Shanna
February 5th, 2004, 04:43 PM
My aunt sent these to me, I thought they were funny :)
> One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.
> Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What
> setting do I use on the washing machine?"
> "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
> He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
> And they say blondes are dumb...
> _______________________
>
> A couple is lying in bed... The man says,
> "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world"
> The woman says, "I'll miss you..."
> _______________________
>
> "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he
stepped
out of
> the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed
> the lawn like this?"
> "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
> _______________________
>
> Afterwards he said- Since I first laid eyes on you, I have wanted to make
> love to you really badly.
> She said - Well, you succeeded.
> ______________________
>
> He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
> She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I
sit
> on the sofa and fart.
> _______________________
>
> He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
> She said - Turn sideways and look in the mirror
> _______________________
>
> A m an and his wife, now turned 60, were celebrating their 40th wedding
> anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that
> because they had been such a devoted couple she would grant each of them a
> very special wish.
> The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. hoosh!
> Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
> The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
> Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
> Gotta love that fairy!
> __________________
>
> AND THE BEST ONE YET...
> A WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST:
> * She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
> * Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
> * Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
> * Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
> * And her husband is on the back of the milk carton
>
> ---------------------------------------------------
>
> A PRAYER....
> Dear Lord,
> I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
> Love to forgive him;
> And Patience for his moods.
> Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
> I'll beat him to death.
>
> AMEN
>
>
> One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.
> Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What
> setting do I use on the washing machine?"
> "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
> He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
> And they say blondes are dumb...
> _______________________
>
> A couple is lying in bed... The man says,
> "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world"
> The woman says, "I'll miss you..."
> _______________________
>
> "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he
stepped
out of
> the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed
> the lawn like this?"
> "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
> _______________________
>
> Afterwards he said- Since I first laid eyes on you, I have wanted to make
> love to you really badly.
> She said - Well, you succeeded.
> ______________________
>
> He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
> She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I
sit
> on the sofa and fart.
> _______________________
>
> He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
> She said - Turn sideways and look in the mirror
> _______________________
>
> A m an and his wife, now turned 60, were celebrating their 40th wedding
> anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that
> because they had been such a devoted couple she would grant each of them a
> very special wish.
> The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. hoosh!
> Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
> The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
> Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
> Gotta love that fairy!
> __________________
>
> AND THE BEST ONE YET...
> A WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST:
> * She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
> * Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
> * Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
> * Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
> * And her husband is on the back of the milk carton
>
> ---------------------------------------------------
>
> A PRAYER....
> Dear Lord,
> I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
> Love to forgive him;
> And Patience for his moods.
> Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
> I'll beat him to death.
>
> AMEN
>
>