NEED HELP WITH RESPONSE - SEE SECOND POST.

I have 4 more weeks until I will probably start my maternity leave at work and I've been pretty slow recently. There just isn't any work for me right now. I'm picking up things here and there but nothing full time.

Anyway...when we're light on work, it's typical for us to talk to our supervisor and then send out an email letting people know we're available. I hate sending the emails but my supervisor told me recently that it's the best thing to do to find work. So, I sent an email on Wednesday and got a couple of responses Wed and Thursday. But there was still a little bit of overhead time in there.

People are reluctant to give me long term things because I'm close to my due date. One partner recently asked me to do staff augmentation at the Library of Congress. That's a 1.5 hr commute EACH WAY! There's no way I can do that this close to my due date! Between dr's appoinments and the possibility of labor at any time...ugh! I do NOT want to go into labor and then have to get home. I told my supervisor about it and he agreed (he's pretty understanding).

Just now I got an email from the president of the company. It was copied to my supervisor. It said -

We have a need for you at the LOC but I understand you do not want to do that . Is that correct?

*sigh* It does not look good when the president of the company is asking these questions. My response was...





Yes, that's correct. I have 6 more weeks until my due date and it would be wise if I were closer to home in that time.


If I weren't so close to having the baby, I would gladly help at the LOC.

I have picked up a couple of tasks from Scott H and Al K since I sent the email on Wednesday.

How else was I supposed to respond? Anyway...I hate being in this position! I HATE IT!!! It really doesn't look good but what can I do? I think I was in the same position last time and it was in some ways lucky for me that I did end up on bedrest because I didn't have to worry about being slow at work.

I just got this response from the president -


I do not understand your logic.

That's all it said. Is he kidding? He has 3 kids. Doesn't he know that I could go into labor at any time?

How do I respond to that?

Ugh, how frustrating! Especially since he has 3 kids! :eek: I'm not sure how to respond other than mentioning doctor's appointments and being in the car that long would be uncomfortable and cause swelling. You don't want to go into too much detail, but his comment is idiotic. :rolleyes:

Can you get a note from the doctor saying you are not allowed to drive that far?

I'm trying to figure out if he was joking or not. I don't want to seem like an idiot if I reply and stand up for myself. I don't know what to do.

I could try to get the note from the dr. I go see him next Thursday. I wouldn't think that I'd need one, though. I mean, it's common sense to expect someone this close to the end of pregnancy to need to be close to home, right?

To get to the LOC, I'd either drive 45 min and take 2 Metro (Subway) trains to get there (another 45 min) or I could take a commuter train from BWI to Union Station (an hour) and then take 2 Metro trains to get there and back but that's even worse because the train from the Metro station to the airport is on a timed schedule and only comes once an hour at the most during the day. I could get stuck in the train station in labor!

Plus, the building is HUGE and it's still a walk from the Metro station. I would be walking close to a mile from the Metro to the office and back, plus another 1/2 mile to my car from the Metro platform.

I agree with Anne. When Mary was pregnant her doctors told her if there was ever a time when she didn't feel she could do something at work, they would give her whatever she needed to back her up.

I'd just reply back that since you are so close to your due date, your doctor feels it's best that you don't travel so far and you would be happy to ask them for documentation if he would like it.

Dennis

That is sad if he does not understand. And I agree there should be no need to have to get a note. They should be able to juggle the other schedules and find someone to go to LOC. Can you ask your supervisor about the email from the president and see whether he thinks you need to provide further information?

Can you ask your supervisor about the email from the president and see whether he thinks you need to provide further information?

I was going to do that but he's in New England this week so he's not in the office. I'm not even sure he's in the office up there right now.

Agreeing with the way Dennis put it :) Can you call up your doctor's office and have them fax a note to you to provide rather than waiting until your next appointment?

I was going to do that but he's in New England this week so he's not in the office. I'm not even sure he's in the office up there right now.

They are not making this easy for you, are they?!

They are not making this easy for you, are they?!

No, I know!

I emailed him what Dennis said. I emailed my supervisor asking for advice but he didn't respond. He probably won't see any of it until Tuesday.

What if you just emailed the president back and asked what you could clarify so he can understand? That way you are not standing up for yourself when it's not necessary nd you are throwing the ball back to his court so you can find out where you really stand.

Absolutely get a note from your doc. Sorry he is being a jerk.

OMG!!!

I just got this back from him!

I would like to see the documentation that says Washington DC is too far but Baltimore MD is ok

OMG!!! I'm so ticked off. So now I'm supposed to commute 1.5 HOURS each way. Sure, It's only a 25 mile drive, a 45 minute train ride, and a 1 mile walk. No problem! I'd like to see his wife do it while she's in labor.

I responded that I'd call my dr for the note on Tuesday. They are closed right now.

What if you just emailed the president back and asked what you could clarify so he can understand? That way you are not standing up for yourself when it's not necessary nd you are throwing the ball back to his court so you can find out where you really stand.

I AGREE!



This is completely ridicoulous that he is the president and being idiotic

Geez, Brooke...sorry he is being such an ass!! Are you going to have to get a doctor's note to go into labor, also?? :rolleyes:

:disbelief
I don't know what to think. I talked to my supervisor about this same thing less than 2 weeks ago when one of the partners first asked me to go to LOC and even my supervisor agreed that it wouldn't be good to be that far away right now.

How far is DC compared to where you have to go now? Is that what he is questioning? With 6 weeks to go there is no way I would want to be traveling on mass transit to get you somewhere if you were to go into labor.

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this!

I can't believe he wants documentation! Like you'd be making this up! At least your supervisor is agreeing that this request is crazy.

How far is DC compared to where you have to go now? Is that what he is questioning?

I guess that's what he's questioning.

I live about 3 miles from work, my dr is about 6 miles from work, and my hospital is 2 miles from work (5 miles from home). Literally, my commute is 10 minutes with traffic. My drive from home to the hospital takes 10-12 minutes.

The Library is a 35-mile drive from my work if you drive all the way there. Without traffic, that's 50 minutes. BUT, you can't park there so you HAVE to take public transportation. I would drive to the Metro station (26 miles, 45 minutes from leaving work to getting on the train, including the walk from the car to the train). Then I'd have to travel for 30 minutes on one train, then change trains for another 7 minute ride. Then walk the 10 minutes from the train to the office. So it's a good 1 hr 15 min to 1 hr 30 min total commute. And, I'd probably have to be there at 7:30am, which means I'd be dropping Rebekah off at 5-5:30am.

In a non-pregnancy situation, the whole thing sucks. Being pregnant makes it suck even more.

Do you mean to tell me he's questioning a 10 minute commute/close to everything vs. a 90 minute commute???!! WTF????

Do you mean to tell me he's questioning a 10 minute commute/close to everything vs. a 90 minute commute???!! WTF????

Yup. That's what he's questioning.

He needs one of these: :colfish: Then one of these: :fryingpan What an ass.

Seriously, I can't even BELIEVE he is questioning you! What a freaking MORON! OMG! You are due soon, who in their right mind would want to go through all that to get to a job! And then to be so demeaning by asking for documentation. What a complete lack of respect for pregnant employees! I'm so sorry Brooke!

That is crazy that he is making that comparison!!

Brooke, I am so sorry you are having to respond to his questions. I'd suggest that you detail for your OB what your current schedule is like you laid out for us, and what your commute would be (including the mile walk!) if you were at the LOC. Time, mileage, etc. That way your dr has some numbers to back you up. How crazy is this.

Ugh, he sounds so awful. poor you for having to deal with this. the only thing I'm wondering is though ... does he understand exactly what the travel involves for you, all the changing trains and walking etc, and how tiring that is when you are 8 months pregnant? sometimes managers don't always think these things through properly ... hope this gets resolved soon for you brooke. x

marcy posted while I was writing. guess I am just saying the same thing.

I think you need to simply reply that there is a major difference between a 10 minute commute and a 90 minute commute. What a moron.

I agree - what a jerk! :devil: :furious:

I had Alex at 35 weeks....as a complete surprise!! You never know what will happen when. Plus, I'm convinced in hindsight that I had him so early because of my stress at work. :( I had a 1.75 hour commute - each way....incl. a half-mile walk each way.....plus my boss was being an inflexible biotch for the last half because of her own schedule/priorities. Stress can be very damaging and affect your body in ways you can't even imagine.
I hope the president takes the note you'll give him on Tuesday and be happy with it. I hope he complains about your unwillingness to his wife this weekend....and I hope she tears him a new one over it! :devil: I also hope they can find you some easy stuff to keep you busy for the next few weeks until you can take your leave. :hug99:

What a moron... I'm ready to get on the next plane to have a chat with this man on Tuessday a.m. What about going on bedrest now? Would your OB go for that if the pres. pushes it?

What about going on bedrest now? Would your OB go for that if the pres. pushes it?

I would rather not, simply because of my maternity leave situation. I don't get any paid leave at all and I can only take 12 weeks of FMLA leave before they are allowed to fire me.

Right now, I plan to go on leave as of Oct 1 (unless the baby comes early) and be off until Jan 3rd. I'll use my 42 hrs of holiday pay, 1 week of vacation, and 1 week of sick time in there so I'll only be taking 10 weeks of unpaid leave.

Right now, though, the extra time off is sounding pretty good. :( I'm so upset over the whole thing. I know I'm going to worry about it this whole weekend. I can't seem to get it off my mind and there isn't anyone to talk to about it.

What an ass. But does he know how close you live to the office?

What an ass. But does he know how close you live to the office?

I don't know for sure.
He could have looked it up, though, if he didn't know. We have an employee address list. Maybe he thinks I live in between Baltimore and DC or something.

I'd tell the president exactly what you told us about the differences in the commute - how Baltimore is 10 minutes away and you can drive the whole way there, while the LOC requires over an hour commuting each way, including walking over a mile each way - which is definitely a VERY different story. And I'd take the emails from the president to your OB when you go in to get the note on Tuesday, so they can spell out EXACTLY what your restrictions are, leaving no room for argument. I can't believe this guy is being such an ass. :disbelief I know this is the WORST possible timing for this, but I'd seriously be shopping your resume around a little, Brooke. :hug99:

Wow Brooke - that's truly crappy. I agree - get a note spelling it out from your OB.

I worried about this all night long. I was up for a long time at 5am just thinking about it. I really want to write him another email, something like this -

Phil:

I feel the need to clarify some things after our email exchange on Friday. My main issue with going to the LOC on a daily basis is the commute.

Currently, I live in Linthicum, at the opposite end of Nursery Rd from Snyders (note for OUAL - Snyders is a restaurant where we used to have our company meetings so he knows where it is). My commute to the office is typically 5-10 minutes. I will be delivering at St. Agnes Hospital, which is only a few miles from the office. My dr's office is in Millersville, again only a 10-15 minute drive from the office.

The commute to the LOC would involve driving to Greenbelt and taking the Metro or taking the Marc train and the Metro, either of which takes up to 90 minutes and involves quite a bit of walking.

I could go into labor at any time at this point and I'd have to get myself home from the LOC while having contractions or after my water breaks. If I'm in the office when labor starts, a family member could come get me or someone in the office could take me home or to the hospital.

I will be staring weekly prenatal appointments this month, also. I cannot skip these since they are important for monitoring my health and my baby's health in the last few weeks of pregnancy. I will have 3 doctor's appointments in the next 4 weeks. These appointments have to be scheduled between 9am and 4pm and would be difficult to make if I were at the LOC. (don't know if I should add this or not)

I plan to start my maternity leave on October 1, which is less than 4 weeks away.

Also, given my history of preterm labor, high blood pressure, and extreme swelling with my last pregnancy, the added stress of a new commute could cause some complications.

I hope this explains my position a little more. I will call my doctor on Tuesday regarding this situation.

Brooke

You know, it's not like I'm making all this up to get out of going. I really don't WANT to go there to work on a normal day but if I really had no choice, then I would. The commute is a logistical nightmare when I'm NOT pregnant since Darren leaves so early most days. My immediate supervisor understands that I'm the one who has to take care of Rebekah in the morning and agreed with me during my review that working at the LOC or the Pentagon on a semi-permanant basis would be difficult for me. But for some reason, the rest of the higher-ups don't understand that. They think I should be just like one of them, with a SAH wife who takes care of the kids and the house while I work 60+ hours a week. If I had no choice, I'd figure it out somehow. But there are so many others who aren't married or don't have kids. You'd think they could send one of them.

Anne - I was considering looking for a new job while I was on leave. I'd left that go since my review at work in July because I got a new supervisor and he seemed to be more understanding but now I think I'll go ahead and start looking. And if the president keeps pushing, then I might have to start using my sick and vacation time in the next 2 weeks or so.

Hi Brooke, sorry you were up all night worrying about it. I would probably stress about it too. I absolutley think you are doing the right thing in clarifying your situation as you've done. I also think it's worth saying "If I weren't in such a late stage of pregnancy, I would be more than happy to work at the LOC but given the birth is so close, the travel really does worry me". Ok, so it may not be true that you'd be happy to do it normally (!) but it helps smooth the communication between the two of you. KNIM? You never know, you might have to come back and work at this place and you kinda want him on side in case you don't find another job.

Brooke, I think that sounds good. It pretty much lines out what your doctor is likely to say. As you said given your history of pretem labor, I think they need to make acoomidations to keep you in the office near home and shuffle some other people around.

That letter was very well written! Did you send to your boss? Maybe also copy this letter to HR? I'd suggest giving a copy of that letter to the OB's office so they can reference the specifics that you put in it.

The only suggestion I'd make is that at the end of the first line, you say your issue with going to the LOC is the commute. I'd clarify it with something like "at this stage in my pregnancy" so he can't say later "Oh, Brooke NEVER wanted to go to the LOC".

No, I didn't send it yet.
And we don't have an HR department.

Thanks for the suggestions. I'm still worried about the whole thing.

Are you worried they're gonna make you do the commute? or is it to do with feeling your boss is unhappy with you? (I hate it when something's wrong at work. It makes me really unsettled.)

I like the letter Brooke. And perhaps suggest that you would be more valuable at work than on bedrest. Although I think you've sort of made that point. No HR Department? How can a big company not have an HR Department? Your president is an a$$. And who wouldn't like a stay at home wife to take care of us? Not everyone can have that. Sheesh!

Brooke, I think your letter sounds great. I definitely think you should take it to your doctor on Tuesday (or email or fax if you're not actually going in). Then, once your doctor has written you a note, I'd attach that to your letter and give them both to this guy at the same time. And it definitely wouldn't hurt to do a little job searching while you're out on leave. Even if you wind up staying, it can't hurt to look a little!

No HR Department? How can a big company not have an HR Department?

No, not really. We've got about 120 people total, I think. Most of them are in my office (75%) and the rest are spread out in smaller offices in the US, Singapore, Spain, Italy, Japan, and maybe a couple others. There's someone who coordinates our benefits. I asked her some questions about FMLA leave on Wednesday and she's still waiting to hear the answers from our outside benefits company. :dunno: Since there are not too many women in the company, they don't have to deal with this kind of thing too often.

I think that the issue is that I'm not very busy right now at work. I keep getting odd jobs here and there but I don't have anything consistent right now. My supervisor knows it and he says to just keep getting whatever I can until my leave starts. The pres is just pissed that someone is needed at the LOC and I have time but I'm refusing to go. I do think I have a valid reason for refusing this time, though.

Yuck. What an annoying situation.

I'd call the doctor on Tues morning for sure and get a note explaining your travel restrictions. ALL pregnant women have those same restrictions during the last part of their pregnancies, so this is not something that is abnormal. :disbelief

I think I'd also stress to him that you'd be more than happy to travel to the LOC if you weren't in the last stage of pregnancy. That way, it doesn't just sound like you don't want to go at all.

That sucks Brooke :( I'm sorry you're so stressed. This is not what you need right now :disbelief I like your letter, but agree with the others who said to add "at this stage of pregnancy" after you say your problem is with the commute. I can't believe this guy is being such a total ass, especially seeming as he's a father himself :complain:

My dr's office won't give me a note to not go to DC.

The midwife said there's no medical reason for me not to drive that far. I didn't get to talk to her, just the receptionist but she asked the midwife and that's what she said. I told the receptionist that it's not all driving, it involves the metro and I was on bedrest last time at this point and she said to talk to the dr on Thursday and maybe he would have an idea. Since I wasn't with him last time, he can't comment about my past hisorty, though. The receptionist said "didn't you tell your work this stuff? They need to talk." Thanks, lady. No, it doesn't make sense for me to do it but if the dr's office won't back me up, the company president might not care.

I just want to cry.

That is suck. I am so sorry, Brooke. :hug99: I would definitely talk the dr on Thursday and stress the walking part.

Just talked to my boss, Mike. The pres is not backing down. Basically, Mike's going to search for work to keep me busy for the next 3.5 weeks and if he can't find anything then I'm going to go on leave early and take sick or vacation for the next few weeks. Sucks because that wipes out all of my leave.. Mike was not too happy to see the emails over the weekend and he understands my position but he has no real authority when the pres is involved.

Off the record, he suggested that I start looking for another job.

Geez, Brooke, that's awful. :hug99: :hug99: :hug99: I can't believe your doctor's office won't give you a note. So they think it's fine for a woman who's about a month away from delivering, who's got a history of high blood pressure, to commute 90 miles one way to work with part of that commute being a walk of about a mile. And your company president sees no problem with that either. :wtf: All of them get a big :colfish:. I'd hate doing that when I'm not pregnant, and it really sucks ass that so many men in the workplace don't understand that a working mother can't necessarily drop everything for work responsibilities like a man with a stay-at-home wife and mother might be able to do. I hope you can actually talk to the doctor and get some support for your position from him, and that the receptionist is just full of beans. :bighug: And I hope a wonderful new job turns up for you so you don't have to deal with their crap ever again. :bighug:

I'm sorry Brooke.

I'm so sorry, Brooke. :hug99: What a miserable situation to be in when you're so close to delivering.

Brooke- Why did he suggest that you start looking for another job?

Oh Brooke, I can't believe you have to deal with all of this. I hope another job opportunity comes along so you can tell these guys to stuff it. The president sounds completely unreasonable.

Thanks, Lisa.

The president's point was that other pregnant women commute that far every day throughout their entire pregnancy without a problem. Now, that's true. And if I worked in DC full time, then that's what I'd do. It's hard to argue that point. :(

I'm feeling pretty defeated right now.

Jerks. :furious:

At least if you were on the fence about looking for another job anyway after this....it makes your decision a little easier. :hug99: I'm so sorry you have to go through all this crap right now. :(

Brooke- Why did he suggest that you start looking for another job?

Because I've been slow off and on for a month and I've been billing alot of time to overhead. Plus, my situation is just going to get less travel-friendly once I have 2 kids to think about. So if things don't change ALOT after I come back, meaning if I don't get busy, make a nitche for myself, and start working longer hours and being more flexible, then I'll probably be out of a job in 6-8 months.

Sorry about the way things are turning out. While it would be nice to be off for all the holidays......is it really worth all this crap now? If your boss is suggesting that you should be finding another job, it doesn't sound like a place I would want to work at, and it doesn't really seem that they will be very receptive to you and your situation. It seems that you are stuck taking the LOC job or starting your leave early. Sucks rocks, don't it?

Have you thought about what is most important to you in all of this? Maybe that is your solution to all of this.

Hang in there!

Brooke, I am sorry. I hope the doctor will agree with you. :hug99:

It really sucks that businesses are only about their own bottom line. :( I realize that's the whole point of business....but still. Not very human-friendly.
Unless you are super career motivated and hire a nanny, then doing what they want will be pretty hard with 2 little kids in daycare. You didn't want to spend any time with your new baby, did you? :crazy:

My boss said I shouldn't have to worry about all of this now. He even explained to the Pres that people can't just take unplanned leave without pay all the time when the pres suggested it.

Have you thought about what is most important to you in all of this? Maybe that is your solution to all of this.


I want out of here. Really, I do. I hate working here, every 3 months or so something like this comes up where my "situation" (being working mom with a working DH and restrictions on how much I can work) comes up and is criticized. I work because we need the money and I don't know anything else. I'm scared to change jobs, scared that I won't be able to find another job, just scared.

I DON'T WANT TO BE AN ENGINEER ANYMORE. But I'm not sure I'm qualified to do anything else. I'm not sure I'm qualified to go this anymore, either.

It sounds like a nice break with your new & improved family will be just what you need. :hug99: I hope your boss can run interference with your pres and take it easy on you for the next couple of weeks until you can leave.

Brooke, sorry about today's results. The company president is being very unreasonable IMHO. As you said, also, they need someone long term for LOC and you won't be able to be long term with maternity leave, so why aren't they trying to put someone else on that anyway.

Sounds like your immediate boss has been helpful. Good luck w/ your decision, it's not an easy one.

:hug99: Oh Brooke. :blue: What a situation. Have you thought about going to an employment counsellor to see what type of work you might want to do? You are probably qualified for lots of things but can't see it, you know? Sounds like Mike is pretty reasonable even if the Pres is a big goof.

I can't believe your dr's office isn't backing you up :firemad: My OB wanted me to quit work at 30 weeks and I had a normal, no risk pregnancy! I know you are worried about money, but yours and Daniel's health is more important. If I was in your shoes, I'd take leave now and figure out what you want to do while you're at home :hug99:

Brooke~ I am so sorry you are having to deal with all this!! :hug99:

Thanks, everyone.

I now have enough work for the next 2 weeks, and maybe more after that. So I don't really have to worry about going to the Library anymore. I have a feeling that my supervisor went to all the people he knew would sympathize and said "Phil wants to send Brooke to the LOC and she needs work to keep her here for a couple weeks." Too bad he couldn't do that when I didn't have any work 2-3 weeks ago. :rolleyes:

Anyway, I have to do a good job for the next 3 weeks and then I can decide what to do after that.

I'm really sorry it's a tough situation for you, Brooke. I know how scary making a job change can be when you're comfortable with where you're at, but I hope that you can find something else that is in a more supportive environment and work that you find more enjoyable.

OMG! I seriously want to kill both your boss and your midwife! :disbelief Un-freaking-believable! I definitely think that you should take some time to think about what you really WANT to do after Daniel gets here. It doesn't sound like this is the job for you anymore. :(

My sister is a career counselor (or will be, she's working on her Masters in it right now) and I'll ask her for some advice for you if you want, but I really think that you have a lot of marketable skills and you are NOT stuck in this job, or even this field, if you don't want to be. :hug99: I'm so, so sorry you're dealing with all of this right now. :hug99:

Brooke, I'm glad you've at least gotten some short-term relief and that you won't have to go to the LOC. :) I still can't get over what pills your doctor and your company were being about this - sheesh. :rolleyes: I hope you can find something else - yours sounds like there's just way too much crap to deal with. :hug99: