heartburn) and delivery and recovery and everything. Finances are our big issue, as well as DH's new health problems that weigh more on my mind in relation to future children than on his. And like you said, with only one child we'll be able to send her to whatever college she wants, rather than saying "you have to go to a local school because we also have to pay for your brother to go in 3 years" or whatever, and if she wants the $3000 wedding dress of her dreams we're able to do that as well. If we had another baby we couldn't afford our trip to Disney that's coming up, on top of which we wouldn't be able to afford for another baby the things we did for Caroline (Gymboree, preschool, etc.)

I am in the minority in this thread I think because I loved being pregnant and had a good pregnancy and so going through the pregnancy part again would be fine with me. I just don't think I could handle 2 children mentally or financially. I love the fact that by having only one we will be able to do things like send her to private school, take her on great vacations, put her in sports programs, help her with her first car and send her to college!!