Hygiene and tweens

[bunybomb]

How do we get our 11 yo daughter to shower and care about her appearance? I'm at my wits end. She won't take a shower without nagging and will go a week or more if we let her. We have mandated every other day showering but even that is a struggle. She wears dirty clothes to school. She does her own laundry and has tons of clothes, but wears the same dirty jeans and long t-shirts. She looks like a boy.

She screams and throws a fit when we suggest that she get her hair trimmed. It's long and could be beautiful. We are fine with her having long hair, but it looks stringy and dirty all the time.

I have to constantly nag her to brush her teeth. She used to be so good about it, but lately she just doesn't seem to care or is so lazy that she can't be bothered.

On the flip side, all she talks about is wanting big boobs and wanting boys to like her. Even when Chris talks to her about boys liking girls that look like girls, she won't listen and acts like she doesn't care.

HELP! We're tired of the battles and it's discouraging.

[Suzi]

Becky, I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL!!!! I had that with my step-daughter and it was MISERABLE in our house! Just know that it IS a phase and eventually she will grow out of it.

In the meantime, I'd say stick with the baths every other day (that's exactly what we did), limit the sweets/soda available to her ('cause she isn't going to brush her teeth), let her wear the same dirty clothes (as in, pick your battles), and ride it out. I PROMISE she will grow out of it. I think Shannon was worst right around 11/12/13 and by 14 she was much better! :hug99:

[Silke]

No advice but sympathy. Natascha has the same problem...glad to know that I am not alone. :crazy: Well.....she doesn't fight me as much....I am headstronger. :lol:
We have the same issues with showers, wearing dirty underwear :dead:. Since my DD has long hair, I threatened to cut if she doesn't shower. That obvioulsy won't work for you.
Basically, I have been checking on her more again......does she have plenty of dirty laundry? Oh....the fav shirt and pants just don't get washed quickly. :awink:

One thing that does work for us...no other kids, play dates, going outside w/o proper showering every week.

[bunybomb]

We have the same issues with showers, wearing dirty underwear :dead:. Since my DD has long hair, I threatened to cut if she doesn't shower. That obvioulsy won't work for you.

YUCK!, how did I forget about the dirty underwear? :lol: GROSS!

Why didn't we think of threatening to cut her hair? If she doesn't start showering without a fight, we will cut her hair SHORT! :lol: We are only asking to trim it 1/2 inch just so it looks healthy again.


Oh Suzi, we only have 2 or 3 years more of this?? :eek: Lord help me.

[Silke]

Oh yes......no brushing teeth...no sweets. She does manage to sneak it past us.........sigh.........

So you haven't found the lovely underwear yet? :lol:

[Girlo]

I don't have any experience with this, but I know my brother went through it with my niece at this age. It sounds like something she'll outgrow (I know I wouldn't have dreamed of going a day without a shower in high school :lol: ), so I'll just offer you some :hug99: in the meantime.....

[bunybomb]

So you haven't found the lovely underwear yet? :lol:

Yes, I've found them! She does her own laundry now so I guess I'm not privy to all of it. :lol: I catch her by seeing her roam around in the same underwear that she had been wearing yesterday. Our daughters are so close in age Silke!

Thanks for the hugs Shannon, I'm losing my mind!

[Nadine]

:hug99: I HOPE it won't last 2 more years for you!
In Yiddish I'd say "Oy vey iz meer!!" (Woe to me!) I dread the day we'll have to face that phase...

[Suzi]

Since my DD has long hair, I threatened to cut if she doesn't shower.

We DID cut Shannon's hair...about 12" off!! :lol: I was sick and tired of sitting with her at the dinner table and having her hair in her dinner plate...it made me want to hurl! :puke: Especially considering she was getting food in her hair and then not washing it for several days... :tearhair:

Like Shannon said...your daughter will swing to the other extreme in high school so my advice is just to wait it out, it'll change!! In the meantime... :hug99:

[DarcyT]

My daughter is 10 and is the same exact way. She will wear clean clothing but hates to take showers. I have to remind her or she will also go several days without one.

[sunnyflower]

I can sympathize with all of you since I teach that age level. ANd it varies from kid to kid. Try having a classroom full of those!! Usually by about the 8th grade they are out of the funky stage. We tried getting the school nurse to talk to them, but she preferred the peer pressure route. You can always call the nurse and have her talk to your daughter.

I'm sure you've tried this, but what about getting her "fancy" soaps at like Bath and Body and a puff?

~Kerrie