I was invited to a shower of a girl that I never met before. DH's brother is very good friend's with the groom to be and DH is pretty good friends with him. I have met groom to be ONCE. We are on the wedding list, fine. My name isn't even spelled correctly. I get an invite to the shower, again name not spelled correctly of course because I have never even met the girl. I of course am not going but should I have to buy a gift. It's down right ridiculous that I was invited and when she opens it she won't even know who the hell I am (it's a surprise shower). I am so strongly opposed to buying a gift but DH feels like it will make him look bad with his buddy. I don't want to spend a red cent on someone I don't know, I really don't.

I'm very interested to see everyone's response to this because everyone always has different opinions on gifts for weddings (and I know it varies regionally).

I think as long as you send a wedding gift, you don't need to send a shower gift. You don't know the bride, or really even the groom.

Unless this groom is unlike 90% of men out there, I can't imagine the groom noticing and/or caring that a shower gift doesn't arrive.

I think showers are of a more "personal" nature and you shouldn't have been invited anyway.

If you feel really weird about it, send a smaller item to the shower and then a slightly larger gift to the wedding.

That's my two cents! Let us know what you do! :bee:

I agree, no requirement to send a gift for anything -- much less a shower of a person you have never met and DH is just friends with the husband. Assuming you are going to the wedding and giving a gift -- you are fine. :)

Just make sure to RSVP no to the shower! My number 1 pet peeve!! :lol:

If it was a friend of my husbands, I would send a gift, but not attend. Wedding showers around here have become very low key. We just had cake and juice for a coworker who is getting married next month. Five years ago a card would have been circulated, money collected, food ordered, gifts bought, games planned...I love the simple life! Joan

nah, I wouldn't bother with a gift. They don't really even know you, I doubt they'd expect a gift or notice one didn't arrive.

If it was a good friend of yours, I'd say send a gift. But since you barely know the girl, I'd say forget the gift. I'm guessing that the bride-to-be won't notice you didn't send a gift if it's a surprise shower, so I wouldn't worry about it.

I think its incredibly tacky to invite someone to a shower that you dont know. I feel like its gift grubbing (which is precisely why I wouldnt allow my MIL to throw me her own shower for her friends I never met).
So anyway...that stated.....no, I wouldnt send a gift. Just send your regrets, and bring a gift to the wedding.

I think its incredibly tacky to invite someone to a shower that you dont know. I feel like its gift grubbing (which is precisely why I wouldnt allow my MIL to throw me her own shower for her friends I never met).
So anyway...that stated.....no, I wouldnt send a gift. Just send your regrets, and bring a gift to the wedding.

I agree with karri - mostly. :lol: I think it is perfectly okay for a parent of the bride or groom to have their friends attend a shower -- even if you've never met simply because they are the PARENT of the bride/groom. That kind of shower is very common around here. :)

I say don't bother with a gift for the shower. Just take a nice gift to the wedding.

I think it's weird that you were even invited. RSVP your regrets and don't send a gift. If it were your good friend and you couldn't attend, it would be nice to send a gift. In this case it's totally unnecessary (and the groom will definitely NOT know the difference!).
I also agree with Lissa that it's ok for the mother of the groom to have a shower to "introduce" the new daughter-in-law to her friends (my MIL didn't do that but I think it's appropriate because then the bride has met these people before the wedding).

Amanda

I'd not send a gift either. It's :bs: that you were even invited. They are definitely fishing for gifts IMO.

Gift grubbing! :lol: (love that term Karri) RSVP with regrets.

Talked to MIL (she was invited and doesn't know them as well) and we both decided that we weren't going to send a gift. We will be attending the wedding and will bring a gift then. Thanks for your input. My DH was making me feel unreasonable but once his mom agreed with me he changed his tune. :rolleyes:

PS: I did RSVP. :)

See, I don't see it as 'gift grubbing'. I thought it was traditional to invite all the same people to the shower as are invited to the wedding. I was in a similar situation, Kerrie. DH's friend was getting married and I had only met the bride-to-be once. I didn't go and I didn't send a gift. She didn't know me, but I thought it was still nice to be invited to the shower.

What ticks me off is the few times I've been invited to a shower, but not to the wedding! :mad: THAT to me is gift grubbing.