I feel awful posting this, but I need to know that (hopefully) I am not the only one....
I know not everyone bonds with their baby immediately at birth (esp. those of us who had our children whisked away and living apart from us for extended periods), and I know that this is normal. However, i feel like I still have not bonded with my daughter. She is so freaking high maintenance. When she is awake, all she wants to do is cry. NOTHING consoles her. This makes it very very hard on me. Has anyone else taken a longer time to bond with a baby who is less than fun to spend their day with??

I had a hard time bonding with Rebekah. She constantly wanted to be standing up so we had to hold her all the time. She also cried alot and wouldn't settle down or sleep well. I went back to work at 8 weeks and I was convinced she hated me. I'd pick her up and my mom would say she was wonderful all day and as soon as we'd get home, she'd start crying and wouldn't stop until 11pm. It was awful.

Then, one day, right around when she was 3 months old, it all stopped and she became a laughing giggling baby. I don't think I really looked forward to being with her until then.

Plus, I had undiagnosed PPD so that didn't help.

:bighug: You are not alone. I just went through this from Sept through Dec 24th! :errr: It was like I got a big Christmas miracle on my son's 3 month birthday. Suddenly, we didn't have to hold him ALL the time (not that that kept him from sceaming :rolleyes: ) and I've been able to bond with him ever since. :heart: Trust me, this is all fresh in my mind and it seems like it will be a long time coming, so you just plod through the weeks, BUT there is an end!

:bighug:

ps... I assume your twins were early, and now I'm wondering if the settling period will be at their adjusted age? :confused:

Did Norah get fussy after a few weeks of life, or was she born fussy?

:bighug:

:nod: I had such a hard time bonding with Trey at first....he had such a hard time finding a formula that he could tolerate, that we went through Similac, Prosobee, Isomil, Alimentum, and Nutramigen all within the first two weeks of his life :( He would eat and his little tummy would just gurgle then he'd sit there and cry for hours on end...then we'd get him settled down for an hour, then he'd be hungry again, and the process would start all over again :( It took me a while to bond with him, just because I was so frustrated and exhausted

Christopher was my high maintenance baby and still is now that he is a toddler. I remember how difficult is was in the beginning to deal with him crying and being unable to console him. It was so hard because I was also a Mom for the first time. It does get better but even now at 2 1/2 he still demands so much of my attention and seems to be unable to entertain himself for very long. Thank goodness Patrick is not at all like this or I would surely go out of my mind.

Lora

It took me a while to bond with Maggie for the same reason. Combined with having a toddler and another newborn around in the house, I can only imagine how hard it must be for you & Norah right now!

As others have said, there is a point where it will be easier.... but that feels like such a long way off right now!

During the super high maintenance phase with Maggie, I tried my best to really enjoy the peaceful, happy moments, no matter quickly they passed. After she managed to fall asleep in my arms, I would make sure to take an extra minute or two to remind (convince) myself that *this* was my real baby, not the other fussy one. When we spent time in the tub and she relaxed, I would try to take an extra sniff of that good baby smell to help me remember that some times are pretty good.

It was slow, but it helped.

And when all that failed... I would have a drink. :lol:

Sheila - I was just thinking of uncorking a bottle of wine :lol: And I do that too...when she smiles and when she sleeps I take some time to enjoy her (before E starts wailing :lol: )

Lette - you know, she started at 3 weeks adjusted/3 months chronological. Her pedi said that she's always seen them go by chronological age, so Norah may just prove her wrong! NOT what I wanted to hear!!!!

Man oh man...I feel for all of you moms....I dont wish this on anyone!!! But at least I am not alone.

Me, me, me! I remember just sitting there with a screaming baby on my lap, crying my eyes out and honestly wishing that I'd never gotten pregnant in the first place. Isn't that awful? I remember sitting in the car with DH when we were just driving around trying to get her to stop crying, and saying (through my own tears), "It's OK if you hate her... I hate her sometimes." I felt like the most horrible, terrible mother in the world.

The first three months with Emily were truly horrifying - she cried pretty much all the time. It didn't help that she had very severe reflux... she was just a miserable, miserable baby. And then all of a sudden one day, when she was around 3 months old, she woke up smiling and babbling to herself instead of screaming like a banshee, and it was like the clouds had passed and the sun had come out - since then (well, when she's not teething) she is the sunniest, happiest, smiliest little baby. I'm still not 100% sure where my newborn Emily went and who this other Emily is, but I'll keep her! :lol:

I know exactly how you feel Karri! I felt (and still do sometimes) the same way.

I remember those first few months... god, they were awful! She was the most fussy baby I've ever been around. I swear she spent almost every waking moment of her day crying. And the only time she wouldn't cry was when I nursed her. I was the only one that could console her. I remember being so resentful of her at times, not to mention Michael. It seemed like every day I was thinking why couldn't she be more like Micayla? She was such an easy baby! I sat there and cried along with her on more occasions that I can remember.

I have to honestly say that Melayna is still a very high needs baby. And we have our days where I still don't feel as bonded to her as I did to Micayla at that age. But for the most part things really settled down just a few weeks ago when she learned to sit on her own. I can actually sit her down with a toy and she's okay for a few minutes.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that what you're going through is very normal! And I'll be saying a prayer for you that Norah starts settling down soon.

Me, me, me! I remember just sitting there with a screaming baby on my lap, crying my eyes out and honestly wishing that I'd never gotten pregnant in the first place. Isn't that awful? I remember sitting in the car with DH when we were just driving around trying to get her to stop crying, and saying (through my own tears), "It's OK if you hate her... I hate her sometimes." I felt like the most horrible, terrible mother in the world.
I could have written this post, word for word! Julia had colic (starting at 3wks and lasting until about 10wks), but even before then, she was a very unhappy newborn. She screamed non stop; nothing consoled her. There were so many times when I would just burst into tears with my hands over my ears to block out her wailing. I remember telling my DH (during one of Julia's 5-hour screaming spells), "We had it SO good. What the hell were we thinking?!?" It was mentally and physically draining, and I will admit that I did not like my daughter very much during those first few months. :sad: I felt like such a horrible mommy--and looking back on it now, I sure could have used a support group to help me sort out my feelings. Then, she turned 4 months--and it was like a switch went off, and she was a totally different kid. She's now nearly 6 months old, and just about the happiest, smiliest baby I've ever seen. It's just been an amazing turnaround. So, long story short...Yes, I did have a hard time bonding with my daughter, but when she started mellowing out, I really started bonding with her. Now, she's the absolute apple of my eye. Hang in there...things will get better!

I remember telling my DH (during one of Julia's 5-hour screaming spells), "We had it SO good. What the hell were we thinking?!?"
:blush: Every evening I think to myself "why didnt we just stop at one child?" Aidan was so easy as an infant and he was just getting to the independent stage.....

I sure hope that once this all ends (and that it all ends), that she turns into a content, happy, smiley little girl

Just stopping by to offer you a hug, Karri. :hug99: Hopefully Norah will give a break soon. She loves her mommy.

Karri, you are certainly not alone in feeling this way. I had a terrible time bonding with both Kendall & Savanna and I think every thought that everyone has stated here in this thread has run through my mind at one point or another. I think the girls were about 6 months old when I finally started to bond with them. It wasn't as easy and as natural and I'd heard everyone say it was and I felt just horrible and thought that I had missed out on the opportunity to ever bond with them at all. But, I feel different about it now. I do still feel like I missed out on a lot but when it comes down to it I'm just glad I made it through the ordeal alive. :)

Toni

Karri - I have those moments, but I'm lucky that I don't have it as rough as you do. :bighug: One day, they will grow up and we'll have our lives back to ourselves :rotflmao: I hope things get better for you soon!

Here's a book that a friend of mine reccomended to me. "The Fussy Baby Book" By Dr. Sears.

Ofcourse I know its not easy to find time to read when you have a high needs baby.

you can also get some info at

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/T050100.asp

I hope this helps. :lol:

I think one of the keys things I got out of the reading is to really confide in people who understand what its like to have a high needs child... Our friends with easier babies or no babies really couldn't see or understand what we went through taking care of Nick.

I'm so glad you posted this, Karri. We've only had Courtney home a few days since she was in the NICU for a month, so of course that is part of the difficulty bonding, but I really feel sometimes like I'll never bond with her like I did with Caroline... and that she won't bond with me. Caroline and I have the best relationship, and the minute I saw her for the first time, I just knew her... with Courtney, I just don't feel that way. She is not a fussy baby and is actually easier in many ways than Caroline, who just wanted to be held and walked around 24/7... Courtney sleeps a lot, does not cry too much and is very snuggly, but she just seems so unhappy, and why wouldn't she be? She has an NG tube, can't eat well because of her cleft palate, barely knows us because she just came home, etc. It makes it so hard, and DH and I have said some awful things about having her because of her medical issues... I feel overwhelming guilt because of it, but I have to be honest. It is getting better now that she is home, but I just don't have the same instant bond I had with Caroline, and I wonder when/if Courtney and I will connect? It is encouraging to hear that I'm not the only one feeling these feelings and also to hear that people who initially had bonding issues eventually felt a close connection.

Bonnie -
Mine have been home for just about 3 months now and I STILL dont feel anywhere near how I felt with Aidan at this point in time. I feel bad that I dont feel as attached to them as I should be. I just hope that as they get older and they are lower maintenance, things will change.

Karri, you are really amazing to me because if I had 2 higher maintenance babies plus a toddler, I think I might have to give up! I have to believe that as they get older, we'll do better with bonding... it is just so much easier when you only have the one child to focus on to form a strong bond.

Karri you already know that it took me a while to bond with Alexis. I really bonded with her after the hours of crying finally stopped. I hope this happens soon for you. You are not alone :hug99: