Tell me all about reception dinners please!

[Nadine]

I need your help.

A little background info.
My parents are divorced and both remarried. My mom lives in NY is married an amazing person, Jozek, who was also divorced. He is originally from Poland and even though he lived in the US for 30 years, he knows nothing about certain formalities, do's and don'ts customary in the US. He has a son from his previous marriage who is about to get married in a few months. He is marrying a Christian American girl and their wedding will go according to her customs. Nothing Jewish whatsoever.

Now to the heart of the matter. Jozek's ex keeps telling him BS about what is to be expected at the wedding and all around it. She tried to keep him off everything (made sure he won;t meet the parents of the bride, tries to keep their son from him, you name it). So when my mom mentioned her frustration about not knowing what really is customary and what not (she is from Switzerland, there things are different, not to mention ), I thougt I ask here and tell her.

The mother of the bridegroom told them that the bride's parents are responsible for the wedding and the bridegroom's for the reception dinner. And that only friends are invited to the reception dinner and of course her because she is hosting it AND the bride's parents but NOT Jozek and my mom.

Which brings me to my question: canyou please tell me all about reception dinners? Customs. do's, don'ts, anything at all since I (and my mom and Jozek) don't have a clue.

Thanks a bunch!

[pam]

I think every region & family has it's own traditions related to reception dinners. From what I've read, it is considered the groom's family's responsibility to pay for the reception dinner & the bride's family's responsibility to pay for the wedding. The reception dinner that I went to primarily included family & those actually in the wedding such as maid of honor, brides maid, best man, etc. For my reception dinner, we limited it to immediate family & the wedding party. My in-laws paid for our dinner. My parents, however, did not pay for any part of the wedding nor did they offer. My personal feeling is that when a couple decides to marry it's their responsibility to pay for what they want...but again every family has their own traditions :dunno:

[kim]

The mother of the bridegroom told them that the bride's parents are responsible for the wedding and the bridegroom's for the reception dinner. And that only friends are invited to the reception dinner and of course her because she is hosting it AND the bride's parents but NOT Jozek and my mom.



it's 'tradition' that the bride's parents pay for the wedding & reception and the groom's parents pay for the rehearsal dinner the night before. Jozek should be present at ALL these events :nod: as the groom's father!!!!

that woman is jerking him around.

[LeeCeeNQ]

http://www.ultimatewedding.com/articles/get.php?action=getarticle&articleid=480

Traditionally the responsibility of the groom?s family, rehearsal dinners today are often hosted by the bride and groom, and reflect their interests and individuality. A rehearsal dinner can be as casual or formal as you want to make it, and some couples may even choose to skip this event. Having a rehearsal dinner is a nice way to spend some time with your bridal party and families before the big day. Also, if you are giving your attendants thank you gifts, those are usually passed out at the rehearsal dinner.

The rehearsal dinner is generally held immediately following the wedding rehearsal, one to two nights prior to the main event. If your wedding is going to be a civil or smaller ceremony, a rehearsal may not even be necessary. However, nothing says you can?t have a rehearsal dinner without a rehearsal! There are as many options for rehearsal dinners as there are couples getting married. Your only limit is your imagination (and maybe the budget!).

First step is to decide who is going to ?host? the dinner. If the groom?s family is in a position to do so, and expresses an interest, by all means, let them. This may be your only chance to hand over the planning of a wedding related event to someone else. If your future in-laws ask your input because they aren?t familiar with the city in which you are to be wed, give them plenty of options as far as price range and formality. However, if your fiance?s parents are unable to host, for whatever the reason, then it falls to you and your groom to plan and execute the dinner, should you decide to have one.

Often, couples who are having a formal, elegant reception will opt for a casual rehearsal dinner. If a home with a large backyard is available, a cook-out with volleyball, croquet, horseshoes and badminton would be a fun way to kick off the wedding weekend. If weather doesn?t allow, talk to a local favorite eatery about having your rehearsal dinner in part of their dining room. If your wedding is being held in your church, often you can hold your rehearsal dinner in a hall or dining area, and have party subs or pizzas delivered.

Opinions vary on who is to be invited to the rehearsal dinner. Obviously, all attendants are invited, and their spouses. Inviting the officiant and his or her spouse is also recommended, unless you are having a civil ceremony. Traditional etiquette also states that out of town guests should be invited, but depending on your situation, you could end up having two receptions! If you cannot invite all out of town guests, that is perfectly fine, just make recommendations to them for dinner options in your area so they aren?t left to their own devices in a strange city. You may choose to limit the rehearsal dinner to your families, including aunts, uncles and grandparents. The budget for the rehearsal dinner will help you decide who is invited outside of your immediate families and attendants.

Once you?ve decided on hosts, location, menu and guest list, all that is left is to have the dinner itself. Wrap up the dinner relatively early, so everyone can get a good night?s rest before the big day. Breathe deep, you?ve made it to the night before your wedding!

[LeeCeeNQ]

http://www.blissweddings.com/library/gde_rehearsal.asp

The purpose of the rehearsal dinner is to allow both families to meet one another, some for the very first time.


Usually hosted by the groom's parents
The bride and groom's parents, step-parents, grandparents, brothers, sisters, close friends, officiants, readers, out-of-town guests, the entire wedding entourage and their spouses/live-in-relationships/fiances should be in attendance.
The rehearsal dinner immediately follows the rehearsal of the ceremony, usually the night before the wedding
The party can be as formal or informal as you wish
The party can be hosted at someone's residence or at a restaurant
The bride and groom usually offer a toast to their family and friends for their love and support. If you need help with a toast, please look at our Toast/Vows/Poems section (http://www.blissweddings.com/library/toasts.asp).
Gifts for the wedding attendants are usually handed out at this time
The toasts will take place during the dinner. Between courses is a perfect spot for the toasts.

The toasts at the rehearsal dinner are given by the host of the event (groom's father) first. Next would be the bride's father, and then ushers, bridesmaids, etc. Not everybody must toast, but this is a perfect time to get the more personal stories and feelings out to the couple in a more intimate atmosphere. The bride & groom may also toast at the end of the others. This is to thank everybody for support, etc. during the engagement.
I hope this helps!!

LeeCee

[Gerri]

I've been to more wedding receptions than I can count, and the brides father (and new spouse if applicable) is almost always there. The only exceptions I can think of are in those families where the grooms father has refused to attend the event (usually the brides father), is physically unable to attend (sick, or in another country) or is deceased. If the grooms father wants to attend, and is making the trip for the wedding, it would be beyond rude to exclude him from the reception dinner. Also, most of the time, the grooms father is expected to make a speech welcoming the bride to the family. :)

[Brandi]

it's 'tradition' that the bride's parents pay for the wedding & reception and the groom's parents pay for the rehearsal dinner the night before. Jozek should be present at ALL these events :nod: as the groom's father!!!!

that woman is jerking him around.

YEP!

[Michelear]

Ditto what Kim said!

[Amy]

Are we talking about the rehearsal dinner (held the night before the wedding) or the reception immediately following the wedding? Traditionally, the rehearsal dinner is hosted by the groom's family, and obviously they are invited, as well as out of town family. The reception is hosted by the bride's family, but again, the groom's family is obviously invited.

[Stacy]

it's 'tradition' that the bride's parents pay for the wedding & reception and the groom's parents pay for the rehearsal dinner the night before. Jozek should be present at ALL these events :nod: as the groom's father!!!!

that woman is jerking him around.

:nod:

ETA: I haven't ever heard of inviting out of town guests to the rehearsal dinner. :scratch: Personally I don't think it's appropriate. I think the rehearsal dinner should be for those directly involved with the wedding.

[Dennis]

ETA: I haven't ever heard of inviting out of town guests to the rehearsal dinner. :scratch: Personally I don't think it's appropriate. I think the rehearsal dinner should be for those directly involved with the wedding.

That's pretty standard at the weddings I've been to and we did it as ours. I figured if people were traveling 2,000 miles to come to our wedding the least we could do was give them dinner.

Dennis

[Nadine]

Thanks so much!

My mom told me that Jozek's ex told him to come but only if he comes without my mom. And Jozek refuses to do that. I wonder what will happen in the end. But that input helps a lot. This way that woman can't just BS them about traditions and such.

[AmyP]

It's improper to invite ANY wedding guest and not invite their spouse. If Jozek comes, he should come with your mom. Simple as that. The woman is definitely jerking him around. She needs to set aside her differences with Jozek for the sake of their son's wedding!

[Nadine]

ITA with you...
I hope that will happen in the end. She is supposed to be a spiteful b*tch...

[Julie]

I agree with Kim on this one.

On the issue of the ex-wife disinviting your Mom, I think Jozek needs to speak with his son to see what his feelings are to see if those are his feelings too. That way your Mom and Jozek can make a determination as to how far they are willing to fight the evil ex.
Good luck and keep us posted!

[Jillian]

That's pretty standard at the weddings I've been to and we did it as ours. I figured if people were traveling 2,000 miles to come to our wedding the least we could do was give them dinner.

Dennis

Yep, same here.

[schwanda]

We also invited out-of-town guests to the rehearsal dinner.

Amanda

[Bridget]

It's been common practice at the weddings I've attended in the midwest (at least KS and MO) to invite out-of-town guests (at least family!) to the rehearsal dinner.

Sorry they're being poopyheads Nadine! Why is it that weddings bring out the worst in people so many times? It never solves anything, and the bride and groom so often suffer because of it.

Unless it's a Bridezilla!

[Nadine]

No news so far but thanks to all of you for the great input!