My SIL (Tamar) called me yesterday, asking me when it would be convenient for us to attend a birthday party she is having for her 4-year old next week. I told her I don't know yet when we can attend. She called again this morning, asking when to have the party. I told her to just set a time and date and if we could we would attend. She asked me to please not influence the relationships of the cousins (our children) no matter if we are upset with them or not.

I don't know if we should attend the party or not.
A little background:
She is DH's sister. A few weeks ago, I organized a bday party for Yumi. I invited my 3 sisters, 2 of Yehuda's sisters (the 3rd livesin the States), his grandparents and parents. Only his parents showed up.
Where were the others?
My youngest sister gave birth a few days prior to the party so it was clear they weren't coming.
My middle sister called the evening before the party, telling me she twisted her ankle. Travelling alone on a bus with a 2 year old when you are 8 months pregnant was not feasible. So she couldn't come either.
During the same phone call I found out that my older sister can't come either. Her kids were to meet their father in Jerusalem at 8 am the next day. Since they live over 2 hours from us by bus, they'd have done to bed after 10 had they attended and would have been unable to get up early the next morning. Understandable - but my sister was not clear about this and I assumed they'd come.

Now to Yehuda's family.
Yehuda's grandparents were in good health conditions so they had to stay home.
The day of the party I thought only Yehuda's family was going to come.
When I called ILs to remind them (they asked me to) at 3 pm (2 hours before the party), they told me they thought SIL Rachel's family were not going to attend. So I tried reaching them. I talked to my niece who told me she thought they were coming. Then I tried to reach SIL on her cell - in vain. So I tried BIL. He called me back when I was on my way to buy the cake. He told me that Rachel and the kids were supposed to come and was going to join them later. So I bought the cake. When I got home - at 4 pm- SIL called and told me they were NOT coming! I asked her why she didn't call me to tell me. Her reaction: I didn't think it mattered if we came or not. So I called SIL Tamar to tell her not to bother to come since no one else was coming. Her answer: We weren't going to come anyway. I told you we couldn't make it. She told me that she'd come later - not that she couldn't make it.
In other words - no one showed up except ILs. I left work early, went shopping, spent 100$, organized the house ... AND NO ONE CAME.
Needless to say I was upset. But not nearly as upset as DH. He was FURIOUS with his sisters. We always attend all their parties and they just spat in our faces.
SIL Tamar did call back and apologized - SIL Rachel... not at all. She also didn't call DH on his birthday to wish him Happy Birthday.

Which brings us back to today: DH says he doesn't want us to go. I am torn. And I am furious about SIL saying our arguments should not affect our children. But THEIR behavior hurt my son and us!!!

So.... what do you think: should we attend their party or not? If it were SIL Rachel I would say NO WAY without second thoughts.

Also - I am asking myself if I should organize a family bday party for Shoham. I don't want to go through the same hassle again. And I am not sure DH would want to see the family. What to do about that?

Tough call here. Tamar did apologize. Do you think it was a sincere apology? If so, then I would attend the party if you could make it. Try to get her to schedule it when she wants and not to schedule it around you.

If you think the apology wasn't sincere, then I probably wouldn't attend.

As for a party for Shoham, maybe just have a small event and invite Yehuda's parents (and your sisters if you think they'll be up for it). Maybe it is best to leave Yehuda's sisters off the invite list.

Tough one Nadine. I think that I would not go to the party and next time you have one to organize, only invite Shoham's friends to fill the numbers. A small little party can be just as wonderful with good friends and food!
:bighug: I'm sorry they were so thoughtless.

I guess I would be so tempted to not go and spit in their faces, but I think the right thing to do would be to go and let it go. The kids shouldn't be punished for their parents actions. I know you are hurt and I would be too. I think it would be really big of you to go. You would show you are a better person for it. They might not see that, but He who counts does!

As far as a birthday party for Shoham, I don't know. Maybe you could invite them and tell them you need a YES or NO answer and explain that you need to know so that you can order cake and so forth. OR, you could just make it a small party and only invite those people you really want there.

If it were me... I would go - but only later on... only to give the kids the chance to have some cake and visit for a little bit - then I would be gone. That way, they cant say that you did not attend... but you also dont have to sit and put up with unnecessary comments from your SIL. Know what I mean?


As for Shohams party - I would definitely ONLY invite friends... make it a small but fun little party. As for the IL's - in this case, I would shun them. And if they complain about not being invited, I would take that opportunity to remind them of the other party where you relied on them being there, spent alot of money to ensure that everyone would be able to enjoy themselves - and yet NONE of them showed up.... so why bother putting yourself and your family through that again. This way, it saves them the hassle of backing out at the last minute.

Good luck!

I agree with Chantal. I'd probably go for a little while, just so that Yumi and Shoham can see their cousins and have some cake. How does Yumi feel about it? Is he still upset about his party? If he says that he doesn't want to go, then I wouldn't go.

As for Shoham's party, I also think you should just do something small with her daycare friends.

I totally understand being hurt by their actions, I would have been too. :(

I'm not sure - it was pretty rude of her but then she did apologize. I totally understand how you feel.

Dennis

Thanks.

I am sure Yumi would want to go. Do you know of any kid this age who would want to skip a party?
I think I will let DH decide on this. After all, it is his family we are talking about. OK- talked to him. He said I should do what I think but he thinks we should NOT go. Great... What do I do now? LOL

About Shoham's party - she had a party at DC with her friends. So I wasn't thinking of a party for friends... I was thinking of a party for the family. Maybe this time my sisters could come. And my mom is supposed to come to Israel because my sister is due. So if I wait until she is here, she can be there as well.

:lol: Of course 7 yr olds don't hold grudges! So if Yumi wants to go, then I'd go. You will be the bigger person (which of course you are :awink: )

I think waiting for you mother's visit for Shoham's party is a good idea. That way your family is pretty guaranteed to come :)

:lol: Of course 7 yr olds don't hold grudges! So if Yumi wants to go, then I'd go. You will be the bigger person (which of course you are :awink: )

I think waiting for you mother's visit for Shoham's party is a good idea. That way your family is pretty guaranteed to come :)

I agree on both accounts!

:lol: Of course 7 yr olds don't hold grudges! So if Yumi wants to go, then I'd go. You will be the bigger person (which of course you are :awink: )

I think waiting for you mother's visit for Shoham's party is a good idea. That way your family is pretty guaranteed to come :)
I agree. I think it's always better, though not easy, to be the bigger person. I had a teacher in high school who used to say, "Never wrestle with a pig. The pig enjoys it and you get dirty. :pig: The older I get, the more I realize she was right.

:lol: I like your analogy Theresa...

Thanks for all your input.

News flash...
Yumi refuses to go since he feels the same like Yehuda. I didn't think this was going to happen but...
Yehuda doesn't want us to go and I let him decide on this. I still have until Monday to talk some sense into him... or them.

Oh wow, that's interesting. Do you think Yehuda talked him into it?

No, I don't think so.
But the chances of talking Yehuda into going are... small.
He had a talk with his parents last night and said that he refused to take part in any events of his family until the family gives Yumi the bday party they robbed him off - at their expense.
Now... how THAT ever is going to happen.... I don't know.

OK... wind of change is here...
Yehuda told me to do what I think is right.
So since I have my best friend from HS over with her kids (they spent a few years in Winnipeg, Canada and moved back beginning of August) around 4 pm, we will go to the party BUT late. On purpose. It is supposed to start at 6 pm and we will get there around 7 pm. Just because. And I didn't RSVP. I told her I have plans for Monday afternoon and she didn't listen. Her problem.